I want to lose another 40 pounds before I have a baby but I feel like I can't do it. There are many issues (long post)
January 19, 2009 8:19 AM Subscribe
I exercise all the time and have tried many things to help my weight but I am having a crisis of motivation.
posted by marlys27 to health & fitness (17 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I am a 35 year old married woman. I stared out at about 250 pounds. I now weigh about 190. I have changed a lot of my eating habits through weight watchers and seeing a nutritionist. Weight Watchers was tough for me because I hate counting, and it brought out the worst in me. I hated the weigh in thing, it made me feel like it was a test that I was preparing for every week, and regardless of how much I studied sometimes I would fail. Once I had gained 3 pounds at a weigh in and the lady who checked me in looked at me like I had cancer. Also, because of the points system, I would eat things that by any other measure would be considered unhealthy - really processed, etc. Lean Cuisine frozen meals, 100 calorie packs of cookies.
The nutritionist helped me to lose the most weight. When I worked with her I ate very well, but I kinda burned myself out on certain things. I don't think I can eat oatmeal ever again. And salad every day makes me want to kill myself.
I have a really busy lifestyle. I work at a school far away, and I have a side business. I also work out - A LOT. I am at the gym usually about 5 times a week, sometimes 6. I am there between 10-15 hours a week and I do cardio on my own and I also take group fitness classes with some strength training. I wear a heart rate monitor and I burn between 3,000 and 5,000 calories every week. The calorie count is a huge motivator for me and I try to burn as many calories as I can.
Sometimes exercise seems effortless, and I love it and it makes me feel good, and other times, like recently after I worked out for 13 days in a row, I feel like I hate exercise so much I never want to do it again. I had a trainer for a long time, and he was working with me on balancing motivation and goals with common sense, but he moved on to another gym.
I feel like I binge on the exercise sometimes, and that I use it as a way to get rid of overeating, or to get rid of the guilt I feel from overeating. I work out so much, I doubt I could work out any more than I do. If I went commando I could probably up my intensity some, but not much. I fantasize about running and being a marathon runner, but I have issues with my knees and ankles. I have done 3 sprint distance triathlons, and the running has always been challenging for me.
I feel kind of desperate these days like this is the best I am evergoing to do with my weight. I have come a long way but I can feel myself backsliding. I have eaten “normal” food for a while now - pizza, some candy, cookies, etc. I used to binge eat - mostly candy and sweets. And I feel like this is something that I am coming dangerously close to doing once again. I don’t really have a lot in my life that I enjoy, and food is one of those things that I look to in order provide myself with rewards and pleasure. I know that this is central to the problem. But I am not really sure what to do about it.
The desperation is undermining me. I went on a serious campaign to lose this weight in the first place and I am exhausted at this point. I feel like I want to give up, but I know that if I do, I will not be happy.
The situation is compounded by the fact that I want to have a child pretty soon. I would like to be a “normal” weight before I get pregnant – like 150lbs. Take into account that I am soon to be 36 and I hear the bio-clock ticking and the pressure is on in a big way. The idea of gaining any weight is abhorrent to me, and yet I feel like I must have a child soon. Because I work in a school, getting pregnant this summer would be the ideal time. In fact I was supposed to get pregnant this past summer, but I chickened out because I wanted to lose more weight before doing that. But I have not lost much more weight since then.
Genetics are not on my side either. My mom had a gastric bypass when she was 350 lbs. She went down to 200 lbs or even less, but then she was diagnosed with cancer and died. My dad is also enormous and has diabetes. They were both morbidly obese my whole life.
I feel like I am going to be a fat pig anyhow, so why not be happy and eat what I want. If I cannot be thin with the kind of work I have put into it by now, it’s never going to happen so maybe I should just resign myself to a lifetime of horrible fat clothes and people feeling sorry for me and hating me because I am fat. What can I do to help myself? How can I lose more weight? Is that even the problem?
I am in therapy and have been for 11 or so years. Most of the weight gain in the first place came from ant-depressant medications that I have not been on for quite some time. The exercise keeps the depression at bay most of the time but if I exercise too much, the exhaustion/burnout feels like depression, and it takes a while to recover from it.