Lost in Japan

January 5, 2009 7:11 AM

Dumped, and lost in Japan. Advice?

This summer I planned a trip to meet up with some old friends in Japan for New Years. I invited my long-term girlfriend along, who is half-Japanese and who had always expressed deep, soulful wishes to return to her homeland. She was excited and her parents immediately got us plane tickets as xmas gifts using frequent flyer miles.

At the time that seemed really grand, but fast forward several months and she rushes in from left-field and dumps me for another guy she just met... which, of course, does wonders for one's self-esteem. So she canceled her ticket, which (for whatever reason) moved the departure date of my ticket ahead by one week, thereby cutting the time I'm there with my friends from over a week down to two to three days. At that point I was willing to just buy a whole new ticket at inflated prices to save my plans, but the airline said all flights were booked.

The short of it is that I'm now going to be in Japan for a week all alone (Tokyo 13th-20th). I no longer have a travel companion that speaks and reads Japanese, and I'm kind of scared. I haven't thought about the trip or tried to make plans because it depresses me to think about it. I hate the idea of being there. Yet I'm the one that initiated the whole Japanland plan, and I can't not meet my friends there.

I envision myself just sort of laying down on a park bench and trying to force myself to sleep for a week to make the time pass as quickly as possible. Maybe some dutiful peacekeepers will come along and I can at least sleep the unwanted time away in a warmer jail cell.

Any advice on what I should do and how to survive my week-long exile?

Is the title a mash-up of Lost in Translation and Tom Waits' Big in Japan? Double plus hipster points?

posted by anonymous to travel & transportation around Japan (37 answers total)

I know you are going through a lot emotionally, but how about looking at this as an adventure?

Why not seek out some English-speaking people in Tokyo ahead of time via the Internet, and make plans with some of them? You can meet them in a public place; just make very vague plans so if they don't really jive with you, you are not stuck for the whole day with them.

I know there are several good guide books for Japan. The Lonely Planet books are usually very good. Lonely Planet also has a forum on their Web site for planning meetups and making connections in foreign countries.

Do your friends have any friends they can hook you up with?

There must be some museums or historical monuments you'd like to visit in Japan. Plan out a few days to do that.

I love to travel by myself. It is an acquired taste, but I feel so relaxed when I do--it's just my needs, my interests, my timetable.
posted by FergieBelle at 7:23 AM on January 5, 2009

I know nothing about visiting Japan, but I think this is a fantastic opportunity to start getting over the breakup. You have tickets and a place to stay right? Great! You're set. Go buy a few guidebooks, do as much research as you can, and plan your itinerary for each day. Itineraries aren't contracts. If there's a day where you planned to go to two museums, walk through a park, and eat at a great restaurant, but all you want to do is sit somewhere quiet, read, and drink tea, then allow yourself to do that. But having a plan will increase your chances of enjoying your trip and distracting yourself from the sudden breakup (which sucks, by the way. I'm sorry.)

Traveling someplace where you don't know the language is hard, but it can be done. Buy some phrase books, be polite and courteous to those you are speaking to, try your hardest, and be patient with yourself. Traveling alone is a lucky privilege and I hope you have a wonderful time.
posted by juliplease at 7:25 AM on January 5, 2009

Also, see if you can set up a MeFi meetup during your trip.
posted by juliplease at 7:26 AM on January 5, 2009

First off I'd check as to why your ticket was brought foward, there may be an error (or even some business-deciet) coming from the airline; it would be a shame not see as much of your friends as you'd originally planned.

Either way, I'm assuming your summer, and this trip is several months off. Hopefully by then you won't be as lovesick and therefore can visit the country with fresh eyes rather than with a "she should have been there" filter.

Also, being a solo-traveller can be a little intimidating, but also very rewarding as it can fiorce you to interract with the locals a whole lot more. Failing that, you could try finding out where backpackers stay in Tokyo, try to meet some of them and investiagte Japan with them for a couple of days.
posted by nofunnyname at 7:27 AM on January 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

So let me get this straight. You're going to Japan, for a week, for free?

Dude, buy a guidebook and a phrasebook, get on the ThornTree forums, get on Where Are You Know.Com, try and arrange a MeFi meetup, and do whatever the hell else it takes to have an amazing time, and see some amazing things, in an amazing international city.

Don't spend a week moping around Tokyo because you've been dumped, I guarantee you'll kick yourself for it years from now. Sure, there might be painful moments, but people spend thousands of dollars and months of time doing amazing, cathartic things after the breakdown of long term relationships - you're getting this for free.

Enjoy it!
posted by Happy Dave at 7:28 AM on January 5, 2009

I'm sorry for your romantic troubles. But I have a strong hunch that years from now, you are going to look back on this as the ABSOLUTE best damned trip of your life.

Firstly: actually, I'm not sure why your time with your friends is cut short because you're still going to be there for a week. How does that work? Can you not contact them and say "well, uh, change of plans, and here's why..."? Sure, it may be kind of last-minute, but I'm sure one or two of your friends may be able to jigger something to spend more time with you.

Secondly: some alone time to contemplate can be VERY, VERY good for you at a time like this. And alone-time while you are traveling can be especially powerful. True, you're a bit at sea with the language, etc., but -- being able to survive and get around on your own even despite that will get you to think like, "you know what, I may be good on my own in other respects too. Hey, cool."

Set up things with friends, but trust your instincts and your wits, and listen to yourself day to day about what you want to do. You may indeed have days when you do just want to sit on a park bench, but you may also find that after an hour of sitting on the park bench you see a little bit of something cool that draws your attention, and you go check that out, and then you see something else and go do that, and...suddenly you're doing something. Or, maybe you still just stay on your park bench, but you're watching something that's interesting. Or maybe you'll have days when you sit on the park bench, but after only fifteen minutes you realize, "you know what, this is boring," and you get up to go do something. Any and all of those reactions are good.

I'm really, really confident you are going to years from now look back on this as the absolute best trip of your life.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:29 AM on January 5, 2009

Personal experience says alone time in Tokyo is best with the Tokyo Damage Report Travel Guide.
posted by soma lkzx at 7:31 AM on January 5, 2009

www.couchsurfing.com
This website is made for people that are in your situation ; in case you never heard of it, it is the facebook of travellers (with waals, feedback, pictures, locations, etc etc...). Not only are people willing (if not happy) to host you and show you around their city and favourite sports.. but if you already have a place to stay at, some of them may enjoy spending time with you for half a day or more... and the website is in english =) so chances are they will understand you. Be ready for a week of encountering the unknown locals.

A co-worker of mine met her husband through this website.. and it had all started as nothing more than her showing him around the city, since he had to stay in it for 2 unplanned entire days. Err.. this may not be what you're looking for at the moment, but i hope it gives you a clear picture of how good the experience of moving on and taking such a risk as sitting down with a stranger, can be.

Good luck ;)
posted by Jireel at 7:34 AM on January 5, 2009

I have a strong feeling that by the end of your trip you'll view this as a blessing in disguise, and you'll be much further ahead with getting over the relationship than you would be moping at home. Being unexpectedly forced out of your comfort zone at short notice usually turns out to be a wonderful thing. Get out there, don't sleep on a park bench, and see and do as much as you can.
posted by fire&wings at 7:38 AM on January 5, 2009

Tokyo for a week can be great. Part of the greatness is actually getting out of the city on daytrips. You can find some pretty decent hotels pretty cheap in Tokyo (seriously, just try searching for hotel reservation sites on google). You can, in a way, use that to plan out your time. If you're going to go somewhere else (Kyoto!), you can plan that out through your reservations.

Make sure you know what you want to do before you get here. I had people who came over who had no plans, and while I tried to help them out, they would have enjoyed it more had they known what they wanted to do.

Suggestions: Nikko (in the snow!), Kamakura, Akihabara, Asakusa, Harajuku/Yoyogi, Shibuya/Shinjuku.

Don't worry about not understanding the language, because a lot of the city is pretty clearly labled in English. Get yourself a decent guidebook (Lonely Planet Tokyo guide is decent), bring a camera, and have a good time. Try weird things, because hey, this might be your only chance.

And, well, as for the dumped feeling, it sucks, and sucks deeply. On the other hand, you can look at your relationship (though it has ended) as being the reason you're in Japan, thousands of miles from home, and in that way, something that caused other good things to happen.

And yeah, meMail me if you have any questions.
posted by Ghidorah at 8:11 AM on January 5, 2009

You won't have any trouble in Tokyo on your own. They have millions of English-speaking tourists each year, and things are set up so that those who don't know Japanese can still get around. You will want to make sure of these three crucial things, though:

1) You understand how to get and use the local currency. The only catch in Japan is that they don't have ATMs or accept credit cards as commonly as in other countries, so take out plenty of cash at the airport, and know to ask where the nearest post office is if you need cash later in the trip -- the ATMs they have at the post office will accept foreign debit cards.

2) Get a Pasmo card (a universal transit card, like a Metrocard or an Oyster) at a machine at the airport or a subway station (you can select English from the menu). Have a complete subway map at hand. Don't panic; signs at the station will be in English. Go to your local bookstore in advance of the trip and look in the back of tourist guides for one with a really, really good subway map. Get that one. I also like the Time Out guide to Tokyo, but to each their own.

3) Keep your passport on you at all times. The peacekeepers will come up to you and haul you away to jail if you don't have it.

As long as you have money, identification and a transit map, it's actually pretty hard to get lost in Tokyo in a way that you can't get back to a hotel or back to the airport fairly quickly. It's a wonderful experience, being somewhere you've never been with only a map to guide you. If you need anything that requires communication, and you find someone willing to help but who doesn't know basic English, struggling through a phrasebook or being polite, smiling and trying to convey what you're looking for through charades or drawings will likely be enough. You'll be able to get around and do most things without needing to utter a word of Japanese, though.

You may have trouble eating at a nice local restaurant that doesn't have an English menu, but there's always fast food places you can go and point to food on a menu, and the experience of going to a Japanese 7-Eleven actually shouldn't be missed, as the food and drink selection there is actually rather exotic (!) by American or European standards.

My family and I went to Tokyo without being Japanese speakers or having a guide, and we had a great time. If you can stop moping, you will too.
posted by eschatfische at 8:15 AM on January 5, 2009

I was in nearly the same situation a few years ago in Berlin, except that I was already in the city when I found myself stranded. Couchsurfing (as Jireel mentioned) and Hospitality Club saved the day, and I ended up having one of the best New Year's Eves of my life. I'm still in touch with some of those people.

As many have said, try to see it as a potentially life-changing opportunity rather than an ordeal; you'll be thanking your ex before long.
posted by war wrath of wraith at 8:21 AM on January 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

It's an adventure! Even if you're the timid type, you're going to a foreign land and can do whatever you want for a week with virtually no consequences. You can meet people, see landmarks, and generally do whatever you want. Be whoever you want to be! Find a hostel with other travelers in your shoes and meet somebody.

You should be looking forward to this as an adventure of a lifetime. Enjoy it!!!
posted by JuiceBoxHero at 8:42 AM on January 5, 2009

Foreign guys don't have a lot of trouble finding women to hang out with in Japan.

At least they didn't when I was there 20 years ago. Maybe that has changed.
posted by bingo at 8:49 AM on January 5, 2009

You could go do something that you would NEVER normally consider. I don't know what that would be for you. If it turns out badly, you don't even have to tell people you did it! You're free - no one will judge you, or if they do, you will never see them again if you don't want to.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 9:08 AM on January 5, 2009

I agree with everyone else. Get a guide book and some comfortable shoes, practice your smile and gestures, and psych yourself up for a fantastic experience.
I wanted to add, though, that in addition to all the great museums, izakaya, shrines, and pachinko parlors anyone should experience during a trip to Tokyo, you will be in town for the Sumo New Year Grand Tournament.
I highly recommend setting aside one day (a weekday is best) to check it out. Get up early, get in line for some cheap seats (check out the website), spend the morning in the museums in Kuramae around the stadium, eat some cheap nabe stew at the the stadium for lunch, and then watch the matches in the afternoon.
posted by Bun at 9:54 AM on January 5, 2009

If you can be completely open-ended in your plans and stay far off the beaten path, you may have the foundation for a compelling book about your journeys. Make your own tour guide, so to speak.
posted by crapmatic at 10:06 AM on January 5, 2009

eschatfische nailed it. tokyo is NOT a scary place for non-japanese english speakers - in fact it's really easy as far as foreign travel goes. there's english everywhere, and almost every restaurant has english and/or picture menus. everyone else is going to (correctly) assume that you're clueless and will help you avoid any awkwardness.
posted by gnutron at 10:20 AM on January 5, 2009

... or you could not go.

Give the tickets back to her parents (it's not them that dumped you) so maybe they can cancel them. And you're no worse or better off than before - except the inner turmoil of course - which again is not directly her parent's fault.
posted by Xhris at 10:25 AM on January 5, 2009

I'll nth the couchsurfing recommendation. We did it in Japan and it was awesome. Our hosts were very friendly and spoke English well enough to communicate. The only thing is that there aren't many Japanese couchsurfing hosts because people tend not to have a lot of space, so get on it right away.

You will be fine without the language. People are friendly, if somewhat reserved, and will help you by gesticulating if you need something. The train signage is in English unless you get pretty far to the edges of the city. Take some good maps and guidebooks. Drop into literally any restaurant you see and point at something on the menu for a good meal. You kind of can't mess this up - Japan is a land of infinite convenience.
posted by mai at 10:30 AM on January 5, 2009

Don't curl up on a park bench. Tokyo is an amazing city with lots to do.

Although I lived in Japan for ten years, and I speak, read, write the language and "get" the culture, I've never liked being in Tokyo alone and by myself for one or two days, let alone a week. It's *a little more crowded* than the countryside where I lived and where I return to when I'm visiting, and I can never find a good place to eat that's not fast food (ramen, etc).

That said, I really like Tokyo when I'm with someone, especially in the winter when it's sunny, chilly and dry.

*Where to stay*

Anyway, I don't know where you're staying, but I would recommend staying in Ueno. Ueno is centrally located (there is a direct trainline from Narita airport), it's on the Yamanote loop line and is a major subway hub to get to more interesting parts of the city.

Ueno is also home to Ueno Park (you can curl up on a park bench there if you like) and the National Museum, the National Art Museum, and the National Museum of Science and Technology.

The south side of giant Ueno station is also the location of Ameyoko, an interesting shopping area with lots of places to eat cheap, cheap but clean hotels, and Korean massage parlours (it sounds interesting, but it's rather sordid).

*What to do*

If you're not interested in Japan, it's going to be a long week, and you'll have to tailor your schedule to conform to the ebb and flow of heartbreak. You can do the local sites (in a city of 14 million) and also make a couple of day trips on the trains.

*Cultural stuff*

Spend a day visiting the museums in Ueno Park (I love the National Museum)
Take a Hatto bus tour of the city (this can be arranged by the English-speaking tourist office at Ueno or Tokyo station)
Check out the Suntory Art Gallery or the Setagaya Art Gallery

*Hypercultural stuff*

Shibuya: If you want to blow your mind, head for the Hachiko Crossing in Shibuya (it's on the easy-to-travel Yamanote line. There are literally thousands of young people in this area, all looking to meet up with old friends or hook up with new ones (nampa). There are a number of cool department stores here, as well as lots of pretty girls to watch (or maybe talk to).

Akihabara: Also on the Yamanote Line, a few stops from Ueno. Electronics shopping. Otaku and cosplay culture. There's an "adult goods" store there that is six stories tall.

*Shopping*

Visit Tokyu Hands in Shinjuku (home of the world's largest train station). Tokyu Hands is an incredible "hardware store" housed in a 10-story building. Next door is Kinokuniya, large bookstore with an entire floor devoted to English books.

Visit Kappamachi in Shitamachi (just a few minutes from Ueno) to check out plastic food.

*Chillaxing*

In order to change gears (a certain amount of sensory overload occurs after visiting bookstores, electronics stores, museums, or after watching Japanese cute young things sashay around, take the train someplace.

Traveling by train is quite meditative and can be a good way to kill time while also ending up feeling you can accomplish something.

*Traveling by train*

You can take cheap (but slower) local, "rapide" and express (but not 'limited express' or 'super express') trains (from Ueno!) to interesting spots in the Tokyo region such as:

- Kamakura (nice walking and siteseeing)
- Atami (bit of a long trip, but if you're bored or sad you could do a round trip by local train in a day) at the foot of Mount Fuji.

Taking the train someplace is a good way to escape from the heartbreak blues.

*Meeting girls*

I've been married for ten years, so I have no idea how to do that in Tokyo.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:49 AM on January 5, 2009 [3 favorites]

I've spent a bit of time moping in foreign countries (and extremities of my home country). In hindsight, moping was a really poor response and I missed a lot of things I should've been enjoying. I think the recommendation to plan out an itenerary and try to make connections with people in advance are great -- it's easy to be mopey by yourself in a hotel room. It's hard to be mopey travelling around with a bunch of cool random people, even if you just met them. That sort of thing saved a trip last year for me.
posted by Alterscape at 10:53 AM on January 5, 2009

The short of it is that I'm now going to be in Japan for a week all alone (Tokyo 13th-20th). I no longer have a travel companion that speaks and reads Japanese, and I'm kind of scared.

Scared of being in a country where you don't speak the language, or scared of being alone?

If you're scared of being alone there's not much I can do for you, but for what it's worth I almost always travel alone.

Traveling with someone else always creates this little bubble of "normal" that prevents me from truly interacting with the environment around me. Instead of experiencing it fresh with my own perceptions it becomes a game of "Oh, look how that's different...." As a result I never really touch the culture, and it never really touches me.

I've only spent a few days in Tokyo, and it's on my very small list of places I want to return to. I plan to just go and walk with no itinerary other than to see the Godzilla statue and see if I can find this really amazing Italian restaurant where I had the single best risotto I've ever had in my life. Oh, and maybe find the shrine for all the miscarried babies.

Otherwise I could spend a week just wandering around, "seeing what the gods put in my way".

Don't worry about the language. Japan is well set up for the foreign tourist.
posted by tkolar at 11:22 AM on January 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

By the way, Lost in Translation is a story about two people who were uninterested in engaging the culture around them. Don't be those people.
posted by tkolar at 11:25 AM on January 5, 2009 [3 favorites]

No! You will be fantastically well!

Many people in Japan speak English. Many are helpful. There is a huge overlap between the two groups, so you will have no trouble getting around.

My advice: Tokyo can be overwhelming and like something out of dystopic science fiction. Go to Kyoto. Just walk around, it's lovely and there are tons of little hole-in-the-wall restaurants with amazing soup. Go to the temple complexes (huge clusters of temples).
posted by prefpara at 11:44 AM on January 5, 2009

Nthing tha above advice. Stay in hostels or couchsurf, meet interesting people, make sure you get out and about, check out Kyoto, Nara, Japan is a beautiful country to visit. I went there by myself when I was 19 years old, spoke no Japanese and had never travelled or even lived out of home before and the experience changed my life for the better.

This was quite a while ago, but when I was in Tokyo I stayed in Kimi Ryokan - you can have a private room (in semi traditional Japanese style - tatami mats etc) but there was a great common room where I met people from all over the world who I shared perfect moments with, and who I am still friends with to this day.

Good luck and post back how it went!
posted by Admira at 1:20 PM on January 5, 2009

Also FWIW, my travel page from Tokyo.
posted by tkolar at 2:16 PM on January 5, 2009

I had the best time in japan outside tokyo.

Explore. See the countryside. Climb some mountains. See some temples. Talk to strangers.
posted by milinar at 2:21 PM on January 5, 2009

I would say, I have a friend who went to Japan by himself specifically as a way to help get over a terrible breakup. It worked wonders for him!

I went on trip alone last week for the same reason (to a much less exciting locale, but still...)

You can make this something very good!
posted by specialfriend at 4:38 PM on January 5, 2009

tkolar, the temple you want is Zojo-ji. It's pretty much under the shadow of Tokyo Tower. Fantastic place.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:15 PM on January 5, 2009

Definitely, definitely check out Mister Donut. Worlds better than any donut shop we have here, and what could be better for a broken heart than a cup of coffee and a donut?
posted by chihiro at 7:44 PM on January 5, 2009

I spent most of last year travelling alone, and it scared the bejeezus out of me. A lot of it I didn't enjoy that much, but I'm honestly actually glad I did it, because I feel like I did something worthwhile with 2008. So at very worst, you may have a bad holiday, but you can feel proud that you sucked it up and gave it a go. On the other hand, it could turn out to be amaaaaaaazing.

I spent a grand total of one day in Tokyo, but my experience was that it is not a city to be scared of. The people were literally the gentlest and most helpful I've ever come across anywhere (if somewhat reserved) and Japan is a really really safe country. In my experience, it was also extremely clean. So I would say that as far as scary places to find yourself in, Japan is pretty low risk. I would take Tokyo over London any day, even with the language barrier.

I would make sure you feel comfortable in your accomodation - spend a bit more if you are able and it's necessary. There's nothing that makes a trip suck more than not wanting to go back to (or leave) your hotel room. Friends of mine who've travelled extensively in Japan recommend staying in ryokans and minshukus, but I'm not sure whether that's realistic in Tokyo at least.

As others have said, I would also recommend joining couchsurfing, even if you're not comfortable staying on a random stranger's couch (I'm not). Join in advance of your trip, find some people who seem like-minded and ask them if they'd mind catching up for a cup of tea/drink/showing you around. I don't know if you're generally an outgoing person, but I would describe myself as shy but friendly, and once I got past the 'but isn't it weird/dangerous to meet a random stranger?' I found this really helped my experience of a city. There's nothing like having a local (or ex-pat) show you around. Being back at home now after having travelled, I'm really happy to show people around because I know how much it can mean to someone who is on their own in a random city. I think that's where most people on the couchsurfing project are at. Plus, couchsurfing is a good resource if you get stuck and need some quick advice from locals. On that thought - could you ask your friends in Japan if they know anyone in Tokyo who might show you around? Friends of friends are good, and on the other side of the world tenuous connections are a lot more meaningful than at home.

The last piece of advice is would give you is to remember that it is YOUR holiday and you can do what you want with it. Sure if you find you want to go out and see everything and make the most of being somewhere totally different to home, then that's great. But if you find yourself a bit overwhelmed by the experience, and the best that you can manage is some people watching with a good book in a park or cafe, then that's fine too. Do what you will enjoy most at the time, regardless of what you feel like you 'should' do. It's a holiday after all.

Bon voyage!
posted by Emilyisnow at 12:50 AM on January 6, 2009

I realize I'm late to this, but oddly enough, my plan several years ago when I had just started a relationship and was scared about how it would turn out was that if I got dumped, I'd take myself to Japan. So I think it'd be good for that.

You can pick up the new Rough Guide to Japan (since it explains currency, trains, etc.), and bring that with you, and contact your friends and see if they have friends who can show you around on your other days even if they aren't able to re-arrange their plans to spend more time with you. I wound up going to Japan later, not as a contingency plan, and I had the most fun when I met up with friends. But I had fun everywhere that I went, and Tokyo was far more fun than I expected. (I'm not really a big city person.)

If that doesn't work, contact the Tokyo Free Volunteer Guide Service. If it's like other volunteer guide services in Japan, an English-speaking guide will meet you and show you around. You pay for their entrance and travel fees, and if you eat with them, their food and drinks. I've heard good things about it.

And yes, go to Mister Donut and have a pon-de-ring. You deserve it.

Good luck and I hope you come out of this with some good memories after all.
posted by wintersweet at 4:38 PM on January 7, 2009

[This is an update from the asker.]

Thanks for all your answers folks. I'm anonymizing this question now, but those who remember, remember. I've been in Japan for six nights, so my stay here is half over. I'll leave an update when I get back.
posted by cortex at 6:21 AM on January 14, 2009

[Another update from the asker.]

As a courtesy to the hypothetical one or two people who care how my trip went, I'm leaving a brief follow-up. In ways this trip was one of the most painful experiences of my life. The break-up was months ago, but I was too distracted by work and other routines to dwell on it for too long. But a 15 hour plane flight, plus 10 hours in airport waiting time, plus 6 hours of train time, really created time to ruminate. And this trip, by its very nature, really rubbed the humiliating circumstances in my face. In the last fifteen years I can count the number of times I've cried on one hand, but I cried more during this trip than an adult male should reasonably be expected to over an entire lifetime... even at awkward moments when I reasonably should have been happy.

But I realize audiences only want happy endings, so I'll skip over the turmoil and tumult, and leave people with the more hopeful parts.

On my second day in Japan, I was walking the streets of Tokyo with my friends, trailing glumly behind, and on the verge of tears, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and was surprised to see a pretty Japanese girl. 'Would you like to go on date with me,' she asks. Fast forward about fifteen minutes later and we are having an exciting, but totally irresponsible, condomless "date" in some secluded section of an Internet cafe. And so for the rest of the trip I ended up staying with her in her Tokyo apartment. I did not sleep on a park bench, and I did not sleep in Jail. Instead I slept in a big, soft bed equipped with a warm body. For whatever strange reason she adored me, and cooked for me, and paid for all the meals when we went out to eat. She also proved to be an indispensable guide around central Honshu. She planned all our voyages and even bought the train tickets.

For once, and in the midst of my decimated self-worth, I was apparently the human prize to be pampered, placated, toiled for and won. And with that new found power, I really hope I do not create any of the same rejection pains for her that I am experiencing in my own life. It isn't an entirely great situation. We can hardly communicate, but it's clear that she thinks all this should lead to more than I do. She has already decided to fly out and visit me in America this spring. I told her we are not a "couple" and to buy tickets only if she is prepared for the real possibility that we might have to be "only friends" by the time she arrives, depending on what happens in either of our lives in the interim.
posted by cortex at 10:33 PM on January 24, 2009

Holy shit.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:56 PM on January 30, 2009

Wow. Well, I'm sorry to hear it was still a painful trip, but thank you for the update (and the ... er ... surprise ending).
posted by wintersweet at 6:20 PM on February 1, 2009