"Naughty" kids' toys

December 1, 2008 5:57 PM

Kids' toys that can be seen in a "naughty" light... help me think of some!

I'm working on an art project and need kids' toy ads for it. Store ads, catalogs, Sunday ads... you name it. The thing is, I want toys that (can) have some sexual connotation. For example:

-- Toy swords - swords in general, you know what they're shaped like...
-- Toy guns - hmm... shooting your load...
-- Barbies - those dolls with impossibly "perfect" bodies
-- Bratz - I hate these dolls. They remind me of hookers :P.
-- Puppy Surprise - not "sexual" per se, but the fact that these dogs and cats have babies inside, and you open their stomachs apart to get them out.... surprise surprise, can someone say "C-section"? Yeck.

No, I don't want sex toys. I'm looking for kids' toys that are innocent, but when you got a dirty mind, then they're not so innocent anymore. I'm not actually buying them or anything, just need some examples so I can find ads for them. Toys for babies, toddlers, teenagers.. just as long as they're not "adult" toys.

What can the hive mind come up with? Bonus points for toy ads that are naughty themselves.

posted by curagea to grab bag (26 comments total)

Did you see these? They have cleavage in their collar bones.
posted by -harlequin- at 6:05 PM on December 1, 2008

Oozinator. Pretty self-explanatory.
posted by CKmtl at 6:06 PM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite]

Harry Potter Nimbus 2000... It Vibrates!
posted by Frank Grimes at 6:06 PM on December 1, 2008 [2 favorites]

Well there's this Batman watergun.

Also check out the Dora the Explorer: Dora Aquapet.
posted by rancidchickn at 6:07 PM on December 1, 2008

I was going to say the Oozinator, but someone beat me to it. It pretty much wins in the category of toys that can be thought of as naughty.
posted by fructose at 6:08 PM on December 1, 2008

Frank Grimes nailed it: The canonical Mefi example is the vibrating Nimbus 2000. A sample review from his link:

"When my 12 year old daughter asked for this for her birthday, I kind of wondered if she was too old for it, but she seems to LOVE it. Her friends love it too! They play for hours in her bedroom with this great toy. They really seem to like the special effects it offers (the sound effects and vibrating). My oldest daughter (17) really likes it too! I reccomend this for all children. ".

Yes, you give it to young people. Who put it between their legs. While it vibrates.
posted by Justinian at 6:09 PM on December 1, 2008

This guy seems to have a bunch of YouTube videos about inappropriate toys.
posted by Frank Grimes at 6:15 PM on December 1, 2008

Hannah Montgana gummi candies are a pretty good example.
posted by peachfuzz at 6:30 PM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite]

Does Twister count?
posted by ferociouskitty at 6:35 PM on December 1, 2008

Hello Kitty "back" massager
posted by whoaali at 6:38 PM on December 1, 2008

My five-year old nephew thought Tickle-Me-Elmo was pretty cool when it vibrated on his weiner (his words, not mine).
posted by tamitang at 6:42 PM on December 1, 2008

Location, location, location.
posted by mhz at 6:42 PM on December 1, 2008

Moby Lick!
posted by kitty teeth at 6:57 PM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite]

Arguably the weirdest item I've bought was a Mr. Potato Head vibrator. At Wal-Mart.

His feet go WRRRRRRR.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:15 PM on December 1, 2008

That squiggle wiggle writer pen, amazon even has it under "personal healthcare"...

When I was about 6 I remember getting one of these for Christmas...and my mom flipped out. Ahhhh, memories.

Because of the cheap price and um, everlasting fairly strong vibrating qualties of these pens, I get all my single friends these every year as a gag gift...with a 8 pack of energizer batteries. They usually giggle...but nobody has EVER complained. Just sayin'...
posted by Jenny is Crafty at 7:43 PM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite]

The SuperSoaker Oozinator?
posted by DB Cooper at 8:22 PM on December 1, 2008

The Playdoh Fuzzy Pumper
posted by doubtful_guest at 8:23 PM on December 1, 2008

Crap...missed CKmtl's post
posted by DB Cooper at 8:25 PM on December 1, 2008

Balls.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 9:21 PM on December 1, 2008

tamitang: Wasn't there a similar toy where if you tickle its crotch, it'll laugh or light up? I think it was like a Grinch toy or something.

These are great, folks! Keep it coming!
posted by curagea at 10:37 PM on December 1, 2008

Baby Wee Wee?
posted by belladonna at 5:55 AM on December 2, 2008

Funny you should ask.

A couple of weeks ago, I accompanied our 4-year-old to dad's night at her kindergarten. Dad's night is 90 minutes of fun, bonding and games, including a round of "hide the bone," where children take turns covering their eyes while another kid hides a plastic dog bone somewhere in the classroom. The first kid then has to find the missing bone.

I took my camera to dad's night and now have a picture of a kindergarten teacher in a classroom setting, with one hand in her lap. Her other hand holds something that looks frighteningly like a large white dildo. Best of all, she has a menacing expression on her face.

The scene was perfectly innocent, but looks like something out of Pat Robertson's worst nightmare...
posted by quidividi at 6:05 AM on December 2, 2008

You probably couldn't find them now, but the Jar-Jar Binks Lollipop is a pretty classic example.
posted by EarBucket at 6:46 AM on December 2, 2008

Wrex The Dawg makes some pretty satisfied noises when he scratches his plastic botty on the carpet...
posted by mippy at 8:25 AM on December 2, 2008

If you're looking for toys with naughty-sounding names, there's always the traditional Sit & Spin.

I also dimly recall some kind of hacky sack-type thing in the early 90s named Ballzak or some variation of that spelling. Google's not being much help here. Anyway, I don't think the toy lasted very long on the market and I think I can figure out why.
posted by Spatch at 1:24 PM on December 2, 2008

I got your Balzac right here, buddy.
posted by CKmtl at 1:50 PM on December 2, 2008