What could go wrong on the day of the wedding?

November 14, 2008 7:19 PM

What should the wedding planner be responsible for?

What did your wedding planner handle on the day of your wedding? If you didn't have one, what do you wish you would have a planner for? Trying to determine if we can get by with a competent friend instead a professional. Please share your good and bad experiences.

posted by rglass to society & culture (6 comments total)

Typically the wedding planner is useful because they've gotten to know what you want throughout the planning of your wedding. Having someone there on the day of the wedding without having them otherwise participate in the planning seems like it might not be any more helpful than a competent friend.

At our wedding, the planner was a downright necessity, since we got married far from where we live. She had coordinated with the various vendors, knew who was supposed to show up with what and when. She was at the venue supervising setup hours before the wedding, she helped calm the mothers when they arrived, and made sure the event ran on time, and that nobody was left behind when we switched venues for the reception.

To my knowledge, nothing went wrong at my wedding. If something did go wrong, I didn't want to hear about it. This was an expectation I had talked about with the planner well before our wedding day.

At a close friend's wedding, her planner got to deal with "the cake guy delivered the wrong cake!" You can see how it would've been helpful to know A) who the cake guy was and what his contact info was, and B) what the right cake looked like.

Wedding planners are pretty used to people with specific wants. They'll usually accommodate whatever you'd like them to do, and let you do whatever you'd prefer to do personally. That's what's so great about them.
posted by nadise at 7:43 PM on November 14, 2008

Depends on whether the competent friend has connections in the wedding industry. Often, the perks of having a professional deal with their familiarity with local bakeries, venues, caterers, et cetera. They also have experience in drawing up contracts, directing staff at the venue, and keeping seemingly-disastrous things under wraps.

Secondly, I'd consider your friendship. If he or she makes a large error in any of your plans, will this hurt your relationship? Can you be direct in your requests- without having them view it as condescending or controlling? Depending on your ties to this person, this may be a big deal.

The most important thing is that you trust their guidance and ability to pull off whatever you envision for your wedding day.

Best of luck!
posted by rachaelfaith at 8:00 PM on November 14, 2008

My wedding planner was invaluable, but then again I got married 3,000 miles from home. She took us on tours of potential wedding sites, set up interviews with vendors, arranged for payment for the vendors, helped arrange transportation for the guests, negotiated contracts with vendors, helped with decoration ideas, came up with novel planning ideas (have a bonfire after the reception, but keep it a surprise)...

Things that were really helpful for the day of: She gave instructions to guests and paid the vendors. Yes, you could totally have a close friend handle all of that. My friend use another friend for this purpose and it worked out fine.
posted by bananafish at 8:46 PM on November 14, 2008

We didn't have a planner and I honestly can't think of a single thing that would have been made easier. We planned our San Diego wedding from Northern CA but were lucky enough to have contacts at our ceremony and reception venues who were really, really great. Our reception venue coordinator directed the harpist and baker, set out the souvenirs and centerpieces, and put out other decorations with very little input from us. I guess if you got a flakey vibe from your reception or ceremony contacts it would be good to have someone to make sure they were in line on the big day, but other than that I think the presence of a wedding planner is therapeutic more than anything else. If that's something you need, by all means. I did my own hair and makeup too, so clearly I was a little more into being in control rather than being relaxed...

I love how people say that it's such a hassle to pay vendors on your wedding day. Sorry, you write a couple of checks. It takes all of five minutes tops, if you've agreed on prices in advance. It so isn't a big deal.
posted by crinklebat at 9:26 PM on November 14, 2008

It takes all of five minutes tops, if you've agreed on prices in advance. It so isn't a big deal.

I thought that too. Then at a friend's wedding there was a huge dust up with the caterer who insisted that some items were in addition to the contact. It was a major hassle to the bride and the groom who simply wanted to go home. I ended up going over the contract line by line with the caterer. Of course, his staff couldn't leave without getting paid so they stood around waiting and getting pissed. If I had to guess, I'd say the caterer ran a similar scam at every event when the bride and groom were too tired to fight it. Also, I don't think he'd run into many wedding guests who were willing to tear into the contract at midnight.

Unfortunately, there are lots of shady characters in the wedding industry and probably a fair amount of shady wedding planners. Whether your better off with a friend depends on the person and your expectations.
posted by 26.2 at 11:04 PM on November 14, 2008

The last wedding I was at didn't need a planner, but it was small and backyard. The wedding before that (medium and church-based) could have used one. It depends on a lot of factors, not just the competence of your friend.

Also, keep in mind that there can be LOTS of fiddly details that wedding planners typically take care of on the day of the wedding (before the wedding as well, of course). That means your friend may not have a chance to enjoy your wedding because he/she is too busy running around figuring out the details to enjoy the champagne. If your friend would be more comfortable in a helper role than as a guest (really, some people would be), then great.
posted by librarylis at 11:56 PM on November 14, 2008