How do deal with being falsely accused of molesting a child?
November 5, 2008 5:30 AM Subscribe
A friend of mine's husband has been accused of molesting 13-year-old girl, my friend's sister. What is his & his family's best course of action?
The situation as described by my friend: I'll refer to my friend as Jane, her husband as Bob and my friend's sister as Sarah for convenience. Sarah has been abused sexually at least once in the past. Since her abuse, she has been extremely over-sexualized. Before this accusation, Jane has complained to me that Sarah has been behaving inappropriately around Bob, she told me that her sister was soliciting Bob's attention, being overly affectionate, dressing provocatively around him and attempting to flirt with him. I experienced sexual abuse when I was Sarah's age, and her over-sexualized and jealous behavior is similar to the way I reacted. (although less extreme) I told my friend what I went through, and advised Jane to reach out to her family about her concerns. Jane did not feel comfortable with that, she did not trust her parents because she felt like Sarah had been successfully manipulating her parents into getting petty things she wanted. Sarah had been doing things such as staying out past 3am without notice, and not getting punished for it.
The family (Jane, Bob, their two children, both infants) are pretty poor, so hiring a lawyer probably wouldn't be an option. He had a job at Wal-Mart but was laid off, she isn't working, they live in a house provided by her parents who are currently siding with Sarah.
The accusation was, quote, "he touched me inappropriately." Jane doesn't know specifically what her husband was accused of doing to her.
Please send any information not suitable for public comment to my email address in my profile.
The situation as described by my friend: I'll refer to my friend as Jane, her husband as Bob and my friend's sister as Sarah for convenience. Sarah has been abused sexually at least once in the past. Since her abuse, she has been extremely over-sexualized. Before this accusation, Jane has complained to me that Sarah has been behaving inappropriately around Bob, she told me that her sister was soliciting Bob's attention, being overly affectionate, dressing provocatively around him and attempting to flirt with him. I experienced sexual abuse when I was Sarah's age, and her over-sexualized and jealous behavior is similar to the way I reacted. (although less extreme) I told my friend what I went through, and advised Jane to reach out to her family about her concerns. Jane did not feel comfortable with that, she did not trust her parents because she felt like Sarah had been successfully manipulating her parents into getting petty things she wanted. Sarah had been doing things such as staying out past 3am without notice, and not getting punished for it.
The family (Jane, Bob, their two children, both infants) are pretty poor, so hiring a lawyer probably wouldn't be an option. He had a job at Wal-Mart but was laid off, she isn't working, they live in a house provided by her parents who are currently siding with Sarah.
The accusation was, quote, "he touched me inappropriately." Jane doesn't know specifically what her husband was accused of doing to her.
Please send any information not suitable for public comment to my email address in my profile.
Ditto HuronBob, this is a serious accusation with the potential of serious jail time, not a time for he said/she said. I'm usually not early on the lawyer bandwagon but in this case everyone should shut up and get lawyers. This is the sort of thing that if they really are "pretty poor" they may be able to get a public defender to assist them with. If they're really not well off they're going to have a more difficult time if Bob gets jail time pending trial.
posted by jessamyn at 5:43 AM on November 5, 2008
posted by jessamyn at 5:43 AM on November 5, 2008
Response by poster: How can someone in their position acquire an attorney?
posted by Niomi at 5:43 AM on November 5, 2008
posted by Niomi at 5:43 AM on November 5, 2008
He will get a public defender once he's arrested.
posted by lockestockbarrel at 6:06 AM on November 5, 2008
posted by lockestockbarrel at 6:06 AM on November 5, 2008
Assuming you're friends are in the USA, at the time of arrest, a lawyer will be appointed. In the meanwhile, seriously seriously seriously remember: DO NOT TALK TO THE POLICE!
posted by Goofyy at 6:10 AM on November 5, 2008 [3 favorites]
posted by Goofyy at 6:10 AM on November 5, 2008 [3 favorites]
Tell him: Do not speak to anyone. Not family, friends, the media, the police. At all.
In training to become a foster parent, that's the one detail emphasized over and over. Do not speak to anyone. Do not allow your family members (spouse, kids) to speak to anyone. Even a tiny, seemingly innocent comment can be manipulated into something major.
Get a lawyer and have that lawyer do all the talking.
posted by VioletU at 6:25 AM on November 5, 2008 [1 favorite]
In training to become a foster parent, that's the one detail emphasized over and over. Do not speak to anyone. Do not allow your family members (spouse, kids) to speak to anyone. Even a tiny, seemingly innocent comment can be manipulated into something major.
Get a lawyer and have that lawyer do all the talking.
posted by VioletU at 6:25 AM on November 5, 2008 [1 favorite]
If there is a local Lawyer Referral Service, they may be able to get him a reduced-cost consult with an attorney at least to start with. Many of the lawyers that participate in those programs will work out sliding-scale fees with their clients. While most lawyers require retainers of certain amounts of money to start any work, once the work starts, they sometimes let the client owe them the money and can work out payment plans. YMMV.
posted by fructose at 7:14 AM on November 5, 2008
posted by fructose at 7:14 AM on November 5, 2008
Listen to VioletU and HuronBob and for the love of god Bob should never be in the same room - alone or not - with Sarah. I don't know whether or not he did it, but nothing good can come out of him having any contact with her.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 7:48 AM on November 5, 2008
posted by Optimus Chyme at 7:48 AM on November 5, 2008
Something simmilar happend in my family, and I completely agree with Goffyy - talk to no one with out a lawyer.
posted by aggienfo at 8:24 AM on November 5, 2008
posted by aggienfo at 8:24 AM on November 5, 2008
Note, the OP didn't mention any impending arrest or police involvement.
posted by JimN2TAW at 8:26 AM on November 5, 2008
posted by JimN2TAW at 8:26 AM on November 5, 2008
Someone I know — a relative — was accused of molesting a 13-year-old boy by the 13-year-old boy himself. The boy was the son of a friend of my relative's, and the boy's mother was in turn the daughter of friends of my older family members. The police came and questioned my relative, and they told her they got the impression the boy was "very troubled". I believe the matter was dropped with respect to my relative, though, unfortunately, it damaged some very long-standing relationships between the two families.
Definitely lawyer up (my cousin did, though it was easier for her as she worked for a law firm), but try not to panic. The people who investigate these things are generally experienced and trained and they will do their best to dig to the bottom of it. Troubled children do make false accusations, and as with my relative's case there's a good chance there will never be a prosecution and the worst outcome will be damage to the family dynamic (though that's very bad in itself).
posted by orange swan at 8:56 AM on November 5, 2008
Definitely lawyer up (my cousin did, though it was easier for her as she worked for a law firm), but try not to panic. The people who investigate these things are generally experienced and trained and they will do their best to dig to the bottom of it. Troubled children do make false accusations, and as with my relative's case there's a good chance there will never be a prosecution and the worst outcome will be damage to the family dynamic (though that's very bad in itself).
posted by orange swan at 8:56 AM on November 5, 2008
No contact whatsoever with the kid, with any relatives who have taken her side or anybody who might conceivably be used as a go-between. Enter into no discussions AT ALL no matter how tempted you might be. (Any of you, not just Bob. It will all wind up as ammo.)
Lawyer up at the earliest possible moment. Research any schemes that will provide him with legal counsel at low or no cost. Do not wait for a public defender.
Bob should rack his brains asap as to times he has been alone with Sarah, conversations they've had, anything that could be distorted to further her story. These things can drag out and his recall of these incidents will not be as good further down the road when he is being questioned.
N.B. I have no idea whether it will be helpful or harmful to have these recollections written down, another mefite (or ideally the lawyer) can advise you on that, but at the very least he should have them clear in his mind.
posted by the latin mouse at 9:00 AM on November 5, 2008 [1 favorite]
Lawyer up at the earliest possible moment. Research any schemes that will provide him with legal counsel at low or no cost. Do not wait for a public defender.
Bob should rack his brains asap as to times he has been alone with Sarah, conversations they've had, anything that could be distorted to further her story. These things can drag out and his recall of these incidents will not be as good further down the road when he is being questioned.
N.B. I have no idea whether it will be helpful or harmful to have these recollections written down, another mefite (or ideally the lawyer) can advise you on that, but at the very least he should have them clear in his mind.
posted by the latin mouse at 9:00 AM on November 5, 2008 [1 favorite]
The right to counsel for those who cannot afford a lawyer doesn't kick in until arrest. If Bob is taken into custody for questioning, he should demand a lawyer immediately and say nothing until that lawyer arrives. (If he is not arrested, he should, of course, say nothing). The local bar association may have resources to refer Bob to low-cost or pro bono counsel if he wants to consult with an attorney before he is questioned. It is helpful to have a contemporaneous written record of Bob's version of what happened to assist the lawyer in making the case. If he has not recorded his recollections, he should do so now.
posted by *s at 10:18 AM on November 5, 2008
posted by *s at 10:18 AM on November 5, 2008
Under ordinary circumstances, his written recollections can be subpoenaed and then taken out of context at trial, so it's just as bad as having said them to the police. Let the lawyer handle it. Jane and Bob are poor now, but they'll be even poorer if he goes to jail, so it's worth doing whatever they can to get a lawyer.
posted by grouse at 10:22 AM on November 5, 2008
posted by grouse at 10:22 AM on November 5, 2008
Nthing everyone who said Bob needs to get a lawyer.
IANAL, but: if and when he is arrested and/or questioned by the police, he needs to explicitly tell them he will not speak with them until after he meets with his lawyer. It needs to go like this:
Police: "Bob, let's talk about what happened on _____, ok?"
Bob: "With all due respect, I will not answer any questions at all until I speak with my attorney."
He can't be wishy-washy about it, or say "I think I should talk to a lawyer first," or "maybe it would be a good idea to talk to a lawyer," or anything like that. It needs to be polite, definite, and absolute, and leave no doubt as to his desire to exercise his constitutional right to counsel.
On preview, pretty much what *s said.
posted by diggerroo at 12:24 PM on November 5, 2008 [1 favorite]
IANAL, but: if and when he is arrested and/or questioned by the police, he needs to explicitly tell them he will not speak with them until after he meets with his lawyer. It needs to go like this:
Police: "Bob, let's talk about what happened on _____, ok?"
Bob: "With all due respect, I will not answer any questions at all until I speak with my attorney."
He can't be wishy-washy about it, or say "I think I should talk to a lawyer first," or "maybe it would be a good idea to talk to a lawyer," or anything like that. It needs to be polite, definite, and absolute, and leave no doubt as to his desire to exercise his constitutional right to counsel.
On preview, pretty much what *s said.
posted by diggerroo at 12:24 PM on November 5, 2008 [1 favorite]
as my in-house counsel always says, "Law & Order is a TV show. They will do whatever they can to you to trick him into answering, cooperating, "getting a better deal," 'telling his side o the story.' You say NOTHING. Nothing. NOTHING. You demand an attorney and refuse to answer. Do not be intimidated into speaking, ever."
posted by micawber at 1:18 PM on November 5, 2008
posted by micawber at 1:18 PM on November 5, 2008
@Orange Swan:
The people who investigate these things are generally experienced and trained and they will do their best to dig to the bottom of it. Troubled children do make false accusations, and as with my relative's case there's a good chance there will never be a prosecution...
Sadly, this is bad advice. Stellar pair of foster parents in our community suffered through an accusation by one of their charges, and even though the accused had:
(a) documentation of never having been alone with the child (knows how the system works)
(b) had been a successful foster parent for over 25 years, and
(c) was only accused after he caught her stealing cash
...he still had to lawyer up, spend many thousands of dollars in pretrial and discovery, only to watch this girl take the stand and say she made it all up. No one along the way -- not the investigating officers, the prosecution, the care workers or the judge -- was willing to drop the charges until she changed her testimony. The moron cop who investigated said to him, "Girls don't lie."
Assume NO ONE is on his side except his lawyer, and that this could go to trial. Abuse cases are, imho, the one case where you are guilty until proven innocent in the system.
posted by liquado at 1:44 PM on November 5, 2008 [1 favorite]
The people who investigate these things are generally experienced and trained and they will do their best to dig to the bottom of it. Troubled children do make false accusations, and as with my relative's case there's a good chance there will never be a prosecution...
Sadly, this is bad advice. Stellar pair of foster parents in our community suffered through an accusation by one of their charges, and even though the accused had:
(a) documentation of never having been alone with the child (knows how the system works)
(b) had been a successful foster parent for over 25 years, and
(c) was only accused after he caught her stealing cash
...he still had to lawyer up, spend many thousands of dollars in pretrial and discovery, only to watch this girl take the stand and say she made it all up. No one along the way -- not the investigating officers, the prosecution, the care workers or the judge -- was willing to drop the charges until she changed her testimony. The moron cop who investigated said to him, "Girls don't lie."
Assume NO ONE is on his side except his lawyer, and that this could go to trial. Abuse cases are, imho, the one case where you are guilty until proven innocent in the system.
posted by liquado at 1:44 PM on November 5, 2008 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by HuronBob at 5:40 AM on November 5, 2008 [2 favorites]