Define Contentedness

November 1, 2008 7:19 AM

What are the keys to self-satisfaction and contentedness?

At this point in my life I feel reasonably content, but I'm not sure I could verbalize why. I am comfortable economically, not rich, but not living check to check either. My job is fine, not an intellectual challenge, but all I need as I near retirement. I am nearly always a happy person, yet I still occasionally get irritated by contrary individuals. I am charitable, but could always do more. How do you tell if you're content with where you are?

posted by netbros to religion & philosophy (11 comments total)

One man's point of view
posted by sandking at 7:24 AM on November 1, 2008

How do you tell if you're content with where you are?

What's odd to me is that you're not asking how to become content. You're also not asking whether you should be content. You're asking how to know IF you're content.

That's like asking "How do I know if I'm hungry?" To that, I'd answer, "Well, do you want to eat? If so, you're hungry."

If you replied, "I'm not sure if I want to eat," I'd say, "Well, don't worry about it, then. When you're really hungry, you'll know."

WHY do you want to know if you're content? Is it just a feeling that one should strive for contentedness and you can't strive if you don't know? Honestly, I wouldn't worry about that. I don't think there's a magic state called "content" that people reach and are in all the time.

You say you're reasonably happy with your job and life. Great. Then some problems are solved. Enjoy that fact and work to solve the lingering stuff that occasionally makes you unhappy.
posted by grumblebee at 7:31 AM on November 1, 2008

OK, fair points grumblebee. Let's add then, how do you become content?
posted by netbros at 7:37 AM on November 1, 2008

After many years, I'm performing the job that I always wanted. I'm damn good too. I arrive home satisfied, makes for a happy home.
I don't know your age, but if your content, congratulations.
posted by Mblue at 7:39 AM on November 1, 2008

To complicate further, another question is, do you want to be content?

For me, the answer right now is "no." I have a lot of things i want to accomplish that I haven't done yet. I am not content with my current cubicle job and my goal is to move into writing and making films full-time with the next five years to so.

What I have tried to work on lately, though, is being happy while I'm in this transitional stage, and not allowing myself to postpone my own happiness until some indefinite future date when everything is just perfect.
posted by drjimmy11 at 8:29 AM on November 1, 2008

Does happiness equal contentedness?

Does joy equal happiness?

Does being contented mean uninterrupted bliss; does it mean never feeling sad or "irritated"?

For me, contentedness means continued self-growth. If I were in your position, I would ask myself "why do I get irritated by contrary individuals?" Does their contrariness somehow invalidate my own perspective? Better yet, should there be some way I can accept their contrariness, and if not, is there some way I can just ignore it?

But then, everyone has their own way about things.

I would recommend you find and read literature about "subjective life satisfaction", about the nature of emotions, the nature of happiness, and how different cultures define what it is to be fulfilled.
posted by tybeet at 10:23 AM on November 1, 2008 [1 favorite]

I recently found out a lot about myself and why I wasn't always happy through non violent communication, specifically this book, I guess the most succinct way to put it is to look at fulfilling your own needs and desires without relying on others to do it.
posted by glip at 12:40 PM on November 1, 2008

I am by no means a Pollyanna but I think a healthy dose of gratitude helps. I am always concious of the fact that by a happy accident of birth I'm not living in Darfur, I'm not wondering where my next meal is coming from, and I'm in no danger of being incarcerated for holding an unpopular opinion or two.

Most of the problems I have are problems of luxury and privilege, and I think if you consciously work to loose your entitlement issues, it's a lot easier to be content with what you have and where you are.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:04 PM on November 1, 2008 [3 favorites]

I became a lot more content after I started blogging about the things I'm grateful for. It's not that I stopped myself wanting more, it's that I took (and take) time to look at the things I already have. I don't need that new car, because the one I have works fine.

I do still want things, but it's not a case of OMGIMUSTHAVETHISTHINGRIGHTNOW. It's more "that would be nice, but the flowers here are still pretty, whether or not I have it". Stopping to smell those flowers has really helped me be more content. It's a matter of realising that I have all these things already, and that I don't need more.

I am nearly always a happy person, yet I still occasionally get irritated by contrary individuals.

So do I. I'm not exactly the poster boy for contentment, so take this with a pinch of salt, but unless you're completely emotionally uninvested in a situation, there does come a point where you get pissed off. That doesn't mean you're discontented. It just means that you're pissed off. Sure, you might want the other person to behave in a different way, or whatever, but it doesn't always follow that you're going to put the work in to change the situation. But now I'm talking about acceptance as opposed to contentment.

I am charitable, but could always do more.

Knowing that you could do more and actually doing more are two different things. I know that I could stand to lose a few pounds, but I'm content to be fat and eat chocolate. Do you feel that you give enough? If yes, then you're content. If not, then give up until you feel you are giving enough, and then you'll be content. Find the happy medium.

How do you tell if you're content with where you are?

I feel it. Are all the flowers sniffed? (Yes.) Do I want to sniff some different flowers? (Yes/No/Maybe.) Am I feeling this way because I feel I ought to? (Hopefully not.) Generally, do I feel good right now? When I know the answer to that question, I know whether I'm content or not.
posted by Solomon at 4:33 PM on November 1, 2008

To me, DarlingBri hit it right on the head.

Most of the problems I have are problems of luxury and privilege, and I think if you consciously work to loose your entitlement issues, it's a lot easier to be content with what you have and where you are

I consider myself to be very contented because I know how good I really have it.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 5:21 PM on November 1, 2008

Thanks to everyone for your answers.
posted by netbros at 1:41 PM on November 2, 2008