Kindly take this job and shove it, and no hard feelings, ok?

October 21, 2008 11:54 AM

How can I tactfully tell my employer and coworkers that I'm leaving the organization? My timing sucks and leaves everyone I work with in a bit of a bind...

Sorry about the long boring story:

Ok, so I've been unsatisfied with my current position for a while and have been thinking about leaving for over a year. Personal factors have aligned themselves such that shifting jobs would work great for me sometime in the next 6 months (baby due in April). I put my feelers out and suddenly the *perfect* job appeared. I would be doing work that is much more personally satisfying, pays more, has fewer hours, more vacation, and is located 7 blocks from my house. I can have the job if I want it and if I pass it up, it is very unlikely I will find something that meets my needs this well (I have looked around to compare).

I have been at my current job for seven years. During that time, I have taken on a leadership role and have championed several major projects, including one major one that rolls out in three weeks (we're implementing an electronic health record) that is generating a ton of anxiety and will change everyone's day to day work. I feel strongly that it is the right thing to do for the organization and I do have everyone's buy-in on it, but in a lot of ways it's my baby. Announcing my departure now will generate a lot of "WTF?" from my colleagues.

I can give them 2 months' notice which is standard in my field so I can tie things up to some extent, but I need to tell them I'm leaving soon. I think it's not likely they'll replace me in that time and it is theoretically possible someone will be laid off.

Aside from having an awesome job waiting for me, I have a lot of good reasons to leave: our reimbursement model isn't working and my pay is going down every year while the number of hours I'm working is going up. The commute is becoming intolerable. I'm tired of being a leader in an organization that resists change. I'm bored and frustrated.

But I like the people I work with. Some of them I love. We work long hours very closely and we know each other well. I hate the idea of screwing them over and them cursing my name after I'm gone. I would like to do this as gracefully as possible but maybe I just need to accept that this is business and I deserve to act in my own best interest this one time and not worry about what everyone else thinks.

Surely some of you must have gone through something similar to this. How did it go? What did you do right and what would you do differently? And how did you cope with the fall out?

posted by Slarty Bartfast to work & money (20 comments total)

The benefits of leaving are clear. Emphasize the good points about your new job and don't say anything about the bad points of the job you currently have. Don't carry on about it and talk about your commitment to them in the next two months. Frame it in the light of you almost HAVING to take an opportunity like this when it comes along. Unless they are assholes, they will understand.
posted by Foam Pants at 12:05 PM on October 21, 2008

Dear (direct reporting manager's name):

As of (date you want to leave), I will be resigning from my position as (your job) at (organization you work for). My decision was much harder than I expected it to be and I wish you the best in the future.

Sincerely,

(your name)

For however important you are, leaving is not as big of a deal as you think it is. People do it all the time. Any business that can't handle you leaving will make it worth your while to stay. If they don't, there's no severe impact to you leaving.
posted by saeculorum at 12:07 PM on October 21, 2008 [7 favorites]

And if all else fails, take everyone to a nice bar and buy a round of drinks. You know, to take of the edge. But avoid drinking enough to become awkwardly truthful.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:11 PM on October 21, 2008

Two months' notice seems more than fair, and I can't imagine people feeling screwed over by that. And if other people are being affected by the things you don't like (long hours, poor reimbursement model), they'll understand why you're leaving. If you know each other well and consider them friends, then they'll remain your friends after you leave as well. I would try not to stress.

(I left a company after 9-1/2 years. Most of my good friends are former co-workers from that place. The people who are the reasons I left, well, I don't talk to them.)
posted by faunafrailty at 12:13 PM on October 21, 2008

Are you mentally in a position to negotiate? If a few things shifted in your direction, would your work life be a little happier?

If so, a meeting with the higher ups to discuss your opportunity and the position it puts you in is in order. Present what you want; if they say no, hand them your resignation and know you've done well by your co-workers. You tried to make your life (and theirs) better and management had no interest.

If you can push a little before you leave, people will likely understand your position better.
posted by scabrous at 12:14 PM on October 21, 2008

I would say if you can, definitely offer them 2 months to transition you out slowly.

I would encourage you to be honest...something like: I wasn't expecting to leave here so soon, but with a baby on the way, I've been planning to eventually cut down on my commute and take a job that's a little less intense. Then even though I wasn't yet actively looking, this remarkable opportunity appeared 7 blocks from my home, and it's really the right thing personally for me to do.

Also, let them know that you'll do everything you can to support the work they're doing during the coming 2 months, and emphasize to everyone that the project is truly larger than just one person, it's been a team effort and that won't change.

You may be over-emphasizing what a shock it will be to everyone. I think with a baby coming, everyone may understand that you want something closer to home. If your workplace is not one where people often talk about outside-of-work stuff, it's easy to forget that they have lives too, they make these choices too, and even if you all don't frequently talk about home stuff, everyone's got it going on and people may be more understanding than you're expecting.

Of course, I'm not at your workplace, so who knows if I'm on the mark. Hope some of this helps. Good luck!
posted by quinoa at 12:14 PM on October 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

Two weeks ago I gave my notice to my company, three months after I'd been promoted and received a raise, so I was incredibly nervous about how my management would take it. They were upset (not angry upset, but disappointed upset) but understood my reasoning -- my new gig is a much better opportunity career-wise with tremendous networking potential. So while they indicated a counteroffer was available, they recognized that that wouldn't make the difference.

Some things I did that I think helped it go more smoothly:

-- I'd already started documenting my job responsibilities to hand off to someone new.
-- I offered 4 weeks notice, rather than the 2 weeks standard for my position (and they took it). In your situation, definitely emphasize that you want to see your current project through because you do believe in it and want to see it succeed. However, make sure you have a firm start date with the new job. Don't let them keep you past it.
-- I arranged in advance with my new boss to allow me to "moonlight" for the old company for a short period of time in case there were any remaining loose ends to tie up after I left.
-- I pitched the entire thing as, "I have an incredible new opportunity" rather than "I'm unhappy here and want out." Even though I'm the one who initiated contact with my new company, I (very truthfully) made sure my current company knew that I did enjoy the work I was currently doing and that this wasn't an escape attempt.

However, be prepared for them to escort you out the door immediately. A good friend of mine decided to leave his job, gave extra notice and a well thought-out transition plan, and they escorted him out the door. There were funky politics involved, but it still caught him off guard. Clean off anything important (or sketchy, for that matter) on your work computer and be ready for anything. If your description of your situation is true, this is highly unlikely, but you don't want to get stuck.
posted by olinerd at 12:17 PM on October 21, 2008

I like saeculorum's letter. It's the one I used to resign from the Worst Job Ever. Don't overshare the reasons you're leaving, even with your closest work-friends, except to say that it's an opportunity that you couldn't pass up for a number of reasons.

Also, I can't imagine spending two months at a job after I'd submitted my resignation. Two weeks is standard in my industry, and the company being resigned from often says "well, no need to string it out that long."
posted by catlet at 12:19 PM on October 21, 2008

You have the best ready made (legitimate) justification ever in the form of a new baby. Even if none of your other points about the new gig were true, the 7 block commute would be enough for many MANY people to make the jump.

As with everything, do the best you can, with the best intentions. People will judge those actions and intentions inaccurately (both positively AND negatively) regardless of what you do, anyway.
posted by NoRelationToLea at 12:24 PM on October 21, 2008

If your co-workers would begrudge you taking a much better position, they don't love you back.

Accept the job, give notice, apologize to your co-workers if you like, work hard to leave them in the best shape possible, and move on.
posted by Zed_Lopez at 12:26 PM on October 21, 2008

I also like saeculorum's letter.

You are leaving your JOB. You have no responsibility to the individuals, no matter how much you personally like them, that would require you to stay in a job that bores and frustrates you and for which you are working more hours for less pay. The people you like and have friendships with--those friendships can continue outside of the workplace, and if they don't...well, trust me. They weren't as close as you thought they were.

It sucks, and it's hard to leave a job that's not bad, but just not good enough. But it's worth it.
posted by purplecurlygirl at 12:42 PM on October 21, 2008

Mm, I'd definitely focus solely on the impending MiniBartfast & commute factors. I'd avoid talking about your frustration with the organizational culture and the reimbursement model--even if people suspect those might be factors, no one likes to watch someone else flee a sinking ship while they're still stuck onboard. Adopting an apologetic attitude of "with the baby on the way, I just need to be closer to work so I can actually see my kid every day, you know how it is..." will probably go over well with colleagues (or at least all of them who have a life outside of work). I'm also guessing that your departure so closely after the EHR implementation won't cause as much of a WTF? reaction as you fear--it strikes me as the sort of thing that everyone in an organization realizes should be implemented at some point (for the good of your clients if nothing else) but no one wants to take the lead themselves because it's such a massive change from how things have been done before. Hell, they're probably grateful that someone dragged them kicking and screaming into the 21st century, even if it was a bit bumpy along the way. A rueful shake of the head and comment like "I can't believe that the timing [with my family] is working out so that I'm leaving just as this is finally getting implemented, what rotten luck!" could be believable and leave everyone feeling good about your tenure there.

Not sure exactly why it's "theoretically possible someone will be laid off"--support staff for you?--but if the potential person being laid off is someone who works pretty directly under you, it might be nice to clarify with the people in charge what is likely to happen to that staff member when you leave. That way, you can pull him/her aside after you've told everyone you're leaving and either assure them their job is safe, or let them know that you're more than happy to provide a glowing reference.

Also, in watching people leave my company for competitors--an office with a pretty tight-knit culture, in a small field where you know you'll be running into former colleagues for the next 20 years at conferences and meetings--I've observed that the people who left on the best note tended to use the following pattern in breaking the news:

1. Tell the people who will be responsible for replacing you, or deciding how to fill the hole you're leaving, first. Clarify what will happen to your workload vis-a-vis your colleagues, so you can answer questions immediately if colleagues and subordinates get panicky upon hearing the news. Ask them to not say anything until you've had the chance to break the news to your colleagues yourself.

2. Tell people you work directly with, one-on-one. Say, "This isn't for public consumption, but I just wanted to let you know before it gets announced, I'm actually leaving at the end of December." (Insert rueful head-shaking about bad timing with EHR implementation here.) Ask them to not say anything to anyone else until you've had the chance to break the news to other people, because this isn't public knowledge yet.

3. Tell people who work for you or support staff. Let them know what this might mean in terms of how they'll get shifted or how their workload will change. Reassure them their job is safe or let them know you'll provide a reference. Ask them not to say anything to anyone until you've had the chance to break the news to other people, because this isn't public knowledge yet.

And so on, until you finally make the big announcement... after having told everyone personally, "before everyone else knows."
posted by iminurmefi at 12:51 PM on October 21, 2008

Regarding the timing, have you looked at parental leave law for your location? You may have to work at the new employer for a specific length of time before they are required by law to give you leave. In Washington State it's 12 months apparently.
posted by teg at 1:07 PM on October 21, 2008

Wow.

I really think it's all much simpler than a lot or most of this.

1) Unless you know the custom programming language for the company's critical commerce function and are the only person who knows this language, no one needs to stay two months. Two weeks is ALL you owe a company, and there are plenty of good reasons and legal reasons that it's acceptable. If they ask you to stay longer, then you can reconsider, but for now, start at two weeks.

[A few years back, I told a friend at work that I was planning on leaving the company at the end of June. He immediately told me, "OMG, you should tell them TODAY, it's two and a half months, that's BARELy enough time..." And in the end I gave them a month.

The first week of that month they ran around like crazy, and then they figured out who would take over. While they were doing that, i wrote up transition documents. The second week I handed out the transition documents and reviewed them with the people taking over the parts of my job.

And for the next two weeks I had nothing to do.]

Also, a lot of companies will escort you out the door for security reasons the second you resign. So please be prepared for that.

2. You do not want to give too many details about why you are leaving. Your resignation letter should be dry and bland and not say anything more than 'I am resigning on X day, I appreciate the opportunity and wish the company every success." That is it. If you go and research this point with HR experts you will see this echoed. this is not the place to talk about how much better it will be or how much you hated Mr. X. Just "thank you and good night."

3. Similarly you don't have to justify your decision. You can be diplomatic and say, "I geniunely enjoyed working here and very much appreciated the opportunity but I'd like to explore a different dirction." You don't want to go into details about commute time or more salary or the crazy guy in accounting. No matter how diplomatic you are you will end up making your current employer sound bad. That is not good for anyone.

4. It is VERY common for someone who has worked on a long project to get the hell out of dodge right after it's done. Burnout, can't look at those people's faces any more, need to just DO SOMETHING ELSE. So it's not going to be the cataclysmic shock that you think it will be.

5. It is totally normal and natural to get attached to coworkers and not want to leave them in the lurch. You're not going to so don't worry about it.

6. Also documented is employees who take a counter-offer usually end up leaving the company anyway, as the company ends up resenting being put in that position. So if you want to stay, then go talk to a manager about what you'd like to see improve, but don't tell them you have an other position. Again, please research this stuff, I'm not making it up.

7. You tell HR first with the letter, and then work your way through your organization. It doesn't sound like you have a lot of direct reports. Or you can have the letter in hand when you go talk to your manager, and then turn it in once you've told them. but the whole "tell everyone from the top down" is really inappropriate and liable to get you bounced. You should let your immediate supervisor and/or HR dictate how the message should be transmitted.

Honestly, it's all pretty simple.
posted by micawber at 1:13 PM on October 21, 2008

The one thing I would add (based on unhappy experience) is: do NOT let yourself be pushed by guilt into making excessive commitments to the place you're leaving, either in how much time you'll give them, or projects you'll be sure to finish before you leave. I can't remember where I read this (maybe Rands in Repose?) -- that once a person makes the decision to leave a job, his/her brain goes into a kind of short-timer state that makes it really difficult to continue giving the old, lame-duck job and projects the kind of attention that they need -- while at the same time, guilt (of the kind you imply in your post) can drive a person to make all kinds of extravagant offers, which, when unfulfilled due to short-timer brain-state, leads to even more guilt, and cue the vicious circle.

I've been in the same boat as you. My colleagues were, I think, genuinely sorry to see me go, and genuinely not-thrilled with the amount of work landing on their plates; but at the same time they were genuinely happy I was doing something I really wanted to do. Everyone survived, and everything worked out just fine. I'm really glad you have the chance to move to something that sounds so much better for you -- go do it, and don't fret.
posted by Kat Allison at 1:30 PM on October 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

You people are totally amazing. This all really helps.

2 months' notice is customary everywhere in medicine, not by law but by tradition. You kind of own it to your patients a chance to get set up with a new doctor and it takes at least 2 months to get credentialed at a new hospital.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 1:33 PM on October 21, 2008

Good luck.
posted by docpops at 6:43 PM on October 22, 2008

Slarty,
I know you will make the right decision, and it sounds like a fantastic offer....but...line 2 offers some info perhaps you would like to expand upon regarding you and Mrs.Bartfast....
posted by agent seamalt jones at 5:01 PM on October 28, 2008

I am constantly amazed at the things I learn here!
posted by agent seamalt jones at 5:02 PM on October 28, 2008

Well, I did it. The advice given really helped me do it right, or at least the best way possible. Thank you all so much.

I took iminurmefi's advice and told all the important people personally. "I'm having a baby" is a great way to start a conversation about how you need to change your life in a really fundamental way. It was still awful, a bit like dumping 7 girlfriends in one week. I suppose my question alluded to it, but I hadn't fully considered the emotional impact this would have on me. 4 out of the 7 people actually teared up. Everyone was so understanding and it just underscored the fact that this is an organization full of great people with transparent agendas who just happen to work in a miserable environment, ie Healthcare in America in 2008. I needed my wife to remind me that this was really the right decision because going through the process was just so incredibly sad.

I did type up a brief letter of resignation a la saeculorum's template. That turned out to be important because it gave the whole thing a sense of finality, as in "No, I'm really not trying to negotiate anything, I am actually leaving."

[for anyone who cares to hear about my insignificant life...

The new job really is amazing. Things like this never seem to work out this perfectly for me in real life, so I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have always longed to work in an underserved setting, all the way back as an undergrad volunteering at a free clinic for the homeless in Berkeley. I did a training program that was oriented towards this mission and working at a suburban hospital in a group practice has always felt like a big personal compromise. I just could never make it work financially and still live in the city where my wife, the infectious disease hyperspecialist, could find a job. The new place is a long established community health center, a 10 minute walk from my house. Full time equals 26.5 patient contact hours a week, right now I am doing 32 hours which actually results in 50 hours a week of work. Six weeks of paid vacation versus the four weeks unpaid I get now. The pay is about equal to what I make now, and federal student loan repayment is possible. I will be an instructor for a local residency program and will go back to doing inpatient attending on the residency service. Even more exciting, I will go back to delivering babies, something I have always loved doing. Presumably I will finally become fluent in Spanish. And the best, best thing of all: no more insurance company bullshit!]

Epilogue:

The news of our pregnancy first broke among my circle of friends via this AskMe post and this is to what agent seamalt jones was referring. We spent this past weekend being congratulated and receiving gifts from our wonderful, awesome extended family of friends. Xian forwarded the IM log:

cj: did you know about the information contained in this post (http://ask.metafilter.com/104814/Kindly-take-this-job-and-shove-it-and-no-hard-feelings-ok)
xian: yeah, I know he's quitting his job
cj: keep reading
xian: !
xian: !!
xian: !!!
xian: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cj: holy shit!
me: holy shit indeed!

Thanks for all the MeMail wishes as well.

posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:32 PM on November 3, 2008