The semen of vegetables? What?

October 16, 2008 9:30 PM

Why did Rufus Wainwright say that broccoli is "the semen of vegetables"?

...Seriously, that's my question. I just got back from a Rufus Wainwright show, and between songs he explained that he was drinking a lot of water because he'd eaten a lot of broccoli before the show. Then he paused and said, "...I was just about to say something really gross." There was another pause and he went ahead and said it: "...I feel like broccoli is, like, the semen of vegetables." I attended the show with three other people who eat plenty of broccoli, but do not consume a lot of semen, and none of us could figure out what he was talking about. What gives?

(Also, is this not the best juxtaposition of tags ever?)

posted by clavicle to Food & Drink (26 answers total)

Guess:

you don't really ever want to swallow it, but you feel obligated to to please someone else?
posted by drjimmy11 at 9:41 PM on October 16, 2008 [9 favorites]

They taste a little similar.

...Or so I'm told.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 9:56 PM on October 16, 2008

To your second question: yes.
posted by boy detective at 10:02 PM on October 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

They don't taste similar.

Semen smells like Clorox. It tastes like the Junior Prom. /David Mamet
posted by desuetude at 10:03 PM on October 16, 2008

Men who eat broccoli supposedly have slightly better-tasting semen, but even if that were true, I'm not sure it explains why broccoli is the semen of vegetables.

Does semen taste better steamed, and with Cheez-Whiz? Because if it does, I totally get what he means.
posted by iconomy at 10:42 PM on October 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

Just a weird guess: When you swallow broccoli, no matter how much you've chewed it, it still feels "granular" as it's going down. Same with semen.
posted by amyms at 10:44 PM on October 16, 2008

I don't agree with the granular. My guess is that they both leave an aftertaste in your mouth and/or have very distinctive flavors.
posted by timoni at 10:54 PM on October 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

Not having tasted semen... perhaps he meant the taste stays in your mouth for a while? Hence all the water?
posted by twirlypen at 10:55 PM on October 16, 2008

I'd like to think he was being profound, but with the context, I also think just he meant you can't get the taste out of your mouth.

Also... granular? Get to a doctor!
posted by rokusan at 11:12 PM on October 16, 2008

The guesses at what semen is like going down are making me giggle uncontrollably. It's not granular, for one. It certainly does not taste like broccoli. Eating broccoli actually lends a bitter taste to sperm. Drjimmy posed a humorous idea, but not all girls dislike swallowing.

Given what I know of Wainwrights sexual preferences, my supposition, like twirlypens' is that the taste takes a long time to leave (but isn't necessarily bad). This, I can confirm, is true.
posted by thatbrunette at 11:21 PM on October 16, 2008

Okay, Okay, maybe "granular" was too hyperbolic? Perhaps "gritty" would be more apropos?... Either way, it's not smooth and texture-free.
posted by amyms at 11:29 PM on October 16, 2008

Yeah, like thatbrunette said, broccoli is one of the few vegetables that actually makes semen taste significantly worse.

I'd assume that he was referring to the fact that both leave a nasty aftertaste in your mouth for several hours, unless you wash it out somehow (water, toothpaste, etc).
posted by arianell at 11:36 PM on October 16, 2008

Some people love it, some people hate it, some people will only eat it if daddy makes them.
posted by Ookseer at 12:22 AM on October 17, 2008 [13 favorites]

He didn't like broccoli, or maybe he did, as it flowers from a stem.
posted by Mblue at 12:40 AM on October 17, 2008

Huh. Well, they both contain protein?
posted by miss lynnster at 12:41 AM on October 17, 2008

My guess is it's the physical appearance. It's obvious if you look at it. Thousands of little sperm shapes.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 12:47 AM on October 17, 2008

Best answer: Because you can't get the flavor out of your mouth.
posted by MaxK at 2:02 AM on October 17, 2008

Best answer: Most of the answers here don't correspond with my 40 years of semen-eating experience. The stuff is most closely akin to egg white, in texture. In taste? I'm not sure I've ever tasted something that tasted like semen (except once, I beautiful youth, a couple years my senior, did taste rather like some vegetable). The stuff will gag you if you swallow wrong, because it sticks, and that causes the gag reflex. You got to gulp it down all at once to prevent that.

Broccoli is nutritious and wonderful. The water you cook it in will stink up the kitchen if you don't dump it right away. Cooked, it is only good fresh. Perhaps that's what is semen-like about it.
posted by Goofyy at 3:09 AM on October 17, 2008 [1 favorite]

I don't have anything against either but the juxtaposition makes them both kind of revolting. Thanks Rufus.

And...'Gritty'? 'Granular?' Are these guys made of sand?

Anyway, I think someone needs to shoot him an email and ask him what he meant.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 5:31 AM on October 17, 2008

Oh, I know what it was, he couldn't get the taste out of his mouth.

Someone probably already said that above, but I don't have it in me to read the whole thread.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 5:36 AM on October 17, 2008

I propose that Rufus made this statement specifically as a singer, in reference to the substances' effects on singers. There are certain food groups that are particularly troublesome for vocalists. For example, dairy is to be avoided since it sticks to the sides of your throat. On the other hand, celery is really good because it clears things up and reduces phlegm. Given Googyy's anecdote, semen would surely fall into the bad-for-vocalists. Maybe broccoli is just as bad for singers as well (Although I can't find any supporting material via google).
posted by nemoorange at 6:05 AM on October 17, 2008

If you have it as a child, you'll probably really dislike it as an adult.
posted by Adam_S at 6:20 AM on October 17, 2008 [10 favorites]

If you have semen as a child, you'll probably dislike it as an adult?! ;-)
posted by tcv at 7:38 AM on October 17, 2008

I'll join the "can't get the taste out of your mouth" crowd. This would explain why he said it after he drank water. After consumption of semen, I definitely want something to drink. I have more experience with semen than broccoli (BOY does that sound bad...) but I can categorically state that the texture and taste of the two are completely different.
posted by desjardins at 8:14 AM on October 17, 2008

Update: Other fans in Minnesota have noted that he later substituted the the word 'broccoli' in the lyrics to "Gay Messiah"....

Better pray for your sins
Better pray for your sins
'Cause the gay messiah's coming

No it will not be me
Rufus the Baptist I am be.
No I won't be the one
Baptized in cum broccoli.

So I think at the very least, it seems old Roofie was fucking with y'all a little.

(Also, I'm sad that my earlier cocksucking comment was censored. I liked that one. Sniff.)
posted by rokusan at 8:36 AM on October 17, 2008

Response by poster: Yes he did, rokusan, and after that I was SO ready for him to sing "broc-co-li and cho-co-late miiiiiilk...," but no!
posted by clavicle at 8:55 AM on October 17, 2008