I mustache you this question...

October 3, 2008 4:38 PM

If there was a greeting card with a fuzzy felt mustache on the outside, what would the inside say?

I came across a huge lot of brown wool felt and decided to sew little mustaches that I attached to the front of blank greeting cards. Now i'm stumped wondering what, if any, text I should add either under the mustache or inside the card.

Mustache-O-Gram?
Everything's better with a mustache?

Any ideas?

Firefox says mustache is the correct spelling. I always thought it was moustache.

posted by Ugh to grab bag (40 comments total)

I was going to get you a gift but I spent all my money on fake mustaches.

Life sucks? Put on this mustache and pretend you are a fancy man on the town! FABULOUS!
posted by gwenlister at 4:53 PM on October 3

Happy birthday from the Greeting Card Protection Program
Walrus Wishes of You
Rough Trade Greetings
Wilford Brimley couldn't be here because he's dead, but here's his mustache
posted by Bernt Pancreas at 5:02 PM on October 3 [1 favorite]

A joke about Tintin's Thomson and Thompson, perhaps?
posted by Xere at 5:05 PM on October 3

Oh, these are already excellent. Please know after I steal your answer I fully intend to pass it off as my own.
posted by Ugh at 5:08 PM on October 3

For an inappropriate card - "Who wants a mustache ride?"
For nonsensical, just have a typical line like "Thinking of you" or "Get well soon"
posted by Diddly at 5:13 PM on October 3

"You know who else had a birthday today (20 April)" - you don't need much felt for that one.
"don't eat the yellow snow (21 December)
"check your blood sugar, and check it often" (27 September)

Oh no, you've already sewed the moustache on? Does that mean you can't edit the shape?
posted by b33j at 5:17 PM on October 3

Now you are man! Nasdrovya!

This mustache was a total rip-off.

Gently Ridden.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 5:18 PM on October 3 [1 favorite]

It would say "Moustache Rides 10¢. For you, free."
posted by jessamyn at 5:18 PM on October 3 [6 favorites]

Hoping you're having a great diddly-dum-doodly day!

Happy Birth-dum-diddly-doodly-day!

Congratula-diddly-dum-doodly-ations!

etc.
posted by googly at 5:19 PM on October 3

The ones i've done so far are pretty reminiscent of Tom Selleck, but I still have tons of felt left so can definitely do different shapes.
posted by Ugh at 5:19 PM on October 3

Ceci n'est pas une moustache.
posted by MegoSteve at 5:20 PM on October 3 [4 favorites]

Happy Birthday! Great party! Can I get a ride later?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 5:23 PM on October 3 [1 favorite]

Tomsellecktomy.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 5:24 PM on October 3 [3 favorites]

• Puns on the word “felt” seem required, somehow.
  
  
• Draw or paste pictures of a random thing or person on each card, affix the 'stache to the image, and call it a disguise kit.
  

posted by bonobo at 5:26 PM on October 3

I hope you enjoy this mustache. I slaved over it all day, but it's probably not as good as your mom's.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 5:29 PM on October 3 [6 favorites]

(dark and likely unadviseable humor for a wedding card)

Here's a mustache to go with your lovely new beard!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 5:31 PM on October 3 [8 favorites]

If it was me, I would put a long boilerplate copyright and related notice inside protecting the intellectual property of the "moustache-o-gram" warning the user that he has no resale rights, etc. etc.
posted by Meatbomb at 5:41 PM on October 3

Hm, I am thinking of horrible puns based on the fact that "mustache" sounds a little bit like "must ask." Like for a thank you card, you could put "I must-ache you this one question: How did you ever find such a perfect gift?"

Or how about "A card for you from my secret 'stache"?
posted by rebel_rebel at 5:46 PM on October 3

If it's a thank you card, "Don't touch my moustache" is a mnemonic for "thank you" in Japanese.
posted by stavrogin at 6:02 PM on October 3 [1 favorite]

For a going away card:

Your absence will be like this mustache. Felt.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 6:05 PM on October 3 [13 favorites]

oops, it's "you're welcome", not "thank you".
posted by stavrogin at 6:08 PM on October 3

(Wilford Brimley is still alive, BTW)


Something to cover your face while I'm not around.

Not quite handlebars, but still, hold on tight.

Contact Alex Trebek, tell him we found it.

Are you accusing me of giving you some lip?

More than just lip service...

(with a Selleck 'stache) Ah, the 80s. I have fuzzy memories of them.

(with a small, square 'stache) NOT HITLER. Chaplin. Or that Sparks guy.
posted by wendell at 6:13 PM on October 3

It's NICE!
posted by acro at 6:19 PM on October 3

If you have to be a grouch, be a Groucho.

Tell Geraldo we found it! (Not the vault, the 'stache!)

As the Carpenter said to the Walrus, nice mustache!

This is all the Fuzzy I need (or will allow)

Contents: One Magnum (P.I.)
posted by wendell at 6:23 PM on October 3

" I KISS YOU!"
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 6:24 PM on October 3

You must dash? Here.
posted by wendell at 6:25 PM on October 3

Mustache-ulations!
posted by CrayDrygu at 6:32 PM on October 3 [1 favorite]

For your birthday, I baked you cake, and now you can save the icing for later.
posted by BrotherCaine at 6:40 PM on October 3 [2 favorites]

Happy Birthday!
With the help of this mustache, you will look old enough to buy alcohol!

[P.S. You can thank me with beer]
posted by -harlequin- at 6:49 PM on October 3 [2 favorites]

A kiss without a mustache is like an egg without salt.
posted by peacheater at 7:48 PM on October 3

"It's a mustache. What else were you thinking? Happy Birthday you pervert."
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:21 PM on October 3

I want to give you a big kiss-- ouch! Why is this card so sticky?
posted by jamjam at 9:33 PM on October 3

You should add another swatch of felt to the inside of the card. Something completely random and irrelevant, like a giraffe or a lamp. They will ponder for days, and then will absolutely have to ask you about the joke they're not getting.
posted by iamkimiam at 11:06 PM on October 3

It's almost November, which means you can send out Happy Movember cards!
posted by mjao at 11:24 PM on October 3

Does this moustache tickle girls when I kiss them? -only slightly... only slightly.
posted by GleepGlop at 5:42 AM on October 4

Cut out eye, nose and mouth holes - now it's not just a card, it's a weird mask!
posted by Shebear at 6:38 AM on October 4

DIABEETUS
posted by EarBucket at 8:24 AM on October 4 [2 favorites]

On a related note: Andy Daly's Mustache TV game.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 9:03 AM on October 4

Free Irony Kit
posted by chococat at 10:12 AM on October 4

Sometimes you have to wade through the heavy brush to get to the good picnics.
posted by middleclasstool at 11:23 AM on October 4