Bachelor Party 101

September 19, 2008 9:50 AM

Bachelor Party Etiquette

So tonight is my cousin's bachelor party. I am one of 5 total groomsmen (not the best man) and am not really sure what the etiquette is regarding the party and costs.

The details I have:
1. It is at a friends house who I don't know (not an attendant) and the groom knows nothing about the plans (just to meet at x place and time).
2. The best man (whom I don't know really at all) is organizing everything and has purchased a keg/liquor and I believe even hired a stripper or strippers.
3. There will probably be around 10 guys at the party. The groom, 5 attendants, and a handful of other friends.

The big question is what should I pitch in to help pay for the party? I'd estimate the costs to be at least $400 for the best man and I'm probably the only other person besides the best man that really could afford to pitch anything in.

Always looking for great ideas to improve the experience as well! Thanks in advance.

posted by Octoparrot to human relations (10 comments total)

At all the house bachelor parties I've been to, pretty much everybody but the groom pays for everything. Split the cost of the keg 9 ways, and the cost of the entertainment 9 ways, and it's pretty reasonably for everyone. Even if you can't have everybody there split everything evenly, it's not unreasonable to ask for $5 or $10 from everybody - the goal, though, is to have the groom pay for nothing.
posted by pdb at 10:02 AM on September 19, 2008

I second pdb. Its not whether you're the only other person that "really could afford to pitch anything".

The first priority should be: groom doesn't pay.
Second priority should be:everyone pays equally.

I mean sure some people claim they can't be...but they really won't be limiting their fun or their drinks at a bachelor party. If there's 10 people there, and the cost is $400 (good deal)...$40 per person isn't bad at all. Even when I was dirt poor in college and washing dishes to get by, I would pay $40 for a bachelor party of a close friend.

Good luck.
posted by hal_c_on at 10:06 AM on September 19, 2008

$400 sounds like a stellar deal if it involves plenty of drinks AND female entertainment. Don't forget - you should always make sure the entertainer gets a tip.

Talk to the best man. If you can approach him discreetly and ask what his plans were, would he like everyone to chip in - can you help him with the expenses, etc. He may gaff you off and say that he was prepared to cover it all himself, he may ask for equal contributions from the party-goes, he might ignore it entirely so as not to sour the mood with asking people for money.

Always make the attempt, I say. It never hurts to offer to cover your own way. Even if it's not til tomorrow morning and you buy him his hangover-recovery breakfast and slide him a $50 to help with the expenses.
posted by brandoniain at 10:13 AM on September 19, 2008

Discuss it with the Best Man. It's his call.
posted by philip-random at 10:16 AM on September 19, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

The phrase "Bachelor Party Etiquette" makes me laugh sort of like "giant shrimp".

philip-random's answer is spot on.
posted by Carbolic at 10:24 AM on September 19, 2008

Take about $200 with you. Make sure you leave with at most half of that.
posted by oddman at 10:34 AM on September 19, 2008

Unless the best man is made of money, I would offer to help him out. Having been a best man in a wedding previously, I can tell you from experience that if you do it right, the amount of time, money, and effort you put into the job is quite substantial, and being offered some help for anything financially or otherwise would have been awesome.
posted by fusinski at 10:56 AM on September 19, 2008

Yeah, you should talk to the best man, but typically the expenses should be divided between everybody minus the groom. In fact the groom should never know how much anything cost.
posted by ob at 11:28 AM on September 19, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Every bachelor party I have ever been to (save my own) involved splitting the costs with the fellow attendees. You should certainly approach the best man about this ahead of time. Much better to get this sorted out now then to have a disagreement while you are trying to show your friend a good time.
posted by mmascolino at 11:33 AM on September 19, 2008

Thanks for all the great information. The party was a huge hit and I think everyone left happy. I ended up dropping about $100 at the party and another $120 on kegs for the actual wedding party today.
posted by Octoparrot at 11:08 PM on September 20, 2008