Where does the phrase "losing your virginity" come from?

September 2, 2008 11:46 PM

Where does the phrase "losing your virginity" come from?

I'm in need of some etymological detective work here, if you're willing. What's the origin of the phrase/idiom, "losing your virginity"? Why is virginity lost, rather than given, or broken (like silence)? Personal theories are interesting and all, but I'm looking for historical fact here, if possible. Thanks!

posted by rzperllian to writing & language (13 comments total)

The OED has a citation from 1485:

CAXTON St. Wenefr. 9 She chase leuer the smytynge of of her hede than to lose her vyrgynyte.

(That's something like "She ?chose? ??? the smiting off of her head than to lose her virginity.") The full text of Caxton's life of Saint Winifred is online here.

As for why virginity is "lost", I'm not sure you're going to be able to find "historical fact". Idioms are a part of language, and languages generally grow rather than being designed. There's no document you'll find in which, one day, the Arbiter of English declared, "Fromme nowwe onne, wee shalle sayye loss't herre vyrgynytye." Virginity is "lost" because that's how people say it. And English has (or used to have) other idioms meaning the same thing; the OED also includes citations for:

"robbe the virginite Of a yong innocent aweie"
"virginite rauysht by treson"
"spoiled me of my virginite"
"made defeat of her virginitie"
"take away her Virginity"

posted by The Tensor at 12:54 AM on September 3, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Why is virginity lost, rather than given, or broken?

In Shakespeare, virginity is not only lost, but also defeated, cracked, assailed, blown down, and devoured; it murders and consumes itself, "and so dies with feeding his own stomach." (Most of these images are courtesy of the cowardly braggart Parolles in All's Well That Ends Well which is why so many revolve around conflict, crime, and consumption.)

But Shakespeare also allows for the loss of virginity:

It is not politic in the commonwealth of nature to preserve virginity. Loss of virginity is rational increase and there was never virgin got till virginity was first lost. That you were made of is metal to make virgins. Virginity by being once lost may be ten times found; by being ever kept, it is ever lost: 'tis too cold a companion; away with 't!
(Parolles, All's Well that Ends Well)

Of course, I'm not suggesting that Shakespeare himself dreamed up "lost virginity;" his intricate puns suggest instead that he expected his audiences to be immediately familiar with the figure. The exact formulation of the modern English phrase must come have somewhere between his day (1600 or so) and 1300, when the word "virginity" first appears in records.
posted by Iridic at 1:06 AM on September 3, 2008 [5 favorites has favorites]

Well, virginity is a "quality" one is born with. Such personal qualities are generally considered "lost" when they disappear. One loses one's innocence, one loses one's naivety, one loses one's youth, one loses one's child-like idealism. That's simply the nature of those sorts of qualities. They're "lost" because, for the most part, once they go, they're gone forever.

To "give" carries within it the idea that something can be given back, and qualities aren't usually "broken." I've heard people say in English that they "gave" their virginity to so-and-so, so clearly these and other phrases are used. But many other languages use this same "lose" term. Essentially, the verb "lose" is the most logical verb. I can't swear to it, but I believe that the first time I used this phrase, I just inherently assumed "lose" was the "right" verb without actually knowing that for a fact. (I'm not a native English speaker.) It's anecdotal evidence, obviously, but to me it would suggest that there's not much "idiom" to this idiom; it's just the expected choice.

In other words, there may not be a really solid etymological explanation for this phrase - it simply fits a long-established way of referencing such things.
posted by Dee Xtrovert at 1:21 AM on September 3, 2008 [5 favorites has favorites]

In Shakespeare, virginity is not only lost, but also defeated, cracked, assailed, blown down, and devoured.

Wow those Elizabethans had great sex.

I think Dee-X has it: it's "lost" because it's a quality that can't be regained, like innocence. For more colorful notions, there's "deflowered", which is sort of like broken, in a prettier way.
posted by rokusan at 3:54 AM on September 3, 2008

To add to Dee X's comment, the idea of a virginal "loss" is a religious allusion to the Biblical story of the Fall in which Adam and Eve are expelled from Eden by God, in the book of Genesis. In the story, humans lose paradise but gain wisdom along with pain and labour. I expect this would be an allusion that would cross languages.
This is quite a different meaning to virginal "giving", a phrase that sounds new foreign to me. I'm a native English-speaking Australian.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:02 AM on September 3, 2008

Along the lines of Flasco de Gama's comment, does the idiom apply in non-Judeo-Christian cultures?
posted by kimota at 5:00 AM on September 3, 2008

We "lose" virginity rather than "receiving" sexuality (? what would the obverse be?) because our sick society considers virginity to be clean, pure, and desirable, and sexual knowledge (especially in women) to be dirty and suspect.
posted by nax at 7:26 AM on September 3, 2008

Dee has it.
posted by languagehat at 7:45 AM on September 3, 2008

We "lose" virginity rather than "receiving" sexuality (? what would the obverse be?) because our sick society considers virginity to be clean, pure, and desirable, and sexual knowledge (especially in women) to be dirty and suspect.

Oh come on, you're really stretching it there. You "gain" sexuality whether or not you choose to remain a virgin. Once you start having sex, the only thing you gain that you didn't have before is experience, which makes for an awkward idiom.
posted by mkultra at 8:08 AM on September 3, 2008

Nax: We "lose" virginity rather than "receiving" sexuality (? what would the obverse be?) because our sick society considers virginity to be clean, pure, and desirable, and sexual knowledge (especially in women) to be dirty and suspect.

MK: Oh come on, you're really stretching it there. You "gain" sexuality whether or not you choose to remain a virgin. Once you start having sex, the only thing you gain that you didn't have before is experience, which makes for an awkward idiom.

Nax is onto something. The issue is that we have idioms only for commenting on specific important cultural concepts. The existence of the idiom "to lose one's virginity" is a result of the religious or ancient cultural belief that virginity is of special importance and should not be lost. It's a concept that people focus upon.

At my son's puberty, would I say "Ah! My son has lost his armpit-hairlessness!"? If I did, it would not be heard as an idiom, but rather as a somewhat strange clinical observation. Pre-pubescent hairlessness is basically meaningless to us. We have no idiom about that. YMMV about the hair issue, but you see what I'm getting at and you may have a better example.

And seconding Nax's rant, the ancient emphasis on virginity continues to cause horrors in the present day, such as girls being stoned to death and subjected to physical mutilation in our more backward societies.
posted by JimN2TAW at 9:56 AM on September 3, 2008

To deal with the second part of your question, the phrase "virgo intacta" is used in classical literature to communicate that a woman's hymen is unbroken. So the breaking of the hymen (which most often happens during sexual intercourse) is the point at which female virginity is "lost." This is a physical integrity that cannot be regained.
posted by Susurration at 11:38 AM on September 3, 2008

If you're a fan of trivia about and history about all things Virgin (in the western world, anyhow), my sweetie wrote a book about the history of virginity in the western world.

It's called Virgin: The Untouched History. I know she talks about etymology along with as much of everything else as she could cram into the book (the original manuscript was much longer than the published form), and you may find it very relevant and interesting.

I don't want to go on too long about it, but if you have any questions about it, I'm happy to take them in MeFi mail.
posted by kalessin at 12:10 PM on September 3, 2008

a woman's hymen is unbroken.... This is a physical integrity that cannot be regained.

On the contrary, it can be restored by surgery. The procedure is called
hymenorrhaphy and is performed in cultures where an intact hymen is an important asset on the wedding night, as "proof" of virginity.
posted by exphysicist345 at 11:00 PM on September 5, 2008