What's best for me vs. what's best for my dog: move her to NYC with me?
May 20, 2008 7:59 PM Subscribe
I'm moving to New York from DC, and I'm trying to decide if I should take my dog with me. I've had her for just over 6 years (she's 8 now), and she's been through another big move (from Michigan to DC). I'm concerned about what's best for my dog - particularly in light of changes to my routine or lifestyle that may result from the move.
Here are more details about some of her past transitions. When I moved from Michigan to DC, she was going from a group house with two cats to a 1 bedroom apartment with just me. 9 months later my ex-girlfriend and I moved in together into a new apartment, and 9 months after that we split up and my ex moved out. Last January I moved into a house in which I live with my current landlord, who owns a dog as well. The two dogs get along pretty well, and I know for a fact that my landlord really likes her a lot. In fact, my landlord has indicated (making me feel a bit awkward in the process) that he'd be willing to take her if it would be easier on me.
I guess I'm also a little concerned for myself - I'm already beginning to freak out the transitions on me, and the possibility of not having my dog is obviously a bit heartbreaking. I do want what's best for her, but I honestly feel a bit paralyzed about this.
Here are more details about some of her past transitions. When I moved from Michigan to DC, she was going from a group house with two cats to a 1 bedroom apartment with just me. 9 months later my ex-girlfriend and I moved in together into a new apartment, and 9 months after that we split up and my ex moved out. Last January I moved into a house in which I live with my current landlord, who owns a dog as well. The two dogs get along pretty well, and I know for a fact that my landlord really likes her a lot. In fact, my landlord has indicated (making me feel a bit awkward in the process) that he'd be willing to take her if it would be easier on me.
I guess I'm also a little concerned for myself - I'm already beginning to freak out the transitions on me, and the possibility of not having my dog is obviously a bit heartbreaking. I do want what's best for her, but I honestly feel a bit paralyzed about this.
I moved to NYC with my dog and have never regretted it for a second—it would suck to move here as a dog person and leave your dog behind because you'll see dogs on the street all the time everywhere. Bring her along! There's no better way to really get to know your neighborhood and make friends with your neighbors than to have a dog. If your schedule has you out of the house during the day, just get a dogwalker to come in the afternoon; if your dog enjoys being in a pack, you can ask that she be walked with the same group of dogs or be brought to a dog run at the same time every day.
posted by lia at 8:18 PM on May 20, 2008
posted by lia at 8:18 PM on May 20, 2008
Bring your dog. Everybody and their brother has a dog here. There are dozens of great dog walking services to care for your dog while you're at work. There are dozens of doggy day care centers. There are neighbors who will pop in and feed her if you need a little help now and then. There are garden apartments in Brooklyn and Queens where she can sit and smell the azalea bushes. There are huge parks. There are miles and miles of sidewalks with fire hydrants. Please. Bring your dog. We'd love to have her. Trust me - New York is dog friendly. All you need to do is make your dog a priority and you will find the support services you need here to keep her.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 8:21 PM on May 20, 2008
posted by TryTheTilapia at 8:21 PM on May 20, 2008
You don't say how your dog handled all the past transitions. Did she settle in a few weeks or did he hide under the bed for three months?
It sounds like she is used to apartment living - based on past experience do you thinks she would be happy living in a New York apartment? (How did she do with your 1 bedroom with just you or just you and gf ?) Will you be home to walk and play with her as much as she is used to?
posted by metahawk at 8:21 PM on May 20, 2008
It sounds like she is used to apartment living - based on past experience do you thinks she would be happy living in a New York apartment? (How did she do with your 1 bedroom with just you or just you and gf ?) Will you be home to walk and play with her as much as she is used to?
posted by metahawk at 8:21 PM on May 20, 2008
Dogs aren't there for convenience, your whims, your good humors, or as part time companions. You are as much hers as she is yours. Take her, because it's the only thing TO do.
Through all your transitions, all your partners come and gone, apartments and turning over of stones looking for gold---she's been there for you, tail wagging when you come through the door. Now you're considering leaving her. Think about that.
posted by TomMelee at 8:32 PM on May 20, 2008 [14 favorites]
Through all your transitions, all your partners come and gone, apartments and turning over of stones looking for gold---she's been there for you, tail wagging when you come through the door. Now you're considering leaving her. Think about that.
posted by TomMelee at 8:32 PM on May 20, 2008 [14 favorites]
Remember that you are her family. How would you feel if your Mom and Dad had left you with a cousin at the age of 6? When we adopted a dog (only a young one - barely 18 months old) it took him a year and a half before he stopped dashing over to every pair of fair-haired kids we saw, thinking it was his family. It was heartbreaking - he was so depressed at being abandoned. Not every dog takes so long to adjust, but an 8-year old will have a harder time adjusting than a young dog.
You also need to make arrangements for what will happen if your landlord decides he doesn't want to keep your dog. An 8-year-old is highly unlikely to get adopted from a pound (I know, I help out with an animal rescue organization). Will you make arrangements to take her back? Could you live with yourself if she was euthanized after a few months because she was a nuisance to her new owner?
I know this is difficult, but think about how she will feel and contrast that to her likelihood of settling into a small apartment. Will she bark a lot if she hears people on the stairs? That could make life very difficult for her as well as you. Renting with a dog in a big city is hard - but not impossible if you are able to afford an additional deposit. My previous dog traveled over 4000 miles with me, lived in 5 different places and never seemed at least put out by the moves -- he settled in just fine after the first couple of days in each place and seemed happy that he was still with me. If you do decide to take her with you, make a fuss of her and spend extra time with her when you first move.
posted by Susurration at 8:37 PM on May 20, 2008
You also need to make arrangements for what will happen if your landlord decides he doesn't want to keep your dog. An 8-year-old is highly unlikely to get adopted from a pound (I know, I help out with an animal rescue organization). Will you make arrangements to take her back? Could you live with yourself if she was euthanized after a few months because she was a nuisance to her new owner?
I know this is difficult, but think about how she will feel and contrast that to her likelihood of settling into a small apartment. Will she bark a lot if she hears people on the stairs? That could make life very difficult for her as well as you. Renting with a dog in a big city is hard - but not impossible if you are able to afford an additional deposit. My previous dog traveled over 4000 miles with me, lived in 5 different places and never seemed at least put out by the moves -- he settled in just fine after the first couple of days in each place and seemed happy that he was still with me. If you do decide to take her with you, make a fuss of her and spend extra time with her when you first move.
posted by Susurration at 8:37 PM on May 20, 2008
Just wanted to add that TomMelee said it so much better than I could. You're her world. She has always been there for you. She's not a toy, but an animal with a rich emotional life. That means that it will hurt -- a lot -- if you abandon her.
posted by Susurration at 8:41 PM on May 20, 2008
posted by Susurration at 8:41 PM on May 20, 2008
Nthing everyone else's advice. Your dog is already used to one-bedrooms and you won't have trouble finding a place to live, places to walk her, or places to let her play. (Many parks in NYC have dog runs.) There's no reason not to bring her.
posted by greenland at 8:43 PM on May 20, 2008
posted by greenland at 8:43 PM on May 20, 2008
As others have already stated, your only option would be to take her with you. She's had you for 6 years now. You're stuck with her for life.
posted by Sufi at 9:07 PM on May 20, 2008
posted by Sufi at 9:07 PM on May 20, 2008
Response by poster: @TomMelee: This idea was put in my head by other people, namely my mother - she believes there's a good chance that I'll be away from home for longer stretches of time because "everything takes longer in New York." I emphasize that this is not something I felt good about doing. I do worry about my dog being lonely.
@metahawk: She tends to deal with it pretty well, but she does have some separation anxiety issues if I end up being gone for long stretches of time. She's also been known to pee in the house, but it's hard to tell if that is related to the separation anxiety or just that she has a full bladder. She hasn't had that problem since I've moved into this place with my landlord - he's retired and he's often at home for long stretches of time. He often walks her at least once when I'm at work because he has to take his dog out anyway. The main question is I don't know if I'll be as home as much - I'll still be keeping a 9-5 job after I move, but I honestly can't say whether I'll be at home less.
@Susurration: I've considered the potential of my landlord getting rid of her down the line - I had considered a conditional arrangement if I'd followed through with it. She doesn't bark much, though, so I'm not worried about that.
posted by anarchivist at 9:21 PM on May 20, 2008
@metahawk: She tends to deal with it pretty well, but she does have some separation anxiety issues if I end up being gone for long stretches of time. She's also been known to pee in the house, but it's hard to tell if that is related to the separation anxiety or just that she has a full bladder. She hasn't had that problem since I've moved into this place with my landlord - he's retired and he's often at home for long stretches of time. He often walks her at least once when I'm at work because he has to take his dog out anyway. The main question is I don't know if I'll be as home as much - I'll still be keeping a 9-5 job after I move, but I honestly can't say whether I'll be at home less.
@Susurration: I've considered the potential of my landlord getting rid of her down the line - I had considered a conditional arrangement if I'd followed through with it. She doesn't bark much, though, so I'm not worried about that.
posted by anarchivist at 9:21 PM on May 20, 2008
As hard as housing can be in New York, finding pet-friendly housing can be even more difficult. However, I'd still say it's DEFINITELY worth it to bring your dog with you. When I dog-sat (long-term) in New York, it honestly felt like a better place to live -- people will chat with you, you will get to know your community on your walks. And of course you'll have a dog and all the awesomeness that comes along with dog-ownership, which you already enjoy.
You'll be able to find dog walkers easily, if you're worried about your dog not having access a yard. You could also try looking at apartments outside of Manhattan to increase your dog-friendly-housing odds.
At 8 years old, I think you leaving her would be more traumatic than the move, too. I say try it, and if she/you are REALLY unhappy after six months, then maybe think of giving her to someone else. But absolutely give her a chance to be a city dog before you make that decision!
posted by NikitaNikita at 9:26 PM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
You'll be able to find dog walkers easily, if you're worried about your dog not having access a yard. You could also try looking at apartments outside of Manhattan to increase your dog-friendly-housing odds.
At 8 years old, I think you leaving her would be more traumatic than the move, too. I say try it, and if she/you are REALLY unhappy after six months, then maybe think of giving her to someone else. But absolutely give her a chance to be a city dog before you make that decision!
posted by NikitaNikita at 9:26 PM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
After reading your follow-up: Definitely look into getting a dog walker, then, if she's used to a mid-day walk. Hopefully your financial situation is such that this wont be too much of a problem? But, your situation is not an uncommon one in the city, therefore you should have a good amount of potential walkers choose from.
Also, I feel much safer having a dog with me, so that might be another bonus worth mentioning, if you are at all concerned.
posted by NikitaNikita at 9:33 PM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
Also, I feel much safer having a dog with me, so that might be another bonus worth mentioning, if you are at all concerned.
posted by NikitaNikita at 9:33 PM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
she believes there's a good chance that I'll be away from home for longer stretches of time because "everything takes longer in New York."
I grew up in New Orleans, lived for years in Chicago and now call Brooklyn home. No, everything does not take longer in New York, with the notable exception of getting landline telephone service installed in your home and possibly dealing with any small interruption of your TimeWarner cable, which does, indeed, suck, but that can be resolved with a little patience. Other than that....no. Not really. I've waited longer for po-boys than it takes to get from Union Square from my apartment across the East River. It depends on where you choose to live.
It's funny to me. People have this anxiety about New York. Either you take to it here or you don't, but think of it this way...New York can be a really lonely place. It can be big and overwhelming and seem really harsh and expensive. Wouldn't you rather have your dog to come home to, and be there to come home to your dog? Come on - every parent freaks when they hear their kid is going off to New York. They think we're all going to end up in impoverished and starving and out of our minds. That's not the way it is. If you have a job that will pay you enough money to have someone come in and walk your dog during the day, and you make taking her for a walk in the morning and playing with her at night a priority, you are going to be just fine. Hell, I've waited longer for the Green Line to Anacostia than I've ever waited for the R, and the R is sloooooow. Please. Don't stress. Make up your mind to bring your dog with you and just bring her a'ready.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 9:34 PM on May 20, 2008 [2 favorites]
I grew up in New Orleans, lived for years in Chicago and now call Brooklyn home. No, everything does not take longer in New York, with the notable exception of getting landline telephone service installed in your home and possibly dealing with any small interruption of your TimeWarner cable, which does, indeed, suck, but that can be resolved with a little patience. Other than that....no. Not really. I've waited longer for po-boys than it takes to get from Union Square from my apartment across the East River. It depends on where you choose to live.
It's funny to me. People have this anxiety about New York. Either you take to it here or you don't, but think of it this way...New York can be a really lonely place. It can be big and overwhelming and seem really harsh and expensive. Wouldn't you rather have your dog to come home to, and be there to come home to your dog? Come on - every parent freaks when they hear their kid is going off to New York. They think we're all going to end up in impoverished and starving and out of our minds. That's not the way it is. If you have a job that will pay you enough money to have someone come in and walk your dog during the day, and you make taking her for a walk in the morning and playing with her at night a priority, you are going to be just fine. Hell, I've waited longer for the Green Line to Anacostia than I've ever waited for the R, and the R is sloooooow. Please. Don't stress. Make up your mind to bring your dog with you and just bring her a'ready.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 9:34 PM on May 20, 2008 [2 favorites]
I'll be away from home for longer stretches of time because "everything takes longer in New York."
Dogs can't actually tell time. If you're accustomed to leaving her at home for, say, N hours, and then suddenly you have to be away for N+3 hours, you shouldn't picture her standing there tapping her paw on the floor for 3 hours saying "why has he forsaken me?" You just have to make sure she gets plenty of exercise and affection during the times you are at home, and if you're gone for so long that she'll be really hungry or bathroom-needy, get a neighbor or hire a walker to assist.
Look, you're nervous about moving to NYC, which is understandable. But here's something to consider. You'll make more friends within three weeks by having a dog, without even trying, than you will in a year without a dog. So if part of what you're nervous about is not knowing many people in your new city, definitely bring the dog!
posted by staggernation at 9:45 PM on May 20, 2008
Dogs can't actually tell time. If you're accustomed to leaving her at home for, say, N hours, and then suddenly you have to be away for N+3 hours, you shouldn't picture her standing there tapping her paw on the floor for 3 hours saying "why has he forsaken me?" You just have to make sure she gets plenty of exercise and affection during the times you are at home, and if you're gone for so long that she'll be really hungry or bathroom-needy, get a neighbor or hire a walker to assist.
Look, you're nervous about moving to NYC, which is understandable. But here's something to consider. You'll make more friends within three weeks by having a dog, without even trying, than you will in a year without a dog. So if part of what you're nervous about is not knowing many people in your new city, definitely bring the dog!
posted by staggernation at 9:45 PM on May 20, 2008
You are that dogs family! Of course you need to bring her with you!
posted by thebrokenmuse at 9:57 PM on May 20, 2008
posted by thebrokenmuse at 9:57 PM on May 20, 2008
You gotta bring her. She won't care about the circumstances so long as she knows you'll be coming home to her. Dogs need their people. It would be shameful to abandon her after 6 years.
posted by wherever, whatever at 11:29 PM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by wherever, whatever at 11:29 PM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks to the hive - you've sold me! I'm definitely taking her.
posted by anarchivist at 4:47 AM on May 21, 2008 [3 favorites]
posted by anarchivist at 4:47 AM on May 21, 2008 [3 favorites]
You've made your decision (and the right one, I think), but I'd like to add that I moved, with my elderly, crotchety, can't be trusted around children, arthritic and beloved chow cross to a new city (not NYC) about a year ago. He's gone from a snappish (at every but me), slow moving dog to a friendly, kid-loving (even toddlers), long walk loving happy pup. I've also met lots of people because of him.
We're both happier than before the move.
posted by QIbHom at 12:49 PM on May 21, 2008
We're both happier than before the move.
posted by QIbHom at 12:49 PM on May 21, 2008
I'm so glad you're taking the dog. It's nice to note that even when the HiveMind wags its fingers over city-folk buying dogs, they're at least sensible enough to encourage current dog owners to keep their pets.
posted by zoomorphic at 1:05 PM on May 21, 2008
posted by zoomorphic at 1:05 PM on May 21, 2008
Not to mention that dogs in cities are definitely a magnet for members of the opposite sex! You'll get to know everyone in your neighborhood, no-one will ever consider you a threat, and you'll find your way around a new neighborhood in days. You'll be much healthier than you otherwise would be in a big city and you'll be so less stressed than the average NYC resident. staggernation is right that dogs can't tell time -- how long she can be left alone happily totally depends on her bladder control ... plus you'll have company in a city that can be very alienating to newcomers ... :-)
posted by Susurration at 1:31 PM on May 21, 2008
posted by Susurration at 1:31 PM on May 21, 2008
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