peas in a pod
May 14, 2008 9:04 AM   Subscribe

I'm riding with a stranger for 10 hours in a small car. What are some ways I can make the ride go easier, be more fun and enjoyable for both parties?

I've arranged on craigslist for a ride down I-5 from Oregon to the Bay Area. The driver is a married woman, presumably in her thirties. I'm male, heading down there for the weekend to do some business.

There's the potential for it to feel a little awkward, being in a pod with a stranger for 10 hours, maybe 20 if we do the return trip together. How can I lighten it up so things go well?

I know I can pretty much eliminate such tactics as shooting Silly String all over the car, or showing off my appendectomy scar (just a joke...I don't have such a thing).

I know I could bring a book, some snacks, my iPod and disappear mostly since I don't have to drive. I'm also considering taking some Benadryl and conking out as much as possible.

On the other hand, I'm considering bringing a list of jokes just to create some laughter. I've been thinking of trying to spend the trip conversing and learning about this person, creating some personal interaction so you come away feeling like you've really learned something new.

I guess it all depends on the other person as well. For all I know, they may want to 'just drive' and want me to 'just be quiet'.

So, if you've been in this situation, how did you behave and what ways might I create this to be a fun interaction if that's an option on the menu.
posted by diode to Travel & Transportation (28 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
Don't bring jokes. Or drugs. Think how weird that would be for the person. "Then this weirdo popped some pills and went to sleep! He drooled all over the door!"

Make small talk. That may open it up to some legitimately interesting conversation. If the small talk doesn't go anywhere you can always converse about driving, etc. Bringing books and an ipod is completely appropriate.
posted by wfrgms at 9:09 AM on May 14, 2008


I guess it all depends on the other person as well. For all I know, they may want to 'just drive' and want me to 'just be quiet'.

Exactly. You'd make some people crazy by talking the whole time; you'd make other people crazy by sleeping the whole time. You need to ask your driver what she'd prefer.
posted by Dec One at 9:11 AM on May 14, 2008


Don't bring a list of jokes unless your travelling companion is eight years old. Seriously. I once spent no more than 20 minutes in an auto dealership shuttle with some guy who thought it was his duty to "amuse" us all with corny jokes the whole time. I gave serious thought to sliding open the van door, and hoping to god I could tuck and roll to safety. And that was 20 minutes in.

Seriously.
posted by joelhunt at 9:14 AM on May 14, 2008


If I were the driver, I would want you to stay awake to make sure I stayed awake. So you might not do the Benadryl thing.
posted by nat at 9:14 AM on May 14, 2008


Maybe bring an audio book that you can both listen to together? I'd look for something non-fiction that fits into the "general interest" category, and since you don't know her at all, I would stay away from anything political or highly controversial. You can email her to find out about the audio set-up in her car (CD player? iPod hookup?) and that will also give you a chance to suss out a little more information about her driving preferences.

If you want to earn brownie points right from the get-go, consider bringing some actual homemade brownies for the two of you to share. No joke list.
posted by Mender at 9:25 AM on May 14, 2008 [2 favorites]


Seconding brownies or other road snacks.

Offer to pay generously for your share of the gas or any road snacks you buy.

I like the idea of being ready with a range of music and/or audio books - but in my car, the rule is "Driver's Choice," so be aware that she may not want someone to DJ for her.

I wouldn't go in thinking you need to be Mr. Entertainer. Just natural conversation, finding out about one another, and so on should be fine. That's a long drive, and there are bound to periods of quieter time anyway. They don't have to feel awkward.

If you do feel awkward, it would be good to have some worky-looking stuff prepared you can pull out - so you can say "If you don't mind, I have some reviewing to do to prepare for this meeting, so I'll probably be kind of quiet for a while."
posted by Miko at 9:37 AM on May 14, 2008


You say you don't have to drive. The driver may prefer it that way, but offering to drive would be nice either way.

nthing the no joke list.
seconding brownies. All that fat and sugar coursing through your veins is transcendental.
posted by munchingzombie at 9:39 AM on May 14, 2008


Can you communicate with her prior to the trip? I'd probably ask her what she prefers. Maybe even ask her if she has any music or audio book preferences, so that if you have any of them on hand you can bring them with you. Pool resources, in other words. And if she indicated she likes silence, then you can prepare for that too.
posted by DrGirlfriend at 9:41 AM on May 14, 2008


Just stay awake. Bring a book, maybe a mix CD. Maybe not the mix CD. Talk if she seems talkative, otherwise just try and be helpful. Maybe tell some stories about where you're going. More than anything, you're just going to have to play it by ear. Your best option is just to pack an "entertainment" kit in case she turns out to be a snooze- A book, a Nintendo DS, whatever.
posted by GilloD at 9:43 AM on May 14, 2008


I have never failed by having a variety of audio books available. Bill Bryson books are great, and for those not easily offended, David Sedaris. Go see audible.com for a slew of choices.

No jokes, no music. I get annoyed when people share their music with me, tho I might be in the minority. I know what music I like to drive to! I do like the idea of snacks to share.
posted by houseofdanie at 9:54 AM on May 14, 2008


Focus on asking about her not talking about yourself. You can direct the conversation toward what might interest you and if she doesn't want to talk it will be clear to you early on. I have spent 8 hour shifts driving with all sorts over the last 15 years and it always amazed me how ready people were to talk about themselves and even more amazing, how almost everyone was interesting if you ask about what interests you.
posted by InkaLomax at 10:07 AM on May 14, 2008


If you're the type who has trouble with small talk, you might want to make a mental list of conversation topics ahead of time. Personally I can find it hard to think of those things on the fly, especially if we're mired in an uncomfortable silence, especially if I've been trying to keep up the small talk for 10 hours. On the other hand, if you keep throwing out small-topic conversation starters and getting very little answer, that's probably her signal that she doesn't want to talk. Bring enough stuff to keep yourself entertained in case that happens.

I really like the idea of contacting her ahead of time with a casual question, so you can get a feel for her preferences. "I was wondering if I could pick up an audiobook or some snacks for our trip - do you have any requests?" might earn you some points and also some insight into her travel philosophy.
posted by vytae at 10:18 AM on May 14, 2008


no music. I get annoyed when people share their music with me, tho I might be in the minority. I know what music I like to drive to!

Because of thoughts like this, I'd suggest communicating with your driver. Nothing would drive me more insane than listening to an audio book in the car. I need music to drive to, particularly for long trips.
posted by jmd82 at 10:44 AM on May 14, 2008


I was the driver in an instance like this. We were driving from Houston to Florida. So I was in your place too at one point. Wondering just WHO in the hell I was going to be cooped up with. We exchanged a emails and I got a better feel of him before we met up. He was a jabber box which was just fine with me so I was off the hook on providing the entertainment. That was 3 years ago and we are still good friends.
I think it would be a great idea to ask if you can bring music or snacks just be prepared for her to want total silence and no food in the car. This is just me hypothesizing but if she is allowing a total stranger to ride with her in a situation like this she is probably not too up tight. But ya never know.
Personally I love jokes of all kinds and would love to hear a long list of them. I am very easily amused ;) Ask her! I think basically try and find out as much about her with out being creepy and go from there. DO stay awake. I get very sleepy with someone sleeping while I am driving even if I am fully rested! And if I don't know that someone I feel awkward. Sleeping is a rather intimate thing for me.
Something that kept us amused for long stretched was a book called Zobmondo.... it was just a fat little book that on each page listed 2 difficult,or disgusting, or painful, or horrible scenarios and you must pick which you would rather experience and why. That may be wayyyy overboard but makes for awesome discussion and also leads to many interesting side conversations.
Or i like to take a box of trivial pursuit cards and just ask the questions.

but all in all it depends on the likes and dislikes of this person! good luck!
posted by fogonlittlecatfeet at 10:45 AM on May 14, 2008


Make sure you are freshly showered and don't wear any cologne or perfume..
posted by jockc at 10:46 AM on May 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


Avoid politics and religion as topics for conversation.
posted by dmt at 10:57 AM on May 14, 2008


If you reckon you're likely to want to go to sleep at some point - or just in case your companion turns out to be a tireless Amway salesperson - I recommend earplugs. The soft foam type. Pick the girliest super-soft ultra-comfortable plugs your local pharmacy has to offer, even if those ones have a lower attenuation rating than the manly primary-coloured jackhammer-operator models.

Foam earplugs will work wonders against road noise, and if you turn out not to need them, they're still super-useful things to have in your travel-bag, or just to have in the bedside table at home for that time when you've got a cold and want to sleep all day but trucks keep driving past.
posted by dansdata at 10:58 AM on May 14, 2008


When I'm driving long distances I really appreciate having someone along who'll play games with me (to keep me alert). 20 questions, inky blinky, trigon, ABC memory, those kinds of things. Not charades or punchbuggy. I think there's an AskMe with a list of these somewhere.

Also, the Freakonomics audiobook is great. Nonfiction, not very controversial, really interesting, touches on an extremely wide variety of subjects. IIRC it's ~6 hrs. long.
posted by hjo3 at 11:07 AM on May 14, 2008


Yeah, you have to ask. I would likely veer towards a three-way split between music/conversation/silence under the same circumstances, but your driver's mileage (literally) will vary.
posted by scody at 11:10 AM on May 14, 2008


The movie game can be fun for long tips - pick two actors and connect them through costars.
posted by o0dano0o at 11:36 AM on May 14, 2008


I'd second not zonking out on benadryl - there's a real good chance you'll end up snoring, which could be a bit of a tooth-grinder for the driver. Also second the audio book. On a couple of long drives with someone I didn't have much small-talk potential with a mutually agreeable non-fiction book (I think we did Barbarians at the Gate) sort of gave the car a nice conversational vibe without requiring any effort. Driver controls the stereo, of course.
posted by nanojath at 12:21 PM on May 14, 2008


Getting an audio book sounds like a real commitment if you don't know her tastes, but Bill Bryson or David Sedaris, yes. Actually, if you load up your iPod with podcasts (This American Life, the Metafilter podcast, Fresh Air) and get a car radio transmitter for it, you'd have loads of choices for what to listen to and discuss without having to lock in to anything for very long. TAL is a great conversation-creating program, IMO.
posted by jeanmari at 1:06 PM on May 14, 2008


Response by poster: Okay, a lot of great suggestions. The joke list...well that's kind of a last resort. No way would I want to bore someone driving with a lame list of jokes. I'll check out the audiobooks. Request for snack preferences. See if any personal preferences by the driver, likes or dislikes. No cologne plus recent shower. Zobmondo sounds like it could be fun. Stay away from hot button topics that could get into heavy territory. Stay calm, breathe, have fun.
posted by diode at 1:50 PM on May 14, 2008


Bring some comedians on CD. Used to do this on long road trips and it made the miles fly by. There's a huge number to choose from.
posted by IronLizard at 3:06 PM on May 14, 2008


Here's a tip that I've actually used behind the bar to make small talk with people. Thumbing through a newspaper gives you many topics to talk about, just avoid anything relating to politics and religion. And if you get the vibe that the other person just doesn't want to talk, well you can just go back to reading the paper in silence. It's a win-win situation.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 3:29 PM on May 14, 2008


(if I were the driver, I would like the joke thing. But if I were the driver, I would also just call you and say "hey, I'm bringing my ipod, if you want to bring some music, too, feel free..... and how do you feel about NPR?")
posted by dpx.mfx at 4:20 PM on May 14, 2008


Nothing worse than spending 10 hours in a car with someone who is non-talkative (either asleep, reading, or listening to earphones).
posted by Vindaloo at 12:20 PM on May 16, 2008


Response by poster: Okay, the trip went great. I brought some snacks, Zobmondo book, and a positive attitude. We chatted all the way down the coast and when things got a little slow pulled out the book which got us the rest of the way. No worries, no problems.
posted by diode at 10:34 AM on May 21, 2008


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