Because everyone should be useful somehow.

February 26, 2008 6:04 AM

What are some humorous descriptions/job titles/uses for otherwise "useless" people during the zombie apocalypse, end of the world, WWIII, etc.?
posted by Skorgu to Human Relations (26 answers total)

Fresh meat on long boat trips?
posted by dirtdirt at 6:19 AM on February 26, 2008

Telephone Sanitizers (it's a Douglas Adams thing).
posted by bryanjbusch at 6:32 AM on February 26, 2008 [2 favorites]

Human chatfilter?
posted by KokuRyu at 6:37 AM on February 26, 2008

Zombie Chow? especially applicable in a situation like the ending of Shawn of the Dead.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 6:38 AM on February 26, 2008

Crunchy Bags of Water?
posted by Dizzy at 7:00 AM on February 26, 2008

Heh, Zombie Chow. (Full disclosure: that's my husband's website.)
posted by litlnemo at 7:06 AM on February 26, 2008

*fodder.
posted by sourwookie at 7:16 AM on February 26, 2008

Meat shield.
posted by craven_morhead at 7:17 AM on February 26, 2008

Ignorant Bystanders.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:17 AM on February 26, 2008

Chub fuddler
posted by otio at 7:18 AM on February 26, 2008

dirt clods with eyes.
posted by notsnot at 7:22 AM on February 26, 2008

Red Shirts.
posted by Happy Dave at 7:49 AM on February 26, 2008

Fast food.
posted by Ironmouth at 7:51 AM on February 26, 2008

Desk jockey
posted by swarkentien at 8:00 AM on February 26, 2008

Leisure specialist.
posted by swarkentien at 8:00 AM on February 26, 2008

Chum.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 8:00 AM on February 26, 2008

Accountants
posted by PenDevil at 8:02 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

Meat popsicle.
posted by malaprohibita at 8:18 AM on February 26, 2008

Rations, HREs: Humans Ready-to-Eat
posted by bkeene12 at 8:20 AM on February 26, 2008

Protein
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:01 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

Walking Organ Banks.
posted by logicpunk at 11:01 AM on February 26, 2008

If zombies happen to be our apocalyptic future then I think "Brains on the Half Shell" has some class to it when referencing somebody without any skills. Undertakers, morticians and grave diggers would be pretty useless since dead things would have a habit of coming back, though I imagine they'd eventually also be responsible for beheading the suspected dead to ensure they maintain their state of interment. Maybe "Sweeney Todd's" would be a good slang term.
posted by substrate at 11:32 AM on February 26, 2008

Bacon!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 11:56 AM on February 26, 2008

Vertical/ Mobile Sandbags
Target Practice
Ballast
Dead Weight
Chum

Personally, I like the one you already tagged: Bait.
posted by quin at 1:41 PM on February 26, 2008

Titles:

Extremely Forward Reconnaissance
Sniper/ Mine Detection Personnel (if they die, you've found one)
Canary First Class
posted by quin at 1:45 PM on February 26, 2008

Diversionary battalion
posted by Megafly at 2:21 PM on February 26, 2008