Help me be with my EU girl

September 2, 2007 7:12 AM

I'm American, my girlfriend's from the EU. We're both graduating soon. How can we be together?

Background:
My girlfriend's from Sweden. We met a year ago while studying in China for the summer. We parted at the end of summer(we're both in college), but stayed in touch online and managed to visit each other a couple times for about 1-2 weeks each. Things went well last year, and we were together again this summer(again in China) for three months.

We're both in our last year of undergrad now(she studies in the UK) and want to be together after school ends. However, we're not too sure how to go about doing this with immigration laws and so on. The ideal situation would be for us to both attend grad school, but she tells me her chances of getting into a US economics PhD program w/ funding are very slim, and she doesn't have the money to fund a master's. I don't know enough about econ grad programs to tell if she's just being (typically) pessimistic or if she really has no chances; she's at the top of her econ program at a well-regarded UK university, but says she lacks the math background US programs require.

As for me, I'll (hopefully) be attending a ~1 year master's program that will end up being very expensive, so I'll have enough trouble providing for myself as it is.

Assuming she can't get into grad school, what other options do we have for living together? I love her, but don't feel quite ready to get married - she's my first girlfriend, and the longest time I've actually been with her is just three months!

I know nothing about US immigration laws - would she be able to stay here for a year or more without us being married? Would she be allowed to work? Working is important - she'd be bored hanging around at home all day, and it'd be a pretty big gap on her resume as well. Not to mention helping us support ourselves...

Throwaway e-mail: [e-mail]

posted by anonymous to Law & Government (15 answers total)

J-1 trainee/internship visa for 18 months if she can get a sponsor. This was the visa I got to hang out further in New York with the guy who is now my husband. See if her university can give her leads for any appropriate employers in the US.

She'll have to prove she intends to go home again, but that was a formality in my experience.
posted by jamesonandwater at 7:24 AM on September 2, 2007

Have you considered getting your masters in the UK? I know people who have done it and said it was actually cheaper in the US, in my experience doing undergrad it was about the same as out of state/private tuition.
posted by whoaali at 7:25 AM on September 2, 2007

or have you considered a masters in the Netherlands. The University of Amsterdam (and most NL universities) have english language masters programmes.
posted by jannw at 7:38 AM on September 2, 2007

Graduate school in the UK is just as expensive as doing a masters in America. Plus living expenses and all that.

In Sweden, university is somewhat free apparently. You could probably get a job there while you were going to school. Plus, everyone speaks English and the hot dogs are excellent.

Best bet: help your girlfriend find a job that will sponsor a J-1 visa or a work visa then get her on a green card list (she may have to go back to Sweden to do the paperwork, you'll have to consult an immigration specialist about this).
posted by parmanparman at 7:40 AM on September 2, 2007

At least half of the masters level classes at the school of economics in stockholm are in english. Studying in Sweden would be an option for you.
posted by uandt at 8:23 AM on September 2, 2007

After college, my wife and I (both American) got six-month work visas for Ireland, using STA Travel. They have the scoop on working in a number of other countries, short-term, as well. Could be a good way for your and your girlfriend to spend some time living together (most of the programs were six months to a year, as I recall) without a lot of pressure, and maybe even checking out grad programs in the country of your choice. Good luck to you both.
posted by hwickline at 8:35 AM on September 2, 2007

As a foreign student studying in Sweden you do have the right to hold down a job while you study. Tuition is free so you stand to save a lot of money. I believe that the Schools of Economics in both Stockholm and Göteborg are fairly well-regarded internationally (I know they are in Sweden).
posted by bluebird at 8:46 AM on September 2, 2007

It looks like she can get a J1 through BUNAC or a similar student-exchange organization; they say that students finishing their college career are now eligible.

Alternatively, there is the fiancee visa route. With that, you don't have to get hitched until 90 days after she gets here. And I don't usually talk like this, but:

One way to look at this is that USCIS doesn't require or insist that you be committed to each other in a lifelong relationship of love and trust. What they require is that you have a marriage certificate and are a legitimate couple. You'll have the second one down, so all you need is the license. I don't really recommend getting a trial marriage, but it's there as a last resort.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:56 AM on September 2, 2007

Go to the UK for an MA. Although the dollar sucks right now, you can use your Stafford Loan to pay for your tuition and take out a private loan for your living expenses. It is only 1 year though.

What were her GRE scores? If she has nearly perfect GREs and good grades, she COULD get into an Econ PhD program in the U.S. as well.
posted by k8t at 9:32 AM on September 2, 2007

PS, like China? My alma mater, SOAS, has a number of Chinese-oriented MAs.
posted by k8t at 9:34 AM on September 2, 2007

Contra ROU: don't begin this by messing about with immigration law. Don't expect to come in on one visa and then switch easily to another, or overstay one visa and then easily re-up. No. I've had friends who had to leave the country with no chance of return for 3 years because of this kind of thing. Cleverness here can come back and bite you later if she wants to stay another year or whatever. Don't lie to immigration. Don't lie to immigration. Don't lie to immigration.

Go talk to your college/university's International Students Office, they will probably have some suggestions or they may know an immigration lawyer in your area.

If she can get a job that will sponsor her to come to the US, great. If you can get an academic program (or something like a Fulbright) that would sponsor you to go to Europe, great. Look into these options.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:04 AM on September 2, 2007

Well, a couple of thoughts. You are young - you don't _need_ to get the masters right away. Since you have overseas experience you both could head someplace to work for a year and see if this is long term or not. And if it is, then you figure how to get the masters and the PhD.

Since a PhD is about a five year proposition, and your masters is a year it would make sense to get the masters first, if they have to done serially rather than in parallel. All that being said, she is taking a tremendous (leap of faith) (risk) by coming to the US while you get your masters. As would you if you went overseas. I point this out because it should be on the table and discussed - I realize this is somewhat out of scope but I have first-hand experience with the tensions this can cause.

I mention the break from school because it would appear you are trying to work the relationship and furthering your education into a schedule which does not have to be the case. School will always be there, figure the relationship bit out first. If you can do both, great but I am mentioning an alternative.

Depending on what you want to do with your one-year Masters and what she wants to do with her PhD may make a difference in where you get your degrees. In her case, with a PhD, if she wants an academic career where she gets the degree can make a difference. (I hear Chicago is a nice place for Economics :^) )
I would find this to be a critical component of the equation - what do you want to do with it.

Answer that one, and then figure out if you are going to do them serially or in parallel, the latter is tough and the former will require a strong relationship.

My two cents.
posted by fluffycreature at 10:05 AM on September 2, 2007

Contra ROU: don't begin this by messing about with immigration law.

I agree. For an actual couple to get a fiancee visa and then get legally married is not messing with immigration law. It's following immigration law.

It's still not really smart, but it's not smart because of the getting married quickly (and young) side, not the immigration side. If they break up, which isn't at all unlikely, they'll have to go through the bother and expense of a divorce.

Or did you mean the J1? Yeah, you've got to be honest if they ask where you're planning to live, etc.

Don't expect to come in on one visa and then switch easily to another, or overstay one visa and then easily re-up.

That's why I didn't mention those.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:30 AM on September 2, 2007

I'm at the Free University of Amsterdam. A quick 20 minute flight away from the UK. Contact me if you want info on doing a MA here. I did mine and am staying for the PhD. Think about it! Lots of advantages.
posted by mateuslee at 12:19 PM on September 2, 2007

Sorry, ROU, I misunderstood what you were recommending. Thought you meant bring her in on a fiancee visa and then just don't get married.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:08 PM on September 2, 2007