How do I explain my new healthy lifestyle to my partying friends?
July 13, 2007 9:00 AM Subscribe
How do I tactfully tell my friends that I'm not so much into the partying and staying up late because I want to get up early and go work out (and live a healthier lifestyle) instead?
Lemme explain - I'm not crazy. I'm getting hitched in a few months and so as a run up, I decided to embark on (yet another) quest to lose weight. These, in the past, have universally failed for me.
Well, this time it's actually working! I'm feeling absolutely phenomenal for the first time in a looonnnngggg time, but a large part of that is I'm being very disciplined about it. I'm getting up very early every morning to work out, counting calories, etc., but not only am I liking it (weird - I *know*), it's truly working for me.
As a result, for the short term at least, I'm just not that into the drinking and eating and staying up late that usually happens on a weekend. I'd love to spend time with my friends, but I'm feeling really pressured to "go back" to those old habits!
Any suggestions out there?!?!
Lemme explain - I'm not crazy. I'm getting hitched in a few months and so as a run up, I decided to embark on (yet another) quest to lose weight. These, in the past, have universally failed for me.
Well, this time it's actually working! I'm feeling absolutely phenomenal for the first time in a looonnnngggg time, but a large part of that is I'm being very disciplined about it. I'm getting up very early every morning to work out, counting calories, etc., but not only am I liking it (weird - I *know*), it's truly working for me.
As a result, for the short term at least, I'm just not that into the drinking and eating and staying up late that usually happens on a weekend. I'd love to spend time with my friends, but I'm feeling really pressured to "go back" to those old habits!
Any suggestions out there?!?!
Just say it. But better yet, do it.
If they're only your friends because you share a new lifestyle, it might be lonely for a bit, but you'll meet some new people that share your newer lifestyle and support you in it.
posted by SpecialK at 9:08 AM on July 13, 2007
If they're only your friends because you share a new lifestyle, it might be lonely for a bit, but you'll meet some new people that share your newer lifestyle and support you in it.
posted by SpecialK at 9:08 AM on July 13, 2007
Best answer: Two more things:
1) If your friends give you crap about this, realize that they're being selfish and don't let it affect your plans. Also reconsider whether you want friends who don't care about your well-being. Or at least try to meet some people who share your new interests, so you have some healthy friends to balance out the unhealthy ones.
2) Also realize that if you want to keep the weight off, you can't just diet and exercise "for the short term." You'll need to keep up this healthy living pretty much permanently. Occasional treats are OK, but if you go back to drinking and staying up late on a regular basis, it will definitely be reflected in your weight and how good or bad you feel.
posted by boomchicka at 9:11 AM on July 13, 2007
1) If your friends give you crap about this, realize that they're being selfish and don't let it affect your plans. Also reconsider whether you want friends who don't care about your well-being. Or at least try to meet some people who share your new interests, so you have some healthy friends to balance out the unhealthy ones.
2) Also realize that if you want to keep the weight off, you can't just diet and exercise "for the short term." You'll need to keep up this healthy living pretty much permanently. Occasional treats are OK, but if you go back to drinking and staying up late on a regular basis, it will definitely be reflected in your weight and how good or bad you feel.
posted by boomchicka at 9:11 AM on July 13, 2007
Best answer: Just say you're in training.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:12 AM on July 13, 2007
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:12 AM on July 13, 2007
Response by poster: This might work if I had time during the day! I agree with you completely though, a cafe is a great idea.
I guess I'm specifically talking about going to a friend's house to hang out. If I don't drink, I get "why aren't you drinking?" questions that just get old (who cares anyways?!?!). And if I want to go home at 10pm (after all, I'm getting up early), then I don't hear the end of it! Okay, I'm not *really* that popular, but hopefully you get the point.
My behaviors have changed and people have noticed. So far, no one has understood that the changes are *good* (at least for me) and that pressuring me to go back to the old bad habits isn't maybe the best thing in the world.
I guess I just have to be more fun when I'm sober ;)
posted by ollyoop at 9:13 AM on July 13, 2007
I guess I'm specifically talking about going to a friend's house to hang out. If I don't drink, I get "why aren't you drinking?" questions that just get old (who cares anyways?!?!). And if I want to go home at 10pm (after all, I'm getting up early), then I don't hear the end of it! Okay, I'm not *really* that popular, but hopefully you get the point.
My behaviors have changed and people have noticed. So far, no one has understood that the changes are *good* (at least for me) and that pressuring me to go back to the old bad habits isn't maybe the best thing in the world.
I guess I just have to be more fun when I'm sober ;)
posted by ollyoop at 9:13 AM on July 13, 2007
Just tell them you're getting in shape so you can't party as much. They'll probably understand. Almost everyone has either tried to do what you're doing (and failed) or thought about doing it.
Many of the things worth doing in life are difficult and require commitment. Most people aren't willing to devote themselves to those causes, which is why everyone isn't a brilliant author, musician, athlete, etc. If you really want to get in shape and stay in shape, you have to stick with your diet and exercise no matter what. If that means going to bed early and not partying, so be it.
Besides, you're getting married soon...it may be time to leave some of that stuff behind anyway.
posted by Caper's Ghost at 9:16 AM on July 13, 2007
Many of the things worth doing in life are difficult and require commitment. Most people aren't willing to devote themselves to those causes, which is why everyone isn't a brilliant author, musician, athlete, etc. If you really want to get in shape and stay in shape, you have to stick with your diet and exercise no matter what. If that means going to bed early and not partying, so be it.
Besides, you're getting married soon...it may be time to leave some of that stuff behind anyway.
posted by Caper's Ghost at 9:16 AM on July 13, 2007
If you're worried about sounding too goody-goody, then frame it differently: "With this new stuff I'm doing, I can't keep up with you guys anymore. I don't know how you guys can do it."
posted by mendel at 9:20 AM on July 13, 2007
posted by mendel at 9:20 AM on July 13, 2007
shrug mournfully and say, "It must be done."
What? No. You're allowed to like your new lifestyle and you don't have to pretend to hate it just to placate your friends.
If you're confident in your choices without being preachy, your friends are far more likely to leave you alone. And, 50 bucks says a couple of them will actually show interest in your new regimen after a while because you'll look better and seem happier.
posted by boomchicka at 9:33 AM on July 13, 2007
What? No. You're allowed to like your new lifestyle and you don't have to pretend to hate it just to placate your friends.
If you're confident in your choices without being preachy, your friends are far more likely to leave you alone. And, 50 bucks says a couple of them will actually show interest in your new regimen after a while because you'll look better and seem happier.
posted by boomchicka at 9:33 AM on July 13, 2007
Make sure that all comments about the zombie apocalypse are said in a dull monotone.
posted by that girl at 9:33 AM on July 13, 2007
posted by that girl at 9:33 AM on July 13, 2007
"I'm not so much into the partying and staying up late because I want to get up early and go work out (and live a healthier lifestyle) instead."
posted by The Deej at 9:37 AM on July 13, 2007
posted by The Deej at 9:37 AM on July 13, 2007
Try to remind them that 'I don't want to drink' is not the same as 'I don't want to hang out with you guys'.
It's great that you're getting yourself sorted out, but I'd be wary of doing it to the exclusion of all else. There probably is a middleground for both sides.
posted by slimepuppy at 9:42 AM on July 13, 2007
It's great that you're getting yourself sorted out, but I'd be wary of doing it to the exclusion of all else. There probably is a middleground for both sides.
posted by slimepuppy at 9:42 AM on July 13, 2007
It might help to realize that this problem will most likely start going away on its own. I had a similar "Look, I really don't *like* staying up till 3am drinking every weekend" change of heart about a year ago, and while I got a fair amount of shit for it at first, once people realized that yes, I *am* going home at 11, but I still like you all and let's meet up tomorrow for coffee, then they stopped trying to pressure me so much.
I think there's a time when most groups of friends go through this, trying to balance "We're getting older and should be taking better care of ourselves" with "We're still young and should be out having fun." It's weird for a while, but it does just kind of sort itself out.
posted by occhiblu at 9:43 AM on July 13, 2007
I think there's a time when most groups of friends go through this, trying to balance "We're getting older and should be taking better care of ourselves" with "We're still young and should be out having fun." It's weird for a while, but it does just kind of sort itself out.
posted by occhiblu at 9:43 AM on July 13, 2007
You could do what my friend, an early riser, does. Come out to the bar, have a beer or two, and leave at 11pm. We gave him shit for it sometimes but he just stuck to it and eventually we got used to it.
And on preview, it looks like you've tried that and your friends are still giving you shit. Hmm. Well, I understand that; on a bar night you want your buddies by your side, going drink for drink, and lasting the night so you can get in trouble together and talk about it the next day. By taking off early it feels to them like you're abandoning them.
You could just keep at it; keep hanging out, keep not drinking, keep going home early, and eventually they will get used to it. Yes you're tired of the questions, but so are they! Sooner or later everyone will adjust to the new status quo, and they'll realize you're not abandoning them and you're doing your best to be their friend and maintain your new lifestyle.
posted by PercussivePaul at 9:50 AM on July 13, 2007
And on preview, it looks like you've tried that and your friends are still giving you shit. Hmm. Well, I understand that; on a bar night you want your buddies by your side, going drink for drink, and lasting the night so you can get in trouble together and talk about it the next day. By taking off early it feels to them like you're abandoning them.
You could just keep at it; keep hanging out, keep not drinking, keep going home early, and eventually they will get used to it. Yes you're tired of the questions, but so are they! Sooner or later everyone will adjust to the new status quo, and they'll realize you're not abandoning them and you're doing your best to be their friend and maintain your new lifestyle.
posted by PercussivePaul at 9:50 AM on July 13, 2007
You know, the choice dosen't have to be drinking v. working out. It can be working out like a weenie and not drinking v. kicking ass and drinking early.
But if you want to not drink, I nth the notion your friends will get used to it as long as you put in the effort to set up other get-togethers at the beginning, so they know you still like them.
posted by dame at 9:51 AM on July 13, 2007
But if you want to not drink, I nth the notion your friends will get used to it as long as you put in the effort to set up other get-togethers at the beginning, so they know you still like them.
posted by dame at 9:51 AM on July 13, 2007
There's a reason why recovering addicts are told they must make new friends and drop old ones. Your friends' fond memories of you are probably attached to staying up late and engaging in unhealthy activities. If they don't already believe that the 'healthy you' is going to fit into their lives just as well as the way you did in the past, then in a sense they're losing a friend, or at least part of one. Just because they're impeding your change doesn't mean they're not 'really' your friends. They still are but you're not walking the same paths.
See if you can find things to do with them that are a better fit for your new diet and schedule. Greg Nog's suggestion of a tone of fatalism is good too. Once you've established your position and talked about your reasons as far as you're inclined to, the use of phrases like "It's not possible" or "Because that's the way it is" will cut short their attempts at persuasion. Don't overplay it but you don't need to give their harassment much of an audience.
posted by BigSky at 9:57 AM on July 13, 2007
See if you can find things to do with them that are a better fit for your new diet and schedule. Greg Nog's suggestion of a tone of fatalism is good too. Once you've established your position and talked about your reasons as far as you're inclined to, the use of phrases like "It's not possible" or "Because that's the way it is" will cut short their attempts at persuasion. Don't overplay it but you don't need to give their harassment much of an audience.
posted by BigSky at 9:57 AM on July 13, 2007
You mention there is a wedding involved.
Just say you are in training to look good for the wedding and in fact, I might say something like, "Friends, romans, countrymen, and drinking buddies, my wedding is coming up. I WILL NOT be a pudgeball for my wedding. I need your help. Ask not how I can drink for you, but how you can help me not be a pudgeball. NOW: Who is going to work out with me tomorrow? Which of you will help me not drink (too many calories...)?"
Basically, instead defending yourself, enlist their help.
posted by zia at 10:01 AM on July 13, 2007 [1 favorite]
Just say you are in training to look good for the wedding and in fact, I might say something like, "Friends, romans, countrymen, and drinking buddies, my wedding is coming up. I WILL NOT be a pudgeball for my wedding. I need your help. Ask not how I can drink for you, but how you can help me not be a pudgeball. NOW: Who is going to work out with me tomorrow? Which of you will help me not drink (too many calories...)?"
Basically, instead defending yourself, enlist their help.
posted by zia at 10:01 AM on July 13, 2007 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: I think it's going to be about finding a balance between feeling lame in the short term to feeling awesome in the long term.
I think the long term will win out ;)
Tons of great words, people, they really help!
posted by ollyoop at 10:03 AM on July 13, 2007
I think the long term will win out ;)
Tons of great words, people, they really help!
posted by ollyoop at 10:03 AM on July 13, 2007
the choice dosen't have to be drinking v. working out.
1. Have a drink or two. It provides an excuse to run, bike or whatever a little more the next day.
or
2. Run, bike or whatever a little more that morning. It provides an excuse to have a drink or two that night.
You are in a great place when both of those make equal sense.
posted by probablysteve at 10:07 AM on July 13, 2007
1. Have a drink or two. It provides an excuse to run, bike or whatever a little more the next day.
or
2. Run, bike or whatever a little more that morning. It provides an excuse to have a drink or two that night.
You are in a great place when both of those make equal sense.
posted by probablysteve at 10:07 AM on July 13, 2007
If you want to keep your friends in your life, find some regular things to do together that don't involve late nights and heavy drinking. Sunday brunch can be an awesome and delicious way to keep your friend group in touch (just make sure it's late enough for the late risers). Movie night and bowling night have also worked for me at various times in the past. Depending on your group of friends, YMMV.
posted by ourobouros at 10:20 AM on July 13, 2007
posted by ourobouros at 10:20 AM on July 13, 2007
...
"Oh, because I'm getting up early to work out. Want to come?"
Now they're the ones who have to make excuses.
posted by Ookseer at 10:48 AM on July 13, 2007 [4 favorites]
"Oh, because I'm getting up early to work out. Want to come?"
Now they're the ones who have to make excuses.
posted by Ookseer at 10:48 AM on July 13, 2007 [4 favorites]
Point out that healthy people have better sex.
posted by elwoodwiles at 12:25 PM on July 13, 2007
posted by elwoodwiles at 12:25 PM on July 13, 2007
I say "I have a yoga sex appointment." It's true. I'm dating a yoga teacher who's doing all kinds of things to try to make me healthier, and though incredibly tactless, it's very effective. You have a fiance, so use that. :)
posted by saysthis at 3:02 PM on July 13, 2007
posted by saysthis at 3:02 PM on July 13, 2007
I tell people that I'm "practicing to be a grandma," so the going to bed early, baking cookies and knitting are very important training materials.
People laugh with me, and they understand.
posted by bilabial at 3:22 PM on July 13, 2007
People laugh with me, and they understand.
posted by bilabial at 3:22 PM on July 13, 2007
I just went through this (as "the friends" several times, I was one of the later ones) a while back. I agree with occhiblu that most groups of friends as they start getting older will have defectors to a more healthy life, one by one. It's just part of getting older.
They probably won't stop giving you shit about it, if they're like my friends - it's something to talk about, and it's fun to give a friend shit regardless of the flimsy reason. It's good-natured, though, after you're gone, nobody begrudges you anything.
You really will be a different person "after" than you were before, though, and you'll have to essentially re-make friends with them again. You aren't a party-all-night-group friend any more, you're a hang-out-and-shoot-the-shit-for-a-while friend. For some people, that's the same group. For some it's completely different.
Those that liked the "old you" a lot will keep hoping in a way that you will eventually "snap out of it" and they can have the fun "old you" back again. Just don't. It'll still be ok, and it doesn't mean they don't like the "new you" also.
posted by ctmf at 4:13 PM on July 13, 2007
They probably won't stop giving you shit about it, if they're like my friends - it's something to talk about, and it's fun to give a friend shit regardless of the flimsy reason. It's good-natured, though, after you're gone, nobody begrudges you anything.
You really will be a different person "after" than you were before, though, and you'll have to essentially re-make friends with them again. You aren't a party-all-night-group friend any more, you're a hang-out-and-shoot-the-shit-for-a-while friend. For some people, that's the same group. For some it's completely different.
Those that liked the "old you" a lot will keep hoping in a way that you will eventually "snap out of it" and they can have the fun "old you" back again. Just don't. It'll still be ok, and it doesn't mean they don't like the "new you" also.
posted by ctmf at 4:13 PM on July 13, 2007
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by boomchicka at 9:05 AM on July 13, 2007