Looking for wedding gift ideas for the groom.
June 15, 2007 1:58 PM   Subscribe

Looking for truly unique, male-centered wedding gift suggestions that would be of absolutely no use to the bride....sorry ladies ;)

So one of my good friends whom I've known since the second grade is finally getting married. I'm an usher at the wedding and had originally planned to get them a nice gift - but then I had a change of heart.

I've looked through their gift registry and do not see one item there that would be something he chose; it's alllll her.

Seeing as how our culture seems to favor the woman in a wedding and everything is centered around the bride, I'd like to go against the grain.

So I'm looking for a gift that he is going to LOVE, but she will have absolutely no use for. I want her to know that I went out of my way to ensure the gift is for him - I guess you could call it my way of saying, "Welcome to the family!"

For background on my buddy, he's a total geek. Works for a very hip tech company and gets all his electronic toys expensed on the company dime. His room was full of Star Trek toys (in their original packaging) and Jenny McCarthy posters as a kid....

I'm looking to spend around $400.

So, what do you guys have to suggest? I'd love to hear even the wackiest ideas!

thanks!
posted by TheDude to Shopping (61 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
BestBuy gift card? Not so wacky but converible to a lot of nerdy stuff. Substitute your favourite electronics store. Maybe offer to go together some day and help spend it.
posted by GuyZero at 2:03 PM on June 15, 2007


How about a groom's cake?

According to this site:

Having its roots in Southern tradition, the groom's cake has been around for quite some time and is making a fashionable comeback on the wedding scene.

Traditionally, a groom's cake was sliced and boxed for the unmarried girls attending the wedding to take home and place under their pillows in hopes that the man they dreamed of would be their future husband. Groom's Cake has come along way since then. Today the cake is meant to be a reflection of the groom's interests, whether it be one of his hobbies, favorite sport, alma mater,profession, etc..
It's a personal choice when to serve the cake - either at the rehearsal dinner, as an alternate dessert with the wedding cake, or as a late night dessert for the wedding party. Just because primarily groom cakes tend to be a fruit cake or a chocolate cake shouldn't dictate what the bride and groom should have. Obviously being named "Groom's Cake" it should be a flavor and theme that the groom enjoys.


I think it would fulfill being a great present to your friend as well as being a little something for the bride. Who doesn't like more cake???

As for a suggestion in terms of decoration, I'm planning to steal this idea for my future husband.
posted by spec80 at 2:06 PM on June 15, 2007


MAKE magazine workbench? at $429 ... or is this Price is Right rules?
posted by shothotbot at 2:06 PM on June 15, 2007


Bowling ball flash drive engraved with his name.
posted by arco at 2:07 PM on June 15, 2007


Hmm...I don't know how to guarantee that she won't get use out of something, unless it's something like a testicle cozy.

Maybe you could buy tickets to a concert for a band that he loves and she can't stand.
posted by Alison at 2:09 PM on June 15, 2007


MAKE magazine workbench?

I'm a fan of MAKE, but $430 for a bench - that doesn't even come with a top?! Maybe I'm missing something but I don't see that kind of value in a few pre-cut lengths of pipe and fittings.
posted by nazca at 2:12 PM on June 15, 2007


I once bought a friend a full size arcade game for a wedding present. I got him and his wife Arkanoid precisely so it wouldn't be so gender alienating but you could go with a total dude title. It was pricier than $400 but you could probably get something in that range. Google up used arcade games and see if there's a vendor in your area.
posted by The Straightener at 2:13 PM on June 15, 2007


Most of the gifts already listed I would love to have! So I'll have to go with some sort of classic shave kit.
posted by muddgirl at 2:14 PM on June 15, 2007


gets all his electronic toys expensed on the company dime

What a fantastic job this guy has! I wouldn't recommend a gift card because of that one sentence.

Why not give him an experience? Maybe you and the other ushers and groomsmen could get together and plan a bachelor's party that incorporates his interests. I could be more specific if I knew in what general area of the country you reside. For instance, you know he loves the Star Trek toys. In Seattle at the Sci-fi museum, they will have the 40th Anniversary Star Trek Gala Celebration and Conference in September. But I am not sure whether that would be doable for you.
posted by misha at 2:14 PM on June 15, 2007


Get him a good hip or boot flask, a bottle of decent scotch, a box of cigars and a subscription to Playboy.
posted by cog_nate at 2:15 PM on June 15, 2007


There really aren't many items that no woman in the world could possibly enjoy. Women are people, so like men we are capable of having a diverse range of interests. So, if you truly think that using a wedding gift to express your hostility towards the bride is a good idea, I think you would have to go with something that has the groom's name on it or something that is designed for male anatomy. Like a jockstrap, or...yeah, that's pretty much it. Even a cock ring could conceivably give the bride some enjoyment.
posted by lemuria at 2:16 PM on June 15, 2007 [4 favorites]


A coffee table made out of an old wagon wheel.
posted by Stynxno at 2:16 PM on June 15, 2007 [6 favorites]


A mounted deer head with antlers.
posted by Stynxno at 2:17 PM on June 15, 2007


A slave leia costume for the wife.


But, well, asking for her size probably won't be kosher.
posted by Stynxno at 2:17 PM on June 15, 2007


Check if he has a personal Amazon list -- you could get him $400 worth of stuff on there.
posted by xo at 2:22 PM on June 15, 2007


I once gave my husband's best friend a gift certificate to ACES, a flight simulator place, so when he came to visit they could dogfight each other sitting in almost-real planes. I went and sat there while they did it, but there wasn't much for me to do or see but enjoy them enjoying it.
posted by GaelFC at 2:29 PM on June 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


X-Box 360?

Poker table?

Golf clubs?
posted by commander_cool at 2:34 PM on June 15, 2007


Tread carefully. Wedding gifts are for helping the happy couple set up their new home. If she's doing the bulk of the cooking, housework, decorating, carpentry and car mantainance, she gets to pick out the registry. He still benefits--I'm sure he's also going to get some use out of the new towels and the meals cooked in their new All-Clad. A testicle cozy or something like that (I was thinking codpiece warmer/display stand) has a good chance of coming across as a snub towards her, which isn't going to help out your friend in the long run.

By all means get your friend something, but do it seperately, in addition to something that nice for both of them. And give it to him at the bachelor party.
posted by hydrophonic at 2:34 PM on June 15, 2007 [3 favorites]


Metafilter: something like a testicle cozy

:)

I always try to choose something fun for my friends. How about a good board game, or some tickets to a sports game (baseball, football, hockey - whatever they like best)
posted by chrisamiller at 2:39 PM on June 15, 2007


It's not quite clear what the point is to getting a gift that will be no use to her. Do you just want to get something that you're sure your friend will enjoy, or do you really want to make sure that the bride thoroughly realizes the gift isn't meant for her? In other words, is the gift really for the groom or is it actually for you to make a huge, glaring point to the bride? If it's the latter, then.. Well, no one is going to enjoy the gift. Neither bride or groom want to see the bride receive a giant "Go to hell!" on their wedding day--it'll just be a sore spot on a day that's supposed to be entirely for them (yeah, -both- of them). In this case, the best gift you could give your friend is just to swallow the annoyance you're currently feeling.

But, if you didn't meant for it to be that way and I'm just reading too much into your post, and you really do just want to get something that you know will be a great gift for the groom, then also keep in mind that, so far as I know, Best Buy and Fry's don't have gift registries -- it could be something that insignificant that made the registries seem so one-sided. I don't know of any etiquette that says you can't get them something off of the registry, so you have plenty of perfectly acceptable options available.

(Or, after previewing and seeing hydrophonic's post.. Why not get something that'll help maintain the technology in the house, or something? If wedding gifts are meant to set up the new couple in their new home, there are plenty of good, nerd-enjoyed things that do that. )
posted by Ms. Saint at 2:40 PM on June 15, 2007


Testicle cozy, just in case.
posted by spec80 at 2:45 PM on June 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


Great suggestions guys.

And just to clarify, I'm not looking to shun the bride on her day - just trying to inject a little off-color humor. Somewhere along the road she got the idea that I'm this male chauvinist pig (wonder what gave her that idea =P ).

thanks again all!
posted by TheDude at 2:49 PM on June 15, 2007


He still benefits--I'm sure he's also going to get some use out of the new towels and the meals cooked in their new All-Clad.

Hydrophonic took the words out of my mouth. Because what you see as "allllll her" is likely "allllll" about setting up their shared home -- they both use dishes, barware, kitchenware, bathware, etc., even if you think of allll that stuff as "her" domain.

Which is not to say that you can't think outside the box of the registry -- of course you can (I like the idea of getting them a shared experience of some sort -- could be anything from amazing concert or sporting event tickets to a whitewater rafting experience). But I'd suggest dropping the (not-so) veiled hostility toward "the woman" (and yes, we're not stepford wives; we like things besides dishes, too) and start thinking of your best friend and his bride as a couple.
posted by scody at 2:51 PM on June 15, 2007


Before you get angry at the bride, consider how strongly encouraged men are to do absolutely nothing toward wedding preparations. A lot of men just can't be arsed to go with the bride when she picks out registry gifts. (I know I had to pull teeth to get my husband to come with, although he loved the actual experience of running around the store with the laser scanner.) Maybe your friend is one of those, "I hate china, just make yourself happy, honey" kind of guys, and this does not reveal the giant character flaw in his bride that you're assuming it does.
posted by joannemerriam at 2:54 PM on June 15, 2007


Didn't see your response on preview. However, this...

I'm not looking to shun the bride on her day - just trying to inject a little off-color humor

...isn't really appropriate. You've been afforded the honor of being an usher at a close friend's wedding to the woman he loves. Save the off-color humor for the bachelor party (and/or for a separate gift to the groom on the side). But it's out of place at the wedding in general and as the motivating factor for your wedding gift to the couple in particular.

Somewhere along the road she got the idea that I'm this male chauvinist pig

Ah. So would you like to correct this impression, or would you like to cement it?
posted by scody at 3:01 PM on June 15, 2007 [6 favorites]


I want her to know that I went out of my way to ensure the gift is for him - I guess you could call it my way of saying, "Welcome to the family!"

Don't be a dick. Because you know, he is marrying her. And if it comes down to her versus you, you will probably lose.

You could certainly get something that's more along the lines of his interests for the both of them- I like the experience idea. Get two tickets for a sporting event, nerd convention, etc. And then, if she doesn't want to go, he might call you ;-)
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:01 PM on June 15, 2007 [2 favorites]


Not to mention that no matter what gift you give, they're not going to open it on the wedding day. It'll be after the wedding, after the honeymoon even, when they're sitting at home in newlywedded bliss, in matching bathrobes, writing thank you notes. She'll open the box, turn to hubby with a look of ?? He'll say, oh, yea, sorry about him, he's kind of a douche. She will write you a perfectly generic thank you note and make a mental note to keep you away from her children.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:06 PM on June 15, 2007 [6 favorites]


I echo the "don't be a dick" advice. I would grab something off the registry for both of them and then get him something nice on the side. Then you go from inconsiderate jerk who only got his buddy a gift, thereby shunning the wife (so tacky), to extra nice dude who got something for the couple AND took the extra trouble and expense to buy his buddy something in recognition of his special day.
posted by sneakin at 3:10 PM on June 15, 2007


Spending $20 on something like this in addition to the "real" gift? Funny. Spending $400 on this? Dickish.
posted by smackfu at 3:12 PM on June 15, 2007


Is either member of the couple going to find this funny, or is this gift really for you? I can't tell from what you said if she really thinks you're a chauvinist, or if you have the kind of relationship that includes this kind of teasing, and she's just kidding. If she's serious, I would think very carefully about choosing to use your wedding gift to reinforce this idea. If someone spent $400 to express their hostility towards me and towards women in general, I would find this disturbing.

If the registry was predominantly made up of tampons, then you would be correct in assuming the gifts are solely for her benefit. However, I'm guessing it was items for their home, like towels and dishes and sheets. If that's right, it might be useful to consider why these items are gendered female to you.

If giving these kinds of gifts doesn't appeal to you, I agree with the answers above suggesting giving tickets or certificates for an event they would both enjoy, like a fancy restaurant or a sporting event.
posted by lemuria at 3:14 PM on June 15, 2007


Hmmm...maybe an autographed copy of this?
posted by TryTheTilapia at 3:50 PM on June 15, 2007


My husband got two "just for the groom" gifts that I benefitted from. One was an XBox. The other was a minifridge for his bar.
posted by macadamiaranch at 3:55 PM on June 15, 2007


If it seems like all of the "for them" stuff on the registry is really to her tastes, you should consider something that would be for them - but to his tastes. So, two tickets to a nerd convention would be fun, or a gift certificate to a Best Buy (or Fry's, if they're in the San Francisco area). Still helps with setting up their home, but less focused on the china and more focused on that cinema-screen monitor he's always wanted.
posted by Lady Li at 3:57 PM on June 15, 2007


Wow. You people need to relax. He's not trying to shun the bride. Not trying to piss her off. All this poor guy wants to do is offer a gift on his best friends wedding day, that his friend can enjoy. We ALL know that this is the brides day. But the fact remains that there is no Grooms shower. No day of hell where he gets to sit on a mighty throne and receive gifts. So is it really THAT bad that his one friend gets a gift for the newly married couple that doesn't center around her?

Thedude, I think this is a good idea. And opposed to the cackling hordes on this site, I do believe that the bride to be would actually be grateful that someone thought about her new husband on this day. Although I probably would include a little something as well to welcome the new bride.

If he really is the geek of all geeks and has access to all that his little geeky heart desires, how about an adventure camp/package as offered above. Fly in a military jet/race an indy car/climb mount everest, that sort of thing.
posted by wile e at 3:58 PM on June 15, 2007


Get them a nice cordless drill. Those things are handy for around the house. They'll both benefit and yet, it is still chock-full of testosterone.

Good for hanging curtain rods, installing car stereo systems, assembling weekend furniture projects, and scaring the cat.
posted by idiotfactory at 4:01 PM on June 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


Two things to consider:

1. Are you sure all the gifts are for her? Most of the registry stuff is supposed to be to set up the household, so it may look like it was all her idea at first glance. On my wedding registry, though, items such as the immersion blender, the shredder, and the sewing machine were actually selected by my husband.

2. If you give a wedding gift, it'll probably be opened at the gift opening party, which is usually a brunch-type occasion that includes out-of-town guests, plus the couple's parents and possibly grandparents. Your friend's mom or great aunt may not appreciate seeing a testicle cozy.

That being said, if you want a more male-oriented-yet-still-home-oriented gift, why not get a spectacular grill? Or a huge TV? Something like that would be awesome, and totally score you some points with the bride.
posted by christinetheslp at 4:03 PM on June 15, 2007


I bought a friend of mine a nice sword as a wedding present.

Greatly appreciated.

Of course, she got a Bow and quiver, so maybe not the best couple to judge from.
posted by pupdog at 4:40 PM on June 15, 2007


Spectacular grill ++

Don't be too pissy about the wedding registry. If theirs is anything like ours was, it is totally a list of shit that whilst useful, is really stuff that his parents, her parents, and critically their friends, are used to buying for wedding gifts.

How about something they can do together or that he can do with a buddy if she passes? Flying lesson, hot air balloon ride, skydiving near them, white water rafting...
posted by DarlingBri at 4:44 PM on June 15, 2007


If her reaction is going to be anything more serious than "Ha ha, that's so quirky! That dude is really a character!" you are doing your friend a huge disservice. If she feels at all dissed, he's going to catch hell every time he wants to hang out with you. And he'll probably hang out with you less as a result, because it's just not worth risking an argument every time.

That said, I'm sure you can find some arcane Star Trek memorabilia on eBay.
posted by desjardins at 5:08 PM on June 15, 2007


Stock their bar. Get a top-shelf bottle of each of the big five - gin, tequila, rum, vodka, whiskey - plus a good bar set that includes a shaker, strainer, muddler, and some nice hefty glasses.
posted by backseatpilot at 5:17 PM on June 15, 2007


Having its roots in Southern tradition, the groom's cake has been around for quite some time and is making a fashionable comeback on the wedding scene.
...It's a personal choice when to serve the cake


I'm physically incapable of not refuting this article, sorry. It's not a personal choice; the groom's cake is served at the reception at the same time as the wedding cake. And the whole "decorate it in a theme that fits your husband's personality" is hardly breaking news; that's been the "trend" for at least 30 years. (Nothing against you personally, spec80 -- the article is a throwaway piece of shite for click-through collection, that one wouldn't necessarily know to be shite unless one knew of groom's cakes.)

And still, I disagree that a groom's cake would be a good gift for an usher to give to his friend the groom, for a couple of reasons:

1. Wedding planning is usually the domain of the bride and her family, and a huge cake that no one planned for and which is suddenly supposed to be served (by whom? on what?) and which likely won't complement the menu and would create a logistics hassle would be unappreciated to say the very least. ("Surprise!!! Hope you like red velvet with armadillo frosting!!!")

2. Dudes don't give each other cakes as presents.

p.s. I vote for the testicle cozy. I suspect you'll have to commission it, so you might as well have it done in blue long as you're at it.
posted by pineapple at 6:03 PM on June 15, 2007


Do you have a sister or a mother to talk to? Because I get the feeling you don't really understand this whole wedding business. When two people pledge to spend the rest of their lives together, it is a big day which is celebrated with a party and loving gifts bestowed on them by their friends and relatives. A gift that says "Gee, I'm thrilled for you two, and I hope you will be very happy together." A $400.00 gift from a best friend that says "Yes, I really am a chauvinist pig," is going to go over like a big smelly fart.

A small gag gift is OK-- just between you and the groom. An expensive stag night on the town is OK, even traditional. How about $350 for a bachelor party and then $50.00 towards something more useful to the couple, like a ...I don't know...toaster?

If you really want to spend $400 on a gift for the happy couple but you want to make a statement about manliness, how about a $300 bottle of whiskey and a set of crystal tumblers?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:50 PM on June 15, 2007


A sweet cordless nose hair trimmer? Or DUAL nose hair trimmers, to make the $400 mark!
posted by conch soup at 7:18 PM on June 15, 2007


Quality hand tools say male gift, and are just as importantfor setting up house as the blender.
posted by bystander at 8:08 PM on June 15, 2007


If your intent is to skewer the wedding registry aesthetic, then you can easily do it without being chauvinist by buying them both (or each individually) something entirely *useless* for the home, but still fun (Concert tickets? Skydiving lessons? Or, as Secret Life of Gravy suggests, fine alcohol or other consumable).

Alternatively, if your "total geek" friend had to sell any of his expensive toys in order to pay the down payment, appease the new wife, etc., you could always buy them back for him.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 8:21 PM on June 15, 2007


Invest in the future.
Buy your friend the best scotch money can buy.
A real wedding gift: top of the line scotch, in a nice box.
They' ll both understand the message.

Then tell them that you hope to have the opportunity to taste this great bottle with them.
So, hopefully, they'll invite you for a supper with friends a few weeks later, thinking that you are this macho guy. But his time you surprise them all because you bring a splendid bouquet of 35 orange and yellow tulips just for her.
Just don't forget to enjoy the scotch.
posted by bru at 8:28 PM on June 15, 2007


If you give a wedding gift, it'll probably be opened at the gift opening party

I have never, ever heard of such a thing! Where is this common?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:17 PM on June 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


Seconding a grill. Include a monogrammed steak brand in your friend's initials and maybe some nice grill accessories. Then it's something they can both enjoy, but it's technically a gift that is probably more meant for him - particularly with the personalized brand.

I've seen a few high-end gifts that were probably picked out by the men on registries. They included nice TVs or entertainment components, cameras, camcorders, lawnmowers, or grills. If you're looking for other ideas, I've seen monogrammed pint glasses or outdoorsy stuff (one couple I know registered for tents and sleeping bags), tools, coolers, etc. I'm pretty sure a guy picked out the Roomba I saw on one registry.

Seriously, I agree with everyone that says to be careful. She's already wary of you. If you get something that is clearly "It's all about him and not about you" and not something that they can use together, you're likely to offend her even further. In all honesty, if I got married and my husband's friend got something that "he is going to LOVE, but she will have absolutely no use for." I'd be pretty offended - it's about us and starting our new life together, not about you buying him an iphone or something. I would feel snubbed and not really want to hang out with you. I know that perhaps that's not how you want it to be taken, but you run a good chance of that occurring. Even if you're doing it because of how wedding culture is centered around the bride, that's not really fair to this woman. Don't take this personal stand at the risk of your friendship. Just be careful.

(on preview: I've been to two gift opening parties. One was a huge affair, almost like a shower, in the northeast. The other was more intimate, seven or eight close friends hanging out (and mocking most of the awful awful gifts) on the west coast. It would be extremely awkward if they did that and your obvious "for him only" gift was opened.)
posted by ml98tu at 10:31 PM on June 15, 2007


Can you afford a print of one of Leonard Nimoy's fat woman photos?
posted by brujita at 11:02 PM on June 15, 2007


We were going to get a couple their own web domain and host server space, but decided against it because it might be a little too groom-only. You might decide the other way, for the same reasons :)
I regret not including it, actually. I think it would have been a more useful gift than the housewares we ended up giving.
posted by -harlequin- at 11:02 PM on June 15, 2007


I'm married. The house is mine. The yards, basement & garage are his ;)

So, get that grill, or a lawn mower. Or a big trunk to keep in the basement (and fill with all his crappy junk she won't let him keep on her walls). Or a stocked bar to put out in his garage.
posted by LadyBonita at 1:30 AM on June 16, 2007


What ml98tu said. Exactly (except for the parties. no parties for me)
posted by The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew at 2:48 AM on June 16, 2007


How about a piece of the Long Now clock (scroll down). Geekish and represents longevity.
posted by markdj at 2:50 AM on June 16, 2007


Without addressing the gender issue (though, I do think you could be misreading things)... is he handy? Does he like to fix/build things? Because there are just all kinds of tools and gadgets that might make his heart go pitterpatter (especially if he has some workroom space), that would really be also great for the two of them, if he's the kind of guy to do any kind of home improvement stuff. (and it might be nice to include something to that effect in the card or note that accompanies it.)

I've given my husband a few gifts like this that have made him almost weepy. :) 'Tis joy.
posted by taz at 8:06 AM on June 16, 2007


Barbecue and barbecue tools. The altar of manliness.
posted by planetkyoto at 9:43 AM on June 16, 2007


Shaving cream warmer.
posted by Four Flavors at 9:58 AM on June 16, 2007




There really aren't many items that no woman in the world could possibly enjoy. Women are people, so like men we are capable of having a diverse range of interests.

Yep. There's no good answer to your question. The dartboard, the grill, the kegerator, the cordless drill--I've gotten at least as much use & enjoyment out of all of them as my husband has.

Stock your friend's bar with top shelf liquors--shouldn't be too hard spending your $400 on that. It'll make him happy, it'll possibly improve his sex life, and it won't alienate his wife-to-be.

How on earth do you think you can say "welcome to the family" to the bride and "fuck you" at the same time?? Give it up. Get them something that is not on the registry--fine--but restrict your shopping list to something that both of them will enjoy. That is what weddings are about.
posted by torticat at 9:02 PM on June 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


FWIW follow-up - I was hanging out with a male friend this weekend who couldn't wait to show me his registry (that sounds a lot dirtier than intended). And he showed me all three of them, while his fiancee was busy chatting elsewhere and not seeming to care. He was really psyched about the stuff they picked out together; however, if I had looked at the registry without him I would have thought it to be all stuff that she chose, just like you said.

Granted YMMV, but I wouldn't be so quick to assume that he doesn't have a voice in the matter.
posted by ml98tu at 7:37 AM on June 18, 2007


PinkSuperhero, gift opening parties are common here (Southeastern Wisconsin). Usually they are held the day after the wedding, and close family and friends attend. The couple departs on their honeymoon either that afternoon or the next day.

I don't know any of the tradition/rationale; just relating my experience. If this is more cultural than regional, most of my experience has been with lower-middle-class Americans of Polish, Irish, and German descent.
posted by desjardins at 8:04 AM on June 18, 2007


My husband got a giant Guinness mirror (actually, "we" got several Guinness-themed items) as a wedding gift from a mutual male friend, who was also a groomsman. I was delighted that he got something just for him, because I knew that most of the gifts were indeed intended to make me happy, not him. Even the pots and pans that he uses for cooking or the towels he dries off with.

(And our friends know I hate Guinness, so they were definitely gifts for him and only him, intended to decorate his pub-themed "man room.")

Just saying.
posted by pyjammy at 9:35 AM on June 18, 2007


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