What Tips Do You Have For Living in a Small Town?
May 20, 2007 10:00 AM Subscribe
What guidelines for appropriate behaviour should people keep in mind if they are moving to a small town (population no more than 1,500)?
Here are three that I know about already:
- "Never say anything bad about anyone because everyone's connected, either by birth or marriage."
- "Buy local whenever possible in order to support your neighbours."
- "Remember that everything about you (lifestyle, clothing, mistakes you make, the things you buy), people will notice, talk about, and remember."
Thanks!
Here are three that I know about already:
- "Never say anything bad about anyone because everyone's connected, either by birth or marriage."
- "Buy local whenever possible in order to support your neighbours."
- "Remember that everything about you (lifestyle, clothing, mistakes you make, the things you buy), people will notice, talk about, and remember."
Thanks!
Trying to blend in is futile since you'll never be a "real" local no matter how hard you try.
posted by smackfu at 10:15 AM on May 20, 2007
posted by smackfu at 10:15 AM on May 20, 2007
Don't get caught up in the local's drama, unless you want to.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:24 AM on May 20, 2007
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:24 AM on May 20, 2007
Speaking as someone who moved from the big city to a very, very small city (with land in a rural community): Most people in a small town have went to school/church together or were childhood friends, so there may be a lot of truth in what smackfu says. I think it's best just to ignore the issue and go about your life, keep a low profile, and be generous with everyone you meet.
posted by rolypolyman at 10:25 AM on May 20, 2007
posted by rolypolyman at 10:25 AM on May 20, 2007
Response by poster: I forgot to mention that I lived there as a child and my family comes from there, so I do have a connection to the area.
The two remaining family members who are alive and who do live there are a) fairly reclusive and b) lack an awareness of protocol, so I can't ask them.
posted by purplesludge at 10:30 AM on May 20, 2007
The two remaining family members who are alive and who do live there are a) fairly reclusive and b) lack an awareness of protocol, so I can't ask them.
posted by purplesludge at 10:30 AM on May 20, 2007
This thread on moving to the sticks has some great advice. My quick distallation of what I said there.
- don't move there and complain about how it's not like wherever you came from. Even if you don't like how they're doing things, try to work within whatever systems exist
- be out and about so that people can see you and get an idea of who you are. Exepct people to talk about you, esp if you have family in the area that they can link you with [and they will link you]
- people often like to stand and talk: the meter reader, the mailman, the guy mowing the lawn next door, the lady at the store. Even if you're not a chatty cathy, try to get a little used to spending a few minutes passing the time of day with them evenif theres no much going on.
- read the paper. Your neighbors read the paper, it's a good way to get a handle of what's going on even if you're not involved in church or the school.
posted by jessamyn at 10:39 AM on May 20, 2007 [1 favorite]
- don't move there and complain about how it's not like wherever you came from. Even if you don't like how they're doing things, try to work within whatever systems exist
- be out and about so that people can see you and get an idea of who you are. Exepct people to talk about you, esp if you have family in the area that they can link you with [and they will link you]
- people often like to stand and talk: the meter reader, the mailman, the guy mowing the lawn next door, the lady at the store. Even if you're not a chatty cathy, try to get a little used to spending a few minutes passing the time of day with them evenif theres no much going on.
- read the paper. Your neighbors read the paper, it's a good way to get a handle of what's going on even if you're not involved in church or the school.
posted by jessamyn at 10:39 AM on May 20, 2007 [1 favorite]
Those banging sounds you hear are not gunshots. Well, they may be gun shots, but then it's hunting.
Enjoy the quiet, the space, the clean air.
posted by unixrat at 10:48 AM on May 20, 2007
Enjoy the quiet, the space, the clean air.
posted by unixrat at 10:48 AM on May 20, 2007
Many small towns revolve around church life. Be careful what you say about religion and if you are religious but rarely attend you might consider going a little more frequently. The same goes for talk about politics. Once you are accepted into the fold you will know how to approach these subjects, but at first stick to the weather.
posted by caddis at 10:49 AM on May 20, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by caddis at 10:49 AM on May 20, 2007 [1 favorite]
Find out what the local cutural mores are, and try to avoid violating them. If this were down south and the entire town was some flavor of Baptist, you wouldn't want to be seen working on Sunday. One mistake like that, and you'll never fit in. They might tolerate you if you have something they want. (Yes, this happened; they were moving in and unloaded the truck on a Sunday. It's now 15 years later, and they only speak when they want to borrow something.)
rolypolyman pretty much has it.
posted by unrepentanthippie at 10:52 AM on May 20, 2007
rolypolyman pretty much has it.
posted by unrepentanthippie at 10:52 AM on May 20, 2007
The advice so far in this thread is pretty good, and I think a key thing to remember, which sounds goofy but holds true, is "don't be a jackass."
Joining a church, or other civic activity, can be a great help. Come in with humility and willing to help out, but not take over.
Identify the town leaders -- elected or cultural -- and ask them for advice.
Also, remember that even the largest city is really just an inter-connected set of smaller neighborhoods and communities of interest. What holds true at that level in a big city often holds true at the town level in a rural area.
posted by mmahaffie at 11:04 AM on May 20, 2007
Joining a church, or other civic activity, can be a great help. Come in with humility and willing to help out, but not take over.
Identify the town leaders -- elected or cultural -- and ask them for advice.
Also, remember that even the largest city is really just an inter-connected set of smaller neighborhoods and communities of interest. What holds true at that level in a big city often holds true at the town level in a rural area.
posted by mmahaffie at 11:04 AM on May 20, 2007
Just avoid politics and religion. Forever.
If anyone presses you, just say it's your policy not to discuss that.
posted by unrepentanthippie at 11:04 AM on May 20, 2007
If anyone presses you, just say it's your policy not to discuss that.
posted by unrepentanthippie at 11:04 AM on May 20, 2007
Jeez, you people sound like you're surrounded by barbarians the minute you set foot outside city limits. I grew up in a small town in New England, and can't stand cities. My take:
- Say hi to people. Chat with your neighbors, the folks at the general store, the folks at the library. People are generally friendly.
- Remember, most people there enjoy living there. Don't lament over what you're missing in the city--enjoy what you've got in your town. Read a book. Enjoy the slower pace of life. It's good for you. Maybe go fishing.
- You might find a local church and join it, if that's your thing. It'll introduce you to a group of people immediately.
Good point about the lights, though. Small towns usually don't have much crime--people often don't lock their doors--and there's not really a need your lights on at night if you don't expect anyone to be outside, walking a dog or something. Go look at the stars.
On preview: mmahaffie has it. Don't be that guy who wants the town to be the place he just came from. You'll make people wonder why you don't go back to that place, if you like it so much better.
posted by Upton O'Good at 11:19 AM on May 20, 2007
- Say hi to people. Chat with your neighbors, the folks at the general store, the folks at the library. People are generally friendly.
- Remember, most people there enjoy living there. Don't lament over what you're missing in the city--enjoy what you've got in your town. Read a book. Enjoy the slower pace of life. It's good for you. Maybe go fishing.
- You might find a local church and join it, if that's your thing. It'll introduce you to a group of people immediately.
Good point about the lights, though. Small towns usually don't have much crime--people often don't lock their doors--and there's not really a need your lights on at night if you don't expect anyone to be outside, walking a dog or something. Go look at the stars.
On preview: mmahaffie has it. Don't be that guy who wants the town to be the place he just came from. You'll make people wonder why you don't go back to that place, if you like it so much better.
posted by Upton O'Good at 11:19 AM on May 20, 2007
I grew up in a small town, and I agree with a lot of the above advice, but also don't feel like if you're not a churchgoer you're doomed to be an outsider forever.
There are lots of other groups you could join--often there will be some kind of Society for Preservation of X Local Landmark or Natural Feature, or there's the friends of the library, you'll probably be the youngest person by YEARS and they will love you and introduce you to their children and grandchildren. There's usually also a historical society, or some kind of service club you could join.
I definitely agree though, DON'T go around complaining that the big city has better coffee or whatever, even if the locals do it. They get to complain about the town--you don't. Just like only you get to pick on your little brother!
Basically, as long as you're friendly and don't try to come in and change everything, you'll be fine. Small towns are great!
posted by exceptinsects at 11:34 AM on May 20, 2007
There are lots of other groups you could join--often there will be some kind of Society for Preservation of X Local Landmark or Natural Feature, or there's the friends of the library, you'll probably be the youngest person by YEARS and they will love you and introduce you to their children and grandchildren. There's usually also a historical society, or some kind of service club you could join.
I definitely agree though, DON'T go around complaining that the big city has better coffee or whatever, even if the locals do it. They get to complain about the town--you don't. Just like only you get to pick on your little brother!
Basically, as long as you're friendly and don't try to come in and change everything, you'll be fine. Small towns are great!
posted by exceptinsects at 11:34 AM on May 20, 2007
Realize that even if your business is not someone else's business, it is now.
posted by nathan_teske at 11:44 AM on May 20, 2007
posted by nathan_teske at 11:44 AM on May 20, 2007
1) Small towns have a lot more sex than you'd think, just because there's that much less to do.
2) Local politics are populated with those heavily interrelated by blood, marriage, etc. Learn it. Live it.
3) Don't act sma'at.
4) Catalogs and websites, these will be the only way you can get the weird stuff you're used to getting in the city.
5) Enjoy fresh local produce.
6) If you deviate from the baseline of society, by being a pagan, a perv, whatever, get your freak on in another town.
7) Establish some kind of routine wherein you are seen in the town proper, doing the same thing, once a week. This reassures people that you're not a Martian.
8) Combining #4 and #6 - get a PO box in another town.
9) If you hear anyone use the aphorism, "Lottery in June, corn be high soon," move immediately.
posted by adipocere at 11:49 AM on May 20, 2007 [1 favorite]
2) Local politics are populated with those heavily interrelated by blood, marriage, etc. Learn it. Live it.
3) Don't act sma'at.
4) Catalogs and websites, these will be the only way you can get the weird stuff you're used to getting in the city.
5) Enjoy fresh local produce.
6) If you deviate from the baseline of society, by being a pagan, a perv, whatever, get your freak on in another town.
7) Establish some kind of routine wherein you are seen in the town proper, doing the same thing, once a week. This reassures people that you're not a Martian.
8) Combining #4 and #6 - get a PO box in another town.
9) If you hear anyone use the aphorism, "Lottery in June, corn be high soon," move immediately.
posted by adipocere at 11:49 AM on May 20, 2007 [1 favorite]
'Mind your own business'. No one likes carpetbaggers. =)
People generally move to small towns to be left alone. You gain a large amount of freedom by living in an area where there is no one around to tell you what you can and can not do. Be mindful of that, and respect others. Small town folk are generally easy going and will be nice to you if you're nice to them. Just don't be a dick.
posted by triolus at 11:53 AM on May 20, 2007
People generally move to small towns to be left alone. You gain a large amount of freedom by living in an area where there is no one around to tell you what you can and can not do. Be mindful of that, and respect others. Small town folk are generally easy going and will be nice to you if you're nice to them. Just don't be a dick.
posted by triolus at 11:53 AM on May 20, 2007
I would suggest getting involved in town, either at the bake sales or plant sales, etc. You can get involved with local politics but aim low! Don't aim for the select board, town clerk or school board for quite a while.
Here in Vermont we have Town Meeting Day. When my wife and I moved here we attended the town meeting even before we had closed on the house. We introduced ourselves and said how glad we were to be there. We made sure people understood that we wanted to acclimate to the town and had no expectation that the town change to suit our (prior) needs. Before the next year's town meeting my wife was a town auditor and I was on the Board of a local historical site.
Volunteer, volunteer, volunteer.
Say hi to people. Chat with your neighbors, the folks at the general store, the folks at the library. People are generally friendly.
This is very good advice, but also realize that while people are friendly, they may not be very open at first. When I first moved to my small town, people were polite but stand-offish. I didn't take it personally. I just remained friendly and tried to be helpful. It didn't take long until people warmed to me. As was mentioned, always say Hi... oh, and find out what the local greeting is. Howdy, hi, hello, etc. You're less likely to look like an outsider.
As Jessamyn said, read the local paper. It is a great source of what is going on in the community, and many small town publish a calendar of events so it is easy to learn when the next fundraiser, talent show, or other event is taking place.
Lastly, check the MetaFilter Google map and see if you have any new neighbors from here. You'll probably be surprised. Then have a meetup :)
posted by terrapin at 12:17 PM on May 20, 2007
Here in Vermont we have Town Meeting Day. When my wife and I moved here we attended the town meeting even before we had closed on the house. We introduced ourselves and said how glad we were to be there. We made sure people understood that we wanted to acclimate to the town and had no expectation that the town change to suit our (prior) needs. Before the next year's town meeting my wife was a town auditor and I was on the Board of a local historical site.
Volunteer, volunteer, volunteer.
Say hi to people. Chat with your neighbors, the folks at the general store, the folks at the library. People are generally friendly.
This is very good advice, but also realize that while people are friendly, they may not be very open at first. When I first moved to my small town, people were polite but stand-offish. I didn't take it personally. I just remained friendly and tried to be helpful. It didn't take long until people warmed to me. As was mentioned, always say Hi... oh, and find out what the local greeting is. Howdy, hi, hello, etc. You're less likely to look like an outsider.
As Jessamyn said, read the local paper. It is a great source of what is going on in the community, and many small town publish a calendar of events so it is easy to learn when the next fundraiser, talent show, or other event is taking place.
Lastly, check the MetaFilter Google map and see if you have any new neighbors from here. You'll probably be surprised. Then have a meetup :)
posted by terrapin at 12:17 PM on May 20, 2007
If you like to take walks outside town, don't go tromping through farmers' fields unless you have permission.
The local Lions club is another alternative to church communities, and a lot of small towns have one.
More ways to get involved: help decorate a float for the town parade, if you have one, or get on a city planning committee.
6) If you deviate from the baseline of society, by being a pagan, a perv, whatever, get your freak on in another town.
College towns can be good places for deviants, since eccentricity is closer to the norm.
posted by ramenopres at 12:38 PM on May 20, 2007
The local Lions club is another alternative to church communities, and a lot of small towns have one.
More ways to get involved: help decorate a float for the town parade, if you have one, or get on a city planning committee.
6) If you deviate from the baseline of society, by being a pagan, a perv, whatever, get your freak on in another town.
College towns can be good places for deviants, since eccentricity is closer to the norm.
posted by ramenopres at 12:38 PM on May 20, 2007
There is a maxim that is true since it was spouted from an Oracle (useful pagans, eh?)
"When you are a stranger, act like one"
posted by Deep Dish at 12:43 PM on May 20, 2007
"When you are a stranger, act like one"
posted by Deep Dish at 12:43 PM on May 20, 2007
1) Keep a running list of things you need that can only be bought in cities. In the small town near where I grew up, monthly trips to "the city" were pretty common.
2) If it's available, pay for high-speed Internet (if you don't already). Depending on the size/remoteness of the town, you may only have access to dial-up, but this is becoming less common.
posted by lindsey.nicole at 1:01 PM on May 20, 2007
2) If it's available, pay for high-speed Internet (if you don't already). Depending on the size/remoteness of the town, you may only have access to dial-up, but this is becoming less common.
posted by lindsey.nicole at 1:01 PM on May 20, 2007
some very good advice here. don't know if i just didn't see this or what but i would add:
• don't talk smack about anyone to anyone you do not absolutely trust to be discreet.
posted by violetk at 1:16 PM on May 20, 2007
• don't talk smack about anyone to anyone you do not absolutely trust to be discreet.
posted by violetk at 1:16 PM on May 20, 2007
Good point about the lights, though. Small towns usually don't have much crime--people often don't lock their doors--and there's not really a need your lights on at night if you don't expect anyone to be outside, walking a dog or something. Go look at the stars.
This depends very much on the town and probably the region. Possibly a lot of the advice above does, as well. In the small town where I was born, for instance, you most certainly do want to lock your doors and have some lights around, and to keep medications in places that an apparently casual visitor wouldn't be able to search quickly. Different places have different problems.
posted by dilettante at 1:21 PM on May 20, 2007
This depends very much on the town and probably the region. Possibly a lot of the advice above does, as well. In the small town where I was born, for instance, you most certainly do want to lock your doors and have some lights around, and to keep medications in places that an apparently casual visitor wouldn't be able to search quickly. Different places have different problems.
posted by dilettante at 1:21 PM on May 20, 2007
dilettante: That's a good point. The religion thing is another regional issue, I think--where I grew up, no one could care less where (or if) you went to church, which probably isn't true in other parts of the country. purplesludge, can you elaborate on the area you are heading to? It would let the advice be a bit more targeted.
posted by Upton O'Good at 1:31 PM on May 20, 2007
posted by Upton O'Good at 1:31 PM on May 20, 2007
"How are you?", "What's up?", etc. are no longer throwaway hello-goodbye greetings. A five-minute conversation is expected to follow - if you treat these as hello-goodbyes, you may be thought of as being stuck-up.
posted by Xere at 1:42 PM on May 20, 2007
posted by Xere at 1:42 PM on May 20, 2007
Seconding what's been said about reading the local paper and about not trying to change things to make them more like where you moved from.
When you are out for a walk or working in your yard and you see someone else out for a walk or working in their yard, ACKNOWLEDGE THEM. Smile, wave, nod, say "hi."
When the local kids are setting up a lemonade stand in the summer or selling fundraiser crap (candy bars, gift wrap, etc) during the school year, humor them. Fifty cents for a paper cup of warm Crystal Lite is an excellent investment in neighborly relations.
posted by Orinda at 2:16 PM on May 20, 2007
When you are out for a walk or working in your yard and you see someone else out for a walk or working in their yard, ACKNOWLEDGE THEM. Smile, wave, nod, say "hi."
When the local kids are setting up a lemonade stand in the summer or selling fundraiser crap (candy bars, gift wrap, etc) during the school year, humor them. Fifty cents for a paper cup of warm Crystal Lite is an excellent investment in neighborly relations.
posted by Orinda at 2:16 PM on May 20, 2007
Always greet them whenever you see them, even if you're in a hurry; they'll think you're rude if you don't.
Try and pick up on some of the local traditions and praticipate in them if you can; it always helps to be part of the community.
Respect the culture of the area and try and assimilate it as much as you can; people will really appreciate it.
posted by hadjiboy at 7:24 PM on May 20, 2007
Try and pick up on some of the local traditions and praticipate in them if you can; it always helps to be part of the community.
Respect the culture of the area and try and assimilate it as much as you can; people will really appreciate it.
posted by hadjiboy at 7:24 PM on May 20, 2007
Hold the door open for others. When someone does the same to you, make sure to look at them and say "Thank ya!"
posted by tanminivan at 8:51 PM on May 20, 2007
posted by tanminivan at 8:51 PM on May 20, 2007
People in small towns aren't much different than people in big cities, there's just not as many of them. In a small town you can take time to talk to folks. You'd never get anything done if you spent a couple minutes talking to everyone you meet in the city, but in a small town it's sort of expected (and not all that unpleasant). Your new neighbors would probably be surprised that you felt like you had to ask this question...
posted by the christopher hundreds at 9:46 PM on May 20, 2007
posted by the christopher hundreds at 9:46 PM on May 20, 2007
I don't currently live in a small town, but I am frequently around people who are not from this part of the country. So, the whole, don't be a carpetbagger advice rings true to me.
Being in a new environment requires a good mindset, and it's best not to dwell on what you love about that other place. Looking for a replacement activity or environment doesn't work. Embrace the new place for what it is.
Some of this will repeat what others have said, but here you go:
* Read the local papers
* Don't bitch about how the local place doesn't have X or you can't shop at Y
* Favor locally owned businesses over nationally owned ones or at least spread out your shopping dollars
* Join a local organization. The Lion's Club suggestion was excellent.
* Take a class.
* Be a tourist in the region. Lots of fun, and you're right there where people will share their secret spots.
* If you don't have a public facing job, consider a part time or volunteer job that requires lots of interaction with people. Bookstore clerk, barrista, etc. This will let you meet people, introduce yourself, and chat, while giving you something to do with yourself.
* Don't spend all of your free time and money planning getaways to the big city. You could do all of the other stuff, but if you can't stand to live there when you're not working, you should live somewhere else.
* Don't assume because you're better educated than some/most of the population that you are better, smarter, or more qualified for work.
* Know that no matter where you live--big or small--there will be a background network. This time you're noticing it because you don't have connections--yet.
posted by nita at 6:35 AM on May 21, 2007
Being in a new environment requires a good mindset, and it's best not to dwell on what you love about that other place. Looking for a replacement activity or environment doesn't work. Embrace the new place for what it is.
Some of this will repeat what others have said, but here you go:
* Read the local papers
* Don't bitch about how the local place doesn't have X or you can't shop at Y
* Favor locally owned businesses over nationally owned ones or at least spread out your shopping dollars
* Join a local organization. The Lion's Club suggestion was excellent.
* Take a class.
* Be a tourist in the region. Lots of fun, and you're right there where people will share their secret spots.
* If you don't have a public facing job, consider a part time or volunteer job that requires lots of interaction with people. Bookstore clerk, barrista, etc. This will let you meet people, introduce yourself, and chat, while giving you something to do with yourself.
* Don't spend all of your free time and money planning getaways to the big city. You could do all of the other stuff, but if you can't stand to live there when you're not working, you should live somewhere else.
* Don't assume because you're better educated than some/most of the population that you are better, smarter, or more qualified for work.
* Know that no matter where you live--big or small--there will be a background network. This time you're noticing it because you don't have connections--yet.
posted by nita at 6:35 AM on May 21, 2007
As a semi-regular visitor to a small-town, I'd like to echo some of the earlier advice here, but with a twist. Avoid the natural instinct of saying, "This place doesn't have X or I can't get Y".
Turn it around to a positive; "This place has X and I'd never be able to get Y before. This is incredible." Lie/exaggerate if you must.
posted by jmevius at 7:52 AM on May 21, 2007
Turn it around to a positive; "This place has X and I'd never be able to get Y before. This is incredible." Lie/exaggerate if you must.
posted by jmevius at 7:52 AM on May 21, 2007
Response by poster: Thanks, everyone! This has been very helpful.
posted by purplesludge at 4:05 AM on May 22, 2007
posted by purplesludge at 4:05 AM on May 22, 2007
This thread is closed to new comments.
Don't attempt to live in an apartment, rowhouse, or other city-like contraption.
Although really it depends on how far away from everything it is. I live in SmallTownX which is surrounded by HugeSubdivionY, the only difference is that we've got a little (green, legal) sign saying where our area begins, and they have an enormous wooden useful-for-giving-directions-but-really-meaningless sign.
posted by anaelith at 10:15 AM on May 20, 2007