Not pregnant, just fat

May 8, 2007 4:55 AM

Because of the way I carry my excess weight, I look pregnant. I think this is preventing me from finding a job.

I am about 40 pounds overweight, and every bit of it is carried in my stomach and breasts (yes, I know how incredibly unhealthy this is because of heart disease and diabetes and I'm working on it). My legs, hips, and arms are quite thin, so I look like I am about 7 months pregnant, give or take. On more than one occasion, well-meaning old ladies have asked me when I am due or if it's my first or if it's a girl or a boy (for some reason, since it's always old ladies, it doesn't bother me). I've been to 24 job interviews (seriously) in the last month, and not one has called back. I am qualified, articulate, friendly, confident, etc. and I have a solid work history and excellent references. I've been told that the job market where I live is pretty hot at the moment. I just can't believe that not ONE of the 24 companies for which I have interviewed wouldn't so much as consider me for a second interview, and I am afraid it's because they don't want to hire someone who is going to have a kid in the next two months.
So, I guess my question has two parts - is there any way to casually drop the fact that I am not pregnant into the conversation during the interview? And, since I am a total idiot when it comes to clothes, what can I wear to make me look less pregnant? (I'm in my 20's and only 5'2", looking for work in a professional-yet-creative industry, if that helps)

posted by cilantro to Work & Money (21 answers total)

It's bad form to discriminate against a job applicant because she is a she. It's crap like this which makes me glad I am self-employed. Not everyone has this option though.

Mistaking a woman for being pregnant is one of the most embarassing things you can do. Everyone can relate to it. You seem pretty cool with it (which says to me a lot of positive things about you) so why not try to make a joke of it and play it to your advantage. A sort of "a funny thing happened to me on the way here..." and then the "it's always old ladies" bit.

You get your point across in a subtle way, demonstrate that you're not uptight about your weight, and show a sense of humor. Who wouldn't hire you?
posted by three blind mice at 5:20 AM on May 8, 2007

Defining shape is the key.

I am very curvy; I do have a waist and have an issue with anything that hangs down because it makes me look pregnant.

Wrap around tops are a god send! They draw attention away from some areas and give you more of a waist. I would recommend wearing them with a vest top underneath (more professional than showing a lot of cleavage), it also gives you a chance to mix and match more.
posted by informity at 5:30 AM on May 8, 2007

what can I wear to make me look less pregnant?

Waist nipper.
posted by macadamiaranch at 5:33 AM on May 8, 2007

Spanx!
posted by thinkpiece at 6:41 AM on May 8, 2007

Seconding the waist nipper, and get one of those minimizing bras as well.

Also try to de-emphasize that your arms and legs are skinny. Instead of the pants that are more fitted, get some that are more straight-legged - not quite wide leg, but close - you want them to flow and skim instead of hugging. I find that lower rise pants somehow hold my stomach in - think just below the waist (unless you carry your weight higher).

If your climate allows it, you can wear a pair of sheer hose, then on top of that put a couple of pairs of tights, but cut off the bottoms (to make sure that they can't be seen when you cross your legs or sit down and the pants ride up). That will give some bulk - just make sure the pants you buy will look okay with that.

This approach to dressing probably won't be super comfortable though, so try it out first (in a dressing room, with everything you plan to wear with the pants (waist nipper, hose, etc)), and if it works, wear it a few times before you sit in a job interview.

Have you asked a close friend - one who will tell you the truth - if you do in fact look pregnant? You might be too close to the situation to gauge it accurately, especially if the old ladies have put the idea in your mind.

Just in case it's something else, try to think of what else might make you a more marketable candidate (not that you aren't marketable! just see what you could improve, that never hurts). Is there anyone that you made a connection with during an interview, or anyone that you would feel comfortable following up with and saying basically that you're really interested in working for their company, and although you weren't called back for a second interview you'd like to be considered in the future, and would they be willing to spend a few minutes talking with you about some next steps you might take to enhance your attractiveness as a candidiate for their firm.

Is your field one where you could find a mentor? That could help a lot.

Good luck, keep hanging in there, and the right job will come along!!
posted by KAS at 7:00 AM on May 8, 2007

Response by poster: Alas, I tried on a thousand various girdle/corset things (including waist-nippers and spanx) rather recently, while looking for a way make a beautiful, inexpensive, and ill-fitting wedding dress that I REALLY wanted to buy a little less ill-fitting. Somehow, they made me look even more pregnant, by squeezing in at the sides the excess chub is more concentrated in the front, making me look more like I have a basketball belly instead of a pillow belly. I guess what I am looking for is a style or cut of clothing that will disguise my figure. I'm a little too short (and young) for the long, flowy Bea Arthur look, and the cute little empire-waist dresses I wear for every day look too immature and unprofessional for job interviews. A suit would be ideal, but I haven't found ANYTHING in my price range (<200$) that would even begin to fit without a ridiculous amount of tailoring, even in the petite section. I can hem pants myself and even take them in a bit in the hip area, if they aren't lined, but any jacket that is large enough to fit my waist and chest almost always needs the sleeves taken up at least 4 inches, the shoulders narrowed, the darts/seaming changed, etcetera. I actually returned a nice wool crepe jacket last week, I bought it on sale but the woman at the tailor shop wanted twice what I paid for it (and it wasn't exactly cheap) to do the work that needed to be done to make it fit me.
posted by cilantro at 7:01 AM on May 8, 2007

You may have already considered this, but are you sure it's just extra weight rather than some sort of health issue causing an enlarged abdomen? I know people who have had tumors/hernias/enlarged spleen (in that case as a result of Gaucher's disease) that have made them look quite pregnant.
posted by needs more cowbell at 7:03 AM on May 8, 2007

I Nth getting some "shapewear" that will smoosh you into a curvier, less-pregnant silhouette. One thing I've discovered about being pregnant versus having fat is that pregnant women cannot "suck in their gut" so to speak.
As uncomfortable as the spandex stuff is, it will help to smoosh the fat in the middle down towards your hips, to create a more hourglass kind of figure, even if only for the interview.
posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 7:13 AM on May 8, 2007

Response by poster: Nope, no health issues aside from too many snacks and video games and not enough exercise. I asked my doctor in the hopes that a 40 pound benign tumor could be removed, leaving me with the figure of Salma Hayek, and he did some x-rays, poked around, asked a bunch of questions, and the diagnosis was that I have, for the last couple of years, taken in significantly more calories than I have burned.
posted by cilantro at 7:16 AM on May 8, 2007

No empire dresses. They are specifically worn by the pregnant (for the same reasons they fit you so well) and there is an automatic association with pregnancy.

A dress with a waist slightly higher than your natural waist is good - but don't go empire.

The problem then becomes how to find affordable clothes for your body type. My body isn't strange, but I have had trouble fitting it the way I like, so I have made my own clothes or gone to a dressmaker. A skilled dressmaker can be surprisingly inexpensive. If all you need now is a single interview suit, you can invest in that and then add one nice custom outfit every six months to a year once you have a job. (What I did. After three years I finally had a different outfit to wear every day of the week!)

It sounds to me as though a tunic over straight or full pants would be nice on you and not too complicated to get made up. Attract attention to the ends of you rather than your middle: bell-bottom pants with boots, a striking watch.

And what KAS said.
posted by kika at 7:42 AM on May 8, 2007

>solid work history and excellent references

Have a friend call your previous employers and ask about you. 24/0 is really bad odds, someone might be saying "Dont hire this person" and you may not know about it.
posted by damn dirty ape at 8:05 AM on May 8, 2007

I think three blind mice nailed it with the first comment. You seem entirely capable of broaching the topic with tact and humor. I suspect that will go a lot further than attempting to cover up who you are.

Regardless, good luck!
posted by aladfar at 8:09 AM on May 8, 2007

Just wanted to second three blind mice's comment. You do sound fun and confident and if you just bring the subject up yourself that will be a big help. Employers can't legally ask but I bet they really really want to know.
posted by selfmedicating at 8:28 AM on May 8, 2007

Maybe if you have an opening during an interview, you can say something like, "After 3 months of working here, I hope to have acheived X, and after 6 months, Y. During the next year, I will hone my skills in A, B, and C."

Just a short sentence or paragraph the makes it clear that you will be working full-time for the foreseeable future, with no long breaks for [pregnancy-related] leave.
posted by peep at 9:23 AM on May 8, 2007

the = that
posted by peep at 9:23 AM on May 8, 2007

Nope, no health issues aside from too many snacks and video games and not enough exercise. I asked my doctor in the hopes that a 40 pound benign tumor could be removed, leaving me with the figure of Salma Hayek.

Total noise here (sorry!), but Salma Hayek is pregnant :)


Anyway, I like three blind mice's comment. Short of that, if you think you'll be able to buy/tailor something to fit if you had a bigger budget, it may be worth spending more. With a new job, you'll probably be able to get an immediate return on the investment. And for me, it would be worth the extra several hundred dollars to have the job and something that I feel great in.
posted by ml98tu at 9:52 AM on May 8, 2007

three blind mice has it - they are not allowed to ask if you are pregnant, so you need to take the lead here - presenting it as a joke is the best way.

A custom made corset with spring steel boning will do wonders for the shape of your waist. The cost on these is about $ 300, and I can't imagine wearing one every day (although they can be suprisingly comfortable), but it does have the power to completely reshape your body.
posted by yohko at 12:13 PM on May 8, 2007

Hopefully this will not cause offense, and not seeing you I have no means of judging whether this is a possible answer, but some people don't like fat people. Depending on your clothes, how you present, even if you sweat or seem to be out of breath, someone might perceive you to be sloppy or lazy. As KAS notes, you may not look as pregnant as you and the old ladies think, and it may not be just that keeping you out of the callback.
posted by SuperNova at 4:47 PM on May 8, 2007

Come on, dude, there are lots of employed fat people. Many of us are reading metafilter at work right now. It's the pregnancy thing. The employers can't bring it up, and if they think you're pregnant, they're wondering why you haven't brought it up.
posted by selfmedicating at 6:11 PM on May 8, 2007

Response by poster: Well, Supernova, you didn't cause me offense, exactly, but... do you really think that the reason I've not received a second interview from 24 different companies is because all 24 interviewers (and actually, it's more than 24, since several companies had me sit down in front of a team of 2-3 interviewers) had some kind of vendetta against the moderately overweight (according to my doctor, I've got a few pounds to go before I hit the "obese" category, not that it really matters)? Seems like a stretch to me, especially since several of the people who interviewed me were overweight, as well. I'm willing to accept that one or two interviewers might have rejected me out of hand in favor of thinner candidates with the same qualifications because of their inherent fat prejudice, but certainly not more than that.
I'm going to assume you're really trying to be helpful, as opposed to unpleasant. So, no, I don't think that my weight is a problem as you've described, because while I might look a bit preggers, I'm not much of a sweater, I can handle quite a few flights of stairs without too much huffing and/or puffing, and my mom taught me to clean my nails, brush my teeth, and how to remove almost any stain from almost any fabric, so I'm always neat and clean. Now if I could just stop getting toothpaste on my top every morning before I leave the house...
posted by cilantro at 12:40 AM on May 9, 2007

Response by poster: Hey everyone! Thanks for all your advice, and just to update, I just got a job offer (no second interview needed) from one of the places I was most excited about. Excellent pay, excellent location. So, yay! (Just as a side note, my interviewer was an actual real-life pregnant woman.)
posted by cilantro at 6:47 AM on May 10, 2007