So I might get fired for love. How do I prevent this?
May 1, 2007 4:03 PM Subscribe
So I'm in love. In another city and I just changed my flight for an extended week. What do I tell my boss?
So I fell in love with a guy from... yeah, from the internet. I came out to visit him, 7 day trip, all approved at work and everything and today when he was dropping me off at the airport it was too hard to leave him, so I extended my trip by another 6 days. How should I tell my boss? I left a voicemail for one of them earlier but I haven't spoken to anyone directly. There is a three hour time zone difference, so they've already left for the day. Wait until tomorrow morning and call them when I should be showing up or should I email them right now? Addtionally fun: I did this without authorization.
So I fell in love with a guy from... yeah, from the internet. I came out to visit him, 7 day trip, all approved at work and everything and today when he was dropping me off at the airport it was too hard to leave him, so I extended my trip by another 6 days. How should I tell my boss? I left a voicemail for one of them earlier but I haven't spoken to anyone directly. There is a three hour time zone difference, so they've already left for the day. Wait until tomorrow morning and call them when I should be showing up or should I email them right now? Addtionally fun: I did this without authorization.
I don't know how you would prevent this. Looks like you take whatever comes your way from this point. You called, you might want to email (now), and you should absolutely follow up as soon as possible tomorrow - as in - wake up at 5 am (8 am) their time and make sure you talk to someone. Is there work you can handle from your location? Not saying that you won't get fired, but at least be responsible and courteous enough to cover all of your bases that you won't be there.
(And while you're on your vacate, maybe peruse the want ads for another job?)
posted by Sassyfras at 4:17 PM on May 1, 2007
(And while you're on your vacate, maybe peruse the want ads for another job?)
posted by Sassyfras at 4:17 PM on May 1, 2007
Was the voicemail left for your boss? You said it was "one of them," but didn't say which one. If you want to keep your job, leave a voicemail for the boss, if you haven't already, then call him or her first thing in the morning, in your boss' time zone.
Also, start thinking about what you're going to do six days from now. It may not be easier to leave then....
posted by Robert Angelo at 4:25 PM on May 1, 2007
Also, start thinking about what you're going to do six days from now. It may not be easier to leave then....
posted by Robert Angelo at 4:25 PM on May 1, 2007
Response by poster: I left a voicemail for one of my bosses, however the "head" boss wasn't in the office and I don't want to call her home number for something like this. I think I'm going to follow up with an email. A little backstory I should have included: I've had this job since 2005 and I'm pretty okay at it - eh, but I don't like it. No comments on how I am jepordizing myself on purpose, but yeah, I sorta am...
posted by banannafish at 4:30 PM on May 1, 2007
posted by banannafish at 4:30 PM on May 1, 2007
Best answer: Do they know you went away to meet a guy? If not, just say 'something's come up'. You're not legally bound to tell your employer why you can't make it into work (unless you signed a contract that says you have to). And if it's not going over your contracted paid vacation, then it's not like you're robbing them of any money.
posted by Happy Dave at 4:30 PM on May 1, 2007
posted by Happy Dave at 4:30 PM on May 1, 2007
Well then, if you're not too bothered - why not quit?
posted by Happy Dave at 4:31 PM on May 1, 2007
posted by Happy Dave at 4:31 PM on May 1, 2007
Response by poster: Good idea with the "something came up" - they know I came out to visit him and that I was having a great time (I called in for a conference call on Friday) but I can use that anyway. Hrmm.. great advice since I didn't know how to start the conversation and I could use that as a segway into a very short conversation.
posted by banannafish at 4:33 PM on May 1, 2007
posted by banannafish at 4:33 PM on May 1, 2007
if that is your real name in your profile you need to get it out of there pronto.
posted by fishfucker at 4:44 PM on May 1, 2007
posted by fishfucker at 4:44 PM on May 1, 2007
well, sorry, let me rephrase that. you don't *need* to do anything, however, a discussion about how you might deceive or otherwise tell a little less than the truth to your company is probably best done with as little personal identification as possible.
additionally, people are gettin' all sorts of googled these days, so this isn't necessarily a conversation i'd want turning up for future HR departments either.
Over-bearing caution? Perhaps.
posted by fishfucker at 4:49 PM on May 1, 2007
additionally, people are gettin' all sorts of googled these days, so this isn't necessarily a conversation i'd want turning up for future HR departments either.
Over-bearing caution? Perhaps.
posted by fishfucker at 4:49 PM on May 1, 2007
1. You became ill
2. The airline screwed you and your travel plans changed.
3. Travelocity/Expedia screwed you and your travel plans changed.
4. Someone you know died.
5. Total Honesty
6. How much do you need or like this job?
7. How many sick, personal, or vacation days can you use extemporaneously?
8. Obfuscation and Vagueness, "I'm having a personal issue and I'll need a few more days." Or "I'm sorry, but something personal and unavoidable has come up."
9. "My friend's house burned down/someone they know died/their cat died and they are inconsolable I'll need a few more days."
10. Is your boss male? The old trump card: "I'm having some female issues. I need some personal time."
11. If your company is big enough, call HR and see if you can get some options more or less anonymously. "Hi this is (garbled) on the 10th floor, I'm taking a vacation next week, but if something comes up what do I need to do to extend my trip?"
posted by MasonDixon at 5:04 PM on May 1, 2007
2. The airline screwed you and your travel plans changed.
3. Travelocity/Expedia screwed you and your travel plans changed.
4. Someone you know died.
5. Total Honesty
6. How much do you need or like this job?
7. How many sick, personal, or vacation days can you use extemporaneously?
8. Obfuscation and Vagueness, "I'm having a personal issue and I'll need a few more days." Or "I'm sorry, but something personal and unavoidable has come up."
9. "My friend's house burned down/someone they know died/their cat died and they are inconsolable I'll need a few more days."
10. Is your boss male? The old trump card: "I'm having some female issues. I need some personal time."
11. If your company is big enough, call HR and see if you can get some options more or less anonymously. "Hi this is (garbled) on the 10th floor, I'm taking a vacation next week, but if something comes up what do I need to do to extend my trip?"
posted by MasonDixon at 5:04 PM on May 1, 2007
call your immediate supervisor first thing in the morning and say, "i've extended my trip for 6 days. i'm willing to take the time off without pay or work late to make up the time. is there any way we can make this work?"
don't expect to keep your job. hope he's worth it! (and hey, if it works out, you'll have a great story to tell.)
posted by thinkingwoman at 5:09 PM on May 1, 2007
don't expect to keep your job. hope he's worth it! (and hey, if it works out, you'll have a great story to tell.)
posted by thinkingwoman at 5:09 PM on May 1, 2007
Also, perhaps your job can (at least in part) be performed remotely? If you tell your boss that you need to take an extra week, but that can be working remotely that time, he/she might be might be more amenable. Slightly less together time perhaps, but if it keeps you from getting fired, it might well be worth it. This obviously depends on your job and your boss.
posted by zachlipton at 5:45 PM on May 1, 2007
posted by zachlipton at 5:45 PM on May 1, 2007
Response by poster: I am planning on being truthful, but not giving an over amount of details. It is not their business. I'm going to go with the email follow up to voicemail. thinkingwoman had a great idea with the "without pay or work late to make up the time" - I'm going to throw that out there if there are a lot of questions.
posted by banannafish at 6:10 PM on May 1, 2007
posted by banannafish at 6:10 PM on May 1, 2007
Why not the truth?
Say, I got to the airport and was unable to leave. Is there anyway I can work from here for the next week? If necessary, have them fedex a laptop to you and work from your sweetie's house. I assume your sweetie has to go to work at some point as well....
This will have the benefit of: a. honesty, b. you are leaving them in the lurch c. you may well keep your job.
posted by zia at 6:18 PM on May 1, 2007
Say, I got to the airport and was unable to leave. Is there anyway I can work from here for the next week? If necessary, have them fedex a laptop to you and work from your sweetie's house. I assume your sweetie has to go to work at some point as well....
This will have the benefit of: a. honesty, b. you are leaving them in the lurch c. you may well keep your job.
posted by zia at 6:18 PM on May 1, 2007
I'd have sent this answer in via email, but you don't have it listed, so I'll risk chattiness.
First and foremost, I'd like to encourage you to do whatever you do without reservation. Follow your heart is a cliche, but a good one. I had a sort of similar situation in mid-March. I was just ending a month of leave, spent with my boyfriend that I'd met online, and that month was the first time we were together. I drove down to see him, and the drive back was one of the hardest things I've ever done; I couldn't even tell you how many times I had to pull off the freeway to deal with the crying (hyperventilating and everything, whee).
Long distance is incredibly hard, so honestly? I'd say if you're not real attached to your job, heck, quit. You might still have to go back for a couple weeks or a month, to deal with the 2-weeks-notice thing and get your stuff moved, but if it's worth it, then it is.
Take my opinion with a grain salt; I'm telling you to do what I wish I could have.
posted by kavasa at 6:19 PM on May 1, 2007
First and foremost, I'd like to encourage you to do whatever you do without reservation. Follow your heart is a cliche, but a good one. I had a sort of similar situation in mid-March. I was just ending a month of leave, spent with my boyfriend that I'd met online, and that month was the first time we were together. I drove down to see him, and the drive back was one of the hardest things I've ever done; I couldn't even tell you how many times I had to pull off the freeway to deal with the crying (hyperventilating and everything, whee).
Long distance is incredibly hard, so honestly? I'd say if you're not real attached to your job, heck, quit. You might still have to go back for a couple weeks or a month, to deal with the 2-weeks-notice thing and get your stuff moved, but if it's worth it, then it is.
Take my opinion with a grain salt; I'm telling you to do what I wish I could have.
posted by kavasa at 6:19 PM on May 1, 2007
I hate to hijack ... but what dating website features men interesting enough to make you travel to see them ... and risk losing your job. Share ... please.
posted by notjustfoxybrown at 6:28 PM on May 1, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by notjustfoxybrown at 6:28 PM on May 1, 2007 [1 favorite]
MasonDixon writes "'My friend's house burned down/someone they know died/their cat died and they are inconsolable I'll need a few more days.'"
You want to avoid the implausible lie: "I ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didn't have change for cab fare! I lost my tux at the cleaners! I locked my keys in the car! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts!" isn't going to be believed. Just like people make snide comments when co-workers call in sick on Monday or Friday; everyone in the know is going to assume the worst unless you have hospital bills or something.
The less said the better. RL main streamers are going think it's wrong to fly out to meet an internet guy anyways. If it doesn't work out and you do keep your job you'll be known as that girl evermore if you come completely clean about your reasons for staying. That's assuming your not a brain surgeon or something where lives hang in the balance.
PS: Congratulations on choosing working-to-live rather than the other way around.
posted by Mitheral at 7:12 PM on May 1, 2007
You want to avoid the implausible lie: "I ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didn't have change for cab fare! I lost my tux at the cleaners! I locked my keys in the car! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts!" isn't going to be believed. Just like people make snide comments when co-workers call in sick on Monday or Friday; everyone in the know is going to assume the worst unless you have hospital bills or something.
The less said the better. RL main streamers are going think it's wrong to fly out to meet an internet guy anyways. If it doesn't work out and you do keep your job you'll be known as that girl evermore if you come completely clean about your reasons for staying. That's assuming your not a brain surgeon or something where lives hang in the balance.
PS: Congratulations on choosing working-to-live rather than the other way around.
posted by Mitheral at 7:12 PM on May 1, 2007
Best answer: All you need to know is above.
However, my personal take/advice?
Quit your job, find one where you are, send movers for your things.
You only live once.
If you are in this much of an obsessive love affair, you'll no more be able to leave next week than you are this week.
Plus, Cincinnati? Like you'd ever miss it.
posted by Ynoxas at 9:22 PM on May 1, 2007 [1 favorite]
However, my personal take/advice?
Quit your job, find one where you are, send movers for your things.
You only live once.
If you are in this much of an obsessive love affair, you'll no more be able to leave next week than you are this week.
Plus, Cincinnati? Like you'd ever miss it.
posted by Ynoxas at 9:22 PM on May 1, 2007 [1 favorite]
Funny, when I went out of town to visit my g/f, back before we lived in the same city, I always got more work done, but I carried a laptop and worked while she was at work.
Several times I ended up staying longer than I had intended, a couple of times due to airline issues. I once had to go down there for work anyway, so got a free trip, then when the time came to come home they were overbooked. I volunteered to be bumped and got $250 and a free change to a few days later. Come a few days later, they're overbooked again (I just loove Delta :p) so I took another bump and another $250. Finally, a week after I was originally supposed to come home I made it in.
I blamed it on the airline, but it's not as if anybody didn't know that I could have gotten home days earlier had I wanted to do so.
I don't recommend you use that line, though, as I've always had exceedingly flexible work environments. Whenever I have taken longer vacations than I had originally planned, I just called up and said "I'll be gone another week, if you need my help with anything, give me a call."
posted by wierdo at 9:30 PM on May 1, 2007
Several times I ended up staying longer than I had intended, a couple of times due to airline issues. I once had to go down there for work anyway, so got a free trip, then when the time came to come home they were overbooked. I volunteered to be bumped and got $250 and a free change to a few days later. Come a few days later, they're overbooked again (I just loove Delta :p) so I took another bump and another $250. Finally, a week after I was originally supposed to come home I made it in.
I blamed it on the airline, but it's not as if anybody didn't know that I could have gotten home days earlier had I wanted to do so.
I don't recommend you use that line, though, as I've always had exceedingly flexible work environments. Whenever I have taken longer vacations than I had originally planned, I just called up and said "I'll be gone another week, if you need my help with anything, give me a call."
posted by wierdo at 9:30 PM on May 1, 2007
thank you for being someone who trusts your feelings about *internet love*. Trust your feelings about the work, and if they're pissed, then move on. :)
posted by santojulieta at 2:22 AM on May 2, 2007
posted by santojulieta at 2:22 AM on May 2, 2007
"Something came up." I love it. Best reason ever for getting fired. Congratulations!
posted by LordSludge at 1:41 PM on May 2, 2007
posted by LordSludge at 1:41 PM on May 2, 2007
This thread is closed to new comments.
"I'd like to take more time than I planned. How can I work that out?"
That's about it. Love makes us do foolish things. So does "love." And most of those foolish things end up having consequences.
posted by The Deej at 4:14 PM on May 1, 2007