Help.

January 18, 2007 11:24 AM

Borderline personality, am I? I kinda want it to be true. I feel a little fcked up and putting a lable to it makes me think there's a way out of this. I need a way out..

Anyway, someone that I care about deeply, just mentioned the other day that I was angry. I thought, how can I be angry? I try so hard to be nice. I ended up reflecting on what she said for a while. I've been try ing to understand why I have so much trouble with everything. I ended up stumbling upon the BDP description on wikipedia and the fucker fits like a shoe.

I do fear commitment, 'cause nobody can really love me. I am afraid of making connections with people because eventually they'll go away. So what's the poing? I've realized that I have been angry. I've never act ually paid attention to the fact that the only person that makes me angry was me. Unfortunately even though I tried to channel that anger away when I was aware of it, people closest to me got hurt anyway.

I went to the library yesterday and borrowed a book, "Angry Heart". It's a self help manual. I've read the first couple of chapters and it made me cry basically. I thought I hit rock bottom but this is something new. It was a little too fucked up for me, so I self-medicated. Upon closer examination, not such a good idea considering work and all. Which, I guess, brings me to the actual question.

I think I should seek professional opinion but I feel that my judgement is clouded by my continous intoxication over the last 2 years. I want to try and quit smoking to see if things improve. Should I? I'm kinda scared that things will get out of control though.

posted by aeighty to Human Relations (8 answers total)

To the doctor with you.
posted by bonaldi at 11:26 AM on January 18, 2007

One thing at a time. Quit drinking before you quit smoking. Unless you're smoking pot, in which case quit drinking and smoking pot. And see a doctor.
posted by Floydd at 11:33 AM on January 18, 2007

Um....? Your "question" is totally incoherent. If that's a function of being upset right now, you should go talk with someone about being upset. If it's how you normally are, you should talk to something about that. It sounds a bit more like that someone should be a therapist than an MD, at least to start, but if your incoherence is endemic, then it should be a doctor.

I'm not sure I'd rush to diagnose myself, were I you, in part because there's nothing that you've written that suggests that you have any expertise at diagnosis at all (anger is not a primary diagnostic criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder), and in part because reading those criteria can be a lot like reading a horoscope: it's far too easy to let confirmation bias take over when you're thinking about yourself.

If you're in mental distress, by all means you should see someone about it. If you've got a substance abuse problem you should find a way to quit. If you feel that you're a danger to yourself or others you should go to an emergency room for immediate evaluation.
posted by OmieWise at 11:37 AM on January 18, 2007

There is hope for BPD. Most likely a doctor and/or therapist would be a good start.

Dr. Leland Heller is working on changing the name from BPD to dyslimbia. More here. He claims that most dyslimbia patients have a profound vitamin B-12 deficiency.

Another resource is this book by Marsha Linehan.

Disclaimer: IANAD. I just wanted to express that there is hope.
posted by Soda-Da at 11:39 AM on January 18, 2007

Go to the therapist. Don't self diagnose. You might not have it.
posted by Ironmouth at 11:45 AM on January 18, 2007

I think you're creating a false dichotomy to interfere with your impetus to do something about it because, having had a taste of it, the prospect of too much self-realization scares you.

You don't need to quit smoking up to benefit by seeing a therapist and indeed seeing a therapist will probably increase your likelihood of following through on giving up the smoke, by introducing an objective outside party to provide accountability and by providing psychological support for the effects stopping may have on you. One thing: some therapists are treatment/rehab happy when it comes to drugs and alcohol, some are not. It is okay to shop around and find someone willing to work with how you want to deal with things.

I'd suggest not reading much into any particular DIY diagnosis. We tend to see ourselves in things, particularly when we are generally messed up. When a self help book is making you cry, the people you love are surprising you by pointing out how much anger you are carrying, and you're turning to self-medication to dull the tip of the iceberg of any personal revelation, you need professional support. By all means, give quitting smoking up your best effort, but more importantly abandon the excuses and focus on getting that help, the most rational first step.
posted by nanojath at 11:46 AM on January 18, 2007

You sound depressed. I related to a lot of stuff that you said, as throughout my life I've had those things come and go even though I don't consider myself an angry person at all. What I've found helps is to stop and think about what actually makes you happy. Find the things that truly make you feel good about yourself and more a part of the world, where you don't feel that the world owes you anything but rather that you are contributing something good to it. When you are spending more time doing the things that bring out the best side of you, little by little you stop being so drawn in and insular and the need for anger fades away. And when you are doing things that feed your heart, more people are drawn to you as well.
I'm not a doctor & I don't even play one on tv.
posted by miss lynnster at 12:20 PM on January 18, 2007

I highly recommend the book "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me." (Sorry no linkage, I'm having some sort of Firefox extention glitch affecting cut and paste) Check it out on Amazon. I was a therapist in a past life and recommended it to several of my clients, with the caveat that if you are borderline, you will probably throw this book across the room at least once. It is very direct, but seems helpful to borderlines I have known. Also points out some of the positives of the borderline personality.
posted by thebrokedown at 12:49 PM on January 18, 2007