Writing in lingua LA

December 18, 2006 7:46 PM

Is this the right way to write to a Los Angeles-based potential client in the entertainment industry?

My boss specializes in visual effects and 3D animation. He's been involved with great film projects in 2006. My job is to find new projects that require his post-production services and make first contacts with producers.

It's not sales work, it's more like preliminary sales work.

Lately, I have established positive contacts (by email and phone) with potential clients in Los Angeles. One contact is a post-production department at a big studio and there are also a few contacts that are boutique production houses.

We send DVD demos to these people as part of our effort to fuel their interest and maintain an active dialogue. With every DVD package comes a letter of interest.

My boss thinks our letter of interest, which I've written, is not adequate. He says that it's too formal. I have to fine-tune it so "it feels more LA", with language more familiar to entertainment industry types, he says.

(He does not want me to lengthen it by the way.)

I don't think it's too formal. It's just simple.

Any suggestions?

Here's the text of the letter:

Dear Mrs. ___,

It is a great pleasure to be sending you, at Mr. __'s invitation, our most up-to-date demo reel and corporate profile. We are all very excited at the prospect of working in close collaboration with ____ Productions.

We have a team of vastly gifted artists and have recently been associated with amazing projects.

Once we get in touch about a specific project, we will be happy to supply VFX & CGI animation breakdown, schedule and budget as well as consulting on different production approaches.

If you have any questions, do not hesitate to call me.

Best regards,

_________

posted by amusem to Society & Culture (6 answers total)

If it is too formal for me - a fogey in the agriculture field - it's too formal. And I found it stuffy.

Dear Ms. (not Mrs.) X,

(First name) Y asked ZipZamKazowie to send you this demo, since s/he liked our effects and thought they'd fit ______ Productions' style and creativity. Because it's business, there's a corporate profile on the disk as well.

Our artists did the work on the demo and I think you'll agree the FX are amazing.

We're good at working with real productions, and we will coordinate with your group to get these VFX and CGI into yours. We have done it for Blammo and Zotz! and you'll find our credits in Roach, the Franz Kafka musical, and in Martha's Tumor, the riveting love-story that takes place in an OR.

We look forward to discussing ____ Productions Project P and how we can contribute.

Sincerely,
posted by jet_silver at 8:06 PM on December 18, 2006

If you're spending more than 15 minutes tuning this letter, you're wasting your time. In the entertainment industry, you are NOT going to win or lose work based on how the letter is written, so long as it meets a minimum level of professionalism (meaning, there's no obvious errors in it).

You WILL win or lose work based on personal connections and the actual content, in that order.

jet_silver's recommendations are fine, but spend your time on other things.
posted by frogan at 8:33 PM on December 18, 2006

2 major things I'd say you need to change:

1) if I'm your client and I receive that letter, I don't care whether *you're* having great pleasure or *you* are very excited - all I want to know about is what can you do for *me.* Make it all about me, not at all about you: the harsh reality is that nobody in LA gives a crap about you.

2) have you ever heard a movie trailer - a vehicle to sell a movie - use terms like great pleasure/ very excited/ most up-to-date/ vastly gifted/ amazing projects? No? They use terms to make the movie sound dynamic and create an impact, right? This letter is your movie trailer, it's your vehicle to sell your services, and you're trying to sell to a *very* energetic industry, so add some verve.

I kind of agree with frogan that deals aren't going to hinge on the minutia of the letter, but nonetheless, personally I certainly would take a moment to adapt the letter to the industry I was targeting, as much as I would adapt a cover letter and resume to an employer I was targeting.
posted by forallmankind at 9:09 PM on December 18, 2006

The entertainment industry and Los Angeles are just as corporate/formal as any other, and your letter reads perfectly fine to me (a professional in the entertainment industry, and one who lives in, yup, you guessed it, Los Angeles). If your boss says it needs to be deformalized, then do it, but he's wrong.
posted by incessant at 10:05 PM on December 18, 2006

If you've done all these great things, why not make them the focus of the letter?

"Remember Carby the talking carburettor in that GM commercial? Remember the guy who could turn himself out in the movie 'The Guy Who Could Turn Himself Inside Out'? What about lovable little Amy the Amoeba in the CDC's 'How Not To Catch Ebola' public information video? We're Foobar productions and did all that (copies on attached DVD). What can we do for you?"
posted by AmbroseChapel at 10:18 PM on December 18, 2006

If your boss says it needs to be deformalized, then do it, but he's wrong.

I have to disagree with this, based simply on the fact that being part of the industry doesn't qualify one to make absolute statements on how different individuals are going to react to your letter. Yes, the industry is increasingly corporate, naturally, but if you're pitching creative skills, I think you'd be wrong to assume you'd only be dealing with stiff dudes in suits.
posted by forallmankind at 11:55 PM on December 18, 2006