You ever played jacks? Well, it's kinda like that....

December 15, 2006 1:20 AM

What pick-up lines have you used, witnessed, or been the victim of that actually worked? Please include context.
posted by Mach3avelli to Human Relations (38 answers total)

Would you like to have sex?
posted by b33j at 2:13 AM on December 15, 2006

oh, oops, context, i walked up to an attractive man, and said, "would you like to have sex?" and he said "yes."
posted by b33j at 2:16 AM on December 15, 2006 [4 favorites]

"Wow, excellent."
"What?"
"I can see it in your eyes, you will let me come to your house and fuck you tonight."

Obviously, only works when you are already totally in there.
posted by Meatbomb at 2:42 AM on December 15, 2006

A friend once said to me: "You couldn't pick up in a monkey whorehouse with a bag of bananas". He was right, and you should discount anything I say.

Pickup lines only work if the person you're attempting to pick up already wants to go home with you. "can I buy you another drink"... "would you like to go somewhere quieter"... "I live near here, would you like to come back to my place for a drink"... If the person thinks you are a repulsive troll, do you really think a bon mot or two will turn them around?

The last time I picked up, I walked into a scientific antique shop and asked the proprietress if she had any Warburg Vessels (my Warburg Apparatus was broken at the time). It worked for me, and for her, since we've been married for 5 years now. But it's hardly a universal approach!

Another friend of mine has a simple dictum: be sober at closing time, and the fact that you can speak at all will be the most compelling line you ever utter.

It all depends what you want to achieve.
posted by tim_in_oz at 3:03 AM on December 15, 2006 [1 favorite]

"Are you gonna take me home with you tonight or what?"

This after several "group outings" in which I quite obviously threw myself at the guy, who was completely and totally oblivious. It took a lot of booze to work up the nerve to say this.

We're married now.

Awwww.
posted by Brittanie at 3:36 AM on December 15, 2006

"alright darling, fancy a fuck?"

"NO!"

"well, do you mind lying down while I have one then?"

/sid the sexist
posted by derbs at 3:41 AM on December 15, 2006

"Can I have a ride on your Harley?" has worked on me before; it wouldn't work now however, as my wife would object to having to walk.
posted by TedW at 4:24 AM on December 15, 2006

Hmm, one that worked on me was "So I heard you're a big mean top?" This was at a bar, a friend of a friend. i had already indicated to my friend that I thought his friend was absolutely adorable.

Another was a very cute boy wearing a t-shirt that said 'I'm a virgin'. I was introduced to him, looked at the shirt, laughed, and said "Yeah, sure you are." He looked up at me (he was that short) and said "Maybe... but it's fun to pretend..."

Shagged 'em both rotten, I did.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:35 AM on December 15, 2006 [1 favorite]

howdy ma'am, could you please spare a couple of minutes to help me look for my shetland pony? he broke out of my u-haul.
posted by bruce at 4:48 AM on December 15, 2006 [2 favorites]

Attraction is not a choice as the saying goes in the PUA community, and their main discussion forum provides plenty of instruction on meeting and seducing women.

Stop asking the questions of an AFC and step into a whole different level of male/female interactions. Instead of pickup lines and techniques, start reading the field reports posted by new and veteran PUAs.
posted by choragus at 5:28 AM on December 15, 2006

Next month I am marrying the most wonderful woman, and it all started because she accepted my offer to ride the love rocket any time she needed it. :)
posted by Spoonman at 5:55 AM on December 15, 2006

"You want to get out of here?" is the only one I've ever used, and I've only used it once. It's absolutely true that a pickup line alone won't magically convince someone to go home with you. They only "work" if the person you're attempting to pick up has already made up his/her mind.
posted by emelenjr at 6:10 AM on December 15, 2006

"do you want to go home with me? well, i mean, i really dont have a home right now."

i was between apartments crashing in my bosses spare bedroom for a couple of weeks.
posted by yeahyeahyeahwhoo at 6:20 AM on December 15, 2006

My brother used this (drunken) line on his now wife, while putting his arm around her...

"Heeey, it's my birthday!!"

(it was his birthday afterall)
posted by jacobjacobs at 6:40 AM on December 15, 2006

Hi, my name is ______.
posted by caddis at 6:46 AM on December 15, 2006

I once lost a $50 bet in a bar (back in my bar hopping days) when a male friend told me had a line that "always" worked and I challenged him to make it work right then.

He walked up to a woman at the bar, used the line, she laughed, they talked for a few minutes (I could hear them, so I know he wasn't saying "Hey, help me scam $50 out of my friend over there), then she came back to the table with us, and they ended up leaving together. What happened after that I don't know.

The line was: "Nice shoes. [pause] Wanna fuck?"
posted by anastasiav at 7:09 AM on December 15, 2006

One that my wife and I giggle about, but did not work as she was (and is) married to me at the time it happened:

She was out walking our two dogs and a fellow sitting on the porch said to her "Well, those are some nice-looking dogs you've got there."
She said "Thank you!"
He said "Do they got a daddy?"
posted by iurodivii at 7:26 AM on December 15, 2006

Pickup line that worked (on me):

"So, you wanna go to the dump and shoot rats sometime?"

Pickup lines that have failed to work on others, both from the ever classy homeless guys of the SF Bay Area:

"Hey, bitch, why you look so sad? You's hot!"

or, from the seaweed encrusted homeless guy on the beach to someone walking with their boyfriend:

"Baby, why don't you dump the hero and get with a zero!?" *mad cackle*
posted by Wavelet at 8:34 AM on December 15, 2006

I can't think of any pick-up lines -- that I was aware of as such! -- that worked on me. For me, what works is when a man seems to be captivated by my personality/intellect/views and keeps the conversation completely friendly, while he eats me with his eyes. Then puts his hands on me. Usually by the time we've decided whether Ran or Throne of Blood is to be preferred, we've got my bra off. Asking a woman to spell out for you whether you have a chance at the big prize bespeaks an unsexy lack of confidence.
posted by Methylviolet at 8:51 AM on December 15, 2006

Failed pick-up lines, however, are legion.

Man, in the lingerie section at Target, yesterday (touching the chemises I'm looking through, with a winning smile): They are probably all made in China.
posted by Methylviolet at 8:58 AM on December 15, 2006

"Wanna make out?"

I mean, everybody wants to make out; it's a no-brainer.

That line was spoken by me January 19, 2001. We call it our anniversary since that's when we started living together. Yeah I'm a fast worker.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 8:58 AM on December 15, 2006

"Hi. I'm ...........". It's all in the delivery, if you can't pull it if, sorry.
posted by crabintheocean at 9:19 AM on December 15, 2006

It's not quite a pick-up line per say, but I accidentally bumped into a guy (fairly hard) on the dance floor at a bar. He used my friendly apology as a conversation opener. It wasn't until I had taken him home that I realized that the original collision was completely orchestrated.
posted by scrute at 9:24 AM on December 15, 2006

A guy I bumped into and apologized to (but barely noticed) as I was leaving the subway during the evening rush hour chased me down and very stammeringly said I had the most amazing smile and maybe we could go get a drink right now? We went and talked and had fun.

No sex, but a couple of dates.

It helped that he had an accent, but it was also that he seemed so sincere and a bit bumbling. Asking to go out RIGHT THEN was also kind of nice; kept the momentum going.
posted by occhiblu at 9:28 AM on December 15, 2006

On non-preview: Ha! Looks like bumping into people works in general.
posted by occhiblu at 9:28 AM on December 15, 2006

"I think we should make out." has worked for me on numerous occasions.
posted by electroboy at 10:10 AM on December 15, 2006

"You wanna go fuck?" (not perhaps the most elegant sentence I've ever uttered) has worked, a couple of times. But they weren't really lines per se, in that in both cases I had already been talking to the girl for a while.

Personally I just rely on being devilishly handsome...
posted by KirTakat at 10:52 AM on December 15, 2006

Big pimpin' with MeFi. Two years ago, met at a bar, got into an intense political discussion and I said, "I'm a member of this pretty cool site, and there was just a really interesting post -- with great comments! -- about this very subject! Give me your email address, I'll send you the link!" And I did it and then we did it, and we're still doing it.
posted by thinkpiece at 11:04 AM on December 15, 2006 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Attraction is not a choice as the saying goes in the PUA community, and their main discussion forum provides plenty of instruction on meeting and seducing women.

Stop asking the questions of an AFC and step into a whole different level of male/female interactions. Instead of pickup lines and techniques, start reading the field reports posted by new and veteran PUAs.

I failed to mention it, but I'm solely looking for anecdotes, as I feel these kinds of things make great stories. So please save your lectures and counseling, I'm doing quite alright myself ;)
posted by Mach3avelli at 11:10 AM on December 15, 2006

Me, after seeing him around campus about four times in the span of an hour: "Okay, so I'm not going to keep pretending like we don't keep walking past each other."

Him, about a week later, on our first "date": "You wanna listen to some records? Well, my record player is in my bedroom."

Haha, we use that date as our anniversary, too. Well, I do at least, and I remind him of it annually.
posted by penchant at 12:08 PM on December 15, 2006

I don't mean to be Blunt, but you're beautiful.
posted by wannalol at 12:48 PM on December 15, 2006 [2 favorites]

Oh, another one...

There was this boy who was disturbingly beautiful. So--seeing as it was my birthday--I said to him (drunkenly), "It's my birthday, can I have a kiss?"

Apparently I could, and we then dated for two years.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 1:01 PM on December 15, 2006

Him, walks up to me (not dancing, on the sidelines): I hate these dance parties. I don't know why I come to them. They make me feel like such a dork.

Me: Me too.

Him: Wanna get out of here.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 1:32 PM on December 15, 2006

This is how I remember it happening...

Me: (in a sing-song voice) I've got you in my car.... (smirking)

Him: What do you wanna do now?

Me: I want to kiss you.

And so we did.

From the way things are going, it appears we'll be kissing for a long time.
posted by princesspathos at 3:56 PM on December 15, 2006

she said, "do you have a lighter?"

i said, "no, but i think i have some flint and steel out in the car"
posted by white light at 4:34 PM on December 15, 2006

"My roommate just went out of town. He decanted some homeade mead before he left, but he says that he did it wrong, and if I don't drink it this weekend, it's going to explode. Want to come over and help me out with this?"

The bit about the roommate and the mead was true, btw.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 6:25 PM on December 15, 2006

"Wanna lower your standards?"
posted by spiderskull at 3:15 AM on December 16, 2006

I had a friend who could get away with,

"Damn, girl, you smell good! What're you wearing, Speed Stick?"

Of course, it probably helped that he looked a lot like Kobe Bryant.
posted by concrete at 5:57 PM on December 17, 2006