How do I best use my time off from school to prepare for my return?
December 6, 2006 5:11 PM Subscribe
After a long and difficult struggle and much agonizing, I have decided to leave my (small, elite, liberal arts, etc) school and take the rest of the year off, with the intention of returning next fall for a fresh start. What should I do in the interim to make sure I really succeed the second time around?
I've been struggling with ADD and some associated learning disabilities which were diagnosed four years ago. In high school, I was able to get by with loads of help and structure from my parents, but I didn't really think about what kind of support, structure or strategies I'd need when I got to college, partly because things were going so well by the end of high school.
I started the year strong and optimistic, but around October, I somehow got off track. I was in touch with the academic resources center from the beginning, but I didn't know what kind of help to ask for, so I didn't get it.
The work began to pile up, I got overwhelmed and stuck, which got me depressed, and I isolated myself spending all my time "doing homework" (actually wasting time,) which got me more depressed. The depression and the ADD fed off each other, and things got worse and worse, until I was miserable and pretty much failing 3/4 of my classes.
So, finally, I, my parents, and the school, have agreed that I should go on "medical leave" for a while, to re-organize and come back with some strategies to deal with the ADD at college.
The thing is, I have no idea how to do that. Besides lots of therapy, How do I spend the time between now and next September so that I'm ready to succeed when I get back? Any good resources for ADD & college students?
Side Question: How do I handle what are sure to be an endless stream of awkward conversations back home about, well, why I'm back home? (I'm a terrible liar)
I've been struggling with ADD and some associated learning disabilities which were diagnosed four years ago. In high school, I was able to get by with loads of help and structure from my parents, but I didn't really think about what kind of support, structure or strategies I'd need when I got to college, partly because things were going so well by the end of high school.
I started the year strong and optimistic, but around October, I somehow got off track. I was in touch with the academic resources center from the beginning, but I didn't know what kind of help to ask for, so I didn't get it.
The work began to pile up, I got overwhelmed and stuck, which got me depressed, and I isolated myself spending all my time "doing homework" (actually wasting time,) which got me more depressed. The depression and the ADD fed off each other, and things got worse and worse, until I was miserable and pretty much failing 3/4 of my classes.
So, finally, I, my parents, and the school, have agreed that I should go on "medical leave" for a while, to re-organize and come back with some strategies to deal with the ADD at college.
The thing is, I have no idea how to do that. Besides lots of therapy, How do I spend the time between now and next September so that I'm ready to succeed when I get back? Any good resources for ADD & college students?
Side Question: How do I handle what are sure to be an endless stream of awkward conversations back home about, well, why I'm back home? (I'm a terrible liar)
As someone who's endured some real problems concentrating on school work and paying work, I've arrived at the fact that a lot of what I'm supposed to be concentrating on is subject matter I simply don't find interesting. What paid off in the long run was assessing my own strengths and weaknesses to the degree that I don't let myself pursue things that make me bored and restless.
Can you first see a counselor about the ADD symptoms and then spend the interim time exploring exactly what it is you excel at or what it is you find most interesting academically? Were you happy with the classes you were taking? Do you find your ADD is exacerbated by ALL academic responsibilities, or just ones you don't find compelling? Good luck to you.
posted by deern the headlice at 5:35 PM on December 6, 2006
Can you first see a counselor about the ADD symptoms and then spend the interim time exploring exactly what it is you excel at or what it is you find most interesting academically? Were you happy with the classes you were taking? Do you find your ADD is exacerbated by ALL academic responsibilities, or just ones you don't find compelling? Good luck to you.
posted by deern the headlice at 5:35 PM on December 6, 2006
Oh, also: Since you're at a small school, that means that it can be much easier for you to form close relationships with your teachers. When you go back, I would recommend going to your professors as soon as possible and just laying it out to them: You have had issues with ADD in the past, and while you aren't looking for free passes or unfair advantages, you do want them to be aware and would welcome any advice they might have. As long as you're honest and make it clear that you're willing to work hard, they should be at least willing to listen.
posted by sarahsynonymous at 5:37 PM on December 6, 2006
posted by sarahsynonymous at 5:37 PM on December 6, 2006
I am really sorry to hear that your first semester (and year) was difficult and hopefully you can get the ADD and depression under control.
Anyway, even though you will not technically be finishing the semester, can you still attend classes until the end? Having a set of notes and covering the material once may help you the following year (next year I would take classes from the same faculty members).
If you go home next semester what about taking one class that will transfer back to your school (at the community college level) - you can still work on acquiring the skills.
You may want to find an ADD support group (CHAD) and go to meetings next semester - tell them background and see if they have suggestions or can suggest someone in the community to work with.
As for the future and things that may help you succeed:
-Next year go to academic services at the start of the semester with suggestions and a note from your physician. Ultimately Academic Services may ask you for suggestions as to how they can support you in your classes, but some of the things I have seen include: an assigned note taker, extensions for tests and assignments, and being allowed to take the test with the proctor (without the distraction of other students).
-What would help you learn other material? For example - when you read a textbook, are you reading the words over and over again? If so, utilize other resources in the community (e.g., you may qualify to get copies of books on tape for many texts from the local library).
-Have someone - family, friends - check in on you next semster. If you have depression, I think it may be helpful for others to give you feedback before it's too late - if they notice changes occuring over the semester, beginning medical treatment sooner may help.
-Most importantly I would talk to a physician or psychiatrist now and regularly next year. Perhaps they can modify your medication for ADD, depression, etc.
-If facutly or TAs offer outside class help, take them up on this offer. I used to TA and teach college courses and announced help sessions or that I would look over a paper and provide feedback before it was due - few students used this opportunity and that may provide you with additional time lines to help with organization (with questions and notes before a test, or a rough draft of a paper). Additionally there are other support services at the school - usually a writing center and sometimes free tutors. Heck, use all these resources.
-A class on study skills. I am not trying to insult you with this suggestion, but I've seen college students who dramatically improved after they implemented suggestions such as - take notes during a lecture; recopy your notes; use the CD that comes with the text book. Those techniques are not necessary for everyone, but - experiment.
Best of luck.
posted by Wolfster at 5:40 PM on December 6, 2006
Anyway, even though you will not technically be finishing the semester, can you still attend classes until the end? Having a set of notes and covering the material once may help you the following year (next year I would take classes from the same faculty members).
If you go home next semester what about taking one class that will transfer back to your school (at the community college level) - you can still work on acquiring the skills.
You may want to find an ADD support group (CHAD) and go to meetings next semester - tell them background and see if they have suggestions or can suggest someone in the community to work with.
As for the future and things that may help you succeed:
-Next year go to academic services at the start of the semester with suggestions and a note from your physician. Ultimately Academic Services may ask you for suggestions as to how they can support you in your classes, but some of the things I have seen include: an assigned note taker, extensions for tests and assignments, and being allowed to take the test with the proctor (without the distraction of other students).
-What would help you learn other material? For example - when you read a textbook, are you reading the words over and over again? If so, utilize other resources in the community (e.g., you may qualify to get copies of books on tape for many texts from the local library).
-Have someone - family, friends - check in on you next semster. If you have depression, I think it may be helpful for others to give you feedback before it's too late - if they notice changes occuring over the semester, beginning medical treatment sooner may help.
-Most importantly I would talk to a physician or psychiatrist now and regularly next year. Perhaps they can modify your medication for ADD, depression, etc.
-If facutly or TAs offer outside class help, take them up on this offer. I used to TA and teach college courses and announced help sessions or that I would look over a paper and provide feedback before it was due - few students used this opportunity and that may provide you with additional time lines to help with organization (with questions and notes before a test, or a rough draft of a paper). Additionally there are other support services at the school - usually a writing center and sometimes free tutors. Heck, use all these resources.
-A class on study skills. I am not trying to insult you with this suggestion, but I've seen college students who dramatically improved after they implemented suggestions such as - take notes during a lecture; recopy your notes; use the CD that comes with the text book. Those techniques are not necessary for everyone, but - experiment.
Best of luck.
posted by Wolfster at 5:40 PM on December 6, 2006
Best answer: 1) Make sure you do something while you're at home. Take some classes - maybe classes at a nearby art school, or community college classes. Consider having a minor part-time job on the side, if you can. Basically, you want to make sure you still have structure, responsibilities, etc., but in a lower-pressure environment than your college. This'll hopefully build your confidence - community college classes will probably seem like a cinch now - and it will give you a chance to rebuild your academic skills & organizational skills without all the stress of your real college. Bonus points if you can get transfer credit, but this will be useful even if you can't - and good grades will probably help you get readmitted.
2) Therapy, of course. But ultimately, therapy's not going to be enough without the rest of this. You'll want to look into finding a long-term therapist by your college too - maybe start out talking to them on the phone a few times a month before you go back?
3) Don't let your parents (grandparents, whatever) do too much for you. I stayed in my college town and worked/took classes on my own (although my parents provided some financial help for the latter.) Most people I knew from my college who went home didn't. Some of them did very little when they were at home [they didn't have to, after all], or their parents got involved in keeping them on-schedule. You need to be able to work this stuff out from yourself; work as independently as possible. Also, get used to working outside of the house somewhere: go to a coffeeshop, a library, wherever. I'm distractable too, and I find that I need to force myself into those sorts of situations to study sometimes. Again, this is something you need to get used to doing on your own, without being prompted by family.
4) Do research regarding resources for when you come back. Know where to get tutoring, who to talk to if you're sick before a test, how to drop a class late. Odds are much of this can be done online; if not, start asking other people you know. Some of them have probably dealt with some of the same problems. There may be special support for people with ADD as well - look it up!
5) When you get back in: meet with _everyone_. Counselling deans. Your therapist. Your advisor. Don't overload yourself - the first and last don't need to be more than once a month - but make sure you're checking in with people regularly. Force yourself to have a support system. This way, if things start going bad, you'll have people to turn to, and you'll be able to do something before it all falls apart. You can get your family similarly involved - but only if they don't make things more stressful. In my case, they did. Your call. Look up ADD groups and stuff, as well. Oh, and go to recitations and office hours! That's made a big difference for me. Having contact with professors and TAs means you're less likely to be surprised about your progress, and also may mean they'll be a little more ready to help you than they would someone who rarely/never shows up.
6) Do check your financial stuff - you'll need to notify any scholarship providers that you're taking time off, you'll need to tell loan-people that you're not a student anymore [unless you take classes somewhere else], etc. I did not lose my grace period for taking time off, but terms for different loans may differ.
7) Don't emphasize the medical leave stuff to other people - you don't want to get into the whole sorry story. When I took time off (on medical leave, after screwing up badly due to depression), I took some art classes, among other things; if anyone asked, I told them that the stress had been getting to me, so I was taking some time off to do some art before jumping back in to things. Something like that might work for you - it's more or less true, but a little more positive sounding than "I dropped out before they could flunk me out."
Good luck! If you have other questions, my email should be in my profile, I think.
posted by ubersturm at 5:54 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]
2) Therapy, of course. But ultimately, therapy's not going to be enough without the rest of this. You'll want to look into finding a long-term therapist by your college too - maybe start out talking to them on the phone a few times a month before you go back?
3) Don't let your parents (grandparents, whatever) do too much for you. I stayed in my college town and worked/took classes on my own (although my parents provided some financial help for the latter.) Most people I knew from my college who went home didn't. Some of them did very little when they were at home [they didn't have to, after all], or their parents got involved in keeping them on-schedule. You need to be able to work this stuff out from yourself; work as independently as possible. Also, get used to working outside of the house somewhere: go to a coffeeshop, a library, wherever. I'm distractable too, and I find that I need to force myself into those sorts of situations to study sometimes. Again, this is something you need to get used to doing on your own, without being prompted by family.
4) Do research regarding resources for when you come back. Know where to get tutoring, who to talk to if you're sick before a test, how to drop a class late. Odds are much of this can be done online; if not, start asking other people you know. Some of them have probably dealt with some of the same problems. There may be special support for people with ADD as well - look it up!
5) When you get back in: meet with _everyone_. Counselling deans. Your therapist. Your advisor. Don't overload yourself - the first and last don't need to be more than once a month - but make sure you're checking in with people regularly. Force yourself to have a support system. This way, if things start going bad, you'll have people to turn to, and you'll be able to do something before it all falls apart. You can get your family similarly involved - but only if they don't make things more stressful. In my case, they did. Your call. Look up ADD groups and stuff, as well. Oh, and go to recitations and office hours! That's made a big difference for me. Having contact with professors and TAs means you're less likely to be surprised about your progress, and also may mean they'll be a little more ready to help you than they would someone who rarely/never shows up.
6) Do check your financial stuff - you'll need to notify any scholarship providers that you're taking time off, you'll need to tell loan-people that you're not a student anymore [unless you take classes somewhere else], etc. I did not lose my grace period for taking time off, but terms for different loans may differ.
7) Don't emphasize the medical leave stuff to other people - you don't want to get into the whole sorry story. When I took time off (on medical leave, after screwing up badly due to depression), I took some art classes, among other things; if anyone asked, I told them that the stress had been getting to me, so I was taking some time off to do some art before jumping back in to things. Something like that might work for you - it's more or less true, but a little more positive sounding than "I dropped out before they could flunk me out."
Good luck! If you have other questions, my email should be in my profile, I think.
posted by ubersturm at 5:54 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]
Terrible liars are better people. Don't be ashamed! Sympathize with yourself and others will sympathize with you. Once you get further along it just may be that you appreciate the hurdles you've surmounted. I know I even tend to look down on the kids that skated right through undergrad. Makes me suspicious that they haven't had their character building/rock bottom phases...
As for the study habits/homework completion: set lots and lots of short term goals, like "Write a sentence every two minutes." I don't have ADD, but I have an egg timer I use for just this sort of thing. Also, would doing work in groups whenever possible be helpful? At least to help you get your ideas all sorted out and ready for writing (this assumes you're in a critical studies field or creative... not math... at a liberal arts school)
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 6:02 PM on December 6, 2006
As for the study habits/homework completion: set lots and lots of short term goals, like "Write a sentence every two minutes." I don't have ADD, but I have an egg timer I use for just this sort of thing. Also, would doing work in groups whenever possible be helpful? At least to help you get your ideas all sorted out and ready for writing (this assumes you're in a critical studies field or creative... not math... at a liberal arts school)
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 6:02 PM on December 6, 2006
Further disclosure: I went on a "retroactive medical leave" for panic disorder, can you beat that!? They were all "That never happened!' Hurray! I was out a longer time than I expected. I also really liked going back part time, which was because I needed to work. But maybe not haivng so much on your plate would help. Don't tell yousrelf getting a degree in four years, not five or six, has any significance whatsoever. Being happy and learning a lot are far more significant.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 6:06 PM on December 6, 2006
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 6:06 PM on December 6, 2006
I've never been diagnosed with ADD or any learning disability. But I had a friend from elementary through high school who was diagnosed with ADD, and he and his mom were of the opinion that I had it too. Right or wrong on the clinical diagnosis, I've always been easily distractable. So here are a few things that help me to focus and make the most of my studying time.
1. Try and make a schedule that leaves me big blocks of time (at least two hours) to study. If the time period is much less than an hour and a half, I usually end up having to stop studying right as I'm getting into a rhythm.
2. I try to avoid studying in my room at all costs, and instead find specific places on campus that I can go to work. Like someone suggested above, I like to study in the library (lots of college libraries ave study carrels you can check out) and coffee shops. But the important thing for me is to put myself where there aren't as many distractions as my room. After finding a few places like that to study, going to those places sort of makes me mentally ready to get to work, since I associate those places with studying.
3. Lastly, just experiment with different study strategies. Are you a note taker? Do flash cards help you? Or are you more an auditory learner, who benefits from discussing class material with your friends. But these days, there are an abundance of different materials to help you study-review questions in the back of the book, CD's that come with the books, and good old fashioned office hours with a prof/TA. Few people avail themselves of these resources, but that's not a good reason for you to ignore them.
posted by HighTechUnderpants at 6:40 PM on December 6, 2006
1. Try and make a schedule that leaves me big blocks of time (at least two hours) to study. If the time period is much less than an hour and a half, I usually end up having to stop studying right as I'm getting into a rhythm.
2. I try to avoid studying in my room at all costs, and instead find specific places on campus that I can go to work. Like someone suggested above, I like to study in the library (lots of college libraries ave study carrels you can check out) and coffee shops. But the important thing for me is to put myself where there aren't as many distractions as my room. After finding a few places like that to study, going to those places sort of makes me mentally ready to get to work, since I associate those places with studying.
3. Lastly, just experiment with different study strategies. Are you a note taker? Do flash cards help you? Or are you more an auditory learner, who benefits from discussing class material with your friends. But these days, there are an abundance of different materials to help you study-review questions in the back of the book, CD's that come with the books, and good old fashioned office hours with a prof/TA. Few people avail themselves of these resources, but that's not a good reason for you to ignore them.
posted by HighTechUnderpants at 6:40 PM on December 6, 2006
Best answer: Wow, it's me! Like, twice! I'm also ADHD, also have serious problems with structure and procrastination, and definitely, definitely did the self-isolation thing ALL THE TIME.
Your side question is the easiest. Tell people you are taking a break. Or cheerfully tell them you flunked out and will be returning in the Fall--it depends on how ballsy you are (and whether or not the person you're telling is a potential employer).
Me, after flunking out I spent a few months depressed and locked in my room. Then I joined AmeriCorps and did that for a year. It was a good experience--the place where I worked was definitely exploitative of my AmeriCorps status (well, specifically being in VISTA), doing the work I did helped me learn to structure myself and provided additional motivation to do well.
Others I know had success with taking a few classes at a local college. This might keep you in the academic zone while providing less pressure (as well as extra incentive for your college to get you back in).
If there is one thing, one thing I learned, do something. You are going to have to teach yourself structure, and even if you're not going to school or doing a job you can still do this. Wake up at the same time every day. Every. Day. Give yourself a program--maybe you wanted to learn to knit, or play guitar, or work out. Do that every day. And do it at the same time every day, for the same amount of time, and for the first month or so do not allow yourself to deviate a whit from it. Like, even if you spend the rest of the 23 hours of your day fucking around, from 3:30pm-4:30pm (or whatever it is) every day you will be practicing the harmonica or teaching yourself photography or doing yoga. The activity isn't important, just that you enjoy it and keep doing it.
Start with one activity and add more if it's feeling OK. I know it sounds stupid, but for me, given all the problems I have scheduling, there is nothing more gratifying than knowing there is something, anything that I do on time every day, day after day.
posted by Anonymous at 6:47 PM on December 6, 2006
Your side question is the easiest. Tell people you are taking a break. Or cheerfully tell them you flunked out and will be returning in the Fall--it depends on how ballsy you are (and whether or not the person you're telling is a potential employer).
Me, after flunking out I spent a few months depressed and locked in my room. Then I joined AmeriCorps and did that for a year. It was a good experience--the place where I worked was definitely exploitative of my AmeriCorps status (well, specifically being in VISTA), doing the work I did helped me learn to structure myself and provided additional motivation to do well.
Others I know had success with taking a few classes at a local college. This might keep you in the academic zone while providing less pressure (as well as extra incentive for your college to get you back in).
If there is one thing, one thing I learned, do something. You are going to have to teach yourself structure, and even if you're not going to school or doing a job you can still do this. Wake up at the same time every day. Every. Day. Give yourself a program--maybe you wanted to learn to knit, or play guitar, or work out. Do that every day. And do it at the same time every day, for the same amount of time, and for the first month or so do not allow yourself to deviate a whit from it. Like, even if you spend the rest of the 23 hours of your day fucking around, from 3:30pm-4:30pm (or whatever it is) every day you will be practicing the harmonica or teaching yourself photography or doing yoga. The activity isn't important, just that you enjoy it and keep doing it.
Start with one activity and add more if it's feeling OK. I know it sounds stupid, but for me, given all the problems I have scheduling, there is nothing more gratifying than knowing there is something, anything that I do on time every day, day after day.
posted by Anonymous at 6:47 PM on December 6, 2006
Er, that should say "though the place I worked was definitely exploitative of my AmeriCorps status . . ."
posted by Anonymous at 6:55 PM on December 6, 2006
posted by Anonymous at 6:55 PM on December 6, 2006
Are you at the University of Chicago?
Regardless, I'd recommend getting a job while you're off. Choose something you're interested in, something easy that you'll be able to master and succeed in. It will feel good to remember that you are smart and capable of success. Go back when you're ready-- it may take longer than you realize now. Time moves much faster when you're not in school. If you don't really WANT to start classes again in September, don't. Wait until you want to do it, and it will go much easier, trust me.
Lastly, use your time off to work on yourself-- get fit! Volunteer! Read all the prize-winning novels you can find. You'll start back at school much happier, more confident, and ready to kick ass.
posted by bonheur at 8:19 PM on December 6, 2006
Regardless, I'd recommend getting a job while you're off. Choose something you're interested in, something easy that you'll be able to master and succeed in. It will feel good to remember that you are smart and capable of success. Go back when you're ready-- it may take longer than you realize now. Time moves much faster when you're not in school. If you don't really WANT to start classes again in September, don't. Wait until you want to do it, and it will go much easier, trust me.
Lastly, use your time off to work on yourself-- get fit! Volunteer! Read all the prize-winning novels you can find. You'll start back at school much happier, more confident, and ready to kick ass.
posted by bonheur at 8:19 PM on December 6, 2006
I was in a similar situation a year ago: for various reasons, I was psychologically unprepared to go off to college, so when I got there I found myself miserable and incapable to perform like a competent 18-year old both academically and socially. Around midterms of fall quarter, I completely freaked out, was in the psych ward for a week, and ended up taking a medical leave for the rest of the year, re-enrolling as a first year this September. A few of my experiences:
1) Therapy is a must. The school will probably require it, but even if not, it's worthwile. You seem to already realize this, so you already have one key component of making it a positive experience. Also remember, if it's been a couple months and you feel that your therapist just isn't right for you, cut your losses and find a different one. No sense throwing time and money at something that just isn't working.
2) Find something to do. It doesn't even have to be academic. I worked the nightshift as an unloader at UPS, and it's actually one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had, espeically coming from an upper-middle class, intellectual background. If your school is anything like mine, they will be very understanding, and readmit you regardless of whether you spent your leave doing intellectual stuff. Find something that allows you to regain confidence, and that may even be an interesting, new, and exciting life experience.
3) Regarding your friends from home: I was quite ashamed of what happened to me for a long time. From October to April, I cut off all contacts save between myself and my two best friends from highschool. Slowly, as spring came 'round and my life started getting back together, I found that I absolutely needed to be social, and so I contacted many of the friends that I had abandoned. Unanimously, they were neither upset nor awkward about the situation, but genuinely glad to hear from me. As for why I was back, those people who I counted as good, close friends got the whole story, and I simply didn't tell the more casual acquaintances anything more than, "so you may have heard that I'm home and working at UPS." To which they responed, "Yeah, I know, I'm really glad to hear from you. Let's hang out." The point is, you don't need to offer any information that you aren't comfortable with sharing. Most people are good people, and therefore have enough social tact to refrain from asking. Sure they'll be curious, but they'll also be concerned and happy to see you and just want to have fun like normal. A similar experience has happened this year to a cousin and good friend of mine, and both of them are handling it this way and doing well socially, considering the circumstances.
Anyways, hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck!
posted by notswedish at 8:19 PM on December 6, 2006
1) Therapy is a must. The school will probably require it, but even if not, it's worthwile. You seem to already realize this, so you already have one key component of making it a positive experience. Also remember, if it's been a couple months and you feel that your therapist just isn't right for you, cut your losses and find a different one. No sense throwing time and money at something that just isn't working.
2) Find something to do. It doesn't even have to be academic. I worked the nightshift as an unloader at UPS, and it's actually one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had, espeically coming from an upper-middle class, intellectual background. If your school is anything like mine, they will be very understanding, and readmit you regardless of whether you spent your leave doing intellectual stuff. Find something that allows you to regain confidence, and that may even be an interesting, new, and exciting life experience.
3) Regarding your friends from home: I was quite ashamed of what happened to me for a long time. From October to April, I cut off all contacts save between myself and my two best friends from highschool. Slowly, as spring came 'round and my life started getting back together, I found that I absolutely needed to be social, and so I contacted many of the friends that I had abandoned. Unanimously, they were neither upset nor awkward about the situation, but genuinely glad to hear from me. As for why I was back, those people who I counted as good, close friends got the whole story, and I simply didn't tell the more casual acquaintances anything more than, "so you may have heard that I'm home and working at UPS." To which they responed, "Yeah, I know, I'm really glad to hear from you. Let's hang out." The point is, you don't need to offer any information that you aren't comfortable with sharing. Most people are good people, and therefore have enough social tact to refrain from asking. Sure they'll be curious, but they'll also be concerned and happy to see you and just want to have fun like normal. A similar experience has happened this year to a cousin and good friend of mine, and both of them are handling it this way and doing well socially, considering the circumstances.
Anyways, hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck!
posted by notswedish at 8:19 PM on December 6, 2006
Oh and bonheur I am at the University of Chicago. It's quite good this time around.
posted by notswedish at 8:20 PM on December 6, 2006
posted by notswedish at 8:20 PM on December 6, 2006
This happens all the time. From 5 to 20 people in every freshman class at every small college in the US. Don't feel like you are alone or like you are a hopeless case. Happens all the time.
It's a great idea to take time off. The best advice is: be sure you get the hell out of the house while you're taking time off. Do something reasonably demanding/interesting, like Americorps or a NOLS course or a job. Make an arrangement where you have to be somewhere everyday, and where you're doing things that make a difference to someone. Even if it's just that you're holding down a job at a bookstore, it still matters if you show up -- part of what's hard about college is that it can seem like nobody notices if you stay in your room sleeping for a week. That's depressing. Do something where you are needed. Do something where you get to demonstrate to yourself that you have skills, where you are contributing (to something - even if it's just a business). Travel and teach English? Go teach on a reservation? Go do some work for your church, if you have one? Take an internship in a local newspaper? Make active arrangements so you can't just sit around during this time.
Taking time off is a very good idea, as I said above. A lot of people need this for all kinds of reasons, and most people make better use of their time in college if they have taken some time off.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:41 PM on December 6, 2006
It's a great idea to take time off. The best advice is: be sure you get the hell out of the house while you're taking time off. Do something reasonably demanding/interesting, like Americorps or a NOLS course or a job. Make an arrangement where you have to be somewhere everyday, and where you're doing things that make a difference to someone. Even if it's just that you're holding down a job at a bookstore, it still matters if you show up -- part of what's hard about college is that it can seem like nobody notices if you stay in your room sleeping for a week. That's depressing. Do something where you are needed. Do something where you get to demonstrate to yourself that you have skills, where you are contributing (to something - even if it's just a business). Travel and teach English? Go teach on a reservation? Go do some work for your church, if you have one? Take an internship in a local newspaper? Make active arrangements so you can't just sit around during this time.
Taking time off is a very good idea, as I said above. A lot of people need this for all kinds of reasons, and most people make better use of their time in college if they have taken some time off.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:41 PM on December 6, 2006
I know you asked about what you should do meanwhile, but I'd like to suggest something for when you get back to school.
Why not schedule regular (weekly) appointments with the same person from either the academic affairs office, some kind of guidance counselor, or therepist - and in the weekly session, the main goal of the person helping you would be to organize your schedule with you for the rest of the week? Maybe get a PDA or a smartphone where you have a calendar and can map out with your helper when you should do a paper, or when you need to do readings for a class. That way your life will be structured, you'll be independant, but you'll also have a little bit of assistance each week and help early if you fall behind.
So, PDA and weekly appointments.
Everything else should fall into place by itself.
posted by pikaboy202 at 8:52 PM on December 6, 2006
Why not schedule regular (weekly) appointments with the same person from either the academic affairs office, some kind of guidance counselor, or therepist - and in the weekly session, the main goal of the person helping you would be to organize your schedule with you for the rest of the week? Maybe get a PDA or a smartphone where you have a calendar and can map out with your helper when you should do a paper, or when you need to do readings for a class. That way your life will be structured, you'll be independant, but you'll also have a little bit of assistance each week and help early if you fall behind.
So, PDA and weekly appointments.
Everything else should fall into place by itself.
posted by pikaboy202 at 8:52 PM on December 6, 2006
Ambrosia Voyeur also makes a great point: try to re-adjust your priorities a little, if you can. When I left, the fact that I was doing badly was a huge self-esteem blow. I had a lot of my self-worth tied up in my grades. And really - particularly at a challenging, elite college - that's a dangerous thing. They had a joke at my college: "D is for diploma." Not that I advocate getting Ds, mind, but getting Bs is OK. Similarly, there's nothing wrong with taking the minimum courseload sometimes, or with taking extra time to graduate. Whatever it takes to stay sane. Try to remember that this doesn't mean you're a failure - and that odds are it won't even cause problems with regards to grad school, or whatever you want to do next. People often have a bad term or two and do very well otherwise. It's not the end of the world - watch out and make sure that you don't try to convince yourself that it is.
posted by ubersturm at 9:30 PM on December 6, 2006
posted by ubersturm at 9:30 PM on December 6, 2006
Response by poster: Thanks for all the advice, everyone, it's very reassuring.
Also, it's funny you all should mention U of C. It's not where I'm going to school, but I am a Hyde Parker.
posted by njb at 11:14 PM on December 6, 2006
Also, it's funny you all should mention U of C. It's not where I'm going to school, but I am a Hyde Parker.
posted by njb at 11:14 PM on December 6, 2006
Work a shit job - flipping burgers, retail for the holidays, really tough manual labor, etc. When work sucks (as it will), remind yourself that you need to go back in school, so you don't end up as a lifetime cashier.
During college, I worked jobs like that every summer and I came back to school ready and motivated to get my learn on.
posted by chrisamiller at 7:43 AM on December 7, 2006
During college, I worked jobs like that every summer and I came back to school ready and motivated to get my learn on.
posted by chrisamiller at 7:43 AM on December 7, 2006
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Also, not to stress you out more, but if you have student loans, look carefully into how taking that time off will affect your repayment plan. A friend of mine took a semester of medical leave off of school, and while her loans will still last through her school career, she will have to start paying them back right after she graduates, rather than getting the usual six-month grace period.
posted by sarahsynonymous at 5:32 PM on December 6, 2006