Don't drop the soap?
November 13, 2006 10:42 AM   Subscribe

My boyfriend and I like to fool around in the shower. His favorite thing to do is to cum on my chest or my face, which I don't mind, because, hey, we're in the shower. However, actually washing the cum off me is hard. It becomes sticky and almost stringy (it's glued my eyelashes together before), and pretty water resistant. Regular soap doesn't seem to get it off. I keep baking soda in the shower and use it as an exfoliant, but it still takes 3 or 4 scrubbings to get it all off. Any spots I miss become dry, scaly patches once I towel off. Any solutions, either product or method, for how to remove cum in the shower?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (20 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

Ok, so, I know nothing about this personally but I've known a few guy friends who swear shampoo will get if off your skin much better than regular soap.
posted by Nenna at 10:50 AM on November 13, 2006

Its protein, and when you get hot water on it, it congeals and gets hard to clean up. So, if you use cool water, it will come off quite quickly. However, 'cold shower' + 'sex' is like antimatter and matter, might not be practicable.
posted by bluejayk at 11:08 AM on November 13, 2006

Um... Er... I've had pretty good luck with Trader Joe's Liquid Glycerin Soap.
posted by chairface at 11:17 AM on November 13, 2006

Shampoo seems to work better, but takes a few wash, rewash tries.

Ivory and the Kirkland-imitation Dove are ineffective, but Irish Spring is slightly more useful (less so than Head & Shoulders, though).

I got a Bath & Bodyworks shower gel with little beady things in it that worked well, but it smelled awful, like a Strawberry Shortcake doll, and hurt my skin, so I wouldn't recommend it.

Um, or so I've heard.
posted by Gucky at 11:19 AM on November 13, 2006

I have had a lot of success with the St. Ives Apricot Scrub. It has a very astringent quality and the little beads really break up any weird substance that is stuck to your skin. I've used it for dried dog slober on my leg, baby boogers on my arms and cum on my... erm, face and other places.
posted by banannafish at 11:44 AM on November 13, 2006

Semen has a protein in it that gets makes it stringy in a slightly acid environment (like the vagina). Tap water has a pH of 5.5 (where I live, anyways) which is slightly acidic. Therefore, raise the pH with plain old soap (including, but not limited to bar soap and/or shampoo) and that should allow most of it to wash smoothly down the drain. Whatever you can't get is at least off of you, and once you soap up your hands you should be able to pick up whatever strings are left at the drain and toss them in the garbage/toilet.
posted by Xoder at 12:07 PM on November 13, 2006

Step out and try to get most of it off with a DRY towel or wash cloth before using soap or shampoo.
posted by jrossi4r at 12:09 PM on November 13, 2006

Allow me to disagree with Xoder, and suggest you test our suggestions for differing chemistry yourself. Xoder advises you clean with basic (or alkaline) soaps, and I suggest you do just the opposite. I, for one, trust your experiments will be an enjoyable learning experience.

Semen has the ph of a base, usually between 7.1-8.0. Upon ejaculation, semen undergoes a number of short term chemical reactions to activate the sperm for motility (a process known as sperm capacitation), that results in a short term increase of viscosity of semen. Left alone in air, it will normally re-liquefy in less than 30 minutes, but that isn't practical in a shower situation. You can best clean off semen in this thickened phase by using acidic cleansing products such as Redken RK or ph balanced shower gels, like Dial's clean rinsing line of products. Not only are they likely to be more effective for your purpose than alkaline soaps, but they are far less irritating to your skin, as well.
posted by paulsc at 12:28 PM on November 13, 2006

All I can think of in reading this is the Tide commercials from years ago with the tagline "Protein gets out protein stains!" Which brings to mind two things. One, you could keep some laundry detergent in a squeeze bottle around, though it may not be great on your skin. So... Two, why not use some of the standard bloodstain removal tips? Some white vinegar and/or peroxide may do the trick, since I'd assume there's some similar proteins in operation here.
posted by phearlez at 12:29 PM on November 13, 2006

Phearlez, that is what I was thinking, too. It was actually Era not Tide.
posted by necessitas at 2:56 PM on November 13, 2006

The best soap for this purpose, bar none, is glycerin soap. And one of the nicest kinds of glycerin soaps is Dr. Bronner's peppermint, which has a blue label and makes you feel nice and tingly in the... er... place where you wash.

At least, that's what a friend of mine told me.
posted by koeselitz at 3:13 PM on November 13, 2006

My suspicion is that the effect of heat on semen probably trumps the pH effects that paulsc and Xoder are discussing. If I understand right, heat denatures the protein, essentially cooking it like an egg. And everyone knows you can't un-cook an egg; I'd be equally surprised if there turned out to be some way to un-cook semen.

In more practical terms, I've certainly found Neutrogena (neutral), bar soap (basic) and fancy-ass face cleanser (acidic) are all pretty bad at cleaning off semen once it's cooked on. If there is a way to un-cook it, changing its pH probably isn't it.

Your best bet is to do like jrossi4r says and get it off your skin before the hot water hits it. Paper towels are your friend — or just use a cotton towel that's distinctive-looking enough you won't use it for anything else.
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:24 PM on November 13, 2006

Shampoo, hands down, gets semen off.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:49 PM on November 13, 2006

Yikes, nebulawindphone! To each, their own, I suppose, but I try, very hard, not to let my shower reach protein cooking heat, because I'm mostly made of protein myself. YMMV, I guess, but....uh....ouch....oweeee...ouch!

But, I admit that I've never tried cooking eggs in a hot tub, either. Conceptually, I think that the egg would likely rot before it cooked. But maybe not in your hot tub.
posted by paulsc at 3:52 PM on November 13, 2006

I'll second koeselitz with a vote for Dr. Bronner's Pure Peppermint Castille Soap. All-One-God-Faith, OK! OK! It's always done the job for me.
posted by scalefree at 4:48 PM on November 13, 2006

Re: using Dr. Bronners, the large bottles used to (& may still) make mention of it being well-suited for shampooing, shaving, massage oil, toothpaste, and as a contraceptive. How's that for two birds with one stone? :)
posted by soviet sleepover at 5:33 PM on November 13, 2006

Washing-up detergent breaks it down.
posted by bonaldi at 6:12 PM on November 13, 2006

phearlez writes "One, you could keep some laundry detergent in a squeeze bottle around, though it may not be great on your skin."

Whoa nelly, do not use laundry soap on even semi sensitive skin. It is way to harsh even just used for hand washing.

As to the original question, plain bar Ivory and one of those plastic mesh ball scrubbies is effective.
posted by Mitheral at 9:00 PM on November 13, 2006

Yep, totally second shampoo. After he comes on you, just wash your hair and the shampoo will wash down over your face/chest/wherever and by the time that's done, it should wash away much more easily.

Surprised by all the "or that's what my friend said anyway" jokes. What's the big deal about someone coming on you?
posted by pollystark at 4:40 AM on November 14, 2006

Try those specialty soaps with Oatmeal.

Cold water vs. Sex is a myth, I remember reading that from an article linked from Meta or from Fark, but my Google-fu is failing me now.
posted by Monkey0nCrack at 8:57 AM on November 14, 2006

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