Helping a Red Hot Chili Peppers fan in her time of need
October 19, 2006 5:33 PM Subscribe
Does John Frusciante or the Red Hot Chili Peppers have a charity organization to help battered women? (more inside)
I have a friend with a child in dire need to escape a long-term physically and emotionally abusive relationship (she, not the child, is the subject of the abuse) and is stubbornly convinced that John Frusciante or the RHCP can help her. I'm in a different part of the country than she is and at first I acknowledged this RHCP thing but pointed her to a crisis shelter in her home town (for safety, I will not say where). After contacting them she does not trust these people and refuses to deal with them. Now she is back to attempting to get in touch with RHCP. She is a fan of their music, and read in an interview somewhere that they help women and children in need. Perhaps she took this too literally?
Do they really have a charity like this? I have found nothing on the web, and the pressure is mounting from her to get a message to them. I can act as intermediary point of contact to bridge the gap and share the non-identifying details of her situation as I know them (read: she isn't making this up) and why I trust that she truly needs help, and needs it within the next few weeks.
If either Frusciante or RHCP has a charity of this sort, any contact suggestions other than their fan website or MySpace pages, where she has already tried to contact them herself, would be welcome.
I have a friend with a child in dire need to escape a long-term physically and emotionally abusive relationship (she, not the child, is the subject of the abuse) and is stubbornly convinced that John Frusciante or the RHCP can help her. I'm in a different part of the country than she is and at first I acknowledged this RHCP thing but pointed her to a crisis shelter in her home town (for safety, I will not say where). After contacting them she does not trust these people and refuses to deal with them. Now she is back to attempting to get in touch with RHCP. She is a fan of their music, and read in an interview somewhere that they help women and children in need. Perhaps she took this too literally?
Do they really have a charity like this? I have found nothing on the web, and the pressure is mounting from her to get a message to them. I can act as intermediary point of contact to bridge the gap and share the non-identifying details of her situation as I know them (read: she isn't making this up) and why I trust that she truly needs help, and needs it within the next few weeks.
If either Frusciante or RHCP has a charity of this sort, any contact suggestions other than their fan website or MySpace pages, where she has already tried to contact them herself, would be welcome.
I think they donate to charities, but I don't think they have one themselves. Plus, if they did, and it actively helped women and children in need, they'd probably make it easier to find information about it.
Does your friend really need a rock star to save her child? She needs to get her child out of danger ASAP, regardless of whether or not Anthony Kiedis is willing to swoop down from the sky and save her. Try to talk some sense into her and get her to trust the people who can help get her out of her situation immediately, instead of setting herself up for what appears to be a fruitless search.
posted by TG_Plackenfatz at 6:48 PM on October 19, 2006
Does your friend really need a rock star to save her child? She needs to get her child out of danger ASAP, regardless of whether or not Anthony Kiedis is willing to swoop down from the sky and save her. Try to talk some sense into her and get her to trust the people who can help get her out of her situation immediately, instead of setting herself up for what appears to be a fruitless search.
posted by TG_Plackenfatz at 6:48 PM on October 19, 2006
One assumes that, even if they did have such a foundation/apparatus, the RHCP aren't going to do the make-a-wish thing for such a complicated situation in another state. One solution would be to send a description of your problem to the RHCP's PR people -- and include the info about the local shelter. Then they bounce it back to your friend via an email "from the band": the RHCP say the best way to help yourself is to get in touch with your local shelter.
The legal mind spins, however, with the ramifications of opening a line of contact with someone who may be a tad unstable. Getting your friend out of harm's way is a friend or relative's responsibility first -- then you bring in the rock stars.
posted by turducken at 7:27 PM on October 19, 2006
The legal mind spins, however, with the ramifications of opening a line of contact with someone who may be a tad unstable. Getting your friend out of harm's way is a friend or relative's responsibility first -- then you bring in the rock stars.
posted by turducken at 7:27 PM on October 19, 2006
Best answer: I'm afraid your friend might have developed some kind of delusional fixation. Not uncommon, given the extreme stressful situation that you describe.
These are hard situations; adult protective services, if they even exist in your area, won't step in to help until her capacity to make decisions is obviously gone, and she's obviously a long way from that.
I think the best thing you can do is be neutrally and generally supportive, and when she proposes John Frusciante, you listen actively and attentively. Then when you can, you gently counter-propose some other, practical/feasible solution without commenting directly on her idea.
Something like this: "John Frusciante blah blah RHCP etc etc help save women yadda yadda ! * Flea and Anthony blah blah blah!"
"Yes, I understand. ..but meanwhile, while you're waiting, what about trying that shelter on Fifth and Folsom?"
If you can keep her talking to you - if she doesn't break communication - then you can help her just by being her link to reality during what must be a terrible time for her.
posted by ikkyu2 at 11:29 PM on October 19, 2006
These are hard situations; adult protective services, if they even exist in your area, won't step in to help until her capacity to make decisions is obviously gone, and she's obviously a long way from that.
I think the best thing you can do is be neutrally and generally supportive, and when she proposes John Frusciante, you listen actively and attentively. Then when you can, you gently counter-propose some other, practical/feasible solution without commenting directly on her idea.
Something like this: "John Frusciante blah blah RHCP etc etc help save women yadda yadda ! * Flea and Anthony blah blah blah!"
"Yes, I understand. ..but meanwhile, while you're waiting, what about trying that shelter on Fifth and Folsom?"
If you can keep her talking to you - if she doesn't break communication - then you can help her just by being her link to reality during what must be a terrible time for her.
posted by ikkyu2 at 11:29 PM on October 19, 2006
Response by poster: Thanks to all who answered, especially since MegoSteve was able to find the *exact* quote my friend read to me over the phone. It validates that she has ties to reality and jives with my gut feeling that she's just under so much stress that when it all boils down she's grasping at any ray of hope, even if it is far fetched. I just didn't want to find myself in a position of denying someone else's reality and then come to find out there really would have been a charity to help her.
I'll continue to gently and firmly press the Shelter idea, perhaps I can have a different staff person make a new contact with her, since she's bitterly opposed to the staff person she feels violated her confidence by calling her house without blocking the phone number on Caller ID. I don't blame her for her response on that, I think I'd be mad too if I was told there would be a level of security and confidence that didn't actually happen. Sadly there is only one facility available in her location.
posted by kuppajava at 8:59 AM on October 22, 2006
I'll continue to gently and firmly press the Shelter idea, perhaps I can have a different staff person make a new contact with her, since she's bitterly opposed to the staff person she feels violated her confidence by calling her house without blocking the phone number on Caller ID. I don't blame her for her response on that, I think I'd be mad too if I was told there would be a level of security and confidence that didn't actually happen. Sadly there is only one facility available in her location.
posted by kuppajava at 8:59 AM on October 22, 2006
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posted by MegoSteve at 6:46 PM on October 19, 2006 [1 favorite]