How do you know when to take a break/rest/vacation?

December 27, 2024 3:30 PM

I'm taking some time off for the holidays and I discovered in myself, what feels like pre-burnout. I don't really want to do anything; just sit on the couch and maybe go for a walk. This is an unfortunate pattern (work, family, hobbies, obligations, etc). I want to identify this state before it happens again and address it. How?

Upon reflection, the other alternate, but similar state is going to exhaustion and getting sick or just feeling miserable. This result in a couple of days off that lets me catch my breath and then back into the grind.

I'm not a coal miner; I have an office job. I do have kids, friends, family, hobbies, etc. Vacations are fun, but not restful. I can't seem to catch the moment when I start running out of steam. When I do run out of steam it's pretty obvious though.

To summarize:

- How do you identify the point at which you need a break?
- How to make this break effective? Maybe sitting on the couch and walks is good enough.

posted by aeighty to Health & Fitness (11 answers total)

When I notice myself getting short-tempered or impatient about things that normally don’t bother me, I know it’s a warning sign.

When I get to this point, I find it helpful to take note and start saying no to things for a short period (work, volunteer, and social stuff). It’s not always possible, but it helps when I can do it.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 3:50 PM on December 27 [5 favorites]

My signs:
- increased anxiety
- worse sleep
- irritability
- edginess
- difficulty regulating temperature
- increased sweating
- eating more sugar, eating most of my food at the end of the day
- poor problem solving
- feeling frustrated and stuck instead of being able to see issues as fixable
- less creative
- i'm usually a very curious person who notices everything. for example, if something colourful or an interesting word on a sign catches my eye, i'm compelled to go back and see what it was. when i just want to keep my head down and get my shit done, that's a warning.
- preferring familiar over new media
- finding it harder to look forward to things (i can still enjoy them, but i don't look forward to them)
- being less social
- brain fog
- headaches
- pain gets worse
- increased sensory sensitivity

I'm where you are now, and I've basically spent my holiday sitting on the couch and taking walks, aside from catching up with friends and holiday gatherings. If I start to feel restless or bored, I'll push myself very gently to cook something simple (my favourite hobby) or do some light tidying. I don't push myself to do cognitive tasks I find difficult unless absolutely necessary (for example, time management).

For increased effectiveness, I would recommend paying close attention to your sensory environment and overall physical comfort (I've been wearing earplugs a lot because the fridge is too damn loud, for example). I've been wearing my most comfortable clothes and taking a lot of hot baths (add epsom salts!). I have a heating pad on the couch, a microwaveable heat pack, and a friendly cat.

Also, don't be so hard on yourself - no, you're not a coal miner, but office jobs, kids, friends, family, and hobbies are still very taxing! When I tell myself I shouldn't be as burnt out as I am, it seems to get worse, like my body is going "Yeah ok, WELL FUCK YOU I STILL AM"
posted by wheatlets at 5:08 PM on December 27 [9 favorites]

For me and for Mr. DrGail, the trigger point was always when the most interesting and stimulating parts of our jobs started seeming repetitious and boring.
posted by DrGail at 5:22 PM on December 27 [1 favorite]

Maybe sitting on the couch and walks is good enough.

Yes. You'll know when you've had enough rest, and you'll be ready to do more when you get to that point. Maybe try some relaxation guided meditation if that's something you're open to, see if it adds anything to your rest.
posted by EvaDestruction at 5:36 PM on December 27 [2 favorites]

You "make a break effective" by not trying to "make" it be anything in advance.

Listen to what your body and mind is trying to tell you during the break. If you wake up on any given day of the break full of energy, do some stuff. If you wake up and are like "nah, not today!", just sit around and do nothing/read/watch a show or whatever " do nothing" looks like to you. Don't try to program your way to relaxation, basically; just allow yourself the time to be bored, and let your brain and body tell you what it needs. It's good at that, as long as you are tuned into it.
posted by pdb at 6:36 PM on December 27 [1 favorite]

I don't have kids, so I get at least one weekend day a month to really do nothing at all. If I had kids, I'd still make sure to have them and ask the co-parent to alternate with me so we each get at least one per month. If vacations aren't restful, another day at home when you get back can sort of serve the same purpose.
posted by soelo at 7:50 PM on December 27 [1 favorite]

I have a practice I call the "Saturday drift". I let myself sleep late and do nothing much of anything on Saturday (or whatever the first day of my weekend is... sometimes I take a Friday off just to give myself a 3-day weekend), for much of the day.

Often that means sitting at the dining room table, eating a leisurely breakfast or brunch, drinking multiple cups of tea, and reading a book or magazine. It may also mean going online and scrolling aimlessly for a bit. I don't castigate myself for spending several hours on

In the mid to late afternoon, I start working on a personal project or doing some cleaning. But before then, I just... relax. It's wonderfully restorative, if you are able to do it.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 12:17 AM on December 28

My partner notices my irritability before I do.

Garmin watches measure stress and can indicate that something is going on with my body before I notice.
posted by tofu_crouton at 8:13 AM on December 28

How do you identify the point at which you need a break?
I am coming out the other side of a (relatively mild) month-long burnout that occurred as a result of illness, grief, work stress, personal life stress, financial issues, and probably some other stuff. Looking back at what was happening before I crashed, there were some key signs that I'll be paying attention to in the future.

I think the biggest sign is that everything that happened - at home or work - felt like the same level of crisis instead of varying levels/degrees. I was living life on auto-pilot responding instead of choosing or initiating. Inside my head, I was essentially chanting, "Just get through this..." to everything. There was no joy or enthusiasm for anything at all. When I wasn't numb, I was irritable beyond what anyone would consider a normal reaction to things and, if I wasn't a grown adult, I would have screamed at everyone to just leave me alone. My sleep was garbage and I was tired all the time. I felt like I was treading water trying to hold everything together.

How to make this break effective? Maybe sitting on the couch and walks is good enough.
Yes, I do think that's good enough. For me, I needed to do absolutely nothing beyond the what was required to sustain my existence. For a month, sitting on the couch staring into space was all I wanted to do and, so, that's all I did. I fought the urge to chastise myself for being lazy. I fought the urge to 'power through it'. I acknowledged that I only needed to keep the big, important things afloat (staying employed, staying housed) and that everything else could rot for a while.

I knew things were getting better (this morning, in fact) when I woke up with an urge to shower and the smallest spark of energy. The idea of sitting on the couch feels boring, finally. I will not be using that energy for anything useful or productive - I'm just going to enjoy feeling reattached to my life by that little thread and hope that it gets stronger. I am fairly certain that if I were to push myself, I'd end up on the couch again for another month.
posted by glorybe at 8:21 AM on December 28 [2 favorites]

I tend to be more irritable. Things at work (I'm a preschool teacher) that would just roll off my back start feeling HUGE.

Someone said sensory. Yes. I'm somewhat sensitive to light/sound, but when I want to put on sunglasses and earplugs in I know my ability to cope is falling. In a similar vein, I don't want my cats on me.

I will start to look for reasons to not do things I enjoy. I'm sore, so I don't want to go to dance class. My throat is the tiniest bit scratchy, can't go to choir.

My (undiagnosed, but highly likely) ADHD brain gets more distractable and forgetful.
posted by kathrynm at 8:58 AM on December 28 [1 favorite]

A clear indicator for me is that any and all ‘new/unexpected’ demands me feel like ‘extra’ and ‘too much’. That tells me I have reached my limit and run out of capacity to absorb anything unexpected or out of the ordinary and to take a break. After a break, I return to being my unfazed self.

If you have a lot of commitments and feel that way a lot that suggests you are stretched too thin and your commitments are not sustainable. That is a different problem to solve although that also requires a break followed by figuring out how to ease your load a bit.
posted by koahiatamadl at 11:57 AM on December 28 [3 favorites]