Hot, but why sticky?

December 19, 2024 9:13 AM

There's a counterintuitive linkage between human sexual arousal and negative emotions like fear, aggression and disgust. What are some good readings to better understand what causes this? Neuroscience, physiology or animal-behavior perspectives would be ideal, reasonably rigorous evopsych or philosophical takes acceptable as backup. Ideas?

I'm curious about both sides of this association: both why unwanted sexual contact seems to evoke markedly stronger fear and disgust reactions in humans versus comparable nonsexual contact, and why nonsexual experiences that naturally evoke fear, disgust and aggression also seem to be disproportionately likely to get worked into sexual fetishes.

I'd prefer more academic or hard-science-oriented, less speculative/ subjective/ lyrical angles on the question. (I do know Freud wrote a lot [of mostly BS] about this, so I'll make an exception for him if anyone has a good classic text to recommend.) For now, please no activism-oriented readings arguing that this linkage doesn't naturally exist, or exists and is great actually.

TIA!

posted by Bardolph to Science & Nature (8 answers total)

It may not be exactly what you're looking for, but the book Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski is where I first learned about arousal non-concordance, which I think is related to what you're talking about. In any case it's an excellent book and perhaps a good starting point or companion to what else you might find.
posted by Molasses808 at 10:11 AM on December 19, 2024 [2 favorites]

I'd push back and suggest that there's not a link between sexual arousal and negative emotions (as a class), but instead a link between sexual arousal and different negative emotions (in individual, for a variety of reasons). The characteristic of being negative emotions is not a causal link. Not to simply be unhelpful, but I would encourage you to try your query along those lines!
posted by so fucking future at 4:20 PM on December 19, 2024 [1 favorite]

Another avenue you might want to explore: Where's guilt and shame in that mix? Are you easily reminded you should feel guilty? Have you been shamed out of enjoying things that consenting adults might enjoy together in a safe, private place?
posted by k3ninho at 2:07 AM on December 20, 2024

Could you give some examples of what you mean?
posted by space snail at 7:08 AM on December 20, 2024

(I ask because I think the question has so many possible dimensions and interpretations people may be struggling to answer it).
posted by space snail at 7:12 AM on December 20, 2024

I think a straightforward answer to this query is that males have erections during REM sleep, and therefore, in a very real sense, their sexuality is indissolubly wedded to nightmares.

And many if not most mens first orgasm is a nocturnal emission, presumably as part of a dream which might well be an actual nightmare.
posted by jamjam at 1:17 PM on December 20, 2024

I remember Robert Sapolsky in one of his lectures on Human Behavioral Biology mentioned in passing that aggression and arousal are linked in men, specifically, because two parts (the sexy and the aggression parts?) of their brain were co-located. It was a throw away comment in a long lecture series and I don't know if it was correct, but I thought it was really interesting. Like you (I presume) I don't think the broader phenomenon you're talking about it specific to men, and I know Sapolsky has been wrong on occasion (e.g., the myth of period-syncing), but maybe there is something to it?
posted by stinker at 12:16 AM on December 21, 2024

Counterproposal: It's not that yucky things are more likely to be eroticized. It's that when people do eroticize yucky things, it's more likely to be considered a fetish. Eroticizing things that aren't yucky is more likely to be considered normal and unremarkable.

Plenty of people have better sex in a safe, clean, warm, familiar house after a nice hot shower and a romantic conversation. It's just that nobody ever calls them kinky for it.
posted by Birds, snakes, and aeroplanes at 10:23 AM on December 22, 2024