Judging the Simpsons' ages by adding up Christmas episodes

December 18, 2024 9:48 AM

Assuming there are X number of times the Simpsons have depicted different Christmases happening in the ostensible present (not by flashback), how many years would have gone by and how old would they be? Hold onto your well actuallys there are stipulations inside.

A few stipulations:

• yes, it's a cartoon
• no, the Simpsons canonically do not really age, though there are occasional moments of aging-like behavior and meta jokes about it
• yes, there are other ways to estimate their ostensible ages (depictions of first/last days of school, other holidays, birthday parties, etc.) but I am asking specifically about Christmases
• yes, you could always Marvel No Prize this and just say they were all depictions of the same one or two Christmases

The ideal answer format for this would be "Given that the Simpsons showed X seemingly different Christmases that were contemporaneous in seasons A, B, C, E, H, K, L, [etc] that adds up to X, meaning the Simpsons would logically have to be X number of years older than when they debuted, making [lists of inferred character ages]."

This is a silly exercise that means nothing but entertains me. Please participate in good faith or politely opt out. I am not interested in your rationalizations or headcanon for why this is stupid. I am interested in executing this ridiculous exercise.

posted by DirtyOldTown to Media & Arts (13 answers total)

Response by poster: Also please feel free to cite any/all contemporaneous (i.e. non-flashback) Simpsons Christmas episodes by season/episode number and if needed, we can work together on this.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:49 AM on December 18, 2024

If anyone has subscription access to this Medium article, the author has compiled a list of Christmas episodes.
posted by LKWorking at 9:52 AM on December 18, 2024

DOT I am disappointed you are not counting by Treehouse of Horror episodes ;)
posted by supermedusa at 9:55 AM on December 18, 2024 [4 favorites]

Response by poster: I knew someone was going to bring up the ToH eps, so I added the disclaimer above, to no avail anyway.

Most of the Treehouse eps canonically did not happen. Bart doesn't die, the Earth isn't destroyed, etc.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:59 AM on December 18, 2024 [2 favorites]

It makes no difference whether what happens in a ToH episode is canon--either way, our planet is doomed. DOOMED!
posted by box at 10:11 AM on December 18, 2024 [5 favorites]

That Medium lists 20 Christmas episodes through season 32:

Simpson Christmas (Tracy Ullman show The Simpsons Short)
Simpson’s roasting on an open fire (Season 1 episode 1)
Marge be not proud (Season 7 episode 11)
Miracle on Evergreen Terrace (Season 9 episode 10)
Grift of the Magi (Season 11 episode 9)
Skinner’s sense of snow (Season 12 episode 8)*
She of little faith (Season 13 episode 6)
Tis’ the fifteenth season (Season 15 episode 7)
Simpson Christmas Stories (Season 17 episode 9)
Kill Gil, Volumes I & II (Season 18 episode 9)
The Burns and the bees (Season 20 episode 8)^
The fight before Christmas (Season 22 episode 8)
Holidays of future passed (Season 23 episode 9)
White Christmas blues (Season 25 episode 8)
I won’t be home for Christmas (Season 26 episode 9)
The nightmare after Krustmas (Season 28 episode 10)
Gone boy (season 29, episode 9)
Tis the 30th Season (Season 30 episode 10)
Bobby it’s cold outside (Season 31, episode 10)
A Springfield Summer Christmas for Christmas (season 32, episode 10)

I don't watch Simpsons anymore, but looking at the list of episodes (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_The_Simpsons_episodes) I don't see any other ones that look to be Christmas-adjacent.

If we use 20 as the number, we get Homer - 56, Marge - 54, Bart - 30, Lisa - 28, Maggie - 21 (original ages from a few souces)
posted by Gorgik at 10:34 AM on December 18, 2024 [5 favorites]

Here's an archive link for that article, in case it goes away.
posted by stormyteal at 10:39 AM on December 18, 2024

Oh, and apparently a new Christmas episode dropped in the last day or two?
So add it to the list?
(Is that what prompted this question? LOL)
posted by stormyteal at 10:44 AM on December 18, 2024

I was just naive enough to think they have done a Christmas episode every year, so this is an interesting exercise for me, thanks for asking the question!
posted by pdb at 11:18 AM on December 18, 2024

Doesn't the Christmas episode where the Simpsons house sad-sack Gil (Kill Gil volumes 1 & 2) last an entire year (ie: a dual Christmas episode)? Consider taking that into your calculations!


Don't watch it though, it's not very good.

BTW: just for fun, I used by company's AI to get the name of the episode, which is did well. but can it help me with any actual work? no.
posted by The_Vegetables at 11:25 AM on December 18, 2024 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: I think we would also need to omit from our count any episodes where Christmas is shown in flashback, as they do not necessarily show time moving forward.

For instance, isn't there one that looks back on Homer buying Lisa the saxophone?
posted by DirtyOldTown at 11:40 AM on December 18, 2024

('Tis a fine episode, but sure 'tis no Christmas episode, English.)
posted by box at 12:58 PM on December 18, 2024 [1 favorite]

You could cut these estimates in half if you imagine that the Simpsons celebrate both Western and Orthodox Christmas.
posted by kickingtheground at 9:34 PM on December 18, 2024 [1 favorite]