How do I make myself eat?
December 14, 2024 7:31 PM Subscribe
I haven't eaten in 50 hours.
I've been on a weight-loss mission (two months ago was 58kg/160cm, now at 53kg). I've started a combination of working out in the gym with a personal trainer + intermittent fasting. I think I overdid it now, because I think I'm addicted to the way the numbers on the scale go down every time I weigh myself. And the compliments I have been recently getting make me feel amazing.
I haven't eaten in over two days this time and I feel fine, I think, if not just a tiny bit weak. I think I should definitely eat something but the thought of putting food in my mouth makes me want to cry.
I don't have coverage for therapy/mental healthcare until I start my new job next month. Are there any quick fixes I can do in the meantime? All I'm doing now is drinking plain water and taking Valium.
I've been on a weight-loss mission (two months ago was 58kg/160cm, now at 53kg). I've started a combination of working out in the gym with a personal trainer + intermittent fasting. I think I overdid it now, because I think I'm addicted to the way the numbers on the scale go down every time I weigh myself. And the compliments I have been recently getting make me feel amazing.
I haven't eaten in over two days this time and I feel fine, I think, if not just a tiny bit weak. I think I should definitely eat something but the thought of putting food in my mouth makes me want to cry.
I don't have coverage for therapy/mental healthcare until I start my new job next month. Are there any quick fixes I can do in the meantime? All I'm doing now is drinking plain water and taking Valium.
Could you go buy Ensure and drink it? It has calories and nutrition and I've used it for people I've known when they were having a dickens of a time eating for various issues. You can also get protein powders, make shakes, buy shakes. If those have too much taste for you to stomach, unflavored collagen powder and benefiber in water might be workable. None of these are long term solutions but if you don't have access to anything better and you can stand to take in at least some calories that way until you have better support it's way better than NOT having anything at all. Getting some calories into your system might also jump start your appetite and make it easier to eat real food. Wishing you all the best.
posted by foxfirefey at 7:54 PM on December 14, 2024 [19 favorites]
posted by foxfirefey at 7:54 PM on December 14, 2024 [19 favorites]
I agree that a helpline would be a good way to get connected with help sooner than next month — this sounds really distressing and difficult, and you deserve support. Here’s a lookup for mental health help lines around the world, in case that US one isn’t applicable to you: https://www.helpguide.org/find-help
In the meantime, if drinking water is palatable to you, would other liquids feel ok? I know when I’m not feeling well, it helps me to start with something with electrolytes, like a sports drink or broth.
posted by ourobouros at 7:57 PM on December 14, 2024 [2 favorites]
In the meantime, if drinking water is palatable to you, would other liquids feel ok? I know when I’m not feeling well, it helps me to start with something with electrolytes, like a sports drink or broth.
posted by ourobouros at 7:57 PM on December 14, 2024 [2 favorites]
Calling a mental health hotline is a really good idea. Please give it a try!
Keep drinking water but also try other liquids. If you have broth, heat it up. Make tea and put sugar in it. If you have milk or any kind of creamer, add that. Make cups of juice or soda or whatever kind of thing is accessible to you. Just go through the motions of prepping and pouring the drink. Have them nearby, in front of you, by your desk, etc. If you can, take small sips, alternate with water, whatever. Don’t worry about finishing it all, just have some of it and keep giving yourself the chance to get some calories and nutrition.
If you do start to cry, that’s okay and also the act of drinking liquids can help curb a panic response. It helps us regulate our breathing and engages our nervous system in a way that calms our bodies. So take little sips and go slow, but if you can push through those first moments you are likely to find yourself much calmer afterwards.
I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts tonight! Please reach out to people in your area and ask for their help.
posted by Mizu at 8:08 PM on December 14, 2024 [14 favorites]
Keep drinking water but also try other liquids. If you have broth, heat it up. Make tea and put sugar in it. If you have milk or any kind of creamer, add that. Make cups of juice or soda or whatever kind of thing is accessible to you. Just go through the motions of prepping and pouring the drink. Have them nearby, in front of you, by your desk, etc. If you can, take small sips, alternate with water, whatever. Don’t worry about finishing it all, just have some of it and keep giving yourself the chance to get some calories and nutrition.
If you do start to cry, that’s okay and also the act of drinking liquids can help curb a panic response. It helps us regulate our breathing and engages our nervous system in a way that calms our bodies. So take little sips and go slow, but if you can push through those first moments you are likely to find yourself much calmer afterwards.
I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts tonight! Please reach out to people in your area and ask for their help.
posted by Mizu at 8:08 PM on December 14, 2024 [14 favorites]
Sip broth.
posted by Grandysaur at 9:19 PM on December 14, 2024 [2 favorites]
posted by Grandysaur at 9:19 PM on December 14, 2024 [2 favorites]
Not eating for a couple of days isn't that bad, so don't stress too much about that. Staying hydrated is more important.
Ensure is OK in the short term, but what you need is an eating plan that you can live with. I would have thought that your trainer would have helped you with that. If not, then consider a sensible diet of vegetables, meat and a little fruit. Count calories and be sure you get at least 1200 per day.
Yes, counting calories and weighing portions is a hassle. But it will assist you in learning to set appropriate portion sizes. Also consider your macros: get a good mix of protein, complex carbs and fat (preferably plant-based fat, such as olive oil). And yes, you need to plan this to be sure all of your nutritional needs are covered. And a good eating plan will help you keep focus by setting daily goals. Make keeping to your eating plan the goal, not meeting some arbitrary weight goal.
If you are weighing yourself every day, this might be triggering a desire to "beat yesterday's numbers," which is not a realistic approach to diet and exercise. Once a week should be enough. If you must weigh yourself every day, then calculate the average each week and use that has your "official" weight. Trying to "trick" the scale by not eating or not drinking water (or, worse still, voiding your bowels with laxatives when you don't need them) is just going to make you ill.
Between now and next month, you're going to have to plan what you will eat once you start your new job. Plan today; don't wait until you're on the job and too busy to make good decisions.
Remind yourself that if you don't eat properly, you are setting yourself up for failure. You may lose weight in the short run, but you'll also be losing muscle and bone density. You won't get fit, you'll get feeble.
And yeah, lose the Valium.
posted by SPrintF at 9:29 PM on December 14, 2024 [10 favorites]
Ensure is OK in the short term, but what you need is an eating plan that you can live with. I would have thought that your trainer would have helped you with that. If not, then consider a sensible diet of vegetables, meat and a little fruit. Count calories and be sure you get at least 1200 per day.
Yes, counting calories and weighing portions is a hassle. But it will assist you in learning to set appropriate portion sizes. Also consider your macros: get a good mix of protein, complex carbs and fat (preferably plant-based fat, such as olive oil). And yes, you need to plan this to be sure all of your nutritional needs are covered. And a good eating plan will help you keep focus by setting daily goals. Make keeping to your eating plan the goal, not meeting some arbitrary weight goal.
If you are weighing yourself every day, this might be triggering a desire to "beat yesterday's numbers," which is not a realistic approach to diet and exercise. Once a week should be enough. If you must weigh yourself every day, then calculate the average each week and use that has your "official" weight. Trying to "trick" the scale by not eating or not drinking water (or, worse still, voiding your bowels with laxatives when you don't need them) is just going to make you ill.
Between now and next month, you're going to have to plan what you will eat once you start your new job. Plan today; don't wait until you're on the job and too busy to make good decisions.
Remind yourself that if you don't eat properly, you are setting yourself up for failure. You may lose weight in the short run, but you'll also be losing muscle and bone density. You won't get fit, you'll get feeble.
And yeah, lose the Valium.
posted by SPrintF at 9:29 PM on December 14, 2024 [10 favorites]
58kg at 160cm is perfectly healthy. It might help to know, why did you start a 'weight loss mission'?
I'm someone who strictly tracks what I eat (cal, protein, fibre, calcium) in order to maintain my weight and strength, so I have quite a high tolerance for this kind of thing. But I think you need immediate help if you cannot make yourself eat. This has obviously spiralled way out of control.
And as others said, if you just aren't eating, you are losing muscle etc as well as fat. "You won't get fit, you'll get feeble" is absolutely right.
posted by thereader at 9:44 PM on December 14, 2024 [4 favorites]
I'm someone who strictly tracks what I eat (cal, protein, fibre, calcium) in order to maintain my weight and strength, so I have quite a high tolerance for this kind of thing. But I think you need immediate help if you cannot make yourself eat. This has obviously spiralled way out of control.
And as others said, if you just aren't eating, you are losing muscle etc as well as fat. "You won't get fit, you'll get feeble" is absolutely right.
posted by thereader at 9:44 PM on December 14, 2024 [4 favorites]
You need electrolytes or else you’re going to end up with heart problems. Faster than you think.
posted by cotton dress sock at 10:28 PM on December 14, 2024 [8 favorites]
posted by cotton dress sock at 10:28 PM on December 14, 2024 [8 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks everyone. I had some French Onion soup this morning. My trainer does request that I send her everything I eat in a day but the days I don't eat, I just tell her that I "forgot" to take a pic and make something up. I came clean to her today and asked if it is OK if we continue to train - she wants to meet me to talk about our plan going forward, so that's a good sign I think!
I had eating issues due to substance abuse as a teenager and was always small + people always complimented me on my thinness. I aged out of the restricted eating at some point but in the last couple years started binge eating due to stress from work.
Then this year I started not being able to fit into my pants from three years ago and I guess that triggered the pendulum swing, all the way around. I felt less pretty. And then started getting "high" off of feeling empty, it's really a feeling accomplishment I've never felt before. I have never mentioned this to a mental health provider ever so I'm actually terrified. If anyone has some insight into what the process is like, I'm all ears.
posted by antihistameme at 12:22 AM on December 15, 2024 [6 favorites]
I had eating issues due to substance abuse as a teenager and was always small + people always complimented me on my thinness. I aged out of the restricted eating at some point but in the last couple years started binge eating due to stress from work.
Then this year I started not being able to fit into my pants from three years ago and I guess that triggered the pendulum swing, all the way around. I felt less pretty. And then started getting "high" off of feeling empty, it's really a feeling accomplishment I've never felt before. I have never mentioned this to a mental health provider ever so I'm actually terrified. If anyone has some insight into what the process is like, I'm all ears.
posted by antihistameme at 12:22 AM on December 15, 2024 [6 favorites]
If you have food that's easy to eat (fruit, raisins, nuts, candy), try putting it close to you whereever you are throughout the day so you can just reach out and grab a bite. I find that has a lower barrier sometimes than trying to make "proper" food.
Is there a friend you can have a meal with? You don't have to talk about what's going on, but often just being in a context where eating is expected helps.
Also, the electrolytes are real.
posted by sniend at 12:26 AM on December 15, 2024 [2 favorites]
Is there a friend you can have a meal with? You don't have to talk about what's going on, but often just being in a context where eating is expected helps.
Also, the electrolytes are real.
posted by sniend at 12:26 AM on December 15, 2024 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Sorry, I am not threadsitting I promise. I don't have anyone. I live alone with my dog and cats. My mother lives abroad and my father is in essence, dead to me. I don't have friends who can help me and I am also not dating. I guess the isolation exacerbated all this. But I'm all on my own and I can only look towards January for some actual help from a professional, because I don't have a support system.
posted by antihistameme at 12:36 AM on December 15, 2024 [2 favorites]
posted by antihistameme at 12:36 AM on December 15, 2024 [2 favorites]
Don't worry about thread sitting, we are glad you had the soup and are continuing to eat.
Try some Gatorade for those electrolytes if you are concerned.
posted by panhopticon at 1:02 AM on December 15, 2024 [7 favorites]
Try some Gatorade for those electrolytes if you are concerned.
posted by panhopticon at 1:02 AM on December 15, 2024 [7 favorites]
I’m happy to hear about the soup! Advice above about putting easy to eat snacks and whatever you’ve got nearby so the barrier to eating is lowered is very good.
It sounds like your personal trainer is a reliable person. If they’ve got experience working with clients who have eating disorders, they might have local resources for you. In my layperson’s opinion that’s what you seem to have developed. Eating disorders are very complex, but absolutely treatable. In particular that “high” feeling you describe really sounds just like one of my friends who struggled with pretty classic anorexia in her twenties after some big medical troubles. I poked around some of your posting history - it sounds like you’ve had struggles with your health and feelings of self worth and a bunch of trauma around your body, so trouble with food and weight isn’t surprising.
Even if you don’t have friends who you think can help with this specific issue, please reach out to them, just to keep in touch. You could even ask to video call someone to virtually share a meal and just talk about a mutual interest. Just spending time with others even without food being involved is helpful to finding mental equilibrium after things go off kilter.
Please have some more protein, salt, and fiber whenever you can, and please taper off the valium. If you are comfortable sharing a nearby city or other location info, mefites may be able to suggest specific area hotlines and resources for you.
posted by Mizu at 1:22 AM on December 15, 2024 [2 favorites]
It sounds like your personal trainer is a reliable person. If they’ve got experience working with clients who have eating disorders, they might have local resources for you. In my layperson’s opinion that’s what you seem to have developed. Eating disorders are very complex, but absolutely treatable. In particular that “high” feeling you describe really sounds just like one of my friends who struggled with pretty classic anorexia in her twenties after some big medical troubles. I poked around some of your posting history - it sounds like you’ve had struggles with your health and feelings of self worth and a bunch of trauma around your body, so trouble with food and weight isn’t surprising.
Even if you don’t have friends who you think can help with this specific issue, please reach out to them, just to keep in touch. You could even ask to video call someone to virtually share a meal and just talk about a mutual interest. Just spending time with others even without food being involved is helpful to finding mental equilibrium after things go off kilter.
Please have some more protein, salt, and fiber whenever you can, and please taper off the valium. If you are comfortable sharing a nearby city or other location info, mefites may be able to suggest specific area hotlines and resources for you.
posted by Mizu at 1:22 AM on December 15, 2024 [2 favorites]
Mod note: Quick note: OP needs medical help for this, though without job/insurance this may not be possible, hence this thread remains. However, please avoid specific medical dictates such as cold quitting the Valium (may need doctor's supervision to do safely) or similar. Thank you. – and hang in there, OP; I'm sorry it's like this, but hopefully you can get MD and therapist help soon, and until then we want to help you to nourish yourself!
posted by taz (staff) at 2:06 AM on December 15, 2024 [13 favorites]
posted by taz (staff) at 2:06 AM on December 15, 2024 [13 favorites]
OP, I'm sorry you're going through this, it's very tough. But you're not alone, you have a support system right here if you need us. We're all with you in this.
I will add, if you want to talk about things with someone in a way that's completely anonymous, there are also specific eating disorder hotlines that might help (disclaimer, I haven't used them myself):
National Eating Disorders Association - 1-800-931-2237
The ANAD Eating Disorders Helpline - 630-577-1330
Talking to someone on a hotline might help prepare you for talking about it with your trainer in person. It can be really, really hard to face something like this, but you might find power in naming it to yourself and to other people and reclaiming some control over your body. You're struggling, but you're not defined by your struggle. You're a whole human being who deserves to feel safe in your body. I hope things get easier for you! Please keep talking and reaching out.
posted by fight or flight at 2:22 AM on December 15, 2024 [10 favorites]
I will add, if you want to talk about things with someone in a way that's completely anonymous, there are also specific eating disorder hotlines that might help (disclaimer, I haven't used them myself):
National Eating Disorders Association - 1-800-931-2237
The ANAD Eating Disorders Helpline - 630-577-1330
Talking to someone on a hotline might help prepare you for talking about it with your trainer in person. It can be really, really hard to face something like this, but you might find power in naming it to yourself and to other people and reclaiming some control over your body. You're struggling, but you're not defined by your struggle. You're a whole human being who deserves to feel safe in your body. I hope things get easier for you! Please keep talking and reaching out.
posted by fight or flight at 2:22 AM on December 15, 2024 [10 favorites]
I'm sorry that people have been complimenting you on something that's actually not healthy for you. I've been in a similar situation and found it really hard not to be influenced by what well-meaning people were saying. It just makes you doubt yourself!
I hope the responses here so far have been helpful not just practically but also to reinforce your own instincts that this was not a good path to be on. Maybe the next time you remember the compliments, you can tell yourself 'it was kindly meant, but they don't see the whole picture; I know best how to treat my body' (or something of the sort).
posted by demi-octopus at 4:45 AM on December 15, 2024 [2 favorites]
I hope the responses here so far have been helpful not just practically but also to reinforce your own instincts that this was not a good path to be on. Maybe the next time you remember the compliments, you can tell yourself 'it was kindly meant, but they don't see the whole picture; I know best how to treat my body' (or something of the sort).
posted by demi-octopus at 4:45 AM on December 15, 2024 [2 favorites]
All other things aside, the immediate safety risk is that for a starving body the brain isn’t a priority. You will get loopy, and loopy people make bad decisions.
Definitely follow up with a mental health professional, but in the meantime be extra careful thinking through whatever else you might be doing.
Take care.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:38 AM on December 15, 2024 [1 favorite]
Definitely follow up with a mental health professional, but in the meantime be extra careful thinking through whatever else you might be doing.
Take care.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:38 AM on December 15, 2024 [1 favorite]
I have had some success restarting eating with tidbits. One raisin. A slice of a baby carrot. A chocolate chip. A slice of olive, one segment of a clementine, a single smoked oyster. A teaspoonful of milk. The very corner of a social tea biscuit. A slice of a baby dill pickle. I scrounge the fridge and the condiment jars and the baking section of my pantry until I find things that can be eaten in portions the size of my smallest fingernail.
The trick is to eat several different things in dolls house doll portions. None of them feel like they will be too much for my stomach. Laid out on a plate the plate still looks almost empty. But they "wake up my stomach" and after half an hour I am usually recovered from the stress enough that I start thinking I can handle something like big, like half a slice of bread and butter, or the smallest potato in the sack, microwaved, or damn it, yes, an entire small bowl of cereal and milk.
posted by Jane the Brown at 5:48 AM on December 15, 2024 [6 favorites]
The trick is to eat several different things in dolls house doll portions. None of them feel like they will be too much for my stomach. Laid out on a plate the plate still looks almost empty. But they "wake up my stomach" and after half an hour I am usually recovered from the stress enough that I start thinking I can handle something like big, like half a slice of bread and butter, or the smallest potato in the sack, microwaved, or damn it, yes, an entire small bowl of cereal and milk.
posted by Jane the Brown at 5:48 AM on December 15, 2024 [6 favorites]
I am not a doctor of any kind. However, someone close to me is a survivor of disordered eating. A few quick points:
You are very strong for reaching out for help. The feelings (shame, superiority, etc) when experiencing disordered eating are very very strong. You've made the first, most important step of seeking help. It is an extremely serious condition that often is overlooked or diminished because of the demographics of those affected.
Stop weighing yourself until you talk with a professional. Weighing yourself regularly, tracking your exercise, and tracking your food may not be something you can do in a healthy way. My person exercises regularly and eats well, but can never be in an environment of tracking food or weight; they spiral into old patterns. Having a strong food routine is very important: Breakfast is this, lunch is this or that, dinner is that ... every day. Does it have the most variety? No. Are they alive, healthy, and getting enough vitamins and minerals? Yes.
Do you have safe foods, things that are easiest for you to eat? That could be cucumbers or pizza or yogurt or crackers or anything at all. Be sure to have those things around at all times. Schedule times to eat; set an alarm. It's 10 AM, we eat an almond. It's 4 PM, we eat a cup of yogurt. It's noon, we eat three cherry tomatoes and a little cube of cheddar. For now, eating anything is a win. Later, with a professional, you can create a balanced food schedule to keep you healthy and strong. And eating enough can become habit, you don't have to think about what to eat and when, it's just a necessary part of the day.
Moving forward, reading about intuitive eating may be helpful to you. This is about understanding that food is not the enemy, but value-neutral fuel that your body needs. We live in a society that has awful ways of discussing and relating to food, but there are better ways of thinking about it.
Also, reading about body neutrality and fat positivity can be enlightening. Why is it so bad to be fat? Why, as a society, is that deemed to be so fearsome and terrible? If you need to get bigger pants, who cares? Question the message you've been receiving your entire life.
If you have any questions, feel free to reach out by PM.
posted by Mournful Bagel Song at 6:00 AM on December 15, 2024 [16 favorites]
You are very strong for reaching out for help. The feelings (shame, superiority, etc) when experiencing disordered eating are very very strong. You've made the first, most important step of seeking help. It is an extremely serious condition that often is overlooked or diminished because of the demographics of those affected.
Stop weighing yourself until you talk with a professional. Weighing yourself regularly, tracking your exercise, and tracking your food may not be something you can do in a healthy way. My person exercises regularly and eats well, but can never be in an environment of tracking food or weight; they spiral into old patterns. Having a strong food routine is very important: Breakfast is this, lunch is this or that, dinner is that ... every day. Does it have the most variety? No. Are they alive, healthy, and getting enough vitamins and minerals? Yes.
Do you have safe foods, things that are easiest for you to eat? That could be cucumbers or pizza or yogurt or crackers or anything at all. Be sure to have those things around at all times. Schedule times to eat; set an alarm. It's 10 AM, we eat an almond. It's 4 PM, we eat a cup of yogurt. It's noon, we eat three cherry tomatoes and a little cube of cheddar. For now, eating anything is a win. Later, with a professional, you can create a balanced food schedule to keep you healthy and strong. And eating enough can become habit, you don't have to think about what to eat and when, it's just a necessary part of the day.
Moving forward, reading about intuitive eating may be helpful to you. This is about understanding that food is not the enemy, but value-neutral fuel that your body needs. We live in a society that has awful ways of discussing and relating to food, but there are better ways of thinking about it.
Also, reading about body neutrality and fat positivity can be enlightening. Why is it so bad to be fat? Why, as a society, is that deemed to be so fearsome and terrible? If you need to get bigger pants, who cares? Question the message you've been receiving your entire life.
If you have any questions, feel free to reach out by PM.
posted by Mournful Bagel Song at 6:00 AM on December 15, 2024 [16 favorites]
I am so sorry you are in this space. It is a hard place to be when you are getting results that you want but you know that the method is not good or healthy. As someone who has been recovered-ish from eating disorders, I know the struggle. (I say recovered-ish because I recognize when my thoughts and patterns around body and food go off the rails and I have been able to fight to get back to a healthy place.) Posting this question was brave and is a good step in fighting those thoughts and patterns. As is talking to your trainer. Having the strength to do these things hopefully means that you are able to make some other brave choices.
The last time I was in a bad place with restriction, I got rid of my scale. It was definitely a conscious choice of “I refuse to let this dictate how I feel about myself” and in a moment of bravery, took my scale, got in my car, drove to a dumpster and threw it in. I wanted to make it impossible for me to go back after it in a less strong moment. If getting rid of the scale is not possible, figure out if there are barriers you can put in place to make it harder to weigh yourself. Tell yourself that what a scale says is way less important than working out and getting stronger and more fit.
Try to remember that food is fuel for your body to do what it needs to do. Without fuel, you can’t have long term fitness and working out goals. Under fueling your body will lengthen workout recovery times and make injuries more likely. Can you set a work-out or fitness goal that centers strength or endurance? It helps to make those the focus as opposed to weight or size.
Folks recommended ensure. If that works for you, do it. I kept a couple bottles of Soylent in my fridge as my emergency better than nothing solution. The 4 packs have bottles that are small enough that I could chug it pretty quickly and be done with it. Any calories are better than no calories.
Be careful with your social media if you’re on it. The algorithms can make eating issues much harder when they’re serving you diet and weight loss content. And when you’re in a weird head space with body and food, those posts are easy to interact with.
I also like to remember that capitalism and patriarchy are very invested in me being unhappy with my body size. They want me to spend my time and energy pursuing thinness at my own expense. To not do that is an act of revolution.
Please PM me if there is anything I can do to support you in this.
posted by August Fury at 6:06 AM on December 15, 2024 [7 favorites]
The last time I was in a bad place with restriction, I got rid of my scale. It was definitely a conscious choice of “I refuse to let this dictate how I feel about myself” and in a moment of bravery, took my scale, got in my car, drove to a dumpster and threw it in. I wanted to make it impossible for me to go back after it in a less strong moment. If getting rid of the scale is not possible, figure out if there are barriers you can put in place to make it harder to weigh yourself. Tell yourself that what a scale says is way less important than working out and getting stronger and more fit.
Try to remember that food is fuel for your body to do what it needs to do. Without fuel, you can’t have long term fitness and working out goals. Under fueling your body will lengthen workout recovery times and make injuries more likely. Can you set a work-out or fitness goal that centers strength or endurance? It helps to make those the focus as opposed to weight or size.
Folks recommended ensure. If that works for you, do it. I kept a couple bottles of Soylent in my fridge as my emergency better than nothing solution. The 4 packs have bottles that are small enough that I could chug it pretty quickly and be done with it. Any calories are better than no calories.
Be careful with your social media if you’re on it. The algorithms can make eating issues much harder when they’re serving you diet and weight loss content. And when you’re in a weird head space with body and food, those posts are easy to interact with.
I also like to remember that capitalism and patriarchy are very invested in me being unhappy with my body size. They want me to spend my time and energy pursuing thinness at my own expense. To not do that is an act of revolution.
Please PM me if there is anything I can do to support you in this.
posted by August Fury at 6:06 AM on December 15, 2024 [7 favorites]
Okay, this is somewhat dependent on where you are, which is presumably not the US because of the measurement units you're using. So you may not have access to the most appetizing, "infantilized" versions of foods that are good for this, but the basic principles will still apply.
What you do is start drinking caloric fluids, adding "heft" and taste and so on as you can manage, and simple foods, similar to the principle of the BRAT diet but essentially in reverse. The simplest flavors, the simplest carbs, the most easy-to-digest foods, building up to more flavorful and nutritious.
So for example, water < non-cider, "this is what we feed to toddlers in sippy cups", sugary but bland apple juice (even watered down if need be!) < pulp-free orange juice or actual (non-alcoholic) apple cider with the pulp strained out < pulped versions of normal juices / ocean spray style grape and grape blends < cranberry and grapefruit < milk.
With broth and savory-salty stuff, the progression might look like broth < stock or bone broth < stock with additives (peppers, mashed garlic, etc) < soups.
For solid food, start bland and simple. Apple sauce, plain white rice, etc.
If you have access to a blender, don't be afraid to essentially make the equivalent of baby food for yourself: purees, smoothies, etc etc. All the tricks that the food industry uses to make food appetizing, mainly lots of added salt and sugar, are your friend here, although obviously take any medical issues into consideration. Meal replacement shakes are great if you can tolerate them.
Don't be afraid to baby yourself, and in particular if you are having trouble keeping something down, don't push it. Messing around with vomiting and anything that could be a gateway to bulimia is absolutely not worth it. Your goals here are basically two-fold, getting enough calories and nutrition in you and being as comfortable with eating as you can be, but the first goal is obviously way more important than the first. If a food is making you gag and you might not be able to keep it down, substitute something less challenging.
I would also chip in my two cents as being very firmly against all the well-meaning advice "look into fat acceptance and how misogyny affects this stuff!". That's just as likely to be counter-productive as it is helpful, there's no way to know for sure ahead of time, and it is not actually practical advice that attempts to directly work with the actual problem behaviors, so skip it. This is a pattern with politically and ideologically tinged MeFite advice in general, unfortunately.
What might actually help is leaning into the fact that you apparently are motivated by progressive improvement. Set it up as a challenge. Figure out what an actual healthy diet would look like, and then think to yourself: I ate so-and-so many calories out of my goal today, and such-and-such percent were from more sophisticated/healthy food compared to last time! Basically, you know you're prone to obsessive thinking, but crucially you can also change your behavior because of it, you aren't just stuck pointlessly ruminating. That, plus the fact that you're here asking this and can recognize that your current behaviors are unhealthy, suggest that you have a path forward, You do not have to give up your goal, you just have to change your methods of achieving it.
If you are motivated by compliments, just think about how many compliments you will get when you are not just at a healthy weight, but you're also very fit, or a great dancer, or you're beating a new personal best in [fitness] activity. If self-praise works on you, be proud of yourself for taking action to correct your relationship with food.
posted by The Master and Margarita Mix at 9:50 AM on December 15, 2024 [2 favorites]
What you do is start drinking caloric fluids, adding "heft" and taste and so on as you can manage, and simple foods, similar to the principle of the BRAT diet but essentially in reverse. The simplest flavors, the simplest carbs, the most easy-to-digest foods, building up to more flavorful and nutritious.
So for example, water < non-cider, "this is what we feed to toddlers in sippy cups", sugary but bland apple juice (even watered down if need be!) < pulp-free orange juice or actual (non-alcoholic) apple cider with the pulp strained out < pulped versions of normal juices / ocean spray style grape and grape blends < cranberry and grapefruit < milk.
With broth and savory-salty stuff, the progression might look like broth < stock or bone broth < stock with additives (peppers, mashed garlic, etc) < soups.
For solid food, start bland and simple. Apple sauce, plain white rice, etc.
If you have access to a blender, don't be afraid to essentially make the equivalent of baby food for yourself: purees, smoothies, etc etc. All the tricks that the food industry uses to make food appetizing, mainly lots of added salt and sugar, are your friend here, although obviously take any medical issues into consideration. Meal replacement shakes are great if you can tolerate them.
Don't be afraid to baby yourself, and in particular if you are having trouble keeping something down, don't push it. Messing around with vomiting and anything that could be a gateway to bulimia is absolutely not worth it. Your goals here are basically two-fold, getting enough calories and nutrition in you and being as comfortable with eating as you can be, but the first goal is obviously way more important than the first. If a food is making you gag and you might not be able to keep it down, substitute something less challenging.
I would also chip in my two cents as being very firmly against all the well-meaning advice "look into fat acceptance and how misogyny affects this stuff!". That's just as likely to be counter-productive as it is helpful, there's no way to know for sure ahead of time, and it is not actually practical advice that attempts to directly work with the actual problem behaviors, so skip it. This is a pattern with politically and ideologically tinged MeFite advice in general, unfortunately.
What might actually help is leaning into the fact that you apparently are motivated by progressive improvement. Set it up as a challenge. Figure out what an actual healthy diet would look like, and then think to yourself: I ate so-and-so many calories out of my goal today, and such-and-such percent were from more sophisticated/healthy food compared to last time! Basically, you know you're prone to obsessive thinking, but crucially you can also change your behavior because of it, you aren't just stuck pointlessly ruminating. That, plus the fact that you're here asking this and can recognize that your current behaviors are unhealthy, suggest that you have a path forward, You do not have to give up your goal, you just have to change your methods of achieving it.
If you are motivated by compliments, just think about how many compliments you will get when you are not just at a healthy weight, but you're also very fit, or a great dancer, or you're beating a new personal best in [fitness] activity. If self-praise works on you, be proud of yourself for taking action to correct your relationship with food.
posted by The Master and Margarita Mix at 9:50 AM on December 15, 2024 [2 favorites]
glad to hear about the french onion soup! & also that you are working on a plan with your trainer!
when i haven't eaten for a bit, i like to start with an extraordinary meal. it does not have to be particularly grand, for example, there's a marmalade i particularly like. when i have that on a good slice of bread, with a cup of tea: perfection
another thing to do could be to go to a fine restaurant. there was one near me that closed a while ago: i think the portions were small, too much so relative to the cost, for most people. a friend invited me. i ordered ravioli. there were, i think, three ravioli! the sauce though, that sauce was so good. i'm almost crying now, thinking about it. so good. sauces really can change a meal
anyway, when food is love [g] is a book you might appreciate (also, i think criticism of threadsitting is less of a thing these days. especially in this instance, people want you to do well) sending good thoughts!
posted by HearHere at 12:30 PM on December 15, 2024
when i haven't eaten for a bit, i like to start with an extraordinary meal. it does not have to be particularly grand, for example, there's a marmalade i particularly like. when i have that on a good slice of bread, with a cup of tea: perfection
another thing to do could be to go to a fine restaurant. there was one near me that closed a while ago: i think the portions were small, too much so relative to the cost, for most people. a friend invited me. i ordered ravioli. there were, i think, three ravioli! the sauce though, that sauce was so good. i'm almost crying now, thinking about it. so good. sauces really can change a meal
anyway, when food is love [g] is a book you might appreciate (also, i think criticism of threadsitting is less of a thing these days. especially in this instance, people want you to do well) sending good thoughts!
posted by HearHere at 12:30 PM on December 15, 2024
Response by poster: This is all very helpful and I’m so grateful to everyone. I might need to go to the emergency department today as I fell walking my dog. I am really dizzy. I don’t have energy to get out of bed.
posted by antihistameme at 4:05 PM on December 15, 2024 [3 favorites]
posted by antihistameme at 4:05 PM on December 15, 2024 [3 favorites]
Are you in a city? When you say you don't have friends who can help you, do you mean that you do have friends, but believe they can't help you? If you have even one friend who lives within 30 minutes of you, I suggest you test whether they can help you by asking.
I second that you should go to the ER.
posted by prefpara at 6:37 PM on December 15, 2024 [1 favorite]
I second that you should go to the ER.
posted by prefpara at 6:37 PM on December 15, 2024 [1 favorite]
I really hope you managed to get to an ER and got some electrolytes into you. Please keep us updated if you feel up to it.
posted by fight or flight at 9:37 AM on December 16, 2024 [3 favorites]
posted by fight or flight at 9:37 AM on December 16, 2024 [3 favorites]
Hello, friend - I am thinking of you. I had a disordered week last week, and so I have more empathy for what you’re going through than I can express in words.
I have ADHD, and one of my hacks is to drink a hippie protein shake with coconut oil every morning. It’s got fiber, it’s got vitamins, it looks like pond sludge; it puts calories into my body in a way that helps me move on and do things without focusing on food. It’s not too sweet or too tasteless - might be a good starter food.
There are lots of great questions on AskMe about how to make/eat food when you’re depressed - I have to go to sleep now, but those might be good resources for the next couple of weeks. Some tasty frozen meals, fancy packaged ramen (a fair amount of protein there, and salts, and water), bottled smoothies? If you have the budget, a food delivery service like Thrive (?) might help you get on track with a set of pre-packaged breakfasts, lunches, and dinners with nutrients already designed to help you get what your body needs. I am rooting for you!
Also, can you text your trainer and say, A health issue has come up, and I will be taking a break to recoup? If they are a professional, this should be of the utmost importance for them. I would actually expect a trainer who is good at their job to notice and try to PREVENT unhealthy loss behavior, as a foundational ethical practice in the field.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 12:37 AM on December 17, 2024
I have ADHD, and one of my hacks is to drink a hippie protein shake with coconut oil every morning. It’s got fiber, it’s got vitamins, it looks like pond sludge; it puts calories into my body in a way that helps me move on and do things without focusing on food. It’s not too sweet or too tasteless - might be a good starter food.
There are lots of great questions on AskMe about how to make/eat food when you’re depressed - I have to go to sleep now, but those might be good resources for the next couple of weeks. Some tasty frozen meals, fancy packaged ramen (a fair amount of protein there, and salts, and water), bottled smoothies? If you have the budget, a food delivery service like Thrive (?) might help you get on track with a set of pre-packaged breakfasts, lunches, and dinners with nutrients already designed to help you get what your body needs. I am rooting for you!
Also, can you text your trainer and say, A health issue has come up, and I will be taking a break to recoup? If they are a professional, this should be of the utmost importance for them. I would actually expect a trainer who is good at their job to notice and try to PREVENT unhealthy loss behavior, as a foundational ethical practice in the field.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 12:37 AM on December 17, 2024
Mod note: One comment removed. Please avoid any sort of comment that could potentially encourage the OP to refrain from eating.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 5:05 AM on December 17, 2024 [2 favorites]
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 5:05 AM on December 17, 2024 [2 favorites]
Any chance we could get an update from you, antihistamine?
posted by kensington314 at 11:15 AM on December 20, 2024
posted by kensington314 at 11:15 AM on December 20, 2024
Response by poster: Hiya friends, I'm sorry it took me this long to say hello again. I wanted to wait until I had really positive news. Since my last update was posted, I went to the ER, got my bloods taken, and then stayed for a week because they wanted to start me on medication and monitor me while I tried to eat more. I took a break from the gym, and my trainer has been nothing but supportive (and even offering to meet with me as a friend to chat over some food). She's making a huge effort to help me understand more about nutrition so I approach the food I see with knowledge instead of fear.
My mood's definitely better now that I've started my new job, but I barely sleep. I go to the psychiatrist next week to get my medications adjusted, if necessary. My new workplace has great benefits and I restarted my CBT sessions, so that's also really helping.
I'm still not eating very well, but I am maintaining my current weight and have for a few weeks (won't say what it is, I don't want to trigger anyone). Which is good! I eat a lot of simple foods like eggs, tofu, and fruit. I found a deep love for stone fruit, so I eat that if I can't stomach anything else. I've started working out (lightly!) again. On those days I drink a protein shake.
I come back to reread all your comments when I feel down. It's really helped and I can't be more thankful for the genuine concern and advice you've given me.
Love,
Antihistameme
posted by antihistameme at 5:06 AM on February 3 [8 favorites]
My mood's definitely better now that I've started my new job, but I barely sleep. I go to the psychiatrist next week to get my medications adjusted, if necessary. My new workplace has great benefits and I restarted my CBT sessions, so that's also really helping.
I'm still not eating very well, but I am maintaining my current weight and have for a few weeks (won't say what it is, I don't want to trigger anyone). Which is good! I eat a lot of simple foods like eggs, tofu, and fruit. I found a deep love for stone fruit, so I eat that if I can't stomach anything else. I've started working out (lightly!) again. On those days I drink a protein shake.
I come back to reread all your comments when I feel down. It's really helped and I can't be more thankful for the genuine concern and advice you've given me.
Love,
Antihistameme
posted by antihistameme at 5:06 AM on February 3 [8 favorites]
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posted by jane addams at 7:38 PM on December 14, 2024 [12 favorites]