Need some movies for a sad day.

December 10, 2024 6:56 AM

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my first dog's death. It's been quite a few years since she died, but I took it really, really hard (best friend, unofficial emotional support dog, grew up with her, etc). Some people in my social circle say I should ignore the day and not focus on the negative. I can't forget the awfulness, though.

It's like my body remembers and I can't help but relive her last day. It wasn't even that traumatic, as deaths go, but I just feel shaken up and fragile. I also feel like I should get over myself, especially knowing how many people lose family members every day, but all that does is add guilt.

The last few years, I've established a bit of a ritual. I get some presents for other family dogs, donate some toys to the shelter, and I light a candle in one of her favourite spots (or sometimes in a church). I've been able to function through the day, but I don't really try to achieve anything more than that. It's been getting a little easier every year.

This year, it feels more difficult than last. I'm stressed out by lots of life transitions happening all at once. I don't have a therapist anymore. I'll be alone tomorrow night (the rest of the day, my husband will be there [he's sympathetic, but frustrated that I'm still so sad] and dogs are available for comfort). I have people I can call, but I sometimes can't even speak when I feel like I suspect I might feel tomorrow.

So, I think I want to do my ritual and then bury myself in blankets with dogs and movies. I need movies that are not (very) sad, not (very) silly, and entertaining enough to keep me occupied. I saw "Wild Robot" recently, and that one would work. Animation is okay, not preferred. Movies about kids and families tend to hold my interest the most. Fantasy is not usually engrossing enough. Holiday movies are fine. Ideally, movies available on Prime, Netflix or Apple TV+.

Thanks in advance. I'd love to just time-travel to December 12th, but failing that, movies might work.

posted by toucan to Media & Arts (13 answers total)

My Neighbor Totoro is very melancholy, which I think may hit what you're looking for.

It is partly fantasy, but it is mostly about family.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:20 AM on December 10, 2024 [6 favorites]

I am so sorry about your losing your companion. I hear you, and it makes me sad to. I'm trying to keep it together with this honestly - doing my breathing exercise. My dog died, my families first, and it really shook me up. She was a great dog. It was the first death for my kids and was an earthquake - everything is a bit different now.

I watched Hot Frosty recently on Netflix. The stated premise is as simple as - what if frosty the snowman was a hot dude? The actual story is literally a hot dude who starts the movie off as a snowman who is brought to live by a magic scarf, and yes, they don't just suspend belief to make this happen, they take him to a doctor who says.... "maybeeeee??? believe the magic".

So it's a bit silly. But it's actually about how the main character is mourning the loss of her husband and her life is falling apart and suddenly a hot guy magically materializes to save the day, which sounds like a terrible story, and not at all silly. However. It's so gentle with her character. It's emotional wish fulfillment stuck inside a holiday movie. The sad parts made me sad and the happy parts made me happy, but it's not a sad movie - it's a fairytale and it is fully 100% committed to the comedy in the romcom.

I am not the target audience, and around the holidays I hate watch movies like Love Actually which is absolutely a terrible thing without any redeeming qualities. I am an old curmudgeon and I genuinely enjoyed a rom-com with a ridiculous premise.
posted by zenon at 7:47 AM on December 10, 2024

In America has some sad parts, but overall, it's a great underrated movie that's about family and surviving together.

Also Whale Rider is mostly uplifting, but not complicated.

2nding Totoro or also Spirited Away. Both are animated, but great movies by Hiyao Miyazaki
posted by hydra77 at 7:49 AM on December 10, 2024 [1 favorite]

Where the Heart Is (1990) - the one with Dabney Coleman, Uma Thurman, Joanna Cassidy, and Crispin Glover - not to be confused with Where the Heart Is (2000) - the one with Natalie Portman, Ashley Judd, Joan Cusack, and Stockard Channing - is a little-seen charmer with family and touches of whimsy.
posted by Lemkin at 8:04 AM on December 10, 2024

Nora McInerny has lots of good insights on death-iversaries, if you need to feel less alone in your grief. (Note: her loss was a spouse, but she holds space for all kinds of grief and grieving.)

For a movie recommendation, Everything Everywhere All at Once is incredibly engrossing, and features family relationships at its core.
posted by bluloo at 8:39 AM on December 10, 2024 [2 favorites]

Highly recommend Robot Dreams for this.
posted by leastlikelycowgirl at 10:31 AM on December 10, 2024 [1 favorite]

If you haven't seen it already Home For The Holidays is my favorite family movie. It's super funny and fantastically entertaining.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 11:32 AM on December 10, 2024 [1 favorite]

I'm so sorry about your doggo. There's nothing wrong or even unusual about mourning the death of a beloved animal companion so intensely, but I'm sorry it's so tough for you.

Some movies that may be good:

Knives Out (comic murder mystery, very satisfying)

Pride (funny and moving, based on true story of a group of gay pride people supporting a miners strike)

In addition to Spirited Away & Totorro, try Kikis Delivery Service (young witch and her grumpy cat familiar leaves home for the first time)

The Black Stallion (boy meets and tames a horse while they're both shipwrecked, absolutely stunning visually)
posted by Zumbador at 12:12 PM on December 10, 2024

Some movies I find to be emotionally engaging and funny but not too silly:
Hunt for the Wilderpeople (Netflix; cw - death of a loved one is a theme)
Safety Not Guaranteed (apple TV)
Sword of Trust (apple TV, maybe Prime depending on your subscription)
Palm Springs (Netflix)
and, seconding Everything Everywhere All At Once
posted by esoterrica at 2:06 PM on December 10, 2024

I loved Everything Everywhere All at Once, and also I had to stop midway through to walk around a bit and metabolize some of the family little-t trauma it brought up. It may be too heavy for tomorrow. But it’s really good!

I love the Miyazaki suggestions, the ones mentioned are sad but not painfully so. Some of his movies involve World War II, and you should probably nope out of those tomorrow.
posted by momus_window at 2:42 PM on December 10, 2024

In addition to the Miyazaki movies, I'd recommend Coco and The Book of Life. Both deal with Dia de la Muerta and are really good for escaping one's current circumstances. If you are a Disney fan, Encanto is another one that I've turned to on the nights I just couldn't deal with the real world.
posted by drossdragon at 3:26 PM on December 10, 2024 [1 favorite]

Coco makes me cry and cry and cry though. I once cried watching it on a plane...over my neighbor's shoulder...who was watching it on headphones. Yeah that's right I got got by Coco with SUBTITLES AND NO SOUND.

I think My Neighbor Totoro is what I'd be watching, not least because so much of it is about the girls' relationship with a big furry guy who comes into their lives during a tough time and helps them out.
posted by potrzebie at 7:21 AM on December 11, 2024

Coming to this kind of late, but I really want to suggest a Hallmark movie called The Nine Lives of Christmas. It has both better actors and a better plot than 99% of their stuff. The main male protagonist adopts a cat (or rather the cat adopts him), which sets the plot in motion.
posted by gudrun at 8:56 AM on December 11, 2024