If you lost phone, wallet, ID etc, what would you do?

October 22, 2024 8:03 AM

What would you do if you found yourself, through some misadventure, in an unfamiliar town without car, phone, wallet, money, credit/debit cards or ID?

Imagine you are in your home country but not the town your live in. In running this thought experiment I realized I have a few key phone numbers memorized, but there are a few more I need to work on. I am interested to hear if you guys have great ideas for seeking help and finding safety.

posted by Jenny'sCricket to Grab Bag (26 answers total)

Assuming I am in reasonable health.

The answers to this depend a lot on your relative privilege. I am a white woman and I am guessing that I could find a stranger to lend me their phone, however I only have one number memorized.

I could also walk to the public library and use the free internet to send messages to friends and family to see if someone could pick me up or wire me money for a bus ticket or cab fare.

In terms of immediate needs, to get money I would either panhandle or offer to do some work for someone to get enough money to buy dinner. I can’t do heavy yard work but I could clean someone’s house. Again, because I am a well-appearing white woman, I could probably approach people in my home country, the US, and they wouldn’t immediately shy away from me. Whether they would actually help me I don’t know.
posted by mai at 8:14 AM on October 22 [2 favorites]

I'd go to the library and use a computer to text my husband, whose phone number I know. If he didn't respond, I have a few friend's phone numbers memorized so I'd try them.
posted by cooker girl at 8:16 AM on October 22 [3 favorites]

Been there, done that. I was stranded in DC with no money, no phone, no credit cards, nothing. I went to a bar, starting talking to the bartender, told him the sad story, used the house land line phone to call some friends who were hours away. The bartender gave me a beer. He gave my friend his Venmo handle. My friend transferred to him $40. He gave me the cash. I called a taxi to take me to a hotel which my friend put on his credit card (actually I think he used miles or credits, not sure). I called the 800 number for my credit card from the hotel. They gave me a one time number to use to book a seat on an Amtrak the next morning. Then I took the Amtrak home.

As for memorized phone numbers, I am good with that. I have my kids, my gf, a couple of life-long friends numbers memorized. Old school. Once, when I was in my 20s, I asked my mom for my brother's phone number. Her response? "Speed dial #3". So I started remembering important numbers. I still remember my land line number from growing up. I also remember my 3 best friend's home numbers from growing up. We are talking 45 years ago or so.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:22 AM on October 22 [14 favorites]

I'd probably start with a local computer/electronics store (more of them then libraries). Find a demo computer and use it's Internet access to contact a friend, who could book an online ticket for transport, a hotel for the night, and/or food delivery.

If it was a complicated situation, I'd see if they could get me a phone I could pick up at a local store, once I had that-- I could add their cards to it, and NFC pay my way home.
posted by Static Vagabond at 8:30 AM on October 22 [1 favorite]

I'd go find a public library or somewhere else I can log into a computer (like a nice hotel), log into my Google account, open the Keep note where I've written down several emergency contacts, my bank and credit card phone numbers and last 4 account numbers, and a list of everything I keep in my wallet that I'd need to replace. I'd make some notes on paper.

Then if I could find a branch of my bank locally I'd walk in and talk to a person, or failing that borrow a phone to call my bank and see what my options are for money. If I ran into a road block there then I'd call a friend.

Then I'd buy an inexpensive phone and get internet access. And call a friend at this point.

And with that I'd basically be set with what I'd need to put my life back together.
posted by phunniemee at 8:30 AM on October 22 [2 favorites]

I was about to say that I would log in to my gmail on a library computer, but then realized it has two factor authentication to my phone! I know my wife's cell phone number, but if we both had our phones stolen on the same trip...

So if this happened to me right now, I'd try to get to know someone who might be able and has instagram. Then I'd use that to try to get in touch with my sister, telling her a secret to validate my identity. I might try a few other friends too.
posted by advicepig at 8:33 AM on October 22 [3 favorites]

That situation would instantly put me 90-100% of the way to a severe panic attack & would take my logic brain mostly offline, so for me it would be a singular focus* to connect with someone who knows me who could talk me through it ASAP.

*Unfortunately, when I’m that close to or in a panic attack, I know I can present as unpredictable / affected (extremely weepy, repetitive tics/stims, talk out loud to keep track of my thoughts, sometimes shutdown/mutism) so - knowing that the combo of by myself, no valid ID, no money, very emotional and visible stims is not setting me up for success from a public safety standpoint - I would use all my additional mental energy to compose myself and not get arrested or 5150’d. (sigh)

I definitely would not be able to troubleshoot the money / transportation / ID replacement until I was back on home turf or at least have one piece of the puzzle handled (ex. If I have someone help me to handle the money part; that would eventually free up a small amount of mental bandwidth to deal with ID, etc etc). But yeah my #1 urgent focus would be connecting w someone in my life who has some access to getting me emergency money, a ticket, phone access etc. and trust that they could use their EF to help me with next steps.

these are some mini goals I would set for myself until I could connect with the above type of person:

- Call my partner from a kind stranger or business or community center’s phone (# is memorized)
- Call my parents from the same if partner unavailable (# also memorized)
- Get myself to some sort of community center (library, hospital, health center, shelter, civic office) to use communication services
- plead with a bus driver to take me to the above until someone lets me ride for free
- look up and call my partner’s workplace to connect to him
- look up and call my friend’s workplace and connect with her
- once money is handled, get myself to a hotel to mentally recuperate in private and take a post panic attack nap before attempting anything else
posted by seemoorglass at 8:37 AM on October 22 [2 favorites]

I was about to say that I would log in to my gmail on a library computer, but then realized it has two factor authentication to my phone!

Oh yeah everyone set your backup code and remember it.
posted by phunniemee at 8:46 AM on October 22 [6 favorites]

Phunnimee, I just printed mine and put them in the firesafe, so once I get a hold of the cat sitter, I should be able to get back into my gmail...

and I guess I should try to memorize my sister and my sister-in-law's phone numbers.
posted by advicepig at 9:07 AM on October 22 [1 favorite]

I'd go to the police station.

A friend of mine lost their phone and drove to my house for help.
Me: "I'll log on to Google Find My Device and you can type in your email address and password."
Friend: "I don't know my password."
Me: "Does your sister know it?"
Friend: "Yes."
Me: "I'll call her. What's her phone number?"
Friend: "I don't know."

I don't need to tell you what the lesson here is.
posted by SageTrail at 9:17 AM on October 22 [1 favorite]

The only reasons I can imagine why this situation would happen are ones where I'm already at least pretty stressed or not fully conscious/oriented by the time I arrive, so that's likely to make it harder to assess my surroundings, make and execute plans, and seem like someone strangers would want to help.

I think what I would be able to do depends on stuff like: what time of day/day of the week is it? (Libraries might not be open, but hospitals are.) Am I dressed warmly enough to be able to sleep outside without shelter, and do I have shoes on? Is this a town where people are likely to see me, as a brown person, as a suspicious stranger and a threat?

My assumption is that I'm pretty much waking up as I exit a bus or something like that, someplace near the center of a town. I think I would be really upset and scared for at least a few minutes, then pray and try to calm myself down, and then look on foot for a hospital or a police station, asking passers-by for directions if they seem safe to approach. Whatever has happened to me is probably something I will have a hard time coping with on my own, and a hospital or police station is likely to be well set-up to help someone in my situation and to help me get word to my spouse. If I pass by a library or a religious institution or some other civic building along the way, and they're open, I would stop in to see whether they could help me. If I come across an Indian or other South Asian grocery store and they're open, then I'd definitely ask them for help, and as long as there's at least one woman in the group other than me, I'll probably feel safe to sleep at their home if I need to.
posted by brainwane at 9:19 AM on October 22 [1 favorite]

Oh yeah I just remembered that I have one credit card memorized so if I needed to book a ticket out, I could do that. I could also use UberEats with my memorized credit card. I wouldn't even need to call my husband or friends, unless the pickle I was in wasn't solvable with a credit card number and the internet (at the library, naturally).
posted by cooker girl at 9:23 AM on October 22 [1 favorite]

Jumping in after cooker girl. I have, and encourage everyone to, memorize your highest limit credit card number. It's not hard. The date and ccv are easy and the number is just a few groups of 4. I can recite my Amex from heart instantly.

I'd agree a police station or fire station is probably best if libraries aren't open. I also wouldn't feel bad going to a grocery store and asking to use a phone at customer service. Payday lenders might be a good option to use a phone, sit indoors, and have someone send cash.

So ya. Memorize a few phone numbers, and your Amex.

And also, I know this sounds bizzare but my family has a password. Simplest way to ensure kids fact check any wierdos... "oh ya? What's the password" follower by scream and run. I've considered just telling all my friends a different one. Basically "hey our friend password is the 'the squirrel flies at midnight' if you or I are ever in an odd situation and have to make a strange request this is how we will verify it's really us.


I really like this question. Time for a family meeting.
posted by chasles at 9:32 AM on October 22 [3 favorites]

If you're an American Express cardholder, you can walk into basically any nicer hotel (like with a concierge) and they will call American Express for you and verify you are who you say you are and then American Express will hook you up. It's one of the services they offer.
posted by Jacqueline at 9:35 AM on October 22 [9 favorites]

In the early 2000s, before smart phones, I realized I had forgotten my wallet, and found myself without any money to buy lunch in downtown Seattle. There was a branch of Bank of America across the street, (where I had an account) so I went there and talked to a teller. I was able to provide my account number (which I had memorized) and all it took was a few minutes of having me verify other personal information, and they let me withdraw money from my account. I would imagine this situation happens from time to time and they are used to dealing with it. Not sure if it would be as easy these days, but I'd certainly give that a try if I needed to get some cash to pay for food, lodging and transportation. Definitely also memorize key phone numbers!
posted by oxisos at 9:46 AM on October 22 [1 favorite]

(By the way, when you say "town" I interpret that to mean "probably not a city". In many of those locations in the US, if I am on foot, I'm multiple hours' walk from any of the useful institutions that are likely to be open 24/7.)
posted by brainwane at 9:54 AM on October 22 [1 favorite]

Step #0 is just lie down on a park bench for like 10min stare at the sky and feel alive. Submit to the universe.
Not practical but that’s the first thing I’d do. Maybe it clears the head.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:55 AM on October 22 [3 favorites]

they will call American Express for you and verify you are who you say you are
Without any id? How do they verify you are the cardholder?
posted by soelo at 10:25 AM on October 22

If you're an American Express cardholder, you can walk into basically any nicer hotel (like with a concierge) and they will call American Express for you and verify you are who you say you are and then American Express will hook you up. It's one of the services they offer.

OH this is a good point too. Amex absolutely does this. I had a phone and nothing else in Tokyo and they got me sorted at a hotel I was staying at in less than 24 hours. You have to answer a lot of questions about recent transactions, payment amounts, previous addresses and stuff. It wasn't arduous but it did take a bit of time.
posted by chasles at 10:30 AM on October 22 [2 favorites]

Whoever lets me have a phone and use Facebook Messenger to call people - at least four people close enough to send me money use that, and at least two of them would get a burner phone (I'm not getting one without an ID card here) and send it to me or drive out to get me. While I'm waiting for the phone and/or my ride - I'd get the police to cancel my identity card and report everything else stolen, then do the rounds of bank, phone provider, car insurance to get things rolling. There's a high chance that three hours later I'm with a friend or relative.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 10:32 AM on October 22 [1 favorite]

We don't have a family password, but once, my sister sent me a really odd request and I wanted to be sure it was her. I asked her a very specific question that only she would know and that was so deep in our childhood lore that no one else could have guessed it or thought of getting that info from her.
posted by advicepig at 10:38 AM on October 22 [1 favorite]

Memorising your credit card details may be helpful but it is by no means fail safe. All my cards require me to authorise certain transactions via their respective apps. There is not always a discernible reason. I need the app on my phone to authorise.
posted by koahiatamadl at 11:13 AM on October 22 [1 favorite]

On re-reading, I’d sit down somewhere with WiFi, pull out my iPad (which has most of the information and accounts that are on my phone) and figure out how to get home, get a new phone and get new ID and my other stuff cancelled….in that order because travel and phone will require me to pay with my saved cards.
posted by koahiatamadl at 12:22 PM on October 22

Since I am now very married, I would bum somebody's cell and call my spouse. Unfortunately that call would go to voicemail, since her phone is so active she usually has it in silent mode.

Back when I was single I'da just thrown myself at the mercy of the nearest law enforcement, unfortunately, as my philosophy regarding them is pretty much ACAB, although they're not. In fact I lost (almost) everything in London, a long time ago, and that's just what I did, marching up to a bobby and after summarizing my tale of woe he said "Oh dear."
posted by Rash at 12:28 PM on October 22

This is a plot point in the most recent season of the lovely Australian TV show Colin from Accounts! Highly recommended.
posted by goo at 1:36 PM on October 22 [1 favorite]

Just an edge case, but I worked at a Bank which had a Private Banking department where each super rich person had a personal concierge individual handling their Banking needs. But those kinds of customers (and employee accounts) were invisible to the standard branch employee's access for confidentiality reasons. You guessed it, one time a P/B customer's car broke down outside a branch of that Bank and nobody could see anything about them in the system so they didn't help him. Just in case the OP is super rich. (:->)
posted by forthright at 3:58 PM on October 22