Surprise promotion, now struggling
October 6, 2024 2:31 AM Subscribe
I was recently promoted and for the first time, I am having to lead projects/be assertive/make decisions/look like I know what I'm doing, and I am starting from 0 in all of those areas. I am now looking for general advice as well as resources that I can look at: books, courses, social media people to follow, etc.
Things that have already helped me so far:
Career TikTok: for example @soph.workbaby
Books about confidence/assertiveness like those by Selena Rezvani
(what I find useful about these two is that they give actual scripts I can use)
Things that I have already sort of figured out:
- looking more confident: poker face, not going up at the end of a sentence, etc.
- being decisive and confidently going forward with decisions.
- saying no
Things I still struggle with:
- So currently, I actually AM an impostor because I am new and and learning. So I need to ask often basic questions while also giving out the impression that I am confident, assertive and know what I am doing.
- Having to lead a project where I am totally new and the other people are experts. So I have to make a decision and then the expert people point out an obvious flaw.
Things that have already helped me so far:
Career TikTok: for example @soph.workbaby
Books about confidence/assertiveness like those by Selena Rezvani
(what I find useful about these two is that they give actual scripts I can use)
Things that I have already sort of figured out:
- looking more confident: poker face, not going up at the end of a sentence, etc.
- being decisive and confidently going forward with decisions.
- saying no
Things I still struggle with:
- So currently, I actually AM an impostor because I am new and and learning. So I need to ask often basic questions while also giving out the impression that I am confident, assertive and know what I am doing.
- Having to lead a project where I am totally new and the other people are experts. So I have to make a decision and then the expert people point out an obvious flaw.
- Having to lead a project where I am totally new and the other people are experts. So I have to make a decision and then the expert people point out an obvious flaw.
This is a feature, not a bug. I would love to be promoted to a place where I no longer have to be the smartest one at the thing we're doing. If someone who knows more than you about something spots a problem and points it out, the correct response is "Thank you! This is why you're on this team, please keep speaking up. Our project's success relies on your experience and input." Swallow your ego and realize that the best leaders are the ones who surround themselves with and listen to bright, knowledgeable people.
posted by phunniemee at 4:26 AM on October 6 [22 favorites]
This is a feature, not a bug. I would love to be promoted to a place where I no longer have to be the smartest one at the thing we're doing. If someone who knows more than you about something spots a problem and points it out, the correct response is "Thank you! This is why you're on this team, please keep speaking up. Our project's success relies on your experience and input." Swallow your ego and realize that the best leaders are the ones who surround themselves with and listen to bright, knowledgeable people.
posted by phunniemee at 4:26 AM on October 6 [22 favorites]
The trick is to distinguish what's your responsibility from what's their responsibility. Likely, you're responsible for understanding the outcomes that need to happen, keeping your eyes on the prize and proactively unsticking things when they get stuck. Technical experts are responsible for technical expertise.
So in the case of a technical decision - maybe you're the one who knows whether you need a quick and dirty solution that will work for the next six months, or you need something that will have extremely high reliability even if it's expensive, or you need something that can be supported by a team of low skilled juniors, or whatever. The technical experts are the ones who can figure out how the different possible solutions fit the trade-offs so you can all be confident that the chosen solution fits the context.
One key responsibility that you have as a manager is to make the optimal use of the people you have available. You trying to do their work when they are better at it, isn't optimal.
Things that you can be asking them: What are the risks and costs around these possible solutions? How about the human costs in terms of the skills required? What assumptions are we making? Is this decision something we can trivially change later if it turns out our assumptions are wrong? How will we know if we were wrong? How can we make sure we find out as quickly and cheaply as possible?
Things that you can ask yourself, or your peer team or your boss: What does success look like for our team? How do we know if we're successful?
posted by quacks like a duck at 4:43 AM on October 6 [7 favorites]
So in the case of a technical decision - maybe you're the one who knows whether you need a quick and dirty solution that will work for the next six months, or you need something that will have extremely high reliability even if it's expensive, or you need something that can be supported by a team of low skilled juniors, or whatever. The technical experts are the ones who can figure out how the different possible solutions fit the trade-offs so you can all be confident that the chosen solution fits the context.
One key responsibility that you have as a manager is to make the optimal use of the people you have available. You trying to do their work when they are better at it, isn't optimal.
Things that you can be asking them: What are the risks and costs around these possible solutions? How about the human costs in terms of the skills required? What assumptions are we making? Is this decision something we can trivially change later if it turns out our assumptions are wrong? How will we know if we were wrong? How can we make sure we find out as quickly and cheaply as possible?
Things that you can ask yourself, or your peer team or your boss: What does success look like for our team? How do we know if we're successful?
posted by quacks like a duck at 4:43 AM on October 6 [7 favorites]
In the vein of Ask a Manager, Alison Green's Managing to Change the World is pitched as a book about nonprofit management but it almost entirely applies to any other kind of management, with a focus on figuring out how to schedule, prioritize, and communicate. I'd recommend it.
posted by restless_nomad at 4:54 AM on October 6 [2 favorites]
posted by restless_nomad at 4:54 AM on October 6 [2 favorites]
Congrats!
Re-frame not being an expert as you being someone who cultivates collaboration. Taking people's inputs graciously and respectfully is a management skill.
Asking basic questions is absolutely fine, as long as you listen to and learn from the answers. Before long you'll have the knowledge base you need, and will be off to the races.
I follow Kelly Nolan on Insta, she is all about time management. This recent post of hers on managers vs makers might be useful, and has some resources you might like.
posted by Sparky Buttons at 6:33 AM on October 6 [2 favorites]
Re-frame not being an expert as you being someone who cultivates collaboration. Taking people's inputs graciously and respectfully is a management skill.
Asking basic questions is absolutely fine, as long as you listen to and learn from the answers. Before long you'll have the knowledge base you need, and will be off to the races.
I follow Kelly Nolan on Insta, she is all about time management. This recent post of hers on managers vs makers might be useful, and has some resources you might like.
posted by Sparky Buttons at 6:33 AM on October 6 [2 favorites]
giving out the impression that I am confident, assertive and know what I am doing.
The first two yes, but with the third you need to decide exactly what that means.
What it does *not* mean is having a detailed understanding of what everyone you’re leading actually does. You need to be confidently and assertively asking questions and advice of the people who work for you.
In general, specialists want to do their work and feel that someone has an eye on the big picture. That includes both the project itself and also how it fits into the general chaos that is the personalities, conflicting priorities, long and short term plans, etc. of management. That’s your job now, and it’s not easy.
Still, just remember to come from a place of kindness and you’ll be fine. Whenever possible, lean towards making someone’s day better.
(Also repeat to yourself: "Uneasy sits the butt that bears the boss." That never changes.)
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:40 AM on October 6 [2 favorites]
The first two yes, but with the third you need to decide exactly what that means.
What it does *not* mean is having a detailed understanding of what everyone you’re leading actually does. You need to be confidently and assertively asking questions and advice of the people who work for you.
In general, specialists want to do their work and feel that someone has an eye on the big picture. That includes both the project itself and also how it fits into the general chaos that is the personalities, conflicting priorities, long and short term plans, etc. of management. That’s your job now, and it’s not easy.
Still, just remember to come from a place of kindness and you’ll be fine. Whenever possible, lean towards making someone’s day better.
(Also repeat to yourself: "Uneasy sits the butt that bears the boss." That never changes.)
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:40 AM on October 6 [2 favorites]
I agree that knowing what you're doing more so than the contributors to your projects is not necessarily the job.
Having a robust decision-making process that takes into account expert opinion, and a system for tracking progress and course-correcting is the goal. It sounds like you're in charge of that system and giving direction to ensure all the balls are kept in the air, but that doesn't mean you have to know everything or decide things solely on the strength of your own judgment.
Confidence is important in the sense that people want to feel secure that things are under control, but also they probably want to feel that are confident enough in yourself to graciously receive feedback and change direction where needed. I'm betting there's a way you could conceptualize your role for yourself that would make you feel more secure and help your collaborators at the same time.
posted by lookoutbelow at 10:08 AM on October 6
Having a robust decision-making process that takes into account expert opinion, and a system for tracking progress and course-correcting is the goal. It sounds like you're in charge of that system and giving direction to ensure all the balls are kept in the air, but that doesn't mean you have to know everything or decide things solely on the strength of your own judgment.
Confidence is important in the sense that people want to feel secure that things are under control, but also they probably want to feel that are confident enough in yourself to graciously receive feedback and change direction where needed. I'm betting there's a way you could conceptualize your role for yourself that would make you feel more secure and help your collaborators at the same time.
posted by lookoutbelow at 10:08 AM on October 6
Remember that half the job is looking up, half looking down. Have frequent communication with your boss. Learn more about the business.
posted by SemiSalt at 10:48 AM on October 6
posted by SemiSalt at 10:48 AM on October 6
So I need to ask often basic questions while also giving out the impression that I am confident, assertive and know what I am doing.
Oh my gosh how stressful! drop the act immediately. Just warmly and positively ask questions and know in your bones that you are worthwhile (else you wouldn’t have been promoted). So many confident people I know just calmly ask those questions without the pretense - that’s what makes them look confident, that they don’t feel like they have to convince anyone of anything. Follow your instincts. You got this!
posted by St. Peepsburg at 11:08 AM on October 6 [2 favorites]
Oh my gosh how stressful! drop the act immediately. Just warmly and positively ask questions and know in your bones that you are worthwhile (else you wouldn’t have been promoted). So many confident people I know just calmly ask those questions without the pretense - that’s what makes them look confident, that they don’t feel like they have to convince anyone of anything. Follow your instincts. You got this!
posted by St. Peepsburg at 11:08 AM on October 6 [2 favorites]
Know your power, because your ability to manage competent people - who won't give a whit about your attitude or confidence, and shouldn't - depends upon it. Whose bonuses can you raise or cut? Who can you fire, and if you fire them, are you empowered to replace them?
posted by MattD at 2:17 PM on October 6
posted by MattD at 2:17 PM on October 6
How much advance notice did you have? Were you open to or advocating for this promotion?
and, notwithstanding the imposter syndrome / uncomfortable transition, are you otherwise excited for or at least feeling generally positive about the new job duties / career growth?
IMO, helpful advice is dependent on the answers to those questions.
Here’s my personal baggage on the topic of unexpected promotions, this may or may not be relevant:
I’ve been promoted once to way above my paygrade, completely surprised and unprepared for it. it was an unmitigated disaster for all involved. I had only just started mastering the previous step down role, and not a single one of the upward role changes were interesting to me (or a good fit for me or my capacity at the time). I never really stood a chance to get up to speed as quickly as needed.
To this day I don’t know what in the world the leadership was thinking, but it sped up a burnout drastically for me, which had far reaching implications for both personal and professional wellbeing. in hindsight, I wish I had cut and run almost immediately after it happened.
IMO surprise promotions are a huge red flag of poor leadership / organizational structure and the equivalent of surprise marriage proposals. Some people may enjoy them, but if someone puts that amount of pressure on me without discussing it first, it spells doom and I’m gonna leave ya ass on one knee as I run away screaming. of course, YMMV.
posted by seemoorglass at 7:25 PM on October 6
and, notwithstanding the imposter syndrome / uncomfortable transition, are you otherwise excited for or at least feeling generally positive about the new job duties / career growth?
IMO, helpful advice is dependent on the answers to those questions.
Here’s my personal baggage on the topic of unexpected promotions, this may or may not be relevant:
I’ve been promoted once to way above my paygrade, completely surprised and unprepared for it. it was an unmitigated disaster for all involved. I had only just started mastering the previous step down role, and not a single one of the upward role changes were interesting to me (or a good fit for me or my capacity at the time). I never really stood a chance to get up to speed as quickly as needed.
To this day I don’t know what in the world the leadership was thinking, but it sped up a burnout drastically for me, which had far reaching implications for both personal and professional wellbeing. in hindsight, I wish I had cut and run almost immediately after it happened.
IMO surprise promotions are a huge red flag of poor leadership / organizational structure and the equivalent of surprise marriage proposals. Some people may enjoy them, but if someone puts that amount of pressure on me without discussing it first, it spells doom and I’m gonna leave ya ass on one knee as I run away screaming. of course, YMMV.
posted by seemoorglass at 7:25 PM on October 6
So I'm going to recommend a book that helped me more than any other when I found myself in a leadership role for the first time many years ago. The title is corny and the book itself operates as a kind of silly extended metaphor, but it expands the very good advice given by phunniemee, quacks like a duck, Sparky Buttons and others up above.
It's called Zapp! The Lightning of Empowerment (I did say it had a corny title). You can pick up a used copy for a few bucks and read it in a day.
When I feel like I've plateaued at my job every couple of years, I re-read it and get better at my job every time I do.
posted by Ickster at 8:28 PM on October 6 [2 favorites]
It's called Zapp! The Lightning of Empowerment (I did say it had a corny title). You can pick up a used copy for a few bucks and read it in a day.
When I feel like I've plateaued at my job every couple of years, I re-read it and get better at my job every time I do.
posted by Ickster at 8:28 PM on October 6 [2 favorites]
I'll add that it's not a book about simply 'empowering' people on the team as much as the title might suggest it is. It also teaches what the actual role of a leader is and how to be a decent human being in that role, which is one of the things I love about it.
posted by Ickster at 8:30 PM on October 6
posted by Ickster at 8:30 PM on October 6
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posted by Teadog at 4:20 AM on October 6 [6 favorites]