So many ways to gussy up a block of cream cheese

September 25, 2024 6:06 AM

Can you help me find the 100 ways to top a block of cream cheese?

Years ago, I came across a very plain webpage that had a list of somewhere between 50 and 100 things to top a block of cream cheese with for parties and potlucks. This was not a list of things to mix in to cream cheese, just the absolute basic, dump the block out on a plate, put this thing on the block and have crackers on the side. It was lightly organized into sections for sweet and savory. This was before the time that cooking blogs hit the mainstream and I don't think it was meant to be a fancy cooking blog, just a very long list of things to top cream cheese. Sadly, I didn't bookmark it and I now I am in need of cream cheese toppers.

Can you help me find this page, and if not, can you tell me the things that you put on top of cream cheese for a party?

posted by donut_princess to Food & Drink (21 answers total)

I can't find the page, but I can tell you that hot pepper jelly is the greatest cream cheese topper of all time.
posted by little mouth at 6:09 AM on September 25 [13 favorites]

sweet:
honey plus flaky salt
spicy honey
apricot jam
rose jam!! (middle eastern treat)
rose jam + chopped canned peaches
rose jam + chopped canned peaches + crushed pistachios
pomegranate molasses

savory:
chopped smoked salmon with capers
thin layer of Marmite / Vegemite
chopped sundried tomatoes
posted by nouvelle-personne at 6:45 AM on September 25 [2 favorites]

This looks messy but tastes delicious in that weird late-1980s "should we really have been eating this?" way and just thinking about it takes me right back to, like, 1987. Anyway:
- put your block of cream cheese on a plate
- drain a can of crab meat; break the meat into shreds and pat the crab all over the block of cream cheese
- pour a bottle of cocktail sauce over top
- serve with triscuits or another "robust" cracker
- ensure that each bite includes cheese, crab, sauce
I'm laughing just thinking about what used to pass for "fancy" but ngl, I'd still eat it if you put it in front of me.

I might also try any of the following:
- finely chopped giardiniera or mixed olives, chopped, maybe with some olive oil and red pepper flakes for some zing
- sautéed diced apples in a brown sugar/butter reduction (add raisins, cinnamon, etc. if desired)
- hot honey
- chili crisp
- fig jam (or apricot jam, or any other jam; I might add some spices to bring the sophistication level up but then again maybe not)
- caramelized onions or onion jam; crumbled bacon garnish optional
- chimichurri, pesto or another herby concoction

I'd also think carefully about my cracker pairings, because why not go full cracker sommelier?
posted by notquitejane at 6:51 AM on September 25 [7 favorites]

Stonewall Kitchen Onion Jam poured on top.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 7:08 AM on September 25 [4 favorites]

Completely cover it with jarred sweet Peppadew peppers. Arrange them neatly but tightly spaced on the cream cheese.
posted by ponie at 7:14 AM on September 25 [2 favorites]

There must be
50 ways to top your cream cheese

You just dress up that snack, Jack
Olives out of a can, Stan
Maybe ginger and soy, Roy
On top of your cheese

Try candied mixed nuts, Gus
There’s no need to fuss much
Dried figs and honey, Lee
And serve up that cheese

I’ll see myself out
posted by cabbage raccoon at 7:28 AM on September 25 [42 favorites]

Hot red pepper jelly from the church bazaar was always the go-to at our house. Mmm.
posted by antiquated at 8:19 AM on September 25 [2 favorites]

When I was in college in the late 80s, my dorm did something we called FAT (for the so-creative "Friday Afternoon Thing" every Friday around 5p. (I lived in an international dorm; because it was a program house, the university (and our program fees) paid for evening coffee hours, FAT, and dressy party food).

Along with various international foods fellow students prepared, one weekly standard was a block of cream cheese with jarred salsa poured over it, tortilla chips on the side. It sounds pretty basic, but it was incredibly popular. Chunky, finely chopped, whatever. Yum.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 8:35 AM on September 25 [1 favorite]

My step-mom's holiday classic is block of cream cheese topped with cranberry sauce/chutney (from a jar is fine). She also puts chopped cilantro on top of it, which I find delicious, but you could use another herb or forego it.
posted by CiaoMela at 8:43 AM on September 25 [1 favorite]

No party at my parents house in the was without Cream Cheese Shrimp Dip. It sounds horrifying but it is weirdly tasty and addictive. I'm vegan now but if I weren't I'd still load up a few Triscuits.
posted by MagnificentVacuum at 8:51 AM on September 25

This diverges from the "only things to dump on top" instructions but because it is the best cream cheese-based thing I have ever had at a party, I give you Goat Cheese with Chile Morita and Piloncillo Sauce (originally from Epicurious; that's now paywalled but this recipe matches).
posted by wormtales at 8:57 AM on September 25

Pickapeppa sauce! I still eat this. Very 80s, very tasty.
posted by zoetrope at 9:07 AM on September 25 [2 favorites]

I just made a cream cheese spread/dip with the following:

- blistered shishito peppers (stem them; cook them in a dry pan; when lightly charred, toss with olive oil, salt, and pepper, then chop finely)
- crushed garlic
- more salt and pepper

It was great.
posted by Dr. Wu at 9:11 AM on September 25 [1 favorite]

I had some with homemade nectarine, strawberry, and jalapeño salsa over the weekend. It was delicious.

My Mom made a spread with chopped beef and horseradish, so good.
posted by theora55 at 9:26 AM on September 25

Now that I've thought of this concept, I want to eat it.

Chaat Cream Cheese Spread
- 1 block cream cheese
- Pour cilantro chutney and tamarind chutney on top
- Sprinkle with sev, diced onions, and chopped cilantro
posted by A Blue Moon at 9:33 AM on September 25 [1 favorite]

Olive tapenade
caviar
tobiko
posted by vunder at 9:49 AM on September 25 [1 favorite]

Our go to was sweet chili sauce, served with seaweed rice crackers (or plain salted ones). Yum!
posted by goo at 3:30 PM on September 25

My very favorite thing to put on top of cream cheese is tomato jam. Since it's very thick, I usually spoon it out around the block of cream cheese and then sprinkle herbs and fresh ground pepper on top of the cheese itself, but if you're careful and patient you can gently spread it on top of the block, too.

Sour cherry jam and fig jam are also fantastic (and also delicious on top of a block, ball, or dish of fresh goat cheese, if you ever want to switch it up a little). These also tend to be thick, but I like to heat them up just a little (10-second blasts in the microwave at a time) so they get a bit liquidy, then cool slightly and pour over the cream cheese, which looks prettier than having a thick, chunky jam smeared on top.

And this is slightly more effort, and will depend on your audience because it's not to everyone's tastes, but I also like to wrap a block of cream cheese with prosciutto, with a little bit of fig jam spooned along the side. This is best served in slices, so I usually cut off the first couple slices for helpful display and leave the knife on the plate for others to slice their own.

And an enthusiastic +1 from me and over two decades of my party guests to these already-mentioned things:

- Pepper jelly (either red or green, or both)
- Honey & flaky salt
- Olive tapenade (green or black)
- Canned olives (chop them a little, dump them over, then use a spoon or something to gently press them into the block)
- Cranberry sauce / chutney / preserves
- Onion jam / chutney
- Chopped sun-dried tomatoes (ideally with some of the oil they're packed in)
- Pesto
posted by rhiannonstone at 3:47 PM on September 25 [1 favorite]

I am going to break the rule because I just invented a cream cheese thing. What you do is this: Let your cream cheese soften. Mince as much arugula as you like. Mince as much shallot as you like. Mash them together into a spread. Add black pepper if you want.

I am also eating a kind of tartine right now: bakery whole wheat bread, toasted, topped with cream cheese, parcooked green peas and a little bit of parmesan, heated in the microwave so that it's a little melty. This is surprisingly good if you like Things On Toast.
posted by Frowner at 5:52 PM on September 25 [2 favorites]

Mod note: Admittedly we're hooked on this post and can't stop dreaming of all things, so we've added it to the sidebar and Best Of blog!
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 5:59 AM on September 26 [1 favorite]

Candied jalapenos
posted by domino at 9:11 AM on September 26 [1 favorite]