How do I turn down a potential job offer gracefully?

September 19, 2024 7:01 AM

I'm in the hiring process for a job I realized I don't want after three rounds of interviews; there's a practical assessment they've asked me to complete by tomorrow which I could do (it's not hard) but I don't want the job and my anxiety is skyrocketing thinking about how to say no. I would really really appreciate any advice anyone has.

I'm applying for a job at a very big not for profit organization (you've probably heard of it) and I realized I just don't want to work there. Not for profits are a small world and I'm worried if I bow out at this point it's going to look really bad and the people who've interviewed me will be upset (I also have a lot of anxiety around people being upset with me) and it's going to have a negative effect on me and my career going forward.

I also can't exactly articulate why I don't want the job, I just realized I don't want to work there and the vibes felt a little off in my last interview. I am spiraling about this, I'm really worried about how to handle it and would be grateful for advice, suggestions, words of support, really anything. Thank you!

posted by an octopus IRL to Work & Money (23 answers total)

“Vibes” is 100% a reason to leave the process. That has been my reason as both a candidate and hiring manager to decline to move forward.

Thank them for the opportunity and say you’ve decided to go another direction with your job search.

I can assure you that unless this org is like 3 people and they only have one job opening, you aren’t the only person bowing out of the hiring process just today.
posted by Back At It Again At Krispy Kreme at 7:08 AM on September 19 [8 favorites]

"Unfortunately, I am unable to proceed with my application for employment with [company]. Thank you for your time."
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:09 AM on September 19 [14 favorites]

If a business asks you to come for three rounds of interviews and then offers the job to someone else, they will not feel this kind of anxiety about telling you "sorry, but we went with another candidate". Sure, some individuals on the hiring committee may be sad about letting you go, but as a business, they don't owe you an apology. And they understand that this is a reciprocal situation: You can offer an apology if you'd like, but in the end, you and this business are both shopping around for the right place/person, and not every sales pitch ends with a sale.

If you don't want to give specifics about why you're turning their (potential) offer down, you can just cite "personal reasons" causing you to opt out of their hiring pool. Wouldn't it be better to move forward with a clear decision now than to take the job and quit soon because you hate it?
posted by klausman at 7:10 AM on September 19 [12 favorites]

Fwiw it’s perfectly ok to do this and recruiters deal with this all the time. It’s no big deal. This is a bargaining arrangement and the company failed to bargain well. They messed up, not you.
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 7:16 AM on September 19 [8 favorites]

“Thank you so much for this opportunity to learn more about XYZ Organization. Unfortunately I am unable to continue with my application for the ABC role at this time. I wish you all the best in the candidate search. Sincerely, an octopus IRL”
posted by raccoon409 at 7:16 AM on September 19 [12 favorites]

Hi, thanks, but I’ve decided to go another direction.

Best success to you.
posted by at at 7:20 AM on September 19 [7 favorites]

It is perfectly polite to remove yourself from the list of applicants for this job. There is nothing rude about it, you are not inconveniencing anybody, and nobody will get angry with you or think you are a bad person.

You can say any of the following:

"Dear ____, thank you so much for the opportunity to interview with you and get to know your work. I've decided to go in a different direction in my job search, and I wish your team the very best. Thanks again!"

"Dear ______, it has been a pleasure meeting your team and gaining an understanding of the valuable work you do. I'm realizing that this role is not the best fit for me, so I would like to withdraw my application. I wish you and the organization the very best. Thanks again!"

"Dear _____, thank you for taking the time to meet with me and discuss the role you have open. At this time I am looking for something different. I wish you the very best in finding the right applicant."
posted by MiraK at 7:23 AM on September 19 [26 favorites]

Agree this is a nothing burger. Once in my long career on both sides of this I annoyed someone by dropping out of consideration, and that someone was a paid headhunter who wanted his commission.

If you are worried about looking flighty, a vague reference to other personal or familial priorities is the way to do the "it's not you, it's me" line in a professional environment.
posted by mark k at 7:27 AM on September 19

As someone who is regularly involved in hiring, I agree that this is nothing to worry about. Part of the purpose of multiple interviews (although three sounds excessive to me) is to give both sides a chance to figure out if it is the right fit. Any of the great scripts by MiraK above would be very appropriate.

The bottom line is that you are doing them a huge favour by bowing out as soon as you know it’s not right. The worst-case scenario for them is that you start the job, spend time unhappy and then leave in short order anyway, causing them to have to go through all of it again and potentially disrupting morale along the way.
posted by rpfields at 7:43 AM on September 19 [4 favorites]

The bottom line is that you are doing them a huge favour by bowing out as soon as you know it’s not right. The worst-case scenario for them is that you start the job, spend time unhappy and then leave in short order anyway

This. If you want to get a bad reputation in the community that would be a sure way to do it.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:13 AM on September 19

Keep it short and sweet. "Thank you for your time and attention during this process. I have decided to withdraw my application."
posted by archimago at 8:14 AM on September 19 [6 favorites]

Echoing what others have said as far as simply saying..I really appreciate the opportunity and the time you spent with me. For now I've decided to go a different direction but lets leave the door open for the future...something along those lines. But TOTALLY understand the anxiety you get from turning down a job. If you do it in a classy, professional way you will not burn bridges.
posted by ljs30 at 8:43 AM on September 19 [1 favorite]

I've been involved to varying degrees in many hiring processes for a large NGO and withdrawing late in the process is a thing that happens. People should be accustomed to it and deal with it professionally.

If they were to have a negative reaction to your withdrawal, that would 100% confirm your vibes concern, and since the NGO world is small, other potential employers will also very likely know that they've got weird hiring processes or organizational culture issues. The gossip mill is a thing, but it grinds against NGOs themselves, too.

Any of the scripts suggested above are good. Polite and brief, appreciation for their time, maybe vague regrets that you must withdraw, no explanation needed.
posted by EvaDestruction at 8:54 AM on September 19

Be polite. That's it. No justification or apology needed.
posted by theora55 at 9:04 AM on September 19 [2 favorites]

The more you say, the more room you give them to be mad or argue with your reasons, even just in their own heads. Be as brief as possible while still getting your point across. The point is you won't be continuing in the process. That is all you need to say.
posted by soelo at 9:11 AM on September 19 [2 favorites]

At my job, someone dropped out day-of a panel interview I was supposed to be on, and it led to maybe 5 minutes of "huh, wonder what happened" conversation and we all moved on, hired one of the other candidates, and I had completely forgotten about it until this question.

You'll be fine, and good on you for following your intuition.
posted by misskaz at 9:18 AM on September 19 [2 favorites]

Yeah, I've lost candidates at every phase of the process and never once thought a bad thing about them for bowing out. No need to go into much detail, just firmly tell them you won't be continuing on with their process
posted by advicepig at 11:18 AM on September 19 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thank you all so much, this has been enormously helpful! I've composed the email and just need to hit send. I appreciate your time and thoughtfulness!
posted by an octopus IRL at 12:22 PM on September 19 [7 favorites]

Response by poster: Uuuuugh they wrote back to ask me if I'm willing to talk about my decision, nightmare. If anyone has additional suggestions I'd be grateful (I really don't want them to speak badly of me in the future so I think I am going to do it and say, honestly, that I'm not sure I can do the job to an appropriate standard but would really appreciate any advice anyone has).
posted by an octopus IRL at 6:42 AM on September 20

Just tell them you like their mission and organization but don't feel the opportunity is a good fit for you personally. If they press you beyond that, they're being inappropriate and unprofessional and you should feel free to ignore the email.
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:06 AM on September 20 [1 favorite]

Some people say you can just ignore them because you don't owe them anything. But if you're like me (sounds it) it would bother you/eat you up to do that. I would email them (there's no need for a conversation here) and be very vague. You could say something like I'm exploring other opportunities that are a better fit for me right now.

On preview, what seanmpuckett said.

FWIW I think its weird they're asking for more info, I've only had that with third party recruiters who make $$$ on the deal.
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 7:08 AM on September 20 [1 favorite]

Well that's a flattering note.

In any case:

[name of person who sent the mail]

I'm sorry, I'm pretty firm in my new direction.

Regards,

an octopus IRL

posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:19 AM on September 20

They could be planning to do the hard sell but they could also just be looking for feedback from a candidate they liked (either "do you have any observations you made during the process that could help us?" or "do you know anyone who would be a good candidate?"

The "not a good fit for me personally" approach is good. I will repeat my opinion that the vague reference to personal/familial requirements that require your current prioritization and focus is useful here too, since it precludes follow up questions.
posted by mark k at 8:07 AM on September 21