How to accept having to move due to migraines?
August 14, 2024 11:45 AM Subscribe
If you've had to move for health reasons from an area you loved, how did you come to accept it?
I love where I'm currently living, bought a house, great interest rate the whole nine yards, but since a case of covid two year ago my migraines have gotten out of control and weather changes are one of my big triggers. When I've visited California(Bay Area) and Italy(Rome) it was amazing, I didn't get constant migraines and I had a ton of energy to go out and do stuff again.
I am trying to accept that if I want any quality of life I'm going to have to move, but I really don't want to and keep finding reasons not to.
I love where I'm currently living, bought a house, great interest rate the whole nine yards, but since a case of covid two year ago my migraines have gotten out of control and weather changes are one of my big triggers. When I've visited California(Bay Area) and Italy(Rome) it was amazing, I didn't get constant migraines and I had a ton of energy to go out and do stuff again.
I am trying to accept that if I want any quality of life I'm going to have to move, but I really don't want to and keep finding reasons not to.
I assume you have tried any of the newer migraine preventative drugs you might be eligible for (any of the -mab class e.g.), and that you have tried getting treatment for long COVID. “tried” here is defined by you— maybe your insurance sucks and won’t cover it, maybe your body is sick of trying new things, maybe you’re sick of interacting with the medical establishment. But make an active decision that you’ve tried what you’re going to try medication wise.
If you have, then it’s time to have a conversation with yourself about quality of life. The pro-con list blnkfrnk suggested is a good idea. I would also suggest honing in on what you like about your current location; some of those pieces may be findable in other locales too. (Rome and the SF Bay Area are different from each other in many ways— which one is better for you?)
If it’s community you will miss, then a) you can find local community in a new place with more stable weather and b) if your migraines are preventing you from enjoying your local people already, then even for those people, you might be better off moving; seeing them by zoom once a month is a lot better than continually having to cancel seeing them in person.
posted by nat at 12:04 PM on August 14 [3 favorites]
If you have, then it’s time to have a conversation with yourself about quality of life. The pro-con list blnkfrnk suggested is a good idea. I would also suggest honing in on what you like about your current location; some of those pieces may be findable in other locales too. (Rome and the SF Bay Area are different from each other in many ways— which one is better for you?)
If it’s community you will miss, then a) you can find local community in a new place with more stable weather and b) if your migraines are preventing you from enjoying your local people already, then even for those people, you might be better off moving; seeing them by zoom once a month is a lot better than continually having to cancel seeing them in person.
posted by nat at 12:04 PM on August 14 [3 favorites]
I don't want to invalidate your experience! But maybe offer some hope of another explanation because I've read of similar things happening to other migraine sufferers.
Are you in the migraine reddit community? I ask because it's been the most amazing source of information and support for me.
The thing you are noting -- when I travel away from where I live for vacation my migraines stop -- has come up there a bunch of times and generated some very interesting debate. There are a couple of different theories people have proposed:
-- the weather where I went on vacation v. where I live (barometric trigger)
-- the food where I went on vacation v. where I live (food trigger)
-- air quality or other environmental factor is better where I went on vacation v. where I live
-- less stress on vacation than in normal life (stress trigger)
-- change in seasons/climate
-- unknown trigger in your house at home that your not aware of that you just happen to leave behind when on vacation.
The thing is, migraines are really complex contradictory conditions, usually involving multiple different triggers that vary by episode for each person.
If it was me, before I uped sticks and left my whole life I'd want to be really really sure that weather was actually the cause, and that I wasn't going to develop a different trigger in my new environment.
posted by EllaEm at 12:08 PM on August 14 [29 favorites]
Are you in the migraine reddit community? I ask because it's been the most amazing source of information and support for me.
The thing you are noting -- when I travel away from where I live for vacation my migraines stop -- has come up there a bunch of times and generated some very interesting debate. There are a couple of different theories people have proposed:
-- the weather where I went on vacation v. where I live (barometric trigger)
-- the food where I went on vacation v. where I live (food trigger)
-- air quality or other environmental factor is better where I went on vacation v. where I live
-- less stress on vacation than in normal life (stress trigger)
-- change in seasons/climate
-- unknown trigger in your house at home that your not aware of that you just happen to leave behind when on vacation.
The thing is, migraines are really complex contradictory conditions, usually involving multiple different triggers that vary by episode for each person.
If it was me, before I uped sticks and left my whole life I'd want to be really really sure that weather was actually the cause, and that I wasn't going to develop a different trigger in my new environment.
posted by EllaEm at 12:08 PM on August 14 [29 favorites]
Best answer: Have I moved because of migraines? No. Have I thought about it? Just about every single day. I too notice a huge difference in my migraines when im in areas with less barometric pressure fluctuations, but as EllaEm noted above, there are so many other variables that could affect things Im not willing to uproot my life until i know with a large degree of certainty that it will help. Ideally Im hoping to someday soon get an airbnb or similar for a month or so and “trial” living in SoCal for a while and see what happens. Until then im trying all the new CGRP meds along with more traditional preventatives hoping to find my magic combination. Im getting closer, but still have a ways to go.
posted by cgg at 12:16 PM on August 14 [4 favorites]
posted by cgg at 12:16 PM on August 14 [4 favorites]
I really appreciate EllaEm’s comment. I have had a headache since I was 27 years old. I am now 58. It’s not a migraine, and my level of pain and level of functioning fluctuate due to a lot of different factors that I can’t always pin down. I’ve also had the experience of traveling, doing well while traveling, and then coming home and feeling worse for a while. I’ve often thought about whether I’m experiencing a trigger in my home, when that happens. But I think it’s more likely that when I travel, I experience a boost of my mood that alleviates some of my symptoms. I have this kind of experience in my daily life as well. At a certain level of pain, I can get so caught up in something I’m doing for a couple of hours that I don’t notice it, only to be hit with it again as soon as that event is over.
Usually, this is some kind of social event for me that turns me “on.” Whether it’s my weekly writing group, or a class I’m teaching, being around people perks me up so much that I am often a different person for the two hours I’m with them. I’ve actually had problems communicating my pain level to medical professionals, because just being in the office talking to somebody friendly cheers me up, and I can get very lively in those circumstances even when my headache has been so bad that I’ve been mostly in bed, or unable to open the blinds in my room at all.
My headache is definitely affected by everything from hormones to scented products to stress to certain kinds of lighting in public places and workplaces. Usually, one of those things isn’t enough to put me into a severe headache. I used to think of it like I had a measuring cup, and if it got full all the way to the top, my headache would get severe and I wouldn’t be able to function normally anymore. Some things add to the cup and some things take away from the cup. So, a good night’s sleep lowers it. Ending up in an elevator with Perfuma Galore really tops it off.
I’ve often found, in my many years of living with this, that I can significantly improve one trigger or even eliminate it from my life, but my headache will find its way back to its baseline nonetheless.
This is just me agreeing with others that, in your situation, I wouldn’t be confident that moving would bring the same kind of relief that traveling sometimes can. Nor would I be confident that if it did, the relief would last.
That said, I have had to give up a lot in my life because of this headache. During a particularly difficult time, when in perimenopause, my headache got more severe than it had ever been before and basically put me in bed for 3 1/2 years. I had to give up a career I loved. And my extended illness during those years was a big part of why a marriage I had been in for a long time, and treasured, and believed would last forever, ended. It also stripped me of the ability to be the parent I had been to my four children. These things grieve me terribly. My children and I are all still feeling the effects. My 20-year-old, my second youngest, lives in fear of me abandoning him, because it happened before.
f you decide to move to see whether it really can help your headaches long-term, I support that. There are real costs to living with a serious condition like this, and we have to bear them. It can be very difficult to make peace with that. You are seriously considering giving up your home and your community there, in the hope that your day-to-day quality of life will improve. And it might. If you make that choice,
I hope it will.
You might consider, if you can afford it, a temporary but longer-term relocation. In six months or a year, you should know whether your new location is making a real difference in your headaches day today and week to week and month-to-month. Can you rent out your house, and rent a place to live there? Can you make a trial of it, the same way you might make a trial of a medication or another treatment?
Good luck. I have many times nearly given up. Hope I’ve ever seeing improvement, but in just the last few months, a combination of some of the new headache meds, and treatment for another chronic condition that I’ve been diagnosed with, have improved my headache to a level of pain so low I can’t remember ever experiencing this before. Certainly not for a very, very long time. It might not last. Improvements often don’t, in my experience. But I’ve been living with this for almost 32 years every day. And I never thought I’d feel this good again. I’m trying very hard to enjoy it while it lasts.
posted by Well I never at 1:49 PM on August 14 [8 favorites]
Usually, this is some kind of social event for me that turns me “on.” Whether it’s my weekly writing group, or a class I’m teaching, being around people perks me up so much that I am often a different person for the two hours I’m with them. I’ve actually had problems communicating my pain level to medical professionals, because just being in the office talking to somebody friendly cheers me up, and I can get very lively in those circumstances even when my headache has been so bad that I’ve been mostly in bed, or unable to open the blinds in my room at all.
My headache is definitely affected by everything from hormones to scented products to stress to certain kinds of lighting in public places and workplaces. Usually, one of those things isn’t enough to put me into a severe headache. I used to think of it like I had a measuring cup, and if it got full all the way to the top, my headache would get severe and I wouldn’t be able to function normally anymore. Some things add to the cup and some things take away from the cup. So, a good night’s sleep lowers it. Ending up in an elevator with Perfuma Galore really tops it off.
I’ve often found, in my many years of living with this, that I can significantly improve one trigger or even eliminate it from my life, but my headache will find its way back to its baseline nonetheless.
This is just me agreeing with others that, in your situation, I wouldn’t be confident that moving would bring the same kind of relief that traveling sometimes can. Nor would I be confident that if it did, the relief would last.
That said, I have had to give up a lot in my life because of this headache. During a particularly difficult time, when in perimenopause, my headache got more severe than it had ever been before and basically put me in bed for 3 1/2 years. I had to give up a career I loved. And my extended illness during those years was a big part of why a marriage I had been in for a long time, and treasured, and believed would last forever, ended. It also stripped me of the ability to be the parent I had been to my four children. These things grieve me terribly. My children and I are all still feeling the effects. My 20-year-old, my second youngest, lives in fear of me abandoning him, because it happened before.
f you decide to move to see whether it really can help your headaches long-term, I support that. There are real costs to living with a serious condition like this, and we have to bear them. It can be very difficult to make peace with that. You are seriously considering giving up your home and your community there, in the hope that your day-to-day quality of life will improve. And it might. If you make that choice,
I hope it will.
You might consider, if you can afford it, a temporary but longer-term relocation. In six months or a year, you should know whether your new location is making a real difference in your headaches day today and week to week and month-to-month. Can you rent out your house, and rent a place to live there? Can you make a trial of it, the same way you might make a trial of a medication or another treatment?
Good luck. I have many times nearly given up. Hope I’ve ever seeing improvement, but in just the last few months, a combination of some of the new headache meds, and treatment for another chronic condition that I’ve been diagnosed with, have improved my headache to a level of pain so low I can’t remember ever experiencing this before. Certainly not for a very, very long time. It might not last. Improvements often don’t, in my experience. But I’ve been living with this for almost 32 years every day. And I never thought I’d feel this good again. I’m trying very hard to enjoy it while it lasts.
posted by Well I never at 1:49 PM on August 14 [8 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks blnkfrnk, I think re-framing it will help.
I've been thinking about it as moving from here and been focused on what I'll lose and not what I'll gain. I've been planning a trip, like cgg, to see if my migraines will actually improve while there. I think while I'm there I need to find things to look forward to and enjoy about the area, so that I don't dread the move and keep putting it off.
posted by Art_Pot at 4:53 PM on August 14 [2 favorites]
I've been thinking about it as moving from here and been focused on what I'll lose and not what I'll gain. I've been planning a trip, like cgg, to see if my migraines will actually improve while there. I think while I'm there I need to find things to look forward to and enjoy about the area, so that I don't dread the move and keep putting it off.
posted by Art_Pot at 4:53 PM on August 14 [2 favorites]
FWIW, I am a person who strongly suspects she gets migraines from barometric pressure changes/weather changes (or at the least, that they contribute a lot to them), and I live in Southern California, and my worst such migraines have been in January, on days when a storm rolled in more suddenly than usual. (Don't recall it ever being a problem for me when I lived in the Bay Area though, FWIW.) I agree that you should do a trial run if at all possible, and include some time in what passes for winter here.
posted by yasaman at 6:08 PM on August 14 [1 favorite]
posted by yasaman at 6:08 PM on August 14 [1 favorite]
I want to also add that I retrospectively realized the migraines I got all through my teenage years were because of barometric pressure living in a seaside town! I used to think it weird that they'd come back when I went home to visit my folks after I left for uni but put it down to the general ennui of being in my twenties and going back home... Only many years later did I realize it had been the weather all along. I asked mum about it and discovered she'd been getting headaches the whole time we lived there for the same reason!
So I 100% believe it can be an advantage to move away. But it sounds like doing some detailed experimentation that reproduces 'normal life' as much as possible in the new location, might be helpful, before you leave your much loved current home town.
Either way - good luck and my sympathies. Migraines suck.
posted by EllaEm at 8:04 PM on August 14 [1 favorite]
So I 100% believe it can be an advantage to move away. But it sounds like doing some detailed experimentation that reproduces 'normal life' as much as possible in the new location, might be helpful, before you leave your much loved current home town.
Either way - good luck and my sympathies. Migraines suck.
posted by EllaEm at 8:04 PM on August 14 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I have chronic migraines and have moved to be with family for support, it was never going to improve my migraines but changing neurologist has slightly. I didn’t make a pros and cons list as the cons were huge and I knew them, so I just made a pro list, even tiny things like a brand of food I like is available here but not in the other place. I also found a therapist here which has helped. Good luck with this.
posted by ellieBOA at 4:28 AM on August 15 [3 favorites]
posted by ellieBOA at 4:28 AM on August 15 [3 favorites]
There are certain things I miss appallingly about the place where I grew up. However, if I still lived there, those things would not be a joy to me now, because of the migraines. There were some beautiful green spaces with huge trees and water, and a neighborhood that I loved and found beautiful, which felt like home. I wouldn't feel like I was home if I visited, not because I don't live there, because it's changed, and so have I and I couldn't appreciate the trees there, because of the migraines. I'd have to stay indoors in air conditioning.
As I walk around my new neighbourhood I seek out the same feelings - the wonderful calm I get when I walk under big green trees, the feeling of being nurtured by them. I can still feel that way here, and I remind myself or that. Anything I miss, I look for a counterpart that I can have in my new home. Food I can't get there? I look for new food that I can get here, that I can appreciate. I can't get the kosher salami - but I can get fish that was just pulled out of the bay, instead. I don't have the library system? But I keep seeking for and finding new sites on the internet that feed my need for ideas the way the library did. The 24 hour city is no longer available to me? Instead I get a silent sleeping city, peaceful, solitary, comforting. No children's hospital? Almost no traffic, making this a much safer place for children.
For everything I lost I found a counterpart I gained, always keeping in mind that everything I lost was inevitably going to be lost to me, eventually, as the world changed and I changed. Twenty years after I left the city where I was born would no longer have been my city, whether I had stayed or not. My friends and family died or moved on, the economics changed... I saw that those changes were starting before I left. I knew that I had to embrace change then.
posted by Jane the Brown at 3:18 PM on August 15 [1 favorite]
As I walk around my new neighbourhood I seek out the same feelings - the wonderful calm I get when I walk under big green trees, the feeling of being nurtured by them. I can still feel that way here, and I remind myself or that. Anything I miss, I look for a counterpart that I can have in my new home. Food I can't get there? I look for new food that I can get here, that I can appreciate. I can't get the kosher salami - but I can get fish that was just pulled out of the bay, instead. I don't have the library system? But I keep seeking for and finding new sites on the internet that feed my need for ideas the way the library did. The 24 hour city is no longer available to me? Instead I get a silent sleeping city, peaceful, solitary, comforting. No children's hospital? Almost no traffic, making this a much safer place for children.
For everything I lost I found a counterpart I gained, always keeping in mind that everything I lost was inevitably going to be lost to me, eventually, as the world changed and I changed. Twenty years after I left the city where I was born would no longer have been my city, whether I had stayed or not. My friends and family died or moved on, the economics changed... I saw that those changes were starting before I left. I knew that I had to embrace change then.
posted by Jane the Brown at 3:18 PM on August 15 [1 favorite]
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"I have to move for my health" is different than "I am choosing to move for a better quality of life."
I would say make a pro and con list before you fully decide to move. It will make it more clear what you are basing your choice on. If you ultimately decide to stay then at least you made a rational choice about it.
posted by blnkfrnk at 11:56 AM on August 14 [10 favorites]