A shiny egg seen through a black-framed window

August 2, 2024 3:49 AM

My appearance has changed dramatically and I'm frustrated with the unintended consequence that my eyeglasses now make me look... difficult. How do I find an entirely new stlye of eyeglasses that fits me instead of emphasizing what I'm not thrileld about? In-person ideas, in London, are preferred but open to all suggestions.

For health reasons I've parted with the massive beard and easy gentleman's haircut that I didn't realize were such a strong part of my sense of self until they were gone. It's nice to get back in touch with the face under there, but I can't wear contact lenses at the moment and my eyeglasses make my bald head and face shape look so ridiculous that I can't stand seeing myself. It's been a few months, and this hairlessness is going to continue for some indeterminate period, so I've decided I just need to find glasses that fit this new old face of mine. But... how do I do this?

What I've tried so far:
1. Trying on frames at every high street optician in the land (nothing fits right, the styles are all the same, there's no real feedback that's separated from salesmanship)
2. Trying a mail-order service that lets you try on a few frame styles at a time (it's achingly slow and, again, there's no real style advice, it feels like a week of work for the quarter of a second it takes to put them on in real life and think, oh jesus no)
3. Trying various virtual approaches that try to convince you that your webcam will help you feel like you're really wearing these glasses (I have no idea how people find these genuinely helpful, the process feels kind of cartoonish)

What I dream of is someone who will spend, I dunno, half an hour or 45 minutes with me measuring my head or just talking to me about my face/head shape and what frames will emphasize or diminish what features. Sort of like the inverse of how now I know that thick black frames work great when I have a big bushy beard but without it they make my head look top heavy and my chin look like a dagger. Maybe this person suggests frame shapes and styles in exchange for a flat fee, instead of having the aim be a commission on a sale at the end of the consulation? Maybe that's not possible, but I can dream.

Any advice here?

posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (15 answers total)

Hi Late Afternoon Dreaming Hotel - I worked for 5 years at Vision Express and you're my favourite type of customer.

MeMail me if you'd like to meet me for this sort of support!
posted by london explorer girl at 4:07 AM on August 2, 2024 [46 favorites]

My suggestions pale in comparison to london explorer girl’s, but I’ll in CB ludw them for completeness:

- Zenni lets you upload a photo or yourself and do virtual tryons.
- maybe frameless?
posted by at at 5:12 AM on August 2, 2024

Moscot are in London, very expensive but very good looking and their staff seemed like they would be good at styling someone if they were a serious customer.
posted by Iteki at 5:26 AM on August 2, 2024

I just want to say that haircut changes and various other changes have caused me this same dilemma and I appreciate the difficulty. I did move from being a person who always, always had heavy acetate or plastic frames to wearing wireframes with interesting details.

Some shops will try to tell you that your prescription is too strong for wireframes because they feel that seeing the lens from the side is bad and wrong and the lens must always be thin enough to be concealed by the frame (or the frame must be thick enough to conceal the lens) but my prescription is bad enough that this would restrict me to massively thick but fairly small frames so whatever. I've never had anyone actually refuse to make the glasses. I also note that when you see vintage frames with prescription lenses still in them, it's extremely common for the side of the lens to be visible.

A caution - if you dress directionally at all (as I hear they do in London!) changing your frame aesthetic can make your clothes read differently as well and that opens another can of worms. I myself have had a lot of success at various points with:

- browline wireframes similar to the Shuron Ronsir - Shuron frames are very high quality for the buck, so if they are available to you, I highly recomment

- modified aviators a la Warby Parker. This has the risk of changing the whole vibe, depending on your initial vibe

- P3 and mid-sized round frames - you have to look around a little to get the right size and presence for your face and style - I usually go for bigger but still 90s-ish sizes

For me, I just feel that my hair/face as they are now don't assort well with heavy frames - I see neat ones and try them on and just feel like they look weird now, and it can be frustrating.

Good luck!
posted by Frowner at 6:26 AM on August 2, 2024 [1 favorite]

If you haven't already, you could search "personal stylist London," contact a few people that come up, and ask if they would provide a service limited to frame styling.
posted by happy_cat at 7:00 AM on August 2, 2024

I got mine in the USA, but the brand is European, and it says they are made in the EU: Ovvo Optics. I have a very simple, steel/titanium model. I have a strong (heavy!) prescription, and these are the lightest glasses I have ever owned in 50 years. Plus the metal ones at least do not have a screw holding them together; instead there's a neat spring-steel clip mechanism. They are easily my favorite glasses ever. Look for a store that sells these and try them on in the shop. They are not cheap, but they are far from the most pricey I've seen. Mine are similar to the first few listed on this page (not the hero image):

https://ovvooptics.com/optical?collection=classic

I never, ever had good luck with the "try at home" or "virtual try-on" shopping model, but that's just my experience.
posted by SoberHighland at 7:07 AM on August 2, 2024 [1 favorite]

I've also had a similar problem. My wife came with me, laughed at my choices, then spent less than 3 minutes finding a pair that everyone since has remarked on as suiting me really well. They are not ones I would have chosen myself for various reasons but she was right.

Ultimately glasses come in 3 types:

1) you look great!! Wow!!
2) you look fine
3) oh dear

In the absence of a wife who's good at this sort of thing (or london explorer girl) I'd ask a female friend to come with me to make sure I'm not picking #3.

(Nothing wrong with asking a guy instead, I just prefer a female perspective to make sure I don't accidentally pick a pair that make me look like a creep/predator/weirdo. Guys often don't pick up on that in my experience but YMMV)
posted by underclocked at 7:42 AM on August 2, 2024 [1 favorite]

The opticians I went to for 25 years was Schuller on Lamb's Conduit Street (they also have one in St John's Wood). They have an interesting selection of (not cheap) frames and I always found them good at suggesting frames for me. I'd still be going there if I lived in London.

(They were sold a couple of years ago to The Eye Company but I popped in recently and Erika is still there, and said nothing much has changed for them.)
posted by fabius at 9:29 AM on August 2, 2024 [1 favorite]

Seconding the Zenni suggestion. The "upload a photo and try on these different frames" feature works surprisingly well. The big plus for me is that even with my weird prescription, my frames + lenses together are cheap enough at Zenni ($35-$75 per pair) that I feel like I finally have the freedom to try a few different styles and see what really clicks. Not just try them on in the store, but actually have them made, and see what feels good after a couple weeks, paired with a few of my outfits and moods, and what doesn't. Also, even after having paid $600+ for my last frames + lenses combo at the local optician, the last three pairs of glasses I've bought from Zenni have all been the clearest, most comfortable glasses I've ever had. Just bang-on perfect lenses. I actually cried when I got my first pair from Zenni; after so many mediocre "well, it's better, I guess" glasses bought locally, I had no idea I'd ever be able to see this well again.
posted by xedrik at 9:36 AM on August 2, 2024 [1 favorite]

Cubitts is pricy but the staff are trained to do this (though without measurements) and take all the time you need. I went to the one in Hampstead and was very happy with them. If you really want to go to town, they also do custom work.
posted by tavegyl at 9:50 AM on August 2, 2024

my eyeglasses make my bald head and face shape look so ridiculous that I can't stand seeing myself.
I'm sorry to be the jerk who says this, but at some point, you are going to find this whole process a lot easier if you can be kinder to yourself. While I have never seen you, I suspect you look like a human person, not particularly ridiculous at all. You look different than before, but that doesn't mean you look wrong. Unfortunately, this might mean some exposure therapy. Can you have a friend take a few photos of you in decent light in a tidy shirt and just get used to what you look like now? I know that sometimes I flinch at photos of myself, but then, a month or two later, I can look back at it with more kindness.

New glasses aren't going to do it if you are looking in the mirror and thinking, "Who is this putz?" every time you try on a new pair. So, yeah, cultivate some self-compassion.

I also want to suggest bringing a fashionable, kind, and honest friend with you to look at glasses.
posted by bluedaisy at 11:08 AM on August 2, 2024 [3 favorites]

When you try on frames are you using a mirror? My vision is bad enough that I can’t, so I use the selfie function on my phone, with the bonus that I can then send the photos to get opinions. You might try that if you’d rather not actually go with someone. I feel like it lets me be more objective, too.
posted by Kriesa at 6:18 PM on August 2, 2024

Maybe this guide will help you narrow down what type of frames would work best for your face. If you search on something like "best glasses for bald men" you'll find more articles.
posted by La Gata at 11:37 AM on August 3, 2024

I’ve been bald for about twenty years now. My recommendation is to start funky and go funkier. When your glasses are a statement piece, nobody looks at how weird the shape of your head is. To this end, instead of going to the mass market places that all seem to carry the same assortment of brands and styles*, find the places that carry brands the other places don’t carry. Usually the staff in the more individual sorts of optometrists’ shops are better at personal attention and style guidance. My wife and I have been going to one such place for more than a decade now, and the manager is really good at the “here, try these” thing.

* Our ophthalmologist is just off K Street in DC, so most of his clients are lawyers and lobbyists. We don’t buy frames from him, but he always compliments our glasses, asks where we got them, and says he wishes he could sell stuff like that.
posted by fedward at 7:26 AM on August 7, 2024

If you have the means, check out the bespoke services from Cubitts. On their own they are pretty helpful in the shop, but with a bespoke set you can get a unique pair sized exactly for your face.
posted by homesickness at 10:29 AM on August 12, 2024