"Could you overthink a plate of beans?"

July 28, 2024 4:05 AM

What would you ask at a "speed friending" event?

There's a local "speed friending" event nearby that I'm considering attending. Google has lots of lists of questions to ask, but I wanted Mefi's take! Any and all topics.

posted by cozenedindigo to Human Relations (29 answers total)

How do you like to spend your free time?
What are your core/most important values?
What are you looking for from new friendships?
What are the most important qualities in a potential new friend for you?
What do you like the most about your existing friends?
What does a great hangout/friend date look like to you?
What's the nicest thing a friend has ever done for you?
posted by terretu at 5:20 AM on July 28 [3 favorites]

You're in a horror movie situation and the bad guy corners you in an average but well-outfitted shed. Which improvised melee weapon are you choosing?
posted by phunniemee at 5:32 AM on July 28 [5 favorites]

What's something neat that you saw on the way here tonight?
posted by phunniemee at 5:33 AM on July 28 [1 favorite]

Ask or Guess? (Haha but it’s super important)
posted by nouvelle-personne at 6:15 AM on July 28 [8 favorites]

I would think about what type of friend are you looking for first and then ask questions based on that.

For example if you're looking for a hiking buddy, ask if they like hiking or if you're looking for a friend to go to concerts with, what type of music they like.
posted by Art_Pot at 6:20 AM on July 28 [7 favorites]

What are you passionate about? What would get you out of bed at four AM on a Saturday morning because it’s just worth doing?
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:08 AM on July 28 [3 favorites]

What's your favorite book/movie?
posted by pangolin party at 7:25 AM on July 28 [1 favorite]

I agree that this depends a lot on you. I'd try to balance questions that will see how well you click with practical questions that see how well they might fit into your life (shared hobbies, work/sleep schedule/neighborhood location, etc.)
posted by coffeecat at 7:36 AM on July 28

Alas, my most practical first question would be "do you have kids and if so how old are they" because as a middle aged woman there's just no getting around how much that matters.
posted by potrzebie at 7:39 AM on July 28 [14 favorites]

Describe one of your best friendships, what qualities made it good?

Optional: Describe a friendship that didn't go well, why?
posted by nanook at 7:57 AM on July 28 [1 favorite]

What part of town do you live in? (Practical) Do you like it? (Sense of who they are)

What do you do for fun? If you come up with a plan you’re both excited about in eight minutes or whatever, that bodes well.

Much of friendship is seeing people regularly. It’s great if you gel with someone who lives 50 miles away and works an opposite shift, but it’s going to be hard to see them enough to actually become friends.
posted by momus_window at 8:11 AM on July 28 [5 favorites]

How do you like to frequently communicate with people? Are you a good online friend? Do you have to see people in person regularly to be a good friend?

What do you do if something bad happens to a friend?

Do you have a spouse and are you looking for "couple friends" rather than just me?

But really, mutual hobbies are the way to go.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:16 AM on July 28

Do you see marriage in the near future?
Do you like cats?
posted by Czjewel at 8:30 AM on July 28

What kind of friend are you hoping to find? Do you want a networking kind of friend? Maybe ask about their job or what achievement their most proud of. Do you want a friend to jabber with about weird stuff? Ask about what super power they would want, or phunniemee's fun q. Are you hoping for someone with a specific shared interest? A reader? Are you looking for political alignment?
posted by Garm at 8:30 AM on July 28 [2 favorites]

Extrovert, Introvert, or Ambivert?
posted by matildaben at 8:33 AM on July 28 [1 favorite]

What's the last good book you read?
What do you nerd out on?
posted by adamrice at 8:40 AM on July 28

What have you been thinking about recently?
posted by lucidium at 8:54 AM on July 28 [3 favorites]

Ask about their favourite restaurants, coffee shops, etc. Important to get a sense of food preferences if you would ever dine together.
posted by shock muppet at 9:21 AM on July 28

Stooges or Marx Bros?
Cats or Dogs?
Beatles or Stones?
posted by Rash at 9:41 AM on July 28 [1 favorite]

What movie should be remade with a cast of all muppets and one human actor, and who’s the actor.
posted by matildaben at 9:48 AM on July 28 [2 favorites]

What’s the last problem you felt proud of yourself for solving?
posted by deludingmyself at 10:06 AM on July 28 [2 favorites]

Do you like trains?
posted by parmanparman at 11:06 AM on July 28 [2 favorites]

Can you show me the most recent funny thing you texted to someone?
posted by noloveforned at 11:27 AM on July 28 [3 favorites]

How much time do you get? I don't think I'd ask any clever questions. Just see how easy the person is to have an un-scripted conversation with. "Why did you come to this? " or "how's your week going?" to get it started.

I guess I wouldn't be looking for any specific *things* as much as I'd be alert for things I hate. Interrupts too much. Doesn't listen to what I say. Negative Nellie. Can't keep any other friends. Those kind of things common to every topic of conversation, so it really doesn't matter what we talk about, as long as it's something.
posted by ctmf at 11:52 AM on July 28 [4 favorites]

I think you want a balance between putting someone on the spot with something they can't think of a (clever) answer to vs just yes/no questions that go nowhere. The sweet spot is in the follow-up questions where you can really get them riffing on their interests and passions.

So whatever your initial questions are, I think what's important is the follow ups: "Oh yeah?" "How long have you been doing that?/How did you get into that?" "Wow, I never would have thought of that" "That sounds tiring/exciting/like something you'd have to practice a lot to get good at.."

Be sure to balance this with sharing things yourself. It's all about reciprocity in conversation: Make sure both parties are getting time to talk, and show your interest by reflecting back the things that interest you/stir feelings in you, and ask follow up questions to learn more.
posted by latkes at 1:35 PM on July 28 [6 favorites]

Oooh. Oooh. I know this one!

"What's something you saw recently that was really funny?" or relatedly, "What's a TV show you find yourself quoting a lot?"

It's an excellent, non-accusatory way to ascertain the other person's values/likely political status, and it brings up an event or media thing that you can then start talking about. If they don't align, you can make small talk about The Funny Book/Show/Video until they move on. If you do align, hey, cool new friend!
posted by greenland at 2:05 PM on July 28 [2 favorites]

Try some from the famous 36 questions set.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 6:52 PM on July 28

What are your available social hours week-to-week?
What are your favorite compliments to receive?
posted by itesser at 9:09 AM on July 29

At a speed friending event, I would first think about what I am looking for in a friend, and then I'd try to ask questions related to do that. And I'd ask questions that are easy to answer. For example, if you really want to find a friend to go to live music shows with you, then ask something like "What kind of music do you like?" rather than "What's your favorite song ever?" I wouldn't go for questions that ask people to be emotionally vulnerable with a stranger. I wouldn't put people on the spot with complicated scenarios (I'd be put off by that as a potential friend).
posted by bluedaisy at 3:03 PM on July 29 [1 favorite]