Break my hyperfocus
July 18, 2024 11:42 AM Subscribe
I keep hyperfocussing to the point of ignoring calendar alarms, and missing meetings. How I solve this?
Common problem for me: Say I have a zoom meeting that starts in 10 minutes. I think, "Oh great, just enough time to send that little email!" I might even set a desk timer or a phone alarm for 8 minutes.... But then I get so focussed that I absently snooze or outright ignore the alarms, and constantly end up late for meetings. Why yes, I do have ADHD, what makes you ask.
- Is there an iPhone/Mac app that creates an un-ignorable alarm and FORCE me to snap back to reality? My meeting times are all irregular, so this solution MUST be quick and easy to add to specific calendar items. Normal desk timers, and normal phone alarms, DO NOT WORK.
- Is there a different way YOU solve this problem?
Thanks!
Common problem for me: Say I have a zoom meeting that starts in 10 minutes. I think, "Oh great, just enough time to send that little email!" I might even set a desk timer or a phone alarm for 8 minutes.... But then I get so focussed that I absently snooze or outright ignore the alarms, and constantly end up late for meetings. Why yes, I do have ADHD, what makes you ask.
- Is there an iPhone/Mac app that creates an un-ignorable alarm and FORCE me to snap back to reality? My meeting times are all irregular, so this solution MUST be quick and easy to add to specific calendar items. Normal desk timers, and normal phone alarms, DO NOT WORK.
- Is there a different way YOU solve this problem?
Thanks!
I have relatively mild ADHD but I've found it very useful to harness curiosity to make myself pull my brain out of my current task when a thing happens - like an alarm goes off and I go "uh, wait, what's that for? Do I know why is that?" and then don't look back to my current task until I'm sure it wasn't important.
Having fewer alarms that I'm *supposed* to snooze has helped with this.
Honestly, breaking the eye contact / flow is really the big thing. Maybe I stand up. Maybe I put my alarm somewhere I will have to stand up. But the key thing is figuring out how to get to the place in my mind where I have conscious control again.
posted by Lady Li at 12:05 PM on July 18, 2024
Having fewer alarms that I'm *supposed* to snooze has helped with this.
Honestly, breaking the eye contact / flow is really the big thing. Maybe I stand up. Maybe I put my alarm somewhere I will have to stand up. But the key thing is figuring out how to get to the place in my mind where I have conscious control again.
posted by Lady Li at 12:05 PM on July 18, 2024
- Is there a different way YOU solve this problem?
This is for reminding me to go to sleep, but I have a smart bulb that turns to 10% brightness at 10pm, and then plunges me into darkness a minute later. Works way better than an alarm. I also have it set to turn blue in the 30 minutes before I'm supposed to be awake (which doesn't wake me up, but if I do wake up I know it's almost time to get up and going back to sleep only to wake up to an alarm 15 minutes later will make me feel like shit). I wonder if you could set up something up like that where it turns off your light say a minute before you have to go to a meeting, especially if you can set it up so you're forced to get up and turn on the light again for the meeting, breaking you out of hyperfocus mode. Or maybe even just having it change to a certain color for a minute may be better than a notification that you're compelled to dismiss. This suggests it's possible but I haven't tried it myself.
posted by brook horse at 1:00 PM on July 18, 2024 [2 favorites]
This is for reminding me to go to sleep, but I have a smart bulb that turns to 10% brightness at 10pm, and then plunges me into darkness a minute later. Works way better than an alarm. I also have it set to turn blue in the 30 minutes before I'm supposed to be awake (which doesn't wake me up, but if I do wake up I know it's almost time to get up and going back to sleep only to wake up to an alarm 15 minutes later will make me feel like shit). I wonder if you could set up something up like that where it turns off your light say a minute before you have to go to a meeting, especially if you can set it up so you're forced to get up and turn on the light again for the meeting, breaking you out of hyperfocus mode. Or maybe even just having it change to a certain color for a minute may be better than a notification that you're compelled to dismiss. This suggests it's possible but I haven't tried it myself.
posted by brook horse at 1:00 PM on July 18, 2024 [2 favorites]
I also have a friend who sets their alarms to some of their favorite songs because they're then compelled to jam to it for a minute instead of turning it off, at which point their brain goes "Wait, why is that playing?" And they do what they're supposed to. It doesn't work for me because I'm usually always playing music already and it conflicts, but if you're not it could be a way to create a "notification" that your brain doesn't immediately go "ugh, go away" to.
posted by brook horse at 1:02 PM on July 18, 2024 [1 favorite]
posted by brook horse at 1:02 PM on July 18, 2024 [1 favorite]
If you're writing the emails on your computer, maybe look for an app that locks the screen at a scheduled time.
But what I actually do: I schedule an alarm more like 4-8 minutes before any meeting (number chosen at random), specifically so that I don't really have enough time to do anything much. If I don't have anything scheduled for more than half an hour before the meeting, I'll also have another reminder alarm around 20 minutes before, and if there's nothing scheduled for over an hour before then I'll add one at the hour mark too. I usually get up and walk around a bit at the 4-8 minute alarm, maybe go to the bathroom, get something to drink during the meeting, eat something quickly if I need to, adjust the lighting if needed. I'll also have my headphones in or speaker on so I can hear a bell ring when people join the meeting (I'm generally the meeting host though - I don't know if that works otherwise. If not, maybe you could join the meeting early but with microphone and camera initially off, so you can hear the other participants speaking when the meeting starts).
Besides that, though, it's critical for me to be on time at these meetings so I have some fear about being late for them (lateness is a constant in my life, as you may have inferred) and really prioritize them such that I'll think "I'm not allowed to do [thing] in the few minutes I have because I might get distracted". Meeting alarms are holy. It's easy for me to prioritize them because they really are the most important part of my work, but ymmv.
Also: if you use phone alarms for lots of different things, then I'd set up an alarm with a unique ringtone for meetings that you can hopefully mentally attach a bit of fear/paranoia/urgency to. Or, if possible, use unique/random alarms each time so a part of your brain is like "what is this unfamiliar noise?" I use regular phone alarms and not calendar alarms because the only notification sounds available on the calendar app I use aren't dramatic enough - don't know if that's the case for you. The other reason I use regular alarms is because it forces me to look through my schedule in the morning or the night before and go over all the meetings I'm going to have, which helps me remember them a little more (and I'm paranoid about missing them or setting the wrong alarms so I check and re-check during the day). The risk of course is forgetting to set alarms, but the paranoia helps with that. I basically have preset non-recurring alarms for multiple points during any hour of the workday, and I just go through the list and enable the ones relevant for the current day.
One more thing that may or may not be relevant to your work life is to leave some meeting-related task to the minutes before the meeting, so instead of working on some unrelated email you're writing out the questions you want to ask or the points you want to make or putting final touches on a presentation. Potentially risky (if you run out of time) or inefficient, but maybe worth it?
posted by trig at 1:12 PM on July 18, 2024 [1 favorite]
But what I actually do: I schedule an alarm more like 4-8 minutes before any meeting (number chosen at random), specifically so that I don't really have enough time to do anything much. If I don't have anything scheduled for more than half an hour before the meeting, I'll also have another reminder alarm around 20 minutes before, and if there's nothing scheduled for over an hour before then I'll add one at the hour mark too. I usually get up and walk around a bit at the 4-8 minute alarm, maybe go to the bathroom, get something to drink during the meeting, eat something quickly if I need to, adjust the lighting if needed. I'll also have my headphones in or speaker on so I can hear a bell ring when people join the meeting (I'm generally the meeting host though - I don't know if that works otherwise. If not, maybe you could join the meeting early but with microphone and camera initially off, so you can hear the other participants speaking when the meeting starts).
Besides that, though, it's critical for me to be on time at these meetings so I have some fear about being late for them (lateness is a constant in my life, as you may have inferred) and really prioritize them such that I'll think "I'm not allowed to do [thing] in the few minutes I have because I might get distracted". Meeting alarms are holy. It's easy for me to prioritize them because they really are the most important part of my work, but ymmv.
Also: if you use phone alarms for lots of different things, then I'd set up an alarm with a unique ringtone for meetings that you can hopefully mentally attach a bit of fear/paranoia/urgency to. Or, if possible, use unique/random alarms each time so a part of your brain is like "what is this unfamiliar noise?" I use regular phone alarms and not calendar alarms because the only notification sounds available on the calendar app I use aren't dramatic enough - don't know if that's the case for you. The other reason I use regular alarms is because it forces me to look through my schedule in the morning or the night before and go over all the meetings I'm going to have, which helps me remember them a little more (and I'm paranoid about missing them or setting the wrong alarms so I check and re-check during the day). The risk of course is forgetting to set alarms, but the paranoia helps with that. I basically have preset non-recurring alarms for multiple points during any hour of the workday, and I just go through the list and enable the ones relevant for the current day.
One more thing that may or may not be relevant to your work life is to leave some meeting-related task to the minutes before the meeting, so instead of working on some unrelated email you're writing out the questions you want to ask or the points you want to make or putting final touches on a presentation. Potentially risky (if you run out of time) or inefficient, but maybe worth it?
posted by trig at 1:12 PM on July 18, 2024 [1 favorite]
The Mac app Time Out may do what you’re looking for. Its advertised use case is reminding you to take breaks from your computer at certain intervals, but you could probably schedule “breaks” for when you need to change tasks. It works by applying a haze over the entire screen, with a customizable message on it.
posted by bluloo at 2:03 PM on July 18, 2024 [1 favorite]
posted by bluloo at 2:03 PM on July 18, 2024 [1 favorite]
For zoom specifically, join the meeting early. When you get the 10 minute reminder, just click join. Write your email with camera and sound off, and listen for the other parties to start.
posted by hooray at 2:30 PM on July 18, 2024 [4 favorites]
posted by hooray at 2:30 PM on July 18, 2024 [4 favorites]
If you join the meeting early you can also maximize the zoom window and make the email composing window small while keeping it on top of the zoom window, so that when people start joining you'll also see movement on the screen near where your eyes are focused.
posted by trig at 2:58 PM on July 18, 2024 [1 favorite]
posted by trig at 2:58 PM on July 18, 2024 [1 favorite]
My employer has an internal browser extension that reads from my calendar and opens the meeting call in a tab that steals focus at the time the meeting starts. This is the only reason I have ever been on time for a meeting. I bet there are people externally who've implemented the same functionality for Zoom.
I also know a guy who, when he works from home, just always joins his next meeting and keeps it in the background. The second a meeting ends he joins the next one in his calendar. He might be sitting in there for hours between meeting times but he's never late. This means you have to be very confident you'll never do anything embarrassing that someone else might see if they also join early, though.
posted by potrzebie at 3:34 PM on July 18, 2024
I also know a guy who, when he works from home, just always joins his next meeting and keeps it in the background. The second a meeting ends he joins the next one in his calendar. He might be sitting in there for hours between meeting times but he's never late. This means you have to be very confident you'll never do anything embarrassing that someone else might see if they also join early, though.
posted by potrzebie at 3:34 PM on July 18, 2024
meeting that starts in 10 minutes. I think, "Oh great, just enough time to send that little email!" I might even set a desk timer or a phone alarm for 8 minutes...Normal desk timers, and normal phone alarms, DO NOT WORK.
- Is there a different way YOU solve this problem?
analog watch ⌚ i see the recommendation for a digital watch above & if that works for anyone, that's good. having something that's not the computer or phone is helpful (i've mentioned this on mefi before). i'm also not always at my desk, so a desk timer wouldn't help.
if i'm working on an email in 10 minutes before a meeting, as in the example, the watch is literally right there between my eyes & the keyboard. i can't ignore it. i've seen watch faces dim on digital watches. if i had to tap it to activate the watch face i might get distracted; i don't want to do that. i'll watch the minute hand approach the scheduled meeting time. as that angle gets more acute, i'll either get the email to a place i feel like it's okay enough to send or decide to pause & think more about it
posted by HearHere at 4:21 PM on July 18, 2024
- Is there a different way YOU solve this problem?
analog watch ⌚ i see the recommendation for a digital watch above & if that works for anyone, that's good. having something that's not the computer or phone is helpful (i've mentioned this on mefi before). i'm also not always at my desk, so a desk timer wouldn't help.
if i'm working on an email in 10 minutes before a meeting, as in the example, the watch is literally right there between my eyes & the keyboard. i can't ignore it. i've seen watch faces dim on digital watches. if i had to tap it to activate the watch face i might get distracted; i don't want to do that. i'll watch the minute hand approach the scheduled meeting time. as that angle gets more acute, i'll either get the email to a place i feel like it's okay enough to send or decide to pause & think more about it
posted by HearHere at 4:21 PM on July 18, 2024
Freedom, in the morning, look at your schedule then set Freedom to lock your apps/browser at the time you need to stop.
It hurts! But it works.
posted by betweenthebars at 5:21 PM on July 18, 2024
It hurts! But it works.
posted by betweenthebars at 5:21 PM on July 18, 2024
Seconding smartwatch that will vibrate on your wrist. Doesn’t have to be an expensive Apple Watch or anything (in fact my Apple Watch is not as good for notifications as a very entry level Fitbit or Garmin wearable).
posted by Kriesa at 5:50 PM on July 18, 2024
posted by Kriesa at 5:50 PM on July 18, 2024
Ok... so I work in consulting (where everything is billable so I have to track my time), also have 2 small kids and HAVE to leave the office at a certain time to pick them up from preK/daycare. I tried a bunch of stuff and what actually worked for me was just looking at the time a lot, and keeping my calendar open and checking it frequently. I keep my schedule fresh in my mind all day, and while I'm sure this hurts my focus, it keeps me on time for things.
posted by DoubleLune at 6:33 PM on July 18, 2024
posted by DoubleLune at 6:33 PM on July 18, 2024
I also have a friend who sets their alarms to some of their favorite songs because they're then compelled to jam to it for a minute instead of turning it off, at which point their brain goes "Wait, why is that playing?" And they do what they're supposed to.
I am extremely ADHD and can tune out alarms, but I find that using a favourite song as a ringtone/alarm gets my attention, especially if I keep changing it (I have lots of favourite songs!)
Alternatively, you can use a hated song as your alarm. I have not yet tried this with, say, Afternoon Delight, because phone repair or replacement is just not in my budget right now, but it's an option.
posted by maudlin at 10:06 PM on July 18, 2024
I am extremely ADHD and can tune out alarms, but I find that using a favourite song as a ringtone/alarm gets my attention, especially if I keep changing it (I have lots of favourite songs!)
Alternatively, you can use a hated song as your alarm. I have not yet tried this with, say, Afternoon Delight, because phone repair or replacement is just not in my budget right now, but it's an option.
posted by maudlin at 10:06 PM on July 18, 2024
Alarmy is best with a subscription and worth every expensive stupid blaring i-hate-you penny. There are a bunch of power-app options for challenges from math quizzes, brain teasers, exercises, scanning QR codes, sound boosts, labels ("get up get up you are SO LATE") and it's really easy to add quick one-time alarms as well as complicated reoccurring ones.
Crucially: turn on the feature 1) so you cannot disable the alarms by quitting the app without typing in a long annoying message and 2) it opens automatically on start-up, 3) increasing volume. You will not be able to escape an alarm your past-self set.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 3:45 AM on July 19, 2024 [1 favorite]
Crucially: turn on the feature 1) so you cannot disable the alarms by quitting the app without typing in a long annoying message and 2) it opens automatically on start-up, 3) increasing volume. You will not be able to escape an alarm your past-self set.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 3:45 AM on July 19, 2024 [1 favorite]
Ten minutes is too early for an alarm because it means you have time to do something else. That alarm should be at 0 or 1 minute. Alarm goes off, stop and do the thing because there is no time to do anything else.
posted by soelo at 9:25 AM on July 19, 2024 [1 favorite]
posted by soelo at 9:25 AM on July 19, 2024 [1 favorite]
I just saw another mac app that does exactly what you want: Dato. It's a menu bar based app, that puts your calendar events and world clocks in the menu bar for easy access. But it also provides full screen event notifications, which include a "snooze until event" button. This seems like a perfect option for your use case. It's $11 in the Mac App Store, or also available with a SetApp subscription (in case you already have one!).
posted by bluloo at 2:09 PM on July 19, 2024 [1 favorite]
posted by bluloo at 2:09 PM on July 19, 2024 [1 favorite]
Ha, and just found yet another one. It's called In Your Face, and their tag line is "Never be late to meetings again." This one is pricier, at $2/month, $20/year or $60/lifetime, but is also available with SetApp. The main advantage this one would seem to have over Dato is the ability to add ad-hoc reminders with full-screen alerts, independent of events scheduled on your calendar. It may also offer more customization options, with respect to default reminder times and such. I haven't personally used this app, but I have used Dato (but not for full screen notifications). They both have high ratings on the Mac App store.
posted by bluloo at 2:16 PM on July 19, 2024
posted by bluloo at 2:16 PM on July 19, 2024
Have you already tried a physical timer placed across the room and not on your desk, so you have to get up and walk over to turn it off, with an obnoxiously piercing beeping? I have this one and it would work great for this in your email example.
Also seconding the smart watch vibration (this is my main technique for myself, along with keeping the sound on so I can hear the meeting reminders, which works better than the popup).
I also formed a consistent habit of getting up to make a tea at the 5 minute reminder, which takes <5 minutes and stops me from getting sucked into work stuff in that time, but may or may not be helpful for you depending on how distractable you are when doing that kind of thing vs. at your desk.
posted by randomnity at 3:46 PM on July 19, 2024
Also seconding the smart watch vibration (this is my main technique for myself, along with keeping the sound on so I can hear the meeting reminders, which works better than the popup).
I also formed a consistent habit of getting up to make a tea at the 5 minute reminder, which takes <5 minutes and stops me from getting sucked into work stuff in that time, but may or may not be helpful for you depending on how distractable you are when doing that kind of thing vs. at your desk.
posted by randomnity at 3:46 PM on July 19, 2024
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Are you sending the email on your phone? Your computer?
posted by skunk pig at 12:05 PM on July 18, 2024 [4 favorites]