Letting go after getting dumped, corporate version
July 18, 2024 9:43 AM Subscribe
I got laid off in a really cold, inhumane way. I am working on moving on, but realize I need to make my own closure in order to really move on and be open to what’s next. Please help me come up with ideas to make my own closure/let go.
Background: I have my own business but it’s a very slow growth entity (I say I’m building my retirement job on the side). I realized this after taking a year off to build it and run it so I applied for jobs (begrudgingly). This was two years ago and I ended up landing a really great high-level remote job.
As much as this damn job was an exhausting thorn in my side as I ran my own business in parallel, I gave it my heart and soul. I grew two teams, managed two departments, and even rescued a team by stopping the attrition and building trust with them, so much that they would have done whatever I asked them to, although I deeply respected this and was a good boss per their direct feedback.
Anyway, the company had other plans to which I was not privy and neither was another colleague who ran a different department. We and half our departments were unceremoniously laid off with about 15 minutes notice, virtually and individually in mini meetings with our Executive VP and HR. They apparently chopped 25% of us in this manner. It was completely scripted, sterile and horrible. When my Manager was reading the layoff script I forced myself to hold a chiding, disappointed face. After the meeting my access was cut so I didn’t have any opportunity to wrap anything up or say goodbye. I had a lawyer review my severance and negotiated a teeny amount more but that was just as callous. I signed things yesterday.
Anyway, on the other side, I’ve gotten an outpouring of love from my team and colleagues and have jumped on the unemployment process. Plus, I still have my business so maybe it’s time to lean into that again since the job market is kind of awful for my level/role.
Now that the dust is settling though, I notice I’m feeling sad and dragging and think I need to do something to get closure for myself since it was such a negative abrupt experience and would love ideas on what to do. I would prefer to do something more symbolic than go on a wild vacation. I do live on the water and home is a tranquil space although this was a remote job. I do plan on purging my home office. I have company swag which could be sacrificed: a metal water bottle and a hat. I’m open to buying things just not large things and live in a city so probably can’t burn stuff (but I do have a fire pit). What are some things to do to get/create closure for myself to let go and move on?
Background: I have my own business but it’s a very slow growth entity (I say I’m building my retirement job on the side). I realized this after taking a year off to build it and run it so I applied for jobs (begrudgingly). This was two years ago and I ended up landing a really great high-level remote job.
As much as this damn job was an exhausting thorn in my side as I ran my own business in parallel, I gave it my heart and soul. I grew two teams, managed two departments, and even rescued a team by stopping the attrition and building trust with them, so much that they would have done whatever I asked them to, although I deeply respected this and was a good boss per their direct feedback.
Anyway, the company had other plans to which I was not privy and neither was another colleague who ran a different department. We and half our departments were unceremoniously laid off with about 15 minutes notice, virtually and individually in mini meetings with our Executive VP and HR. They apparently chopped 25% of us in this manner. It was completely scripted, sterile and horrible. When my Manager was reading the layoff script I forced myself to hold a chiding, disappointed face. After the meeting my access was cut so I didn’t have any opportunity to wrap anything up or say goodbye. I had a lawyer review my severance and negotiated a teeny amount more but that was just as callous. I signed things yesterday.
Anyway, on the other side, I’ve gotten an outpouring of love from my team and colleagues and have jumped on the unemployment process. Plus, I still have my business so maybe it’s time to lean into that again since the job market is kind of awful for my level/role.
Now that the dust is settling though, I notice I’m feeling sad and dragging and think I need to do something to get closure for myself since it was such a negative abrupt experience and would love ideas on what to do. I would prefer to do something more symbolic than go on a wild vacation. I do live on the water and home is a tranquil space although this was a remote job. I do plan on purging my home office. I have company swag which could be sacrificed: a metal water bottle and a hat. I’m open to buying things just not large things and live in a city so probably can’t burn stuff (but I do have a fire pit). What are some things to do to get/create closure for myself to let go and move on?
Best answer: Have a bonfire using any business letterhead or manuals as fuel & invite your fellow dumpees, cook up some corn and toast bad wishes to your old company.
posted by Enid Lareg at 10:16 AM on July 18 [3 favorites]
posted by Enid Lareg at 10:16 AM on July 18 [3 favorites]
Best answer: When my Manager was reading the layoff script I forced myself to hold a chiding, disappointed face.
Basically you didn’t have the opportunity to express your anger at this bullshit. You worked really hard and people respected you and this boss is just reading a script like you’re not even a person. I am livid on your behalf. I would have felt better to say to boss’s face all the things you said here: “this is terrible ! I built this team back from nothing! I grew two teams, managed two departments, and even rescued a team by stopping the attrition and building trust with them, and this is how you repay me? By some faceless layoff script? FUCK YOU!”
So I would go out in the woods and scream that out. Personally.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 10:17 AM on July 18 [7 favorites]
Basically you didn’t have the opportunity to express your anger at this bullshit. You worked really hard and people respected you and this boss is just reading a script like you’re not even a person. I am livid on your behalf. I would have felt better to say to boss’s face all the things you said here: “this is terrible ! I built this team back from nothing! I grew two teams, managed two departments, and even rescued a team by stopping the attrition and building trust with them, and this is how you repay me? By some faceless layoff script? FUCK YOU!”
So I would go out in the woods and scream that out. Personally.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 10:17 AM on July 18 [7 favorites]
so much that they would have done whatever I asked them to
I mean this without any snark -- you need to disavow yourself of this belief. You and they are all just cogs in a machine that doesn't care about your humanity. They were smile fucking you so they can keep getting paid themselves. I'm not saying you didn't build genuine good will, but colleagues are not your friends and everyone will choose their paycheck over a work relationship.
if you can reframe in your own mind to think of them doing you a favor. Why would you want to work someplace that treated people like this?
Get rid of everything except one token thing (water bottle?) that reminds you how much better off you are without them. I have a mug from an old employer that ground me into the dirt before firing me and my life has never been better. I often drink out of that mug and smile knowing how I might literally be dead from stress had they not fired me.
posted by archimago at 10:17 AM on July 18 [7 favorites]
I mean this without any snark -- you need to disavow yourself of this belief. You and they are all just cogs in a machine that doesn't care about your humanity. They were smile fucking you so they can keep getting paid themselves. I'm not saying you didn't build genuine good will, but colleagues are not your friends and everyone will choose their paycheck over a work relationship.
if you can reframe in your own mind to think of them doing you a favor. Why would you want to work someplace that treated people like this?
Get rid of everything except one token thing (water bottle?) that reminds you how much better off you are without them. I have a mug from an old employer that ground me into the dirt before firing me and my life has never been better. I often drink out of that mug and smile knowing how I might literally be dead from stress had they not fired me.
posted by archimago at 10:17 AM on July 18 [7 favorites]
> Donate your swag to the thrift store so everyone who sees the logo will know to steer clear.
I love this sentiment and would like to submit the additional extremely professional suggestion of writing “SUCKS” in sharpie after the company name before donating
posted by crime online at 10:20 AM on July 18 [7 favorites]
I love this sentiment and would like to submit the additional extremely professional suggestion of writing “SUCKS” in sharpie after the company name before donating
posted by crime online at 10:20 AM on July 18 [7 favorites]
This may sound like cold comfort, but in your position I would try to focus on the positives, such as they are. While a speedy termination feels abrupt and callous, it's far, far better than a drawn out process of being PIP'd or managed out, where the outcome is predetermined but you are made to feel like you have some influence on your fate (and, concomitantly, are ultimately made to feel you are to blame when you are eventually fired, because you didn't meet your goals or improve sufficiently or whatever). You also received some severace rather than none.
Ultimately, all of this comes down to: your employer is never your friend, and does not really owe you kindness or good vibes, and similarly you do not owe these things to your employer. What you are owed is fairness, which includes but is not limited to following both the letter and the spirit of relevant laws, in your hiring, the work you do while employed, and eventually the circumstances under which you stop working for them.
I would argue that the flipside of the situation you're in would be if you got a new job or had a dramatic, sudden change in your life circumstances--or even just decided to fuck off to the wilderness for 6 months--and quit with no notice, I think we would expect your employer to deal with it gracefully.
Personally, I would keep the water bottle and hat, assuming they're otherwise useful, but efface the company's logo as permanently as possible, and then take a vacation or do some activities you weren't able to schedule while working.
posted by pullayup at 10:29 AM on July 18 [4 favorites]
Ultimately, all of this comes down to: your employer is never your friend, and does not really owe you kindness or good vibes, and similarly you do not owe these things to your employer. What you are owed is fairness, which includes but is not limited to following both the letter and the spirit of relevant laws, in your hiring, the work you do while employed, and eventually the circumstances under which you stop working for them.
I would argue that the flipside of the situation you're in would be if you got a new job or had a dramatic, sudden change in your life circumstances--or even just decided to fuck off to the wilderness for 6 months--and quit with no notice, I think we would expect your employer to deal with it gracefully.
Personally, I would keep the water bottle and hat, assuming they're otherwise useful, but efface the company's logo as permanently as possible, and then take a vacation or do some activities you weren't able to schedule while working.
posted by pullayup at 10:29 AM on July 18 [4 favorites]
Sounds like someone just got a new piss bottle for camping and road trips!
posted by Iteki at 10:57 AM on July 18 [7 favorites]
posted by Iteki at 10:57 AM on July 18 [7 favorites]
This is definitely the shit side of HR with firing scripts like that. It's meant to make the process efficient and to avoid actionable personal quirks to the process. It's great for the company, makes things slightly less worse for the managers (let's face it - unless they're utter callous pricks, it's not easy on them either - it wouldn't be for me and I know that's little comfort) and an absolute shit experience for the impacted.
I've gotten laid off once in a personal fashion, PiPed once in an awful political game and a mass reading of bland statements. The PiP was definitely the worst because of the victim blaming aspect of it, then the bland mechanized layoff and then the personal one. They all were just various degrees of shit thickness on the shit sandwich.
The only things I've held onto are some nice memento type items, but the rest went into the circular file or the donation bin and then I took the time to have a proper goodbye with all my friends.
posted by drewbage1847 at 11:02 AM on July 18
I've gotten laid off once in a personal fashion, PiPed once in an awful political game and a mass reading of bland statements. The PiP was definitely the worst because of the victim blaming aspect of it, then the bland mechanized layoff and then the personal one. They all were just various degrees of shit thickness on the shit sandwich.
The only things I've held onto are some nice memento type items, but the rest went into the circular file or the donation bin and then I took the time to have a proper goodbye with all my friends.
posted by drewbage1847 at 11:02 AM on July 18
Best answer: I'm a fan of writing the angriest letter possible, to the CEO or whoever else is to blame for this. Lay out alllll the issues, how shitty they were, etc. Scream it out on the page.
Then burn the letter.
I'm sorry you had to go through this!
posted by BlahLaLa at 11:46 AM on July 18 [1 favorite]
Then burn the letter.
I'm sorry you had to go through this!
posted by BlahLaLa at 11:46 AM on July 18 [1 favorite]
I’ve been laid off three times, the only thing that’s ever truly made me feel better is getting a better job and being successful at it. Being unemployed is depressing.
I personally would invest in self-care supports for depression and grief, including therapy as your budget allows. Also connect with people over lunch and coffee as much as possible. I would not attempt catharsis, it’s not an approach that would work for me.
posted by shock muppet at 12:23 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]
I personally would invest in self-care supports for depression and grief, including therapy as your budget allows. Also connect with people over lunch and coffee as much as possible. I would not attempt catharsis, it’s not an approach that would work for me.
posted by shock muppet at 12:23 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]
Best answer: People are generally friendly and nice. Corporations are soulless money-making machines. As you saw during the layoff, sometimes the corporations run the people instead of the other way around.
So in your shoes instead of taking a wild trip, I would take a peaceful one in the wilderness far away from capitalism. Take a chance to remind yourself who you are when money isn’t pushing you around. I’m pretty sure that person doesn’t need closure with a soulless money-making machine.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:27 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]
So in your shoes instead of taking a wild trip, I would take a peaceful one in the wilderness far away from capitalism. Take a chance to remind yourself who you are when money isn’t pushing you around. I’m pretty sure that person doesn’t need closure with a soulless money-making machine.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:27 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]
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Donate your swag to the thrift store so everyone who sees the logo will know to steer clear.
posted by phunniemee at 10:11 AM on July 18 [5 favorites]