Thinking about bringing my cat with me to my boyfriend's.
June 3, 2024 5:58 PM Subscribe
Thinking about bringing me cat with my when I spend time at my boyfriend's. Good idea or bad idea?
My cat is about 12 years old. I've had him since he was a year old. He's done really well with every move (3 in total). He seems to adjust seamlessly, including when I first got him.
So I currently stay at my boyfriend's about 2 nights a week, and with the summer approaching, I'm anticipating doing so more often for a variety of reasons, but especially because I'm off for a couple of months during this time (I'm a teacher). I hate to leave my cat overnight for too many nights, and I think it would be nice if I could take my cat with me. I'm hoping that bringing him with me would be less stressful on him than leaving him by himself, but I've heard that cats are generally really attached to their homes (as opposed to, say, dogs who are more attached to their people).
Pros: cat is comfortable with other people. Loves my boyfriend. I haven't brought him to too many different spaces, but when I brought him to a different boyfriend's years ago, he made himself at home quickly. I live in an apartment, and he's always curious to go roaming in the hallways to explore. Boyfriend has a house, so there's space to roam/hide. We can also easily confide him to smaller areas if that's less overwhelming (he cannot clear a baby gate).
Cons: He is an inside apartment cat and doesn't go in the car often (just the occasional move or vet visit). Like a typical cat, car rides are NOT his favorite thing to do. I'm wondering if he could get used to it if we did it more often? Does anyone has any experience with this? Also, boyfriend occasionally has his ex-wife/son's dog for a few nights when she goes out of town. The dog is young and has burst of energy, but also likes to sleep a lot.
My cat is about 12 years old. I've had him since he was a year old. He's done really well with every move (3 in total). He seems to adjust seamlessly, including when I first got him.
So I currently stay at my boyfriend's about 2 nights a week, and with the summer approaching, I'm anticipating doing so more often for a variety of reasons, but especially because I'm off for a couple of months during this time (I'm a teacher). I hate to leave my cat overnight for too many nights, and I think it would be nice if I could take my cat with me. I'm hoping that bringing him with me would be less stressful on him than leaving him by himself, but I've heard that cats are generally really attached to their homes (as opposed to, say, dogs who are more attached to their people).
Pros: cat is comfortable with other people. Loves my boyfriend. I haven't brought him to too many different spaces, but when I brought him to a different boyfriend's years ago, he made himself at home quickly. I live in an apartment, and he's always curious to go roaming in the hallways to explore. Boyfriend has a house, so there's space to roam/hide. We can also easily confide him to smaller areas if that's less overwhelming (he cannot clear a baby gate).
Cons: He is an inside apartment cat and doesn't go in the car often (just the occasional move or vet visit). Like a typical cat, car rides are NOT his favorite thing to do. I'm wondering if he could get used to it if we did it more often? Does anyone has any experience with this? Also, boyfriend occasionally has his ex-wife/son's dog for a few nights when she goes out of town. The dog is young and has burst of energy, but also likes to sleep a lot.
I don't see why your cat wouldn't enjoy this. He might even get more comfortable with car rides once he figures out that they don't usually mean a trip to the vet. It would be good to bring along a familiar "lair" for your cat to hide out in if he feels overwhelmed at first; if you leave out your cat-carrier with a fresh towel in it, does he hang out in there?
That said, I would avoid bringing the cat when a dog will be present.
posted by heatherlogan at 6:05 PM on June 3 [2 favorites]
That said, I would avoid bringing the cat when a dog will be present.
posted by heatherlogan at 6:05 PM on June 3 [2 favorites]
We literally did this and would schlep 2 cats 30min drive for weekends at my husbands place when we were dating. Middle aged cats. The cats were fine! It was fun.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:06 PM on June 3 [8 favorites]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:06 PM on June 3 [8 favorites]
I did this for years with a diabetic cat who had to be administered insulin every 12 hours. He had mixed feelings about the car, but he got very comfortable eventually in my then partner’s house. He also hated to be alone, so I think in the end it was worth it.
posted by hollisimo at 6:16 PM on June 3 [1 favorite]
posted by hollisimo at 6:16 PM on June 3 [1 favorite]
Well, are you serious enough to be introducing the child? Kidding. Kitty sounds resilient, and would probably be happy to not be alone. I'd get a kitty bed or similar so kitty has a place to get comfy. If you do introduce the dog, be prepared to drive the cat home if it doesn't work, at the very least cats need a safe space for their food, litterbox, and place to be away from a dog. I had a weird unused area, added a shelf and a door with room for the cat to get in, not the dog, so her food and litter were safe. She hung out under the bed; the dog couldn't reach there. He wanted to be pals, she was not willing.
posted by theora55 at 6:58 PM on June 3 [1 favorite]
posted by theora55 at 6:58 PM on June 3 [1 favorite]
Give it a shot! We adopted a semi-abandoned neighborhood cat and turned her into an Adventure Cat who's lived in 5 places in 6 months, plus half a dozen hotel rooms and a weekend visit to a friend, and has clocked almost 3000 miles in a 3-level cage in our van with only the occasional complaint. We said we'd find her a good home (let's be honest, it's my mom, she would let Cordelia "visit" indefinitely if needed) if she stops enjoying it, but we moved again yesterday and I'm actually worried she'll get mad if we stay in one place too long. You never know until you try.
Bringing her bed seems to be a big deal; she doesn't seem to quite know where to settle without it. She uses a fountain at home and more or less won't drink from a bowl now so we have to bring that into hotel rooms. We do try to check out any new place before we turn her loose to look for worrisome hidey-holes and block them off. She gets the same foods and treats everywhere we go.
I would not take her there the first time with the dog. Whenever that introduction happens, I'd suggest bringing a baby gate the dog can't jump over and make sure she has a place she can get away to.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:37 PM on June 3 [2 favorites]
Bringing her bed seems to be a big deal; she doesn't seem to quite know where to settle without it. She uses a fountain at home and more or less won't drink from a bowl now so we have to bring that into hotel rooms. We do try to check out any new place before we turn her loose to look for worrisome hidey-holes and block them off. She gets the same foods and treats everywhere we go.
I would not take her there the first time with the dog. Whenever that introduction happens, I'd suggest bringing a baby gate the dog can't jump over and make sure she has a place she can get away to.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:37 PM on June 3 [2 favorites]
How does your cat do with dogs generally? Has it ever lived with one, or encountered one in an enclosed space? That would be the big concern for me.
If I wanted my cat to grow to enjoy these transitions, and it sounds like yours could, I wouldn't take her there when the dog will be there, at all, for the first 3 or 4 months. The lingering smell of a strange dog will be enough stress on top of the stress of a new location.
posted by mediareport at 5:39 AM on June 4 [4 favorites]
If I wanted my cat to grow to enjoy these transitions, and it sounds like yours could, I wouldn't take her there when the dog will be there, at all, for the first 3 or 4 months. The lingering smell of a strange dog will be enough stress on top of the stress of a new location.
posted by mediareport at 5:39 AM on June 4 [4 favorites]
This is very cat dependent - with my cat, he would spend the entire time hiding and hate it. But it sounds like your cat would handle it well, so it seems worth a try.
However, my only concern would be the dog. Has that dog ever been around cats? With most dogs - especially young, high energy dogs - it takes training to teach them not to chase cats. Also, I wouldn't want to risk your cat being stressed or even hurt by the dog. So i would avoid bringing cat over when dog is around.
If things get serious enough eventually (i.e. planning to move in together) then you'll have to try to introduce dog and cat, but that's a process that should be done very slowly and carefully and probably is the subject for a whole other ask. For now, I wouldn't mess with the cat coming over while the dog is there.
posted by litera scripta manet at 7:04 AM on June 4 [4 favorites]
However, my only concern would be the dog. Has that dog ever been around cats? With most dogs - especially young, high energy dogs - it takes training to teach them not to chase cats. Also, I wouldn't want to risk your cat being stressed or even hurt by the dog. So i would avoid bringing cat over when dog is around.
If things get serious enough eventually (i.e. planning to move in together) then you'll have to try to introduce dog and cat, but that's a process that should be done very slowly and carefully and probably is the subject for a whole other ask. For now, I wouldn't mess with the cat coming over while the dog is there.
posted by litera scripta manet at 7:04 AM on June 4 [4 favorites]
I did this with my cats - one was a similar "boldly escape from my apartment" personality - he did great! boyfriend had a cat and a dog of his own and they were also fine!
my other cat was less keen and you could tell, so I say try it and I think you'll know how your cat feels!
posted by euphoria066 at 8:53 AM on June 4 [1 favorite]
my other cat was less keen and you could tell, so I say try it and I think you'll know how your cat feels!
posted by euphoria066 at 8:53 AM on June 4 [1 favorite]
I've taken my cats places a bunch. One cat LOVED it, would run over to the carrier as soon as it was brought out and wait next to it expectantly. The other cat was less enthusiastic, but complied with only occasional songs of woe.
Once at the new space, I make sure they know where their food, water, and litter box is. Then lots of treats and petting. Having a special high value treat they only get at the other house is also good, so they associate the transition with something positive.
If kitty has a favorite pillow or bed, make sure to put it somewhere safe in the new house, like an open closet or a corner, so they have a place to hide.
Keep the dog and cat separated (different rooms with closed doors, not just a gate) unless you'll be there more than a week.
posted by ananci at 10:45 AM on June 4 [1 favorite]
Once at the new space, I make sure they know where their food, water, and litter box is. Then lots of treats and petting. Having a special high value treat they only get at the other house is also good, so they associate the transition with something positive.
If kitty has a favorite pillow or bed, make sure to put it somewhere safe in the new house, like an open closet or a corner, so they have a place to hide.
Keep the dog and cat separated (different rooms with closed doors, not just a gate) unless you'll be there more than a week.
posted by ananci at 10:45 AM on June 4 [1 favorite]
Agreed that your cat will settle in from the get-go, or at least give him three tries to become comfortable without the dog being there. Also, factor in the discomfort of the car trip, which ought wear off in a half hour or so. Many cats think car = vet, so that could change the outcome when they realize there's no stinky nasty person at the end of a ride. You'll know if Cat doesn't approve of the transition if you're monitoring his behavior.
Always consider: Cats are a land of contrast.
posted by BlueHorse at 12:45 PM on June 4
Always consider: Cats are a land of contrast.
posted by BlueHorse at 12:45 PM on June 4
I used to, when Mr. Llama and I were first together. I had a dog also, and she came too.
Kitty was sometimes quite vocal in the car but it was about a half hour drive and she got used to it.
And then we all just sort of parked at his apartment and I moved in and that was that.
It felt right to bring her, not leave her alone like an appliance, and she liked climbing and exploring his place. If she seemed stressed *over time* (which might happen with an unfamiliar dog) I'd have had to rethink it.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 6:08 AM on June 5
Kitty was sometimes quite vocal in the car but it was about a half hour drive and she got used to it.
And then we all just sort of parked at his apartment and I moved in and that was that.
It felt right to bring her, not leave her alone like an appliance, and she liked climbing and exploring his place. If she seemed stressed *over time* (which might happen with an unfamiliar dog) I'd have had to rethink it.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 6:08 AM on June 5
Response by poster: Thanks for the advice, everyone! I'll give it a try and see how it goes. If the cat doesn't like it, I'll stop.
posted by I_carried_a_watermelon at 12:54 PM on June 9
posted by I_carried_a_watermelon at 12:54 PM on June 9
You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments
posted by SaltySalticid at 6:04 PM on June 3 [2 favorites]