Am I being irrational about fear of being let go at work?

May 24, 2024 9:19 AM

I've been at my company for a few years, in a niche mid-senior level role that was created just for me to assist with a variety of projects that were very specific to a certain type of program/tech that we use for clients. The rest of my department is engaged in very complex work that I am not and have never been good at. The niche tech and programs that I specialize in however are sort of being phased out as the industry and technology changes, and I am struggling to keep up with the changes, as well as with the incredibly complex data/engineering work that the rest of my team does.

In the meantime, I have been functioning as something of a generalist here and there where I can, filling any gaps when people have questions pertaining to my skillset.  I know that I'm a team player in this regard; I always try to jump in and help when I can provide support, and when I'm asked to help, I never push back and spring into action.  But these moments have been getting fewer and further between, and I am beginning to feel like a useless person who is going to get let go at any moment.  

I especially get the sense as my team continues to run around with their hair on fire - there's certainly a ton of work to be done - that there is some partial expectation that I will have absorbed SOME new skills in my years at this job, and should be proactively stepping in more and "wading into the deep end".  But I haven't been, mostly out of fear - and I can't decide what looks worse:  being a useless employee who doesn't bother anyone and jumps in to help whenever they know they can VS. being a useless employee who volunteers for things they don't know about, asks incessant questions like a new intern, makes mistakes, fails to grasp concepts, holds up projects, and is generally annoying...things that are okay when you're a 25 year old junior-level employee, but not so much at my level.  I certainly do not operate at the level of my peers at my same level.

The other side of the coin: I've never gotten a bad review or negative feedback. But also, my manager sort of hates managing people, so I always got the sense that they liked that I am generally low-drama, do what I'm told, don't complain, etc.  My reviews with them in the past, and as of a few months ago, have been like "Uhh...I don't know dude, you're doing good, everyone thinks you're doing good, keep doing what you're doing...ok we all set?  Great, bye." In my last review I did ask: Is there anything you need from me specifically, and where do you all need the most help and see my skillset being most useful as some of my projects start to sunset?  Their response was a vauge "Yeah, definitely, think about what you'd like to learn and let us know" which was sort of frustrating...I do need SOME direction here.  I feel like I'm getting nothing in that regard, and am truly at a loss as to where to start especially given the above fears I have and there doesn't look to be any formal training beyond "wade into the deep end and ask everyone a shit ton of bothersome questions."

I know that I need a new job, and have my feelers out - but it's been really slow-going, and frankly I don't even know what I want to do next.  So in the interim I just have this all-consuming fear that I will be let go, that senior leadership is CONSPIRING to fire me.  My question is basically to get some perspective from others, especially in management/leadership roles: How rational are these fears given that my company seems to be in a good financial position, we're already understaffed, no layoffs on the horizon, my manager doesn't give me bad reviews, I have received no negative feedback but also no real direction.  I'm in the US which is at-will so sure they can fire me for no reason if they want, but please assume my company is just regular Evil and not Outright Evil, and the only time I've seen people get fired were for being widely-known problematic jerks who had lots of documented issues with their bosses.

posted by anonymous to Work & Money (9 answers total)

My sense is that you may be putting way too much pressure on yourself to be "The Best Star Employee" (something I also do). I have several years' experience managing entry level and mid-level staff, and I do not think most managers give positive evals when they don't mean it. Do you know your manager to be fairly straightforward/trustworthy? Have they ever jerked you around or gone back on their word? I wonder if you can take their communication at face value.

You say your colleagues are running around with their hair on fire. Is there a chance they are "performing busyness", which is so easy to get sucked into?

If you are an easy-going, engaged/receptive employee with a few years' experience at the company, even if your to-do list is a little light these days, most managers are going to appreciate that! You sound like a person who is easy to manage. It sounds like you are uncomfortable in the status quo, so taking your time to consider what place you want work to occupy in your life makes sense. I have sometimes found a trusted therapist to be a good resource in thinking out career stuff like this if you happen to have one.

I'd say you can relax, as I don't see evidence of conspiring to fire you unless you've left something out! Good luck.
posted by eunique at 9:37 AM on May 24 [2 favorites]

Your company may differ, but I've found most places I've worked that there is work in the center of building products, and then there's work on the periphery to help integrate them. No one wants to spend money developing integrations - they secretly think they'll expand their own product features to replace whatever the other product (or human being) does. I like being the human equivalent of McGuyver duct tape - as you already call out, it's less technically specialized and it's more focused on human-human connections - stepping in when there's a crisis or knowing how to look across silos for solutions.

I have found that I need to learn technical skills, but try to stay away from signing up for work that requires that be my primary deliverable. Did several hours of Python training, and it's useful for parsing the code when issues arise, but I'm not responsible for building anything. Same thing with jscript, R, and HTML - I can read it, but it would be pulling teeth to write something. Know enough T-SQL to pull reports when I need to, but that's it. I often build hacks of code to propose new improvements, but then hand it to a developer to get an actual product anyone can use.

As to your question - this kind of career will keep you on the periphery with that ambient vibe of being tangential or obsolete. So you do need to be proactive in training, and always being on the lookout for ways to be visible on products or projects that are big bets for the organization. Or you need to get really good at dealing with bureaucracy and build yourself a promotional route. Managers are by definition in the same place you are, but with more responsibility to take care of their team. But either way, you needn't worry that that kind of work is going away. I actually think it's increasing. It's not often valued as highly, but I'm less concerned with that as I age.
posted by SoundInhabitant at 9:58 AM on May 24 [2 favorites]

I do need SOME direction here
sounds like mgmt might not help much. what does the company do though? why did you start there? reconnect with that
"think about what you'd like to learn and let us know"
is a great place to be! not everyone has that opportunity; make the most of it. for example, you can learn/explore ways to bring your company into alignment with the UN's list of Sustainable Development Goals

also seconding:
taking your time to consider what place you want work to occupy in your life makes sense. I have sometimes found a trusted therapist to be a good resource in thinking out career stuff like this if you happen to have one
posted by HearHere at 9:59 AM on May 24

This is a really common manifestation of anxiety, and that anxiety may have legitimate foundations.

But if they are conspiring to fire you, there's nothing you can do about it. Honestly, I deal with this by deciding okay, they are. I'm going to get my irons in the fire but I'm also going to dig in here and let them lay me off with severance and unemployment unless I find a really compelling new job first.

I do think it's time for a 1:1 with your manager and just ASK. "Everyone seems kinda harried, I'm having a hard time identifying the best way to be supportive or helpful, what do you think?" Because he could well be like "ugh, this is their disaster to fix, you might be able to jump in later and clean up the widgets" or whatever you might do at some stage of this bit of work. Or he may be like "glad you asked! can you work with Yoshi to learn how to run his widget reports for the flarble dashboard?"

I suppose there's a slim chance that you asking will make him realize oh hey, OP isn't doing anything, let's fire him! But probably not? Surely someone periodically looks at budget and asks him if he still needs everyone on his team, he already knows you exist.

I live my life kinda expecting to get fired every day, and honestly it's freeing. Because your job security is floating fragile-ly on a LOT of factors that have nothing to do with you - The Economy, misbehavior in the C-suite, indictments, regulatory surprises, maybe natural disasters, evil tiktok influencers, whatever. We are all one drunk CEO away from the streets.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:14 AM on May 24 [3 favorites]

It's always a good idea to develop new skills. If your dept. need skills that are not within your grasp, look for needs in the company that you can train to fulfill.
posted by theora55 at 10:24 AM on May 24 [1 favorite]

In my last review I did ask: Is there anything you need from me specifically, and where do you all need the most help and see my skillset being most useful as some of my projects start to sunset? Their response was a vauge "Yeah, definitely, think about what you'd like to learn and let us know" which was sort of frustrating...I do need SOME direction here. I feel like I'm getting nothing in that regard, and am truly at a loss as to where to start especially given the above fears I have and there doesn't look to be any formal training beyond "wade into the deep end and ask everyone a shit ton of bothersome questions."

With this part, in my experience, it's very normal for organizations that don't have a lot of formal professional development opportunities or an in-house training program to not have a lot of answers for how folks might grow in their roles or learn more beyond priorities that have already been identified for the company. So if you want to add a new area of work to what you're doing or learn something specific, it might be up to you to identify that and make a case for doing professional development work for it (e.g., going to a conference or taking a class). Like, "Hey, I know we've been talking about trying to expand our offerings in XYZ area. I realized it might make sense for me to learn more about XYZ, and I did a little research. There's a conference coming up about it. Would it be possible for me to sign up for that and represent the company there?" Or yeah, it could be as low-key as, "Hey, do you think it would make sense for Yoshi to train me on the XYZ dashboard so I can take some of the load off his plate?"

The bonus of doing some professional development work is that you can also add it to your résumé. If you go to a conference or take a class, you genuinely might find topics of interest or meet more people who can help your career in your field.


in a niche mid-senior level role that was created just for me to assist with a variety of projects that were very specific to a certain type of program/tech that we use for clients

As SoundInhabitant just pointed out, this type of role often carries with it a bit of a lack of direction from management—they made the role for you, and they often want you to figure out what to do with it or build process and strategy around it, and sometimes that can feel like you're adrift, floating out there, formless in the void. I was there in my last two roles.

In the first one of those, I got lucky, in that some key technology changed during my first year in the role, and while I initially didn't have a lot of guidance or direction from my then-manager, I was able to pivot to do more training and support for clients making that transition, as well as start sharing my knowledge with the broader industry through demos and talks. Doing that got me new managers who really supported my work. That visibility led to the second role at another organization, where sadly, on my team, professional development was basically unheard of, and I just got endlessly criticized for either strategizing too much or not enough, helping the team too much or not enough, not moving fast enough despite lack of direction or feedback, etc. They had no clear goals for my role beyond my first 90 days, and continually stymied the ones I strategized. Anyway, I digress, except to say that I think this is really common with unique roles—you didn't mention your gender, but apparently this is especially common in unique "glass cliff" roles, when women are promoted but not supported.

Long story short, like others have said, you probably need to be thinking about your own professional development goals and directions you'd like to take your area of practice at the company. Even if nothing needs to change immediately, it's good to have ideas in case things do shift. Especially if your role involves more support, strategy, or training around specific technology, maybe there's more you can build around that, or other ways you can help the team. Maybe you could be more involved in product discovery, demos, or product management work.


You say your colleagues are running around with their hair on fire. Is there a chance they are "performing busyness", which is so easy to get sucked into?

I also just want to highlight this thought from eunique above. A lot of people feel like they need to performatively show how busy they are all the time, or perhaps don't feel like themselves if their existence isn't continually reinforced by interaction with other people. You don't have to get caught up in games of demonstrating your engagement. That said, because your role is a bit on the periphery, it can still be useful to find ways for your work to be visible—to share what you're working on in meetings or memos, to share results you achieve, etc. So that's something to think about, how you can stay visible and advocate for yourself without actually overworking the way it sounds like some of your colleagues might be.

But yeah, looking out for lateral moves to other organizations also could be good—it's possible your skill set is really needed in another organization that might offer more feedback and professional development opportunities. It doesn't sound to me like your organization is looking to change anything about what you're doing right now, but keeping an eye out isn't bad, either.
posted by limeonaire at 10:35 AM on May 24 [3 favorites]

To answer your direct question: you may well be at the top of the list FOR layoffs, but they probably won't do a special round of layoffs just for you.
posted by Lady Li at 7:20 PM on May 24 [1 favorite]

My take is that your manager won't let you go unless some external stressor comes down, like budget cuts (and even then, that you wouldn't be at the top of the list). You'd probably hear about this budget thing given your mid-senior role (or wouldn't you?), so maybe you could relax a bit.

It doesn't sound like your manager knows the technical side enough to comment on the questions you're asking yourself. Maybe they want you to help Yoshi, but I would guess that they might see you as serving in a different role that you know as well or better than them. I think it's possible that you're under-appreciating the value of your skills, even if you're under-utilized at the moment. I think they're hoping you can figure out ways to add value using your skills.

Perhaps you could find a project at the intersection of your stuff and others' stuff where you're adding value while helping them? I myself recently had a person in a role similar to yours ask us a bunch of novice questions but in the context of connecting our stuff (where they're a novice) to their stuff (where they're an expert). My feeling was not annoyance but gratitude that they were willing to learn our stuff, saving us from having to learn theirs.

On another note, the sense that you're about to lose your job is really stressful. Can you figure out what your backup plan would be so that you don't have to worry about that? (For me it's that I'd cut X, Y, and Z expenses and immediately seek out A and B-type jobs that tend to hire people on the spot.)

Best of luck. This kind of anxiety isn't too fun. But it sounds like you have supporters at your workplace, so I hope you can find other work to feel like you're contributing more.
posted by slidell at 9:32 PM on May 24

Are there other departments at your company you might have a role in?

Do you have any interest in moving towards more of a strategy or project management role rather than doing tech directly?

Is there room to carve out a role in your department creating or maintaining things that support its main work?

Do you have any friends in the department (or people you're on decently friendly terms with) that you could discuss this with informally -- not as in "I have no skills and I'm afraid I'll be fired" but as in "If you were me, where would you start?" Other people might have better insight than you as to where you might be able to contribute.

frankly I don't even know what I want to do next
When you spend some time browsing job listings, are there any that catch your interest at all?
posted by trig at 11:39 PM on May 24 [1 favorite]