How to be a less nervous traveller
May 5, 2024 12:42 PM Subscribe
I am a frequent traveller and have been for many decades. I've recently become conscious of becoming much more nervous when I fly. I date this to the time of when we started travelling again post the global shutdown. How can I become a confident traveller again? I find travelling less rewarding and enjoyable now because it has started throwing up so many things to worry about.
I've been flying long distance regularly since my childhood and solo since my teens and never used to find anything about it intimidating.
During the pandemic, once travel started up again, flying, of course, became much more fraught, and having vulnerable relatives made me feel very nervous about travelling to see them. I would also feel nervous about being away from home in a way that I never used to. I feel much more intimidated about not knowing the language in other countries or not knowing my way around, despite the fact that I have been doing this for a long time.
Specific things I get nervous about:
- Forgetting something really important, e.g. wallet, passport, charger, Kindle. I'm an organised and thorough packer but I've been known to forget the odd important item.
- Issues around jetlag, being tired during the day, not being able to sleep at night.
- Not being able to sleep in a new place.
- Not understanding transportation, norms, currency etc.
- Issues around travelling as a fat person - I've had some bad experiences with e.g. being uncomfortable on seats, seatbelts not fitting, staying in a hotel with no lift access, or just people being shitty to me.
- The usual fears to do with missing connections, cancelled flights etc.
- Whether my cat is going to be ok. I've only had her 6 months and travelled during that time and she's been perfectly fine in my absence with daily cat-sitter check-ins, but I still worry she'll get into something she's not supposed to and hurt herself or damage the apartment.
I still find travelling very rewarding and I am conscious of how privileged I am to be able to visit new places. I don't want to do it less just because I find it stressful.
It's a real change from the confident traveller I used to be before, even though I would always experience jetlag and I've always been fat, those things never really bothered me much before, and I was much more able to take unknown risks in my stride. Is this a getting older thing? A post lockdown thing? How can I start to enjoy travelling more?
I've been flying long distance regularly since my childhood and solo since my teens and never used to find anything about it intimidating.
During the pandemic, once travel started up again, flying, of course, became much more fraught, and having vulnerable relatives made me feel very nervous about travelling to see them. I would also feel nervous about being away from home in a way that I never used to. I feel much more intimidated about not knowing the language in other countries or not knowing my way around, despite the fact that I have been doing this for a long time.
Specific things I get nervous about:
- Forgetting something really important, e.g. wallet, passport, charger, Kindle. I'm an organised and thorough packer but I've been known to forget the odd important item.
- Issues around jetlag, being tired during the day, not being able to sleep at night.
- Not being able to sleep in a new place.
- Not understanding transportation, norms, currency etc.
- Issues around travelling as a fat person - I've had some bad experiences with e.g. being uncomfortable on seats, seatbelts not fitting, staying in a hotel with no lift access, or just people being shitty to me.
- The usual fears to do with missing connections, cancelled flights etc.
- Whether my cat is going to be ok. I've only had her 6 months and travelled during that time and she's been perfectly fine in my absence with daily cat-sitter check-ins, but I still worry she'll get into something she's not supposed to and hurt herself or damage the apartment.
I still find travelling very rewarding and I am conscious of how privileged I am to be able to visit new places. I don't want to do it less just because I find it stressful.
It's a real change from the confident traveller I used to be before, even though I would always experience jetlag and I've always been fat, those things never really bothered me much before, and I was much more able to take unknown risks in my stride. Is this a getting older thing? A post lockdown thing? How can I start to enjoy travelling more?
If it's preventing you from traveling, perhaps talking to an anxiety professional. But also consider that something will go wrong, and you will manage. Probably something like forgetting a favorite soap or extra underwear, and there will be frustration but even the big stuff like passport loss are manageable. Happens to many. You will manage, manage and have a wonderful time. Go!
posted by sammyo at 2:07 PM on May 5 [1 favorite]
posted by sammyo at 2:07 PM on May 5 [1 favorite]
I have to say as I’ve gotten older travel has become less of an adventure and more of a pain in the ass. I like to actually be places, but the process of getting there is really tiresome. I think the excitement used to offset the annoyances.
The sleep stuff seems like it may be age related though. I don’t know about you, but at some point sleep became a real priority in my life. Getting shorted on sleep didn’t used to affect me a lot, but these days I really feel it.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 3:13 PM on May 5 [5 favorites]
The sleep stuff seems like it may be age related though. I don’t know about you, but at some point sleep became a real priority in my life. Getting shorted on sleep didn’t used to affect me a lot, but these days I really feel it.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 3:13 PM on May 5 [5 favorites]
Money and travel insurance can help address a lot of your concerns.
I would suggest starting travel mode on “easy” or “easier” level. Perhaps, you’ve been there already or know the local language. Perhaps choose a closer destination or one that is in a similar time zone over one that is further away. I would also recommend planning your itinerary in a way that sets you up for success as much as possible.
IMHO it’s not a bad thing for pets to learn and practice that sometimes they get substitute human caretakers and will be just fine.
posted by oceano at 3:30 PM on May 5 [1 favorite]
I would suggest starting travel mode on “easy” or “easier” level. Perhaps, you’ve been there already or know the local language. Perhaps choose a closer destination or one that is in a similar time zone over one that is further away. I would also recommend planning your itinerary in a way that sets you up for success as much as possible.
IMHO it’s not a bad thing for pets to learn and practice that sometimes they get substitute human caretakers and will be just fine.
posted by oceano at 3:30 PM on May 5 [1 favorite]
As you get older, travelling comfortably takes more money. Upgrading your seat on the plane gives you more space and better service. Staying longer in one location gives you time to enjoy once the jet lag passes and/or you’re not feeling it one day. Pay more for accommodation closer to where you do the daily activities so you can take an afternoon rest. Stay in hotels instead of on couches. Pay for a hotel with a decent bed. Pay for guides to help orient you at your destination. Etc
If you pay more to help out with travel stress, you’ll probably travel less. Maybe that’s ok. You want high quality memories, not high quantity.
posted by shock muppet at 3:49 PM on May 5 [8 favorites]
If you pay more to help out with travel stress, you’ll probably travel less. Maybe that’s ok. You want high quality memories, not high quantity.
posted by shock muppet at 3:49 PM on May 5 [8 favorites]
Lots of good suggestions above! I’d only add type up a packing list with the important stuff. Start putting it together weeks before you travel; I usually add things my second and third view.
Print it, check off things as you pack them, and then take that list with you in your suitcase. I get tired after my second or third jump, and having the list with me helps me make sure I’m not leaving things along the way.
posted by Silvery Fish at 5:32 PM on May 5 [1 favorite]
Print it, check off things as you pack them, and then take that list with you in your suitcase. I get tired after my second or third jump, and having the list with me helps me make sure I’m not leaving things along the way.
posted by Silvery Fish at 5:32 PM on May 5 [1 favorite]
I feel you on the size issues. Research premium economy options for your destinations. But do read what is on offer in terms of seat width etc. not all PE cabins are created equal. I’ll squeeze into any seat for a short haul flight but for long haul I’ll pay to be comfortable.
At this point I also refuse to fly red eye and I stay in niceish accommodation. Part of it is being at a point in life where I have a nice, comfy home and it feels wrong to spend a goodish amount of money to be uncomfortable on a trip. Part of it is middle age and being in pain for 12 hrs on a long haul flight will take several days to recover from, diminishing my enjoyment of the trip quite considerably. And some of it is being more settled financially so I don’t have to choose between going places and being semi comfortable. I realise not everyone is in that position.
But I also find that not all things are equally stressful. With all the things that make air travel stressful, being in pain for 10 hrs and tense for days after pushes me over the edge. So I will throw money at that problem. But I will happily figure out the shuttle bus on arrival and go for a modest hotel or hire car. I draw the line at hotels that suck all the energy out of you. That is more a question of feel than cost to a degree. So figure out what stresses you out the most and fix that.
posted by koahiatamadl at 7:17 PM on May 5 [1 favorite]
At this point I also refuse to fly red eye and I stay in niceish accommodation. Part of it is being at a point in life where I have a nice, comfy home and it feels wrong to spend a goodish amount of money to be uncomfortable on a trip. Part of it is middle age and being in pain for 12 hrs on a long haul flight will take several days to recover from, diminishing my enjoyment of the trip quite considerably. And some of it is being more settled financially so I don’t have to choose between going places and being semi comfortable. I realise not everyone is in that position.
But I also find that not all things are equally stressful. With all the things that make air travel stressful, being in pain for 10 hrs and tense for days after pushes me over the edge. So I will throw money at that problem. But I will happily figure out the shuttle bus on arrival and go for a modest hotel or hire car. I draw the line at hotels that suck all the energy out of you. That is more a question of feel than cost to a degree. So figure out what stresses you out the most and fix that.
posted by koahiatamadl at 7:17 PM on May 5 [1 favorite]
Anxiety is a valid reason to pre-board. Go up to the counter and tell them you have anxiety and would like to pre-board, and they will arrange that for you. If they ask questions, which they should not, tell them you have generalized anxiety disorder, or whatever type of anxiety you have been diagnosed with, and need to pre-board for mental health reasons.
I have a couple specific suggestions for traveling as a fat person which I also do.
First, buy your own seatbelt extender (less than $20 on Amazon). When you get in your seat, put your seatbelt on and determine if you need the extender. If you do, use it -- and immediately set an alarm on your phone to go off about 30 minutes before your plane is scheduled to land so it reminds you to not forget to take it with you. Even if you are in an aisle seat and will have to unbuckle to let your seat mates to get into their seats, do this FIRST, so that you are doing it while others are boarding and dealing with their own things and no one is watching you. Every airline and even every plane is different -- sometimes I need to use my extender, sometimes I don't. Having this issue under my own control takes this away as an anxiety issue.
Second, wear something with kangaroo pockets, like a sweatshirt, or a hoodie with pockets in front, not the sides. This will help you get comfortable on the flight -- your hands can rest in the pockets, above your tummy, and your elbows can be on one or both armrests. This is not only more comfortable, but it will keep your arms closer to your body if you fall asleep, which subconsciously feels like a non-scary hug.
Third, have an "in-air" kit packed in a brightly colored bag. I use an unstructured Eagle Creek lightweight packing cube that is about 7x10 inches in a shocking orange color. Put in it your essentials for the flight -- In mine, I put my kindle, earbuds, a tissue packet, a couple napkins, a tampon, two hard candies (one for take off, one for landing), a pen, a snack, hand sanitizer, one dose of Tylenol (or Tylenol PM if it's an overnight flight), a disposable mask and my phone charger. The in-air kit gets packed in my carry on. Once I have sorted the seatbelt, the next thing I do is take out my in-air kit and put it in the seat pocket. That means I don't have to try and bend and reach that stuff out of a bag under the seat in front of me. Because it's a bright color, I'm less likely to leave it behind when I get off the plane. I also like to have my own water bottle that I put in the seat pocket too -- again, to avoid having to get it out of a bag that's under the seat.
Fourth, this is controversial, but I plan for and manage my need to use the bathroom on the plane. I take Imodium the day before my flight so that I won't have to poop on the plane. I pee before getting on the plane, and then I drink a measured amount of water on the flight -- I allow myself 2 ounces of water per hour on the flight, and I also drink the 12-ounce soda they give you during drink service (I get ginger ale and avoid caffeine since it is a diuretic). Doing this, I usually I don't have to use the bathroom during a domestic flight. The biggest risks of limiting how much I drink on a flight is dehydration, blood clots and muscle cramps. To manage dehydration, as soon as I land, I drink at least 8 ounces of water, sometimes more. To reduce the risk of blood clots and muscle cramps, I wear compression socks on the flight.
Fifth, if people are shitty to you about traveling as a fat person, fuck them. Seriously. I've had this happen to me too, and the only solution is to tell them (inside your head only, not out loud) to fuck off. This is not a you problem and it's not even a shitty-person problem, it's an airline industry problem. The industry has "optimized" their planes and procedures so that no one is comfortable and everyone is a little bit angry. Fuck the industry. Repeat this to yourself as you travel. And here's a virtual hug from this internet stranger who gets it.
posted by OrangeDisk at 7:24 PM on May 5 [13 favorites]
I have a couple specific suggestions for traveling as a fat person which I also do.
First, buy your own seatbelt extender (less than $20 on Amazon). When you get in your seat, put your seatbelt on and determine if you need the extender. If you do, use it -- and immediately set an alarm on your phone to go off about 30 minutes before your plane is scheduled to land so it reminds you to not forget to take it with you. Even if you are in an aisle seat and will have to unbuckle to let your seat mates to get into their seats, do this FIRST, so that you are doing it while others are boarding and dealing with their own things and no one is watching you. Every airline and even every plane is different -- sometimes I need to use my extender, sometimes I don't. Having this issue under my own control takes this away as an anxiety issue.
Second, wear something with kangaroo pockets, like a sweatshirt, or a hoodie with pockets in front, not the sides. This will help you get comfortable on the flight -- your hands can rest in the pockets, above your tummy, and your elbows can be on one or both armrests. This is not only more comfortable, but it will keep your arms closer to your body if you fall asleep, which subconsciously feels like a non-scary hug.
Third, have an "in-air" kit packed in a brightly colored bag. I use an unstructured Eagle Creek lightweight packing cube that is about 7x10 inches in a shocking orange color. Put in it your essentials for the flight -- In mine, I put my kindle, earbuds, a tissue packet, a couple napkins, a tampon, two hard candies (one for take off, one for landing), a pen, a snack, hand sanitizer, one dose of Tylenol (or Tylenol PM if it's an overnight flight), a disposable mask and my phone charger. The in-air kit gets packed in my carry on. Once I have sorted the seatbelt, the next thing I do is take out my in-air kit and put it in the seat pocket. That means I don't have to try and bend and reach that stuff out of a bag under the seat in front of me. Because it's a bright color, I'm less likely to leave it behind when I get off the plane. I also like to have my own water bottle that I put in the seat pocket too -- again, to avoid having to get it out of a bag that's under the seat.
Fourth, this is controversial, but I plan for and manage my need to use the bathroom on the plane. I take Imodium the day before my flight so that I won't have to poop on the plane. I pee before getting on the plane, and then I drink a measured amount of water on the flight -- I allow myself 2 ounces of water per hour on the flight, and I also drink the 12-ounce soda they give you during drink service (I get ginger ale and avoid caffeine since it is a diuretic). Doing this, I usually I don't have to use the bathroom during a domestic flight. The biggest risks of limiting how much I drink on a flight is dehydration, blood clots and muscle cramps. To manage dehydration, as soon as I land, I drink at least 8 ounces of water, sometimes more. To reduce the risk of blood clots and muscle cramps, I wear compression socks on the flight.
Fifth, if people are shitty to you about traveling as a fat person, fuck them. Seriously. I've had this happen to me too, and the only solution is to tell them (inside your head only, not out loud) to fuck off. This is not a you problem and it's not even a shitty-person problem, it's an airline industry problem. The industry has "optimized" their planes and procedures so that no one is comfortable and everyone is a little bit angry. Fuck the industry. Repeat this to yourself as you travel. And here's a virtual hug from this internet stranger who gets it.
posted by OrangeDisk at 7:24 PM on May 5 [13 favorites]
Re: packing and remembering things: +1 to Silvery Fish’s suggestion of a packing list you check off each time you leave a place.
While travelling, I get very anxious about forgetting to bring things/leaving them behind. So I tell myself, most things can be replaced/can be bought at my destination. I try to focus my energy on remembering the few things that would be really difficult to replace: passport, prescription meds/devices, phone+charger. (A friend calls it the 3P check: passport, phone, prescriptions.) These things are the FIRST things I make sure I pack, and I always pack them in a carry-on bag—they never go in checked luggage. So, try using a small bag (I use a tiny packing cube—on preview, probably the exact same type OrangeDisk mentions above with their fantastic in-air kit idea) to corral all those essential things and put it inside your carry-on. You can easily check and re-check that small bag to your heart’s content.
But remember: most things, you can buy a replacement for. I have almost never had to do that, but it comforts me to know I could if I had to.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 8:00 PM on May 5 [2 favorites]
While travelling, I get very anxious about forgetting to bring things/leaving them behind. So I tell myself, most things can be replaced/can be bought at my destination. I try to focus my energy on remembering the few things that would be really difficult to replace: passport, prescription meds/devices, phone+charger. (A friend calls it the 3P check: passport, phone, prescriptions.) These things are the FIRST things I make sure I pack, and I always pack them in a carry-on bag—they never go in checked luggage. So, try using a small bag (I use a tiny packing cube—on preview, probably the exact same type OrangeDisk mentions above with their fantastic in-air kit idea) to corral all those essential things and put it inside your carry-on. You can easily check and re-check that small bag to your heart’s content.
But remember: most things, you can buy a replacement for. I have almost never had to do that, but it comforts me to know I could if I had to.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 8:00 PM on May 5 [2 favorites]
But remember: most things, you can buy a replacement for. I have almost never had to do that, but it comforts me to know I could if I had to.
My basic travel kit is a passport and a credit card. Those are the only absolute musts, and the only things I fanatically keep track of. I mean, I’m not sloppy with everything else but as long as I’ve got those two I know I am okay.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:10 AM on May 6 [1 favorite]
My basic travel kit is a passport and a credit card. Those are the only absolute musts, and the only things I fanatically keep track of. I mean, I’m not sloppy with everything else but as long as I’ve got those two I know I am okay.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:10 AM on May 6 [1 favorite]
I will say that once I had pets travel became a hundred percent more nerve-wracking. Getting sitters I really trusted helped a bit -- especially finding sitters who would stay at the house.
And also, I don't know where you are traveling to, but these days I take trains wherever possible. It's SO much less stressful than flying and far more comfortable in terms of legroom and seat space. You mention jetlag so it may not be practical for your most common trips but if you've just gotten in the habit of flying to save time, consider whether maybe slowing down a bit to something less stressful is a worthwhile tradeoff sometimes.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 7:24 AM on May 6
And also, I don't know where you are traveling to, but these days I take trains wherever possible. It's SO much less stressful than flying and far more comfortable in terms of legroom and seat space. You mention jetlag so it may not be practical for your most common trips but if you've just gotten in the habit of flying to save time, consider whether maybe slowing down a bit to something less stressful is a worthwhile tradeoff sometimes.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 7:24 AM on May 6
Yes, seconding Tell Me No Lies’ credit card addition to the must-haves. I would include that in my list as well (could be a 4th P? “Payment”?)
And also seconding We Put Our Faith’s recommendation for train travel wherever possible. Much more pleasant than flying in my opinion.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:26 AM on May 6
And also seconding We Put Our Faith’s recommendation for train travel wherever possible. Much more pleasant than flying in my opinion.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:26 AM on May 6
I believe I have shared here before that my first and only experience with valium was when I took it just before an international flight in hopes of it kicking in so I could immediately sleep after boarding, then realized on the jetway that I had left my suitcase in the boarding area. My next realization was that despite intellectually understanding that this was, in fact, a major problem I was going to have to manage, I felt literally zero stress about it as I navigated my way back through the tide of oncoming passengers, waited patiently for the gate agent to figure out what my deal was, described my situation and my 100% generic black roller board bag, and then waited for probably 10 minutes to see if anyone could actually find said bag, because they weren't letting me off the jetway.
I'm not saying there aren't other, better, answers, but it was kind of mind blowing to experience a chemical off switch for travel anxiety.
posted by deludingmyself at 1:13 PM on May 6 [3 favorites]
I'm not saying there aren't other, better, answers, but it was kind of mind blowing to experience a chemical off switch for travel anxiety.
posted by deludingmyself at 1:13 PM on May 6 [3 favorites]
A while back, I noticed I was having a lot of generalized / not-entirely-rational nervousness when traveling. For me it mostly manifested itself during car trips, not air travel, but I don't think that really matters.
Anyway, it was rather unpleasant and I eventually mentioned it to my doc, who thought it might be due to a medication interaction. We pulled on various pharmacological levers, basically bringing down the dose of an antidepressant that has anxiety as a possible side effect—even though I'd never noticed that particular effect before—and substituting in another one. We did it as an "experiment", which helped me not obsess over the possibility of losing the benefits of the drug we were reducing.
Lo and behold... the travel nerves went away.
It turned out that travel was, for whatever reason, sort of the canary in the coal mine with regards to anxiety. Something to consider.
posted by Kadin2048 at 5:54 PM on May 6
Anyway, it was rather unpleasant and I eventually mentioned it to my doc, who thought it might be due to a medication interaction. We pulled on various pharmacological levers, basically bringing down the dose of an antidepressant that has anxiety as a possible side effect—even though I'd never noticed that particular effect before—and substituting in another one. We did it as an "experiment", which helped me not obsess over the possibility of losing the benefits of the drug we were reducing.
Lo and behold... the travel nerves went away.
It turned out that travel was, for whatever reason, sort of the canary in the coal mine with regards to anxiety. Something to consider.
posted by Kadin2048 at 5:54 PM on May 6
You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments
1) the ideal scenario if you could plan and control it all
2) what you fear would happen if something goes wrong
3) steps you could take to prevent the bad scenario
4) how you would cope with the bad scenario if it happens
5) the payoff of the good scenario
I had a lot of logistical/language anxiety before my last international trip and in fact (as you can see if you look in my ask history) something DID go quite wrong that was unexpected, ie my passport expiring with seemingly not enough time to renew. But it worked out. I had a friend that the same thing happened to recently who was not able to resolve it in time for his trip, but it was really instructive for me and my anxiety to see that in fact this thing that seemed like an absolutely awful, panic-inducing worst case scenario was actually salvaged for him because he was able to rebook his trip to a domestic location and cancel hotels etc in time to not lose much money at all, I think just a rebooking fee on the airline. It sounds like you are able to articulate your worries quite well already. Working in detail through your fears and what you can and can’t control in each case might help. You can always buy a new charger or socks if you forget them, you can hire a pet sitter who will send you daily updates, etc.
Perhaps also a dry run weekend trip or two to someplace unfamiliar but close-ish, to try to practice addressing some subset of the worrisome things like sleeping in a new place, dealing with non-fat person friendly accommodations, having someone watch your cat, etc?
posted by music for skeletons at 1:43 PM on May 5 [2 favorites]