ADHD gifts?
April 11, 2024 3:58 AM Subscribe
I need a small gift for my SIL, who was recently diagnosed. Not at all sure what might be helpful or fun.
Her main gift is something she'll love (and not ADHD related). But I also want to say "Hey, I see you, sorry you're dealing with this."
Her main gift is something she'll love (and not ADHD related). But I also want to say "Hey, I see you, sorry you're dealing with this."
I'm sorry you're dealing with this may or may not be the vibe, but you are in the best position to determine that. The vibe could also be congrats on learning something about yourself that may ease your path going forward. If you know for example that she is going to try medication, a cute pillbox could be fun, or even better own of the ones that tells you when it was last opened so she knows of she took her pill today. Generally useful also for vitamins and so on too.
posted by Iteki at 4:56 AM on April 11 [10 favorites]
posted by Iteki at 4:56 AM on April 11 [10 favorites]
Know your audience. I would hate a gift "for your ADHD", but others might find it supportive.
Maybe a set of refrigerator magnet clips or a wall key holder in a style she likes. It is very useful to have things like bills, important papers and other items out and visible, but hard to keep this from dissolving into an cluttered mess. Having a set place for something makes it easier to find as well.
Jessica McCabe is a YouTuber with ADHD who talks about tips that I have found useful. She has a book that I have not read yet, but as it's written by an ADHD person it should be fairly decent.
But again, know your audience. I'd be annoyed at best, embarrassed or angry at worst if someone did this to me.
posted by rakaidan at 5:43 AM on April 11 [4 favorites]
Maybe a set of refrigerator magnet clips or a wall key holder in a style she likes. It is very useful to have things like bills, important papers and other items out and visible, but hard to keep this from dissolving into an cluttered mess. Having a set place for something makes it easier to find as well.
Jessica McCabe is a YouTuber with ADHD who talks about tips that I have found useful. She has a book that I have not read yet, but as it's written by an ADHD person it should be fairly decent.
But again, know your audience. I'd be annoyed at best, embarrassed or angry at worst if someone did this to me.
posted by rakaidan at 5:43 AM on April 11 [4 favorites]
I would also be pretty wary of gifts about her new diagnosis, particularly ones that are intended in some way to help her manage it, like a planner or a fidget toy. By the time I was diagnosed in my mid twenties I had tried so many coping mechanisms, and every gift of a planner or calendar or whatever just hurt, because I had tried so many of them and they just didn't work for me the way they worked for the (invariably neurotypical) gifter.
However, modifying your usual gifts to be a little more adhd friendly would be super thoughtful. For example if you would often send flowers, maybe do dried flowers - they don't need the water changing and to be thrown out before they get stinky.
posted by In Your Shell Like at 5:55 AM on April 11 [8 favorites]
However, modifying your usual gifts to be a little more adhd friendly would be super thoughtful. For example if you would often send flowers, maybe do dried flowers - they don't need the water changing and to be thrown out before they get stinky.
posted by In Your Shell Like at 5:55 AM on April 11 [8 favorites]
I would find it well-meaning but incredibly presumptuous if someone tried to give me a 'helpful' gift because I have ADHD. As mentioned above, every person with ADHD is different in their needs and preferences. And people who are diagnosed later in life have often discovered tools to help them cope already. Therefore I would focus on the 'fun' element and leave any mention of ADHD out of it completely. Focus on her interests instead, like you would for any other gift.
posted by guessthis at 6:19 AM on April 11 [4 favorites]
posted by guessthis at 6:19 AM on April 11 [4 favorites]
Your heart is in the right place, for sure. But as someone with ADHD myself, a gift related to my diagnosis would probably hurt a lot. I think if you must get something along these lines, you could get a small decorative mirror with a note about remembering to be kind to herself and see herself as the people who love her do—[list your favorite qualities of hers], or something about how she is still the same amazing person she has always been. The world has likely been telling her that she is “broken” for a long time and a reminder that you don’t see her as such might be a big help.
posted by corey flood at 7:27 AM on April 11 [5 favorites]
posted by corey flood at 7:27 AM on April 11 [5 favorites]
I'm going to trust that SIL's diagnostic attitude is similar to those of us who are coming out of our cage waving the diagnosis shouting "Everything makes sense now but oh god what next???"
In which case, if I was giving a "Congratulations/Sorry!" gift to a friend, I'd go with some sensory toys. There's some really gorgeous sensory/texture strips out there; my favorite are phone cord/coil hair ties for mashing and stretching and squishing when I'm thinking or listening, and of course there's all kinds of cool fidget toys including some really nice-looking desk toys more for grownups.
Assuming she's Extremely Online, she probably knows about all the best ADHD youtubers and tiktoks, so the book-buying and stuff can come later.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:30 AM on April 11 [1 favorite]
In which case, if I was giving a "Congratulations/Sorry!" gift to a friend, I'd go with some sensory toys. There's some really gorgeous sensory/texture strips out there; my favorite are phone cord/coil hair ties for mashing and stretching and squishing when I'm thinking or listening, and of course there's all kinds of cool fidget toys including some really nice-looking desk toys more for grownups.
Assuming she's Extremely Online, she probably knows about all the best ADHD youtubers and tiktoks, so the book-buying and stuff can come later.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:30 AM on April 11 [1 favorite]
A cute or elegant small lamp that is portable and/or adjustable for task lighting. Overhead lights are the worst.
A reminder from you that she can contact you and ask for virtual body doubling whenever she wants it (that’s when someone just hangs out with a person while they do chores or difficult tasks, having someone else just be present and very occasionally keep them on task is a magic charm.)
A piece of art that features tomatoes in some way, like a painting or plushie or pin or maybe some fun earrings, with a joking note that says “hey have you heard about the pomodoro technique???” (please do not actually get her a pomodoro timer, this would be like giving a yoga mat to a depressed person.)
posted by Mizu at 8:12 AM on April 11 [2 favorites]
A reminder from you that she can contact you and ask for virtual body doubling whenever she wants it (that’s when someone just hangs out with a person while they do chores or difficult tasks, having someone else just be present and very occasionally keep them on task is a magic charm.)
A piece of art that features tomatoes in some way, like a painting or plushie or pin or maybe some fun earrings, with a joking note that says “hey have you heard about the pomodoro technique???” (please do not actually get her a pomodoro timer, this would be like giving a yoga mat to a depressed person.)
posted by Mizu at 8:12 AM on April 11 [2 favorites]
But I also want to say "Hey, I see you, sorry you're dealing with this."
The thing about an ADHD diagnosis, though, is that it's rarely a surprise to the adult who gets it. She's probably more relieved than shocked or dismayed.
I think the best thing you can do is to "gift" her the benefit of the doubt and a little leeway around some executive function stuff if you notice that she's been forgetful or running a tad late on time. And if you really want to do something tangible, maybe a gift card for a meal delivery. But I'd put a "thinking of you" message on it rather than a pity/sympathy message for the diagnosis--definitely keep it light.
posted by knotty knots at 8:51 AM on April 11 [4 favorites]
The thing about an ADHD diagnosis, though, is that it's rarely a surprise to the adult who gets it. She's probably more relieved than shocked or dismayed.
I think the best thing you can do is to "gift" her the benefit of the doubt and a little leeway around some executive function stuff if you notice that she's been forgetful or running a tad late on time. And if you really want to do something tangible, maybe a gift card for a meal delivery. But I'd put a "thinking of you" message on it rather than a pity/sympathy message for the diagnosis--definitely keep it light.
posted by knotty knots at 8:51 AM on April 11 [4 favorites]
Another ADHDer who was diagnosed as an adult, and I think it's sweet that you want to get something related to their new diagnosis -- but I'm not crazy about the "sorry you're dealing with this" thought, as the "this" she's dealing with is her brain? her personality? the way she's been her whole life? So maybe something that celebrates her diagnosis would be more appropriate. I agree that a fidget that's made for adults would be appropriate, for example a spin ring or pendant in a style that suits her.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:05 AM on April 11 [3 favorites]
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:05 AM on April 11 [3 favorites]
I love the idea of a mirror with a personal affirmation!
posted by sixswitch at 10:13 AM on April 11 [1 favorite]
posted by sixswitch at 10:13 AM on April 11 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: I was in a rush writing this question, and I could have been clearer. I'm sorry about the insensitive wording. I don't think SIL is "less than" in any way. She's very much amazing. When I say "I'm sorry you're dealing with this", I mean, "I'm sorry that the world attaches so much meaning to (unnecessary) admin tasks that are really difficult, and doesn't pay enough attention to your strengths".
I think SIL would appreciate a gift on this topic because she's been curious about the whole diagnosis-process, not sad. She's searching for helpful tools herself. But maybe you guys are right, and I should actually focus more on just carefree fun for the birthday. I can always give her some small gift later, if I find something good. Love the mirror idea, but also the visible organization and the more grown-up fidget toys!
posted by PurpleDragon at 12:21 PM on April 11 [3 favorites]
I think SIL would appreciate a gift on this topic because she's been curious about the whole diagnosis-process, not sad. She's searching for helpful tools herself. But maybe you guys are right, and I should actually focus more on just carefree fun for the birthday. I can always give her some small gift later, if I find something good. Love the mirror idea, but also the visible organization and the more grown-up fidget toys!
posted by PurpleDragon at 12:21 PM on April 11 [3 favorites]
Just because I see so many fidget toy suggestions - I'm an adult ADHDer and don't really care much for/about fidget toys. I know they're great for lots of people but it's not a given they're something that she wants or would work for her. I'd find some way to check that she'd actually be interested in one before gifting it.
posted by augustimagination at 2:48 PM on April 11 [2 favorites]
posted by augustimagination at 2:48 PM on April 11 [2 favorites]
A stainless steel spinning top my husband gave me (ADHD) was the best. I hyperfocused on getting it to spin, but other people who come to the house also like it, and it's a pretty object that I like having around.
posted by Peach at 5:25 PM on April 11 [2 favorites]
posted by Peach at 5:25 PM on April 11 [2 favorites]
I beg you, do not get her something ADHD-related. Allegedly-helpful gifts that are based on general ADHD advice are often an express train to doom spirals of self-doubt and guilt. (Hi, I was diagnosed as an adult and do not like fidget spinners or datebooks or pill boxes or jokey "squirrel!" illustrations.)
posted by desuetude at 12:26 AM on April 12 [2 favorites]
posted by desuetude at 12:26 AM on April 12 [2 favorites]
Please do not do this. She's likely dealing with a whole complicated set of emotions, and still a long way of figuring out exactly what sort of strategies might help her the most. Listen to people who have been there. Do not do this.
posted by canine epigram at 5:37 PM on April 13
posted by canine epigram at 5:37 PM on April 13
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ADHD people have a wide range of profiles and can be pretty different from each other, so be wary of giving a well-meaning gift that’s actually useless — for example, a paper planner or datebook might seem like a good gift for someone with ADHD, but personally I have NEVER been able to use a paper planner because my brain just doesn’t work like that. If someone gifted me one I would appreciate the thought but know instantly that it would never get used. And yet some people with ADHD love paper planners. So, ultimately I would say your best bet is to get her something similar to things you already know she uses and likes, not something that requires starting a whole new routine.
posted by mekily at 4:50 AM on April 11 [4 favorites]