Can someone give me direction on career path when I'm tired?
March 4, 2024 10:59 AM Subscribe
Or maybe permission to not stake my whole life identity on this?
I've written a few job related Asks and you all have been greatly helpful. I'm in therapy, but there's something about strangers telling me their stories that hits different. I will be turning 32 this year. I feel like every decade since 18, I've had a little (or big) identity crisis. I took career risks yet probably not huge from the outside. I've tried many parts of my field and come to understand what I do NOT want to do.
I come from a family of immigrants where (thankfully) I am not my parent's retirement plan, but will be their care provider plan. My parents immigrated to the US and were highly educated. My father makes more than me and my siblings and has the quintessential immigrant story of building himself from nothing to something. Every day he expresses his worry and concern for me--not in a way of disappointment for the career choices I've made--but more of a concern that I will not be able to support myself when he's gone. (As a note, I don't rely on my parents financially, though I have asked for their help this past year on a medical bill and flight home as they live in a small town. Otherwise, I have been independent since I graduated.)
From the time I graduated grad school to the start of the pandemic, I thought I had a really clear career path. I was determined to stay in that pandemic job for at least 5 years, as I had "hopped" from a previous job due to a toxic work environment. (I am very self conscious about job hopping, but I do have very good references and relationships with all my supervisors.)
I did not know i was going to get so burned out, to the point of a mental breakdown. I stayed in that role for almost two years then took a big risk--I went into a different part of my field, thrived and loved it. Enough so that I started my own business and have been doing that for the past 3 years. However, I've come to find out that entrepreneurship is not for me, nor is working long term in this part of my field. I've met SO many people in this part of the field that also are burned out--it's just the nature of the type of work. Those who are not burnt are either married to a higher-income partner (I am not) or scaled their business so that they don't have to do this type of work full time.
With that, I've been planning my exit and interviewing for other roles that are back in the old part of the field I worked in. I feel self conscious that after almost 10 years of working in my field, I am applying for jobs I'm "overqualified" in--but I feel like I'm starting over. I don't feel like I *can't* do the "senior" level jobs, I just feel too burned out to do so. I also know I do not want to be a manager, where people make the most money in my field. I want to specialize and be an individual contributor. I also want to just work a job and make money and breathe on the weeknights and weekends. With owning a business and doing the type of field work I do now, I feel like I work 25/8.
The job I'm considering right now would put me back in starting level (in a slightly different part of my field that I haven't worked in, so it might allow me to grow) and would pay alright, have good benefits, and less hours and is remote! My parents are concerned that I haven't broken the salary ceiling of $100k (a number they have stuck in their head as a baseline for middle class now, and a mistake on my part for being honest with them about what I make.) Outside of my business, which I'm likely letting go, I have not broken a salary of $65k. I was offered a generous salary for a job I interviewed for in a HCOL area, but it did not feel right for many reasons. I listened to my gut (yay!) and turned it down (sigh), but that will likely be the highest offer I will get for a while.
I'm self-conscious of this and I also know that I'm in a low-paying field generally. I wish I could go back to my naive 20 year old self and choose something higher paying, but here I am. I can't afford to go back to school right now.
Being immersed with other entrepreneurs for the past 3 years has made it tough to accept going to a 9-5. Not because I don't want to, but because I know I'll have to face the questions of "Why?" "What went wrong?" "Did you try XYZ to help keep your business going?" "Won't you miss the freedom?" and losing connection to that network. A lot of the people I know put so much of their identity in career and their business, for good reason, because it's often value-aligned work. I feel like I value not dreaming of labor right now, but I feel like I will certainly gain some disappointment.
To sum up to my main question though, I am not sure how to determine career path here. I want my path to end up with me being able to make enough money to support myself. But I also don't want to kill myself over this. When I look at the jobs I'm applying to, I can get a fuzzy idea of what "path" it may take me on, but I'm honestly not sure. I thought I had a clear path in the roles I took in the past, but things I couldn't always predict (no upward promotions as promised, pandemic, burning out) happened. I feel even MORE anxiety with accepting a job without knowing (as my father puts it) how will this impact my whole life?
If I was my old career driven self, maybe my brain wouldn't feel as foggy. It seems silly, but I keep feeling like the next choice I make here for a job HAS to be the right decision--because I've already job hopped so I need to stay in that new job for 5 years, I'm leaving behind my business, and my parents are getting older and more worried. The world is getting more and more expensive.
But I'm trying to frame it instead as how can I make this decision right for me? And I'm trying to remind myself that life has seasons.
I guess my questions are -- how do I figure out the right direction for my career when I'm not sure where it will go or where I want it to go right now? Transferable skills are a thing, right. So... should I plan my decision on that? I'd love stories about slowly untangling career from your identity to make life decisions, or maybe someone/yourself giving yourself permission to not have the straight and narrow career path. Really anything. It's greatly appreciated. Thank you.
I've written a few job related Asks and you all have been greatly helpful. I'm in therapy, but there's something about strangers telling me their stories that hits different. I will be turning 32 this year. I feel like every decade since 18, I've had a little (or big) identity crisis. I took career risks yet probably not huge from the outside. I've tried many parts of my field and come to understand what I do NOT want to do.
I come from a family of immigrants where (thankfully) I am not my parent's retirement plan, but will be their care provider plan. My parents immigrated to the US and were highly educated. My father makes more than me and my siblings and has the quintessential immigrant story of building himself from nothing to something. Every day he expresses his worry and concern for me--not in a way of disappointment for the career choices I've made--but more of a concern that I will not be able to support myself when he's gone. (As a note, I don't rely on my parents financially, though I have asked for their help this past year on a medical bill and flight home as they live in a small town. Otherwise, I have been independent since I graduated.)
From the time I graduated grad school to the start of the pandemic, I thought I had a really clear career path. I was determined to stay in that pandemic job for at least 5 years, as I had "hopped" from a previous job due to a toxic work environment. (I am very self conscious about job hopping, but I do have very good references and relationships with all my supervisors.)
I did not know i was going to get so burned out, to the point of a mental breakdown. I stayed in that role for almost two years then took a big risk--I went into a different part of my field, thrived and loved it. Enough so that I started my own business and have been doing that for the past 3 years. However, I've come to find out that entrepreneurship is not for me, nor is working long term in this part of my field. I've met SO many people in this part of the field that also are burned out--it's just the nature of the type of work. Those who are not burnt are either married to a higher-income partner (I am not) or scaled their business so that they don't have to do this type of work full time.
With that, I've been planning my exit and interviewing for other roles that are back in the old part of the field I worked in. I feel self conscious that after almost 10 years of working in my field, I am applying for jobs I'm "overqualified" in--but I feel like I'm starting over. I don't feel like I *can't* do the "senior" level jobs, I just feel too burned out to do so. I also know I do not want to be a manager, where people make the most money in my field. I want to specialize and be an individual contributor. I also want to just work a job and make money and breathe on the weeknights and weekends. With owning a business and doing the type of field work I do now, I feel like I work 25/8.
The job I'm considering right now would put me back in starting level (in a slightly different part of my field that I haven't worked in, so it might allow me to grow) and would pay alright, have good benefits, and less hours and is remote! My parents are concerned that I haven't broken the salary ceiling of $100k (a number they have stuck in their head as a baseline for middle class now, and a mistake on my part for being honest with them about what I make.) Outside of my business, which I'm likely letting go, I have not broken a salary of $65k. I was offered a generous salary for a job I interviewed for in a HCOL area, but it did not feel right for many reasons. I listened to my gut (yay!) and turned it down (sigh), but that will likely be the highest offer I will get for a while.
I'm self-conscious of this and I also know that I'm in a low-paying field generally. I wish I could go back to my naive 20 year old self and choose something higher paying, but here I am. I can't afford to go back to school right now.
Being immersed with other entrepreneurs for the past 3 years has made it tough to accept going to a 9-5. Not because I don't want to, but because I know I'll have to face the questions of "Why?" "What went wrong?" "Did you try XYZ to help keep your business going?" "Won't you miss the freedom?" and losing connection to that network. A lot of the people I know put so much of their identity in career and their business, for good reason, because it's often value-aligned work. I feel like I value not dreaming of labor right now, but I feel like I will certainly gain some disappointment.
To sum up to my main question though, I am not sure how to determine career path here. I want my path to end up with me being able to make enough money to support myself. But I also don't want to kill myself over this. When I look at the jobs I'm applying to, I can get a fuzzy idea of what "path" it may take me on, but I'm honestly not sure. I thought I had a clear path in the roles I took in the past, but things I couldn't always predict (no upward promotions as promised, pandemic, burning out) happened. I feel even MORE anxiety with accepting a job without knowing (as my father puts it) how will this impact my whole life?
If I was my old career driven self, maybe my brain wouldn't feel as foggy. It seems silly, but I keep feeling like the next choice I make here for a job HAS to be the right decision--because I've already job hopped so I need to stay in that new job for 5 years, I'm leaving behind my business, and my parents are getting older and more worried. The world is getting more and more expensive.
But I'm trying to frame it instead as how can I make this decision right for me? And I'm trying to remind myself that life has seasons.
I guess my questions are -- how do I figure out the right direction for my career when I'm not sure where it will go or where I want it to go right now? Transferable skills are a thing, right. So... should I plan my decision on that? I'd love stories about slowly untangling career from your identity to make life decisions, or maybe someone/yourself giving yourself permission to not have the straight and narrow career path. Really anything. It's greatly appreciated. Thank you.
I'm trying to remind myself that life has seasons.
Some years ago my wife and I decided to have kids, and I took a job in higher education. I would make less than I could working in Boston, or working in a high-pressure company, or doing consulting -- but it was time for us to focus on having and raising kids. Working in .edu meant less pressure, more time off, and generally a better focus on our little tribe. It's been 22 years, and I feel no desire to go burn the candle at both ends again.
I say this as an example of when pulling back is the right thing to do; other people make pivots for other reasons.
Moving from "hot shot entrepreneur" to "individual contributor" is more common than you might think, outside of the circles where entrepreneurs run: leading a whole company is demanding, and it's not conducive to creativity, and it can distract you from living the rest of your life. Realizing it now, instead of too late, is probably good for you!
A smart organization will see your broad experience and your thoughtfulness as two big advantages.
posted by wenestvedt at 11:22 AM on March 4, 2024 [5 favorites]
Some years ago my wife and I decided to have kids, and I took a job in higher education. I would make less than I could working in Boston, or working in a high-pressure company, or doing consulting -- but it was time for us to focus on having and raising kids. Working in .edu meant less pressure, more time off, and generally a better focus on our little tribe. It's been 22 years, and I feel no desire to go burn the candle at both ends again.
I say this as an example of when pulling back is the right thing to do; other people make pivots for other reasons.
Moving from "hot shot entrepreneur" to "individual contributor" is more common than you might think, outside of the circles where entrepreneurs run: leading a whole company is demanding, and it's not conducive to creativity, and it can distract you from living the rest of your life. Realizing it now, instead of too late, is probably good for you!
A smart organization will see your broad experience and your thoughtfulness as two big advantages.
posted by wenestvedt at 11:22 AM on March 4, 2024 [5 favorites]
I know I'll have to face the questions of "Why?" "What went wrong?" "Did you try XYZ to help keep your business going?" "Won't you miss the freedom?"
I recommend that you make up a series of answers that reframes this from something that "went wrong." These answers might be 100% true or they might be 0% true. (True-ish is better, but if you have to lie, you have to lie.)
But maybe the answer is "running my own business meant I was spending too much time on things I don't like doing, instead of the things I do like doing." Maybe the answer is "running my own business meant putting in too many hours and too few boundaries, and I would prefer a better work-life balance."
This is going to be really hard for you - no matter what you decide - if you're constantly having to tell a story about failure. If you can tell a story about "I tried this and eventually decided it was time to try a different path," you're going to make it easier on yourself.
As an aside, different industries are obviously different, but I think you might be a little too worried about the optics of job-hopping - you don't have to stay at a job for five years to prove yourself. If you're consistently leaving jobs after a year or 18 months, then yeah, maybe it's something to worry about. But especially at the beginning of your career, 2- or 3-year stretches at a job are absolutely fine.
posted by Jeanne at 11:58 AM on March 4, 2024 [6 favorites]
I recommend that you make up a series of answers that reframes this from something that "went wrong." These answers might be 100% true or they might be 0% true. (True-ish is better, but if you have to lie, you have to lie.)
But maybe the answer is "running my own business meant I was spending too much time on things I don't like doing, instead of the things I do like doing." Maybe the answer is "running my own business meant putting in too many hours and too few boundaries, and I would prefer a better work-life balance."
This is going to be really hard for you - no matter what you decide - if you're constantly having to tell a story about failure. If you can tell a story about "I tried this and eventually decided it was time to try a different path," you're going to make it easier on yourself.
As an aside, different industries are obviously different, but I think you might be a little too worried about the optics of job-hopping - you don't have to stay at a job for five years to prove yourself. If you're consistently leaving jobs after a year or 18 months, then yeah, maybe it's something to worry about. But especially at the beginning of your career, 2- or 3-year stretches at a job are absolutely fine.
posted by Jeanne at 11:58 AM on March 4, 2024 [6 favorites]
My parents are concerned that I haven't broken the salary ceiling of $100k
Who cares. They are not living on your budget or relying on your income. In practical terms it doesn't matter what they think of your salary.
I keep feeling like the next choice I make here for a job HAS to be the right decision
It really doesn't. It just has to be good enough. A very successful colleague of mine moved jobs every 2-3 years until he was in his late 30s when he stuck in the same job for about 8 years. He only stayed in that last job because he enjoyed it. It actually started out as a 1 year fixed term role that got extended and made permanent. All of his job decisions have been pretty much "right for now" decisions and that's been fine.
posted by plonkee at 12:34 PM on March 4, 2024 [13 favorites]
Who cares. They are not living on your budget or relying on your income. In practical terms it doesn't matter what they think of your salary.
I keep feeling like the next choice I make here for a job HAS to be the right decision
It really doesn't. It just has to be good enough. A very successful colleague of mine moved jobs every 2-3 years until he was in his late 30s when he stuck in the same job for about 8 years. He only stayed in that last job because he enjoyed it. It actually started out as a 1 year fixed term role that got extended and made permanent. All of his job decisions have been pretty much "right for now" decisions and that's been fine.
posted by plonkee at 12:34 PM on March 4, 2024 [13 favorites]
To put things in perspective, 82% of people in the US make less than $100K. If your salary is sufficient that you're reliably housed and fed, with something left over for the future and to facilitate doing the things you love to do, you're winning at life.
posted by kate4914 at 12:38 PM on March 4, 2024 [13 favorites]
posted by kate4914 at 12:38 PM on March 4, 2024 [13 favorites]
Wait; your business is successful, right?
(Nope, I'm not going to say you should keep going.)
To me, it sounds like this was a successful experiment. You wanted to know whether you could build a business and whether you'd enjoy doing so. The answers are 'yes' and 'no', respectively - what's wrong with that?
My career (such as it is) has been much less varied than yours, but I did start in a very small company and move to a rather large one. While I'm not sure about transferable skills, it did give me a perspective that my colleagues might not have: I once had the opportunity to see almost everything that goes on in a company. That's something you simply don't get when you're just one cog in a giant machine. I find that additional perspective helpful for collaboration.
Your identity isn't just where you are today, it's also everywhere you've been so far. (This is true both on the personal side and for your career, I think.) In your question, you seem to be looking at it as disjointed tracks, but there is a constant in there, and it's you. You've gained skills, experience and a better understanding of yourself. That puts you in a great position to find a job that will suit you!
posted by demi-octopus at 1:01 PM on March 4, 2024 [7 favorites]
(Nope, I'm not going to say you should keep going.)
To me, it sounds like this was a successful experiment. You wanted to know whether you could build a business and whether you'd enjoy doing so. The answers are 'yes' and 'no', respectively - what's wrong with that?
My career (such as it is) has been much less varied than yours, but I did start in a very small company and move to a rather large one. While I'm not sure about transferable skills, it did give me a perspective that my colleagues might not have: I once had the opportunity to see almost everything that goes on in a company. That's something you simply don't get when you're just one cog in a giant machine. I find that additional perspective helpful for collaboration.
Your identity isn't just where you are today, it's also everywhere you've been so far. (This is true both on the personal side and for your career, I think.) In your question, you seem to be looking at it as disjointed tracks, but there is a constant in there, and it's you. You've gained skills, experience and a better understanding of yourself. That puts you in a great position to find a job that will suit you!
posted by demi-octopus at 1:01 PM on March 4, 2024 [7 favorites]
Despite what many people say in the hustle community, you don't have to have a defined career path laid out for yourself with clear checkpoints for growth, etc., *especially* if you don't want to go the management route. It is perfectly fine to be a professional your entire life, especially if you like the work and are good at it.
Both myself and my spouse have consciously chosen this path and though things haven't been always awesome at every position we've had, we like were we each are right now. Both of our current jobs DID NOT EXIST when we were at the point in our careers that you are in now. Some early inklings of them might have been there for people who were paying very close attention, but we couldn't have planned or anticipated where we would be now, or that our skills from previous jobs would have been transferable to where we are today. Who knows what it will look like 10-15 years from today.
The best advice I can give is really what you are doing already: try things out, see what works for you, do good work, keep your ear to the ground for opportunities in your field that pique your interest, and then build the skills as you go for what sounds the most interesting.
posted by chiefthe at 1:33 PM on March 4, 2024 [2 favorites]
Both myself and my spouse have consciously chosen this path and though things haven't been always awesome at every position we've had, we like were we each are right now. Both of our current jobs DID NOT EXIST when we were at the point in our careers that you are in now. Some early inklings of them might have been there for people who were paying very close attention, but we couldn't have planned or anticipated where we would be now, or that our skills from previous jobs would have been transferable to where we are today. Who knows what it will look like 10-15 years from today.
The best advice I can give is really what you are doing already: try things out, see what works for you, do good work, keep your ear to the ground for opportunities in your field that pique your interest, and then build the skills as you go for what sounds the most interesting.
posted by chiefthe at 1:33 PM on March 4, 2024 [2 favorites]
I think you’re comparing your insides to your peers outsides. You may think that your peers had a career path and executed against it. In fact, they probably had uncertainties and doubts and twists and turns. Be aware of this phenomenon.
I agree with Jeanne that you need stock answers to questions. They can be very vague - time for something new, investing in yourself, broadening experiences, etc. For your looser connections this sort of thing will do.
However - I’m having a hard time squaring your statement that you’re financially independent with your other statement that you asked your parents for financial help for specific items. That’s not financial independence. If you’d like your parents to back off and trust your judgement, you need to stop asking them for money. Full stop. As long as they are bankrolling you they have a fiduciary interest in your career.
posted by shock muppet at 2:00 PM on March 4, 2024 [2 favorites]
I agree with Jeanne that you need stock answers to questions. They can be very vague - time for something new, investing in yourself, broadening experiences, etc. For your looser connections this sort of thing will do.
However - I’m having a hard time squaring your statement that you’re financially independent with your other statement that you asked your parents for financial help for specific items. That’s not financial independence. If you’d like your parents to back off and trust your judgement, you need to stop asking them for money. Full stop. As long as they are bankrolling you they have a fiduciary interest in your career.
posted by shock muppet at 2:00 PM on March 4, 2024 [2 favorites]
I know I'll have to face the questions of "Why?" "What went wrong?" "Did you try XYZ to help keep your business going?" "Won't you miss the freedom?"
But will you? Or is this just your anxious brain catastrophising, and your self-critical brain telling you (wrongly) that this is a failure, so of course other people will perceive it that way?
If I met someone who was moving on in the way you are, and I asked why, if they said: "I've loved running my own business, but I'm ready to have a little free time in my life again!" I wouldn't give it a second thought, it would seem a totally natural progression. In fact, I'd recognise it as the curve that many, many of my peers have gone through as they move through life.
starting out > stepping into a high octane career phase > deciding you're ready for start valuing things outside work and stepping down work commitments
Is a life progression so common as to be totally unremarkable to me. Maybe you're reaching the second transition earlier than your peers, but plenty of them will follow in time. I realise different sectors vary and maybe in your sector people will react as you say, but... possibly they won't?
posted by penguin pie at 2:33 PM on March 4, 2024 [5 favorites]
But will you? Or is this just your anxious brain catastrophising, and your self-critical brain telling you (wrongly) that this is a failure, so of course other people will perceive it that way?
If I met someone who was moving on in the way you are, and I asked why, if they said: "I've loved running my own business, but I'm ready to have a little free time in my life again!" I wouldn't give it a second thought, it would seem a totally natural progression. In fact, I'd recognise it as the curve that many, many of my peers have gone through as they move through life.
starting out > stepping into a high octane career phase > deciding you're ready for start valuing things outside work and stepping down work commitments
Is a life progression so common as to be totally unremarkable to me. Maybe you're reaching the second transition earlier than your peers, but plenty of them will follow in time. I realise different sectors vary and maybe in your sector people will react as you say, but... possibly they won't?
posted by penguin pie at 2:33 PM on March 4, 2024 [5 favorites]
I know I'll have to face the questions of "Why?" "What went wrong?" "Did you try XYZ to help keep your business going?" "Won't you miss the freedom?"
Can confirm that when I dropped my solo career to take a 9-5 gig I was asked these questions exactly none times, ever. One person asked how they convinced me to wake up early in the morning but only because that person knows what a night owl I am.
People just honestly don't care as much about what other people are doing as you think. Perhaps your parents have given you this impression because of how much THEY question your movements and decisions, but they're also your parents. Nobody has that much time and energy for second guessing someone who isn't their kid. Shit, my parents didn't even have enough time or energy to second-guess their kids.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 2:42 PM on March 4, 2024 [5 favorites]
Can confirm that when I dropped my solo career to take a 9-5 gig I was asked these questions exactly none times, ever. One person asked how they convinced me to wake up early in the morning but only because that person knows what a night owl I am.
People just honestly don't care as much about what other people are doing as you think. Perhaps your parents have given you this impression because of how much THEY question your movements and decisions, but they're also your parents. Nobody has that much time and energy for second guessing someone who isn't their kid. Shit, my parents didn't even have enough time or energy to second-guess their kids.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 2:42 PM on March 4, 2024 [5 favorites]
First of all, you have this Internet stranger’s permission to feel however you feel and do whatever you think you need to. Not that you have any choice about feeling whatever you feel.
And with that, a minor bit of perspective. Taking a 9 to 5 job will not cement your destiny, it will just give you breathing room to figure out your next move and give you the bandwidth to train for it. Furthering (or restarting) your education while working 40 hours a week is tough, but a lot of people do it.
And you’re certainly young enough. when you get into your late 40s you’ll start having to worry about age discrimination, but otherwise no one is going to blink twice at someone changing careers.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:03 AM on March 5, 2024
And with that, a minor bit of perspective. Taking a 9 to 5 job will not cement your destiny, it will just give you breathing room to figure out your next move and give you the bandwidth to train for it. Furthering (or restarting) your education while working 40 hours a week is tough, but a lot of people do it.
And you’re certainly young enough. when you get into your late 40s you’ll start having to worry about age discrimination, but otherwise no one is going to blink twice at someone changing careers.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:03 AM on March 5, 2024
I'd love stories about slowly untangling career from your identity to make life decisions, or maybe someone/yourself giving yourself permission to not have the straight and narrow career path.
Ok I'll bite. In a nut shell, I had my most (and likely only) high-paying job in engineering right out of college. I was also incredibly unhappy the five years I was there. Now at 38 and almost a decade after leaving that job/field/career, I work in landscaping, earning roughly half what I did when I quit. Yet I'm pretty darn happy with my life, and the parts I'm unhappy with have got jack shit to do with my (lack of) career or earning power.
I did spend a lot of time mentally wandering in the forest of what have I done to my career, I got all this education and I've thrown it away, what will people think, bla bla bla. I eventually came around to the fact that...a career is just not something I care about. I need a job, so I can have enough money to buy food and pay the mortgage and stuff, but I'd much rather have a job that I basically enjoy doing every day than a career that's killing me inside one day at a time.
Try to ignore your parents. I don't know how many times my mom "helpfully" suggested I contact people at my old engineering job and see if I could go back and work there again. Or that I try job hunting in the area where I grew up (a place I hated and fled at first opportunity). They are concerned for you because a "good" career is an easy and obvious sign of winning. Happiness and contentment are much harder to perceive or convey. Hell, they're harder things to capture as well. But if you have an idea of what jobs make you unhappy, well I recommend avoiding those, I don't care how much they pay.
About this, "I feel even MORE anxiety with accepting a job without knowing (as my father puts it) how will this impact my whole life?" Lol. As long as the job you're considering isn't like active duty military deployment in combat, what kind of negative impact are you so worried about? They can't force you to keep working at a place if it turns out to be terrible (or even mediocre). Go try some things. I've had 6 jobs in 8 years and apparently I'm still employable.
Also you said, "I want my path to end up with me being able to make enough money to support myself." Well how much money is that? $65k? More? Loads of people get by on less. Run some numbers. "Enough" is not an abstract concept when it comes to money.
Good luck!
posted by gueneverey at 6:27 AM on March 5, 2024 [3 favorites]
Ok I'll bite. In a nut shell, I had my most (and likely only) high-paying job in engineering right out of college. I was also incredibly unhappy the five years I was there. Now at 38 and almost a decade after leaving that job/field/career, I work in landscaping, earning roughly half what I did when I quit. Yet I'm pretty darn happy with my life, and the parts I'm unhappy with have got jack shit to do with my (lack of) career or earning power.
I did spend a lot of time mentally wandering in the forest of what have I done to my career, I got all this education and I've thrown it away, what will people think, bla bla bla. I eventually came around to the fact that...a career is just not something I care about. I need a job, so I can have enough money to buy food and pay the mortgage and stuff, but I'd much rather have a job that I basically enjoy doing every day than a career that's killing me inside one day at a time.
Try to ignore your parents. I don't know how many times my mom "helpfully" suggested I contact people at my old engineering job and see if I could go back and work there again. Or that I try job hunting in the area where I grew up (a place I hated and fled at first opportunity). They are concerned for you because a "good" career is an easy and obvious sign of winning. Happiness and contentment are much harder to perceive or convey. Hell, they're harder things to capture as well. But if you have an idea of what jobs make you unhappy, well I recommend avoiding those, I don't care how much they pay.
About this, "I feel even MORE anxiety with accepting a job without knowing (as my father puts it) how will this impact my whole life?" Lol. As long as the job you're considering isn't like active duty military deployment in combat, what kind of negative impact are you so worried about? They can't force you to keep working at a place if it turns out to be terrible (or even mediocre). Go try some things. I've had 6 jobs in 8 years and apparently I'm still employable.
Also you said, "I want my path to end up with me being able to make enough money to support myself." Well how much money is that? $65k? More? Loads of people get by on less. Run some numbers. "Enough" is not an abstract concept when it comes to money.
Good luck!
posted by gueneverey at 6:27 AM on March 5, 2024 [3 favorites]
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Interview. Apply for jobs. Start talking to people. You will learn so much more by just doing that. You’re in charge of whether you make the switch or not but you haven’t actually reached the decision precipice yet. This journey hasn’t actually begun. Ignore your parents.
posted by amanda at 11:19 AM on March 4, 2024 [3 favorites]