How to make things easier for surviving dog after death of littermate?
February 5, 2024 1:27 PM Subscribe
Friendfilter: one of my friend's two 17-year old dogs, adorable littermates who had rarely been apart in their lives, passed away suddenly* a couple of days ago. The other little guy was present and seems to understand and accept the loss, but my friend would like advice and tips on making her remaining time with the survivor better and easier for him.
*The loss was sudden, in the sense that he did not seem to have any serious illnesses beyond old age, but of course, my friend knew her pets would not live forever and 17 is getting up there. She hopes to have another summer at least with the remaining dog, who was the dominant one of the pair. So far he seems to be accepting the situation, but does seem to pause at the spots where the other guy used to lie as he walks around the house, as if expecting to find his brother there. She's worried that he might get sadder as time goes on and his routine is affected.
If anyone has dealt with this situation, please share your tips and advice. Anything welcome.
*The loss was sudden, in the sense that he did not seem to have any serious illnesses beyond old age, but of course, my friend knew her pets would not live forever and 17 is getting up there. She hopes to have another summer at least with the remaining dog, who was the dominant one of the pair. So far he seems to be accepting the situation, but does seem to pause at the spots where the other guy used to lie as he walks around the house, as if expecting to find his brother there. She's worried that he might get sadder as time goes on and his routine is affected.
If anyone has dealt with this situation, please share your tips and advice. Anything welcome.
He'll probably grieve for a bit; my now-16yo pup did that with the loss of his best buddy a few years back, who happened to be a cat he was raised with.
I'd say DON'T remove everything that might spell of his brother - touching base with those memories is part of the grieving process. My pup would look for our cat in her favorite spots and sniff around, and yes, sometime he'd seem to mope a bit and want extra snuggles. I worried quite a bit about it, because I was afraid I might lose him sooner as a result.
After some time went by - a few months? Six? it had tapered off almost completely. He started using a dog wheelchair not long after that, and so doesn't wander the house on his own anymore, so I have no way of telling if he misses her still or not. The other cats, though, have made a point over the years of spending more and more time with him, which has been interesting to see - none of them are closely bonded to another cat, but 2/3 will sleep next to or practically on my dog.
posted by stormyteal at 2:55 PM on February 5, 2024 [6 favorites]
I'd say DON'T remove everything that might spell of his brother - touching base with those memories is part of the grieving process. My pup would look for our cat in her favorite spots and sniff around, and yes, sometime he'd seem to mope a bit and want extra snuggles. I worried quite a bit about it, because I was afraid I might lose him sooner as a result.
After some time went by - a few months? Six? it had tapered off almost completely. He started using a dog wheelchair not long after that, and so doesn't wander the house on his own anymore, so I have no way of telling if he misses her still or not. The other cats, though, have made a point over the years of spending more and more time with him, which has been interesting to see - none of them are closely bonded to another cat, but 2/3 will sleep next to or practically on my dog.
posted by stormyteal at 2:55 PM on February 5, 2024 [6 favorites]
I think the important thing is not to pre-decide what the surviving dog needs but to actively monitor to figure it out. With our group of 3, we lost the first one at 14 and our relationships with the other two dogs changed a lot in the next 3 years, they were a lot more engaged with us individually. He had satisfied most of the others' play needs until he got sick.
Dogs are great but their emotional landscapes are only medium-complex and I don't think you need to approach this like people in bereavement. I don't think changing a routine that works is a great idea, or erasing the other dog's evidence of existence. Routine and familiarity is comforting to dogs. Things probably WILL evolve into routines that suit a single aging dog, but let it happen organically or as medical needs require.
posted by Lyn Never at 5:23 AM on February 6, 2024 [3 favorites]
Dogs are great but their emotional landscapes are only medium-complex and I don't think you need to approach this like people in bereavement. I don't think changing a routine that works is a great idea, or erasing the other dog's evidence of existence. Routine and familiarity is comforting to dogs. Things probably WILL evolve into routines that suit a single aging dog, but let it happen organically or as medical needs require.
posted by Lyn Never at 5:23 AM on February 6, 2024 [3 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by essexjan at 2:04 PM on February 5, 2024 [4 favorites]