Sexual response to nonsexual stimuli

February 4, 2024 8:07 AM

I would chalk this up to “bodies are weird [and amazing],” but you all are so smart, perhaps you can provide slightly deeper insight or point me to resources for further reading. [NSFW for discussion of sexuality]

Sorry, another TMI question.

We know about young AMAB folks getting unwanted boners in middle school, for example. And I’ve heard of AFAB people becoming sexually aroused by/during dental procedures. I’m AFAB, early/mid-40s, always had a healthy relationship to sex. I’ve never been aroused at the dentist, but in the past year I’ve had three instances of nearly orgasming in a car while slightly lost and slightly behind schedule. I’d like to demystify this experience for myself.

FWIW, I’ll describe the first time it happened, and the successive couple experiences were pretty similar. Last spring, I was out of town for an event. I was excited, happy, and by myself driving a rental car, and my goal was to make it on time to the event after stopping first to buy a specific product for the guest of honor– let’s say caffeine free diet cola. I needed to make my best effort to find the specific product, but in the worst case scenario, I knew I could give up the search and head to the venue, where their supply of caffeine free soda and diet cola would have to suffice, despite not being the exact desired thing. In other words, my mission was not terribly important but I certainly wanted to give it my best shot. As I drove from store to store and watched the minutes tick by, I was slightly giddy and slightly anxious. Each time a store would prove fruitless, the tension would increase as I wheeled out of each maze of a parking lot, back on the main drag, and onto the next convenience/grocery store. After the third or fourth store it was clear to me (I don’t want to sound crude) my genitals were ground zero of whatever excitement was shuddering through me. It was an uncomfortable arousal, so much so that I couldn’t sit normally, I was basically driving while hovering a few inches over the seat and squirming in discomfort. Under different circumstances I would have considered masturbating to alleviate the discomfort; in fact, I was pretty close to hands-free orgasming, but I didn’t. For one thing, time was a real factor and I felt I hadn’t a moment to spare. Also, I didn’t want to arrive at the event looking like I’d just had the greatest sexual release of my life five minutes prior. And, yeah, I guess I didn’t want to rub one out in public even though I could have been discreet, in a rental, on public land. I did, by the way, procure the caffeine free diet cola and make it on time.

The next two times this happened to me was quite similar. Alone, in a vehicle, with time constraints, and with a side mission to complete.

Any thoughts on what’s going on here? I ask because, while I didn’t hate the first experience due to its novelty, these occurrences have been truly, physically uncomfortable. None of them ended with release– I basically waited them out and my body normalized.

I guess my question is, wtf? I’ve combed the internet unsuccessfully, looking for people who’ve had similar experiences. I can’t even find the anecdotes about dental offices, though I’m sure I’ve read a couple such accounts in the past. Is there a name for unwanted AFAB arousal? How can this… not happen? What all my experiences have in common are: moving vehicle, time constraints, side mission, good mood. However, that could describe almost any day in my life. Thoughts?

posted by shocks connery to Health & Fitness (9 answers total)

my dentist HAS to be making me cum on purpose. theres no way
This does appear to be a thing, although the gender of the poster here is unclear to me (I didn't dig that far into them).

I think the term you need to research may be "ictal orgasms" e.g.
Tooth-brushing-induced orgasms. Look ma, no cavities!
posted by tiamat at 8:45 AM on February 4 [1 favorite]

Do you experience arousal at the thought of being useful, or in some way of service?

Also, this set of circumstances sounds a bit like a prey-seeking / scavenger hunt kind of mindset, which is sexy for some people.
posted by sixswitch at 8:47 AM on February 4

ictal orgasms

IANAD but I don't think it's likely to be this, as ictal orgasms seem to occur as part of an epileptic seizure in these cases, and I'm not sure if just driving around and getting lost is likely to be something that could trigger a seizure.

OP, to me it sounds as though this is the result of some wires getting crossed somewhere in your hormonal response to stress, possibly something to do with the adrenaline spikes and endorphin rush of being very engaged/excited/frustrated by your experiences.

Here's an article about people who experience orgasms on roller coasters, which sounds similar to your experience.

It sounds as though the key components may be the neurochemical rush of the situation plus (possibly) the vibrations or sensations of driving the car. In the future you might be able to mitigate this by doing some deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, or anything that physically calms the body and the mind. If they continue and you're still concerned, please talk to your doctor and they could maybe do a hormone panel or check your thyroid to see if there's something going on there.
posted by fight or flight at 8:54 AM on February 4 [1 favorite]

I’m not sure, but I’ve (AFAB) experienced sexual arousal when frustrated since I can remember. For me it’s most often when I'm trying to do a fine motor thing with my hands and failing, and it's something that really needs to be done, like trying to unlock a new tricky lock or untangle something.

It's also definitely not a kink or fetish - I've never sought out related porn or erotica, or fantasized about it in a sexual context. I do have a lot of turn ons that other people wouldn't consider sexual, so I can tell the difference.
posted by wheatlets at 10:36 AM on February 4 [1 favorite]

Some AFAB people experience higher levels of sexual desire in their 40s. Driving an unfamiliar car in an unfamiliar area, with that time constraint, may have triggered a bit of adrenaline; also consider: the condition of the roads and parking lot surfaces, the car's suspension, the angle of the driver's seat, how fast you were driving from store to store, and whether the outfit for the event fit in a constrictive way.
posted by Iris Gambol at 1:45 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]

Welcome to perimenopause! It's like a nightmarishly intense second puberty, except you have a full, busy life now, so all the hormonal and physical fuckery is disruptive in a new and terrible way. Also, individual experiences of perimenopause vary tremendously, so it's hard to find corroboration or clear guidelines for many aspects of those experiences. Average length of perimenopause is 8-10 years, apparently, so it might be worth cultivating a relationship with a decent GP or gyno, if that's a possibility for you, to get support.
posted by Hellgirl at 4:07 PM on February 4 [3 favorites]

It is possible it's a response to stress/adrenaline, but I also wonder if there could be some primal memory that set you up for a very specific fetish. I have lots of kinks and I love to read about kinks and talk about them, and it's really striking how many people with kinks can trace them back to something in childhood. It's often kind of dark stuff that could have spawned a phobia, but it spawned a kink instead. Like, a mean babysitter used to lock a person in the closet, and now that person gets off on being confined in small places, stuff like that. So, when you were little, was there an adult who used to punish you harshly for being late? Did you run errands with a parent in the car, and they would get really stressed in a way that made you afraid? Was there some suspenseful scene in a movie where somebody was driving around in a hurry, and it made a big impression on you?

Honestly, I'd suggest just trying to have fun with it, if you can. Give yourself a deadline to run some errands, get yourself worked up, then find a quiet place and rub one out. If you have a partner, maybe do some roleplay where you're their personal assistant and you have so, so many jobs to do for them by 5 PM today, and you get punished if you fail and rewarded if you succeed. Zero in on what gets you off about this situation. (Does the turn-on come from the feeling of running behind, or of getting a lot done in a hurry?) Explore it. If you can turn your boring errands into sexytimes, I'd call that a win!
posted by Ursula Hitler at 5:44 PM on February 4

Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder does not sound like what you have going on but it does have some interesting triggers. And it does show that you can get aroused and orgasm even when you aren’t otherwise “turned on” in your mind. There might also be a side effect of medication. And perimenopause hormone fluctuations could for sure come into play. You might look into some meditation options for stressful moments and just work on breathing and doing some sensory “checking in” if you find yourself in this state. Obviously, be careful while driving! And consider pulling over if you’re distracted.
posted by amanda at 9:30 PM on February 4

it's possible that between being stressed, tensing up your muscles, and getting in and out of a car, you were doing accidental kegels. So your unusual response may have been due to just the physical sensations that particular activity produced.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 1:26 PM on February 5