When and why do adults stop moving randomly?
January 5, 2024 9:09 AM Subscribe
Most adults I meet have such a limited repertoire of movements that they seem like video game characters. They can walk forwards, backwards, sideways, grab something, sit with their feet on the floor, lie down, or recline. In contrast, kids will skip, swing their arms around, slump to the floor - all kinds of random, unexpected movements.
I'm 32, and I still move and sit in all sorts of ways, and I've met a few other adults who do, but most don't. When do most people stop, and what stops them?
I'm 32, and I still move and sit in all sorts of ways, and I've met a few other adults who do, but most don't. When do most people stop, and what stops them?
Socialization and perhaps correction, unfortunate though it may be. I know that as a totally blind kid I had a variety of characteristic movements; not quite the sort you describe but similar, and I was explicitly cautioned to stop them because it would be seen as weird/hard to explain to people.
posted by Alensin at 9:11 AM on January 5 [7 favorites]
posted by Alensin at 9:11 AM on January 5 [7 favorites]
Social pressure? Little eirias (11) still lives all her feelings in her body, but she started getting intense static about this from adults around age 6. In some settings the people around her are used to her but e.g. her grandparents are starting to complain more as she approaches puberty (I think they want her to be ladylike? -- sorry, dudes, not in the cards).
An alternative, not competing hypothesis: sedentary habits weakening our musculature?
posted by eirias at 9:13 AM on January 5 [8 favorites]
An alternative, not competing hypothesis: sedentary habits weakening our musculature?
posted by eirias at 9:13 AM on January 5 [8 favorites]
Response by poster: I get the socialization thing - I do try to curtail that type of movement in front of most people, because it does seem weird... but are other adults as excited as I am to be alone so that they can move freely? I don't know for sure, but it doesn't seem like it.
I'm also not sure I buy pain/weakness as a reason (although I'm sure it is for older people), because I see healthy, young, athletic adults moving the same way.
posted by wheatlets at 9:13 AM on January 5 [1 favorite]
I'm also not sure I buy pain/weakness as a reason (although I'm sure it is for older people), because I see healthy, young, athletic adults moving the same way.
posted by wheatlets at 9:13 AM on January 5 [1 favorite]
I encourage my daughter to continue all kinds of physical motion but as she gets larger the house sure does seem to get smaller - it's harder to jump around without booming the whole house (we let her anyway) and some of the things she used to do she now hits her hand on the wall or runs into the coffee table. Honestly, I'd love it if my house right now were more like a large warehouse with tiny bedrooms attached-plenty of room for roller skating, practicing volleyball, running around. But it's also cause we got hella hobbies! I need a pottery studio, husband needs a home gym and painting area, daughter needs a massive crafting zone.
posted by amanda at 9:18 AM on January 5 [4 favorites]
posted by amanda at 9:18 AM on January 5 [4 favorites]
I think socialization is the big one, but also: reduced balance. Higher likelihood of injury from a fall. Slower healing times if injured. On balance, adults are more aware of the possibly of injury and lingering effects of injury than kids. I can mess my neck up from sleeping wrong at this point, makes me less enthusiastic about spinning around swinging my arms like I did when I was a kid.
posted by EvaDestruction at 9:19 AM on January 5 [17 favorites]
posted by EvaDestruction at 9:19 AM on January 5 [17 favorites]
I just feel naturally… stiller as an adult. Like my natural state is rest, and I’ll break out of it in order to do something specific, so my movements tend to be functional and directed to specific things I need to do.
Kids seem to have infinitely more energy, and I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that there’s a developmental stage that’s them moving a lot in order to get in loads of movement practice that will eventually lead to them honing eg. fine motor skills, balance etc.
Answering the question in your follow-up, I’m not especially excited to move freely - now in middle age I’m generally excited to sit or lie down! I’ll do a dance class and enjoy moving freely there, but it takes conscious effort and thought and a lot of energy, and I’m ready to rest and be still again at the end of the hour.
But we’re all wired differently!
posted by penguin pie at 9:21 AM on January 5 [33 favorites]
Kids seem to have infinitely more energy, and I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that there’s a developmental stage that’s them moving a lot in order to get in loads of movement practice that will eventually lead to them honing eg. fine motor skills, balance etc.
Answering the question in your follow-up, I’m not especially excited to move freely - now in middle age I’m generally excited to sit or lie down! I’ll do a dance class and enjoy moving freely there, but it takes conscious effort and thought and a lot of energy, and I’m ready to rest and be still again at the end of the hour.
But we’re all wired differently!
posted by penguin pie at 9:21 AM on January 5 [33 favorites]
I'm also not sure I buy pain/weakness as a reason (although I'm sure it is for older people), because I see healthy, young, athletic adults moving the same way.
I mean how old is "older" in your mind? Because by the time I was like, 35, doing some random physical flailing without being warmed up was a great way for me to put my back out. Nowadays I still sit cross-legged on the couch or the floor sometimes but then I have sore knees for 10 minutes after I get up.
I encourage my daughter to continue all kinds of physical motion but as she gets larger the house sure does seem to get smaller - it's harder to jump around without booming the whole house
If I skipped or jumped around my apartment my downstairs neighbors would murder me in my sleep and no jury would convict them.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:31 AM on January 5 [27 favorites]
I mean how old is "older" in your mind? Because by the time I was like, 35, doing some random physical flailing without being warmed up was a great way for me to put my back out. Nowadays I still sit cross-legged on the couch or the floor sometimes but then I have sore knees for 10 minutes after I get up.
I encourage my daughter to continue all kinds of physical motion but as she gets larger the house sure does seem to get smaller - it's harder to jump around without booming the whole house
If I skipped or jumped around my apartment my downstairs neighbors would murder me in my sleep and no jury would convict them.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:31 AM on January 5 [27 favorites]
(Of note, one of your previous questions is about how your body is starting to dislike unorthodox resting postures -- it's comin' for you too, friend! It comes for us all.)
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:32 AM on January 5 [25 favorites]
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:32 AM on January 5 [25 favorites]
Kids have a lot of energy. Kids are lower to the ground.
posted by rhymedirective at 9:34 AM on January 5 [12 favorites]
posted by rhymedirective at 9:34 AM on January 5 [12 favorites]
Further to fall? By the time a kid is a teenager those knees/ankles/etc can get really messed up, and those are the kind of injuries that could potentially cause issues for the rest of your life! Of course I don't think kids are actually thinking about those things (unless they are athletes) but that sort of acquired caution does seem to come naturally to folks as they age.
posted by cgg at 9:38 AM on January 5 [1 favorite]
posted by cgg at 9:38 AM on January 5 [1 favorite]
I probably stopped doing much of what you’re describing when I was around your age. Mostly for the reasons noted here - decreased mobility due to injuries and weight gain and different weight distribution, and also just being a lot more tired now than I was in my twenties.
I still *can* do those motions, but I don’t feel any particular desire to do so, and they’re more likely to injure me than moving in my usual ways, so why would I?
I don’t see being alone in general as a time to move differently, except that I do sprawl in more varied resting postures on couch and bed at home than I would out in the world, out of politeness. And often I end up with neck or back pain to show for it.
posted by Stacey at 9:38 AM on January 5 [1 favorite]
I still *can* do those motions, but I don’t feel any particular desire to do so, and they’re more likely to injure me than moving in my usual ways, so why would I?
I don’t see being alone in general as a time to move differently, except that I do sprawl in more varied resting postures on couch and bed at home than I would out in the world, out of politeness. And often I end up with neck or back pain to show for it.
posted by Stacey at 9:38 AM on January 5 [1 favorite]
Nthing that as you get older, even if you are in decent shape, there are risks to those movements that would be unthinkable when younger. I mean, I am fond of sitting with my feet propped up but if I do it too long, my lower back acts up. (I still do it anyway, knowing this.) I went for a walk on NYE with my husband and on a fucking flat sidewalk, I managed to trip over my own two feet and ended up with a few days of leg and wrist pain where I braced myself when I fell. I might have been sore for a few hours from such an event in my 20s and 30s, but now? I had to walk gingerly around my home until those parts felt like me again.
You're 32. Come back and ask this question in a decade.
posted by Kitteh at 9:44 AM on January 5 [2 favorites]
You're 32. Come back and ask this question in a decade.
posted by Kitteh at 9:44 AM on January 5 [2 favorites]
I encourage my daughter to continue all kinds of physical motion but as she gets larger the house sure does seem to get smaller - it's harder to jump around without booming the whole house (we let her anyway) and some of the things she used to do she now hits her hand on the wall or runs into the coffee table.
This. As you get larger the space to move wildly gets far smaller. If you swing your arms when you walk or hop around like a kid, you are going to hit people or stuff. Think about why you stopped jumping on your bed. It was a conscious decision you made because you got too big.
posted by The_Vegetables at 9:48 AM on January 5 [5 favorites]
This. As you get larger the space to move wildly gets far smaller. If you swing your arms when you walk or hop around like a kid, you are going to hit people or stuff. Think about why you stopped jumping on your bed. It was a conscious decision you made because you got too big.
posted by The_Vegetables at 9:48 AM on January 5 [5 favorites]
My dogs HATE it when I move in unexpected ways. Do the wacky inflatable arms man move near them and oh my god you'd think they were watching someone get murdered right there in the room.
posted by phunniemee at 9:48 AM on January 5 [8 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 9:48 AM on January 5 [8 favorites]
I am a children's librarian so I see all the body stuff happening with ages 0-14 quite often. I think part of it being way less in adults is unconscious body patterning, inertia, and having an everyday routine that is way less amenable to spontaneous breaks and play. Your body saves energy by moving in patterns it knows and that you don't have to think about.
Also for adults I believe there is a privilege aspect to it - adults casually lounging on public furniture/spaces or moving, wiggling, stretching and sitting in unorthodox ways/positions brings up a comfort level and entitlement to exist in public that not all people have or can display safely. For me to sit with my legs up in criss-cross applesauce on a chair, or with one foot up on the seat and doing some weird arm stretching twist for my shoulders seems normal, but I wouldn't do it in a job interview situation. Data point: I grew up white, pretty wealthy, West coast, cisgender woman. If you are being constantly judged by your appearance in terms of race, gender, gender presentation, age, and class signifiers in public, by colleagues or people you don't know, you may have to factor in being judged more harshly and eyerolled, etc, when you do things that are eccentric or not in line with our everyday expectations. I want to suggest Caste by Isabel Wilkerson for thinking about things like this (and also it is a fantastic book, everyone should read it.)
At staff meetings for my library, it is pretty common for only the couple staff who work most with children to decline to sit in a chair to stand up at the back or sit crosslegged on the floor. We are the only workers who are encouraged to sit on the floor regularly as part of work doing storytimes. At these meetings with all staff, it is definitely noticed that a few of the attendees are doing something different than sitting in a chair, and other people talk about their back pain, knees, how they wouldn't be able to get up. There is a very subtle compliance and conformity aspect going on, as well as some real feelings coming up about different body abilities.
posted by lizard music at 9:57 AM on January 5 [17 favorites]
Also for adults I believe there is a privilege aspect to it - adults casually lounging on public furniture/spaces or moving, wiggling, stretching and sitting in unorthodox ways/positions brings up a comfort level and entitlement to exist in public that not all people have or can display safely. For me to sit with my legs up in criss-cross applesauce on a chair, or with one foot up on the seat and doing some weird arm stretching twist for my shoulders seems normal, but I wouldn't do it in a job interview situation. Data point: I grew up white, pretty wealthy, West coast, cisgender woman. If you are being constantly judged by your appearance in terms of race, gender, gender presentation, age, and class signifiers in public, by colleagues or people you don't know, you may have to factor in being judged more harshly and eyerolled, etc, when you do things that are eccentric or not in line with our everyday expectations. I want to suggest Caste by Isabel Wilkerson for thinking about things like this (and also it is a fantastic book, everyone should read it.)
At staff meetings for my library, it is pretty common for only the couple staff who work most with children to decline to sit in a chair to stand up at the back or sit crosslegged on the floor. We are the only workers who are encouraged to sit on the floor regularly as part of work doing storytimes. At these meetings with all staff, it is definitely noticed that a few of the attendees are doing something different than sitting in a chair, and other people talk about their back pain, knees, how they wouldn't be able to get up. There is a very subtle compliance and conformity aspect going on, as well as some real feelings coming up about different body abilities.
posted by lizard music at 9:57 AM on January 5 [17 favorites]
Are you neurodivergent in any way? I feel like this is something that neurotypical people internalize due to social pressure, and I haven't been able to internalize it because my brain doesn't work that way. Other people learned when they were 12 that it was weird to flop all over the place like a floppy doll, and within a couple of months they stopped doing that and stopped having to think about not doing it. I learned the same thing, and now I can stop doing it when I think about it, but it takes effort, and I revert to floppiness when I'm not thinking about seeming normal.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 10:00 AM on January 5 [15 favorites]
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 10:00 AM on January 5 [15 favorites]
A quotient of this is physiological. Children are hypermobile compared to adults, with much more flixibility and extension in their joints. Muscles and ligaments tighten naturally through aging and puberty. It is typical to see children progress from W-sitting to Criss-Cross-Applesauce sitting as they age because their knee ligaments tighten. Adults do not W sit because unless they have Joint Hypermobility Syndrome.
posted by DarlingBri at 10:17 AM on January 5 [5 favorites]
posted by DarlingBri at 10:17 AM on January 5 [5 favorites]
Some of it's deliberate. I thoroughly enjoy moving through the world with the minimal amount of disturbance to it that I can possibly generate, which is a challenge given my enormous size. Efficiency of motion has far more personal appeal to me than expressiveness, and flinging my body about as if I have yet to master playing QWOP with it is a long way from being my thing.
That said, I can rapidly get comfortable on just about any surface and I love a good stretch, and if anybody looks at me funny for doing any of that in public, that's their discomfort, not mine. And when I dance, I really do do it like nobody's watching.
posted by flabdablet at 10:18 AM on January 5 [2 favorites]
That said, I can rapidly get comfortable on just about any surface and I love a good stretch, and if anybody looks at me funny for doing any of that in public, that's their discomfort, not mine. And when I dance, I really do do it like nobody's watching.
posted by flabdablet at 10:18 AM on January 5 [2 favorites]
I personally think this is related to play as a learning tool. I think young humans like many species are wired for play. My puppy moves in ways adult dogs don’t, too, so I don’t think it’s all human socialization. (Although heels also impact this for people who choose to wear them.)
That said, when I started taking martial arts and realized how much balance I’d lost (despite yoga!) I started walking on parking lot dividers and on the edges of things and I don’t intend to stop.
posted by warriorqueen at 10:32 AM on January 5 [7 favorites]
That said, when I started taking martial arts and realized how much balance I’d lost (despite yoga!) I started walking on parking lot dividers and on the edges of things and I don’t intend to stop.
posted by warriorqueen at 10:32 AM on January 5 [7 favorites]
> are other adults as excited as I am to be alone so that they can move freely?
FWIW here's a data point of one to say YES omg I feel so much freer when I am alone. I lie in bed with my face hanging down near the floor just to feel the blood rush into weird areas of my cheeks. I drape myself on the couch in all sorts of nonsensical positions. I stand reading at the kitchen counter and start doing weird stretches that make my back feel good. I scratch whichever body part happens to be itching, however indecorous. I fart in freedom. I break into song. I leap to touch the ceiling and then I shake my fist at god because I am too short to reach it and too heavy to jump high. I give spontaneous award acceptance speeches to an imaginary audience, and then I ~bow~, just so.
posted by MiraK at 10:33 AM on January 5 [23 favorites]
FWIW here's a data point of one to say YES omg I feel so much freer when I am alone. I lie in bed with my face hanging down near the floor just to feel the blood rush into weird areas of my cheeks. I drape myself on the couch in all sorts of nonsensical positions. I stand reading at the kitchen counter and start doing weird stretches that make my back feel good. I scratch whichever body part happens to be itching, however indecorous. I fart in freedom. I break into song. I leap to touch the ceiling and then I shake my fist at god because I am too short to reach it and too heavy to jump high. I give spontaneous award acceptance speeches to an imaginary audience, and then I ~bow~, just so.
posted by MiraK at 10:33 AM on January 5 [23 favorites]
A lot of kids' movement is associated with play, and play is, socially and culturally in the US anyway, regarded as for children. I think that's a big part of the problem. Here's an NY Times article (gift link) about play for adults, and why it's good to nurture and cultivate, and how our adultness can get in the way.
posted by bluedaisy at 10:57 AM on January 5 [2 favorites]
posted by bluedaisy at 10:57 AM on January 5 [2 favorites]
I started walking on parking lot dividers and on the edges of things
Make sure your soles are dry.
posted by flabdablet at 10:58 AM on January 5 [2 favorites]
Make sure your soles are dry.
posted by flabdablet at 10:58 AM on January 5 [2 favorites]
50 year old here. Have an artificial hip, and endless cortisone shots in various places just to keep moving. I try to stay active, and I used to be, but I couldn't possibly these days. I was flexible when I was young, and I'd love to be more flexible despite exercise, but at this point, the body simply does not allow. It may just be the way things are.
posted by I EAT TAPAS at 11:07 AM on January 5 [1 favorite]
posted by I EAT TAPAS at 11:07 AM on January 5 [1 favorite]
I'm nearly 40 and I still flop around like a weird lil gremlin whenever I can. Obviously I'm not doing somersaults in the grocery store, but if I'm at home or alone I'm going to do all sorts of odd shit that would get funny looks. My partner gets very upset when I bound my way 20 feet up a tree for the hell of it.
I'm very sure on my feet in the sense of dealing with uneven terrain or obstacles without falling and I attribute that to moving around in non-traditional ways.
posted by Ferreous at 11:07 AM on January 5 [2 favorites]
I'm very sure on my feet in the sense of dealing with uneven terrain or obstacles without falling and I attribute that to moving around in non-traditional ways.
posted by Ferreous at 11:07 AM on January 5 [2 favorites]
Kids are still growing, and they are still learning how to use their bodies. That involves experimentation. In much of our lives, not just with body movement, our behavior is more wide ranging while we are learning. Then, when we have learned and developed patterns of actions, those actions become more regular and automatic. This happens in so many areas of life. Think about the route you take when driving or walking between two locations. Think about the meals that you cook for yourself now and that you cooked for yourself when you were younger. Think about the variety of things you do with your leisure time. Think about the books you read and the websites you visit. For most people, the range narrows with time. There are exceptions of course, but that's the general pattern.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 11:15 AM on January 5 [3 favorites]
posted by Winnie the Proust at 11:15 AM on January 5 [3 favorites]
My aunt is in her 70s and she is the most fidgety person I know. She gets of from the sofa and engages in random movements and stretches. She is the only adult I know to do this routinely. But even she doesn’t do this in front of people who are not immediate family.
posted by koahiatamadl at 11:20 AM on January 5 [1 favorite]
posted by koahiatamadl at 11:20 AM on January 5 [1 favorite]
Just wanted to point out that this happens with many animals, not just humans. Cats, dogs, sheep, goats, horses, cattle I have observed personally and I'm sure others do too. The movements are, of course, different across species. My adult cat behaves very differently to his kitten self. Because biology, that range of habitual movement seems greater than humans', but it's still noticeable. The odd attack of the zoomies when he races around the house for a couple of minutes as if he were still a kitten is pretty hilarious.
posted by Athanassiel at 11:43 AM on January 5 [10 favorites]
posted by Athanassiel at 11:43 AM on January 5 [10 favorites]
Adults also compartmentalize their lives much more than children do. So you see someone sedentary, but you don't see them at the gym or on a hike or at their belly-dancing class or doing whatever other activity is in their physical activity compartment.
posted by headnsouth at 11:51 AM on January 5 [4 favorites]
posted by headnsouth at 11:51 AM on January 5 [4 favorites]
Not all, but many people, channel the need for movement into different types of formal activity - dancing, cycling, sports, rock climbing, yoga, etc. So they don't engage in uninhibited movement throughout the day, but maybe do something different at scheduled times.
posted by brookeb at 11:53 AM on January 5 [2 favorites]
posted by brookeb at 11:53 AM on January 5 [2 favorites]
You have gotten many good answers here, but if you're interested in doing some reading, look into the 19th century physical education proponent Georges Hebert (link to his Wikipedia page). He founded the "Natural Method" of physical training that emphasized free, natural movement of the type that children engage in unconsciously (crawling, climbing, leaping, etc), as opposed to sports and static stretching / movement that most adults use. While I'm sure his assessment of your observation is old fashioned, people were picking up on it many years ago.
posted by fortitude25 at 11:55 AM on January 5 [3 favorites]
posted by fortitude25 at 11:55 AM on January 5 [3 favorites]
I honestly, I don't know. I treasure the joy and pleasure of moving my body. The main reason I do martial arts is that we learn to move in all kinds of interesting ways that expand my universe of movement possibilities!
But I'm also the one dancing, moving more freely, and giggling when I find myself alone in the forest or my apartment, so it's clear my public movements have been curtailed significantly by social pressure over the years.
posted by cnidaria at 12:08 PM on January 5 [2 favorites]
But I'm also the one dancing, moving more freely, and giggling when I find myself alone in the forest or my apartment, so it's clear my public movements have been curtailed significantly by social pressure over the years.
posted by cnidaria at 12:08 PM on January 5 [2 favorites]
A huge amount of what kindergarten and the first two grades are about is training them to stay in their seats, not kick their chair idly, not swing their arms about randomly, not make spontaneous noises, not bounce, etc.
In the early grades the kids erupt out of the school and hop and skip and shriek however they desire. But "good" children are sedate and quiet and well behaved, and the kids who are still bouncing are regarded by their teachers and caretakers as immature. The more boisterous, the more immature.
Somewhere in the early elementary grades the kids associate undisciplined body movements with immaturity and lack of self control. The ones who retain the ability to move instinctively may get the hyperkinetic label and get sent to therapy for it, but a bigger influence on them is that the high status kids look down at the bouncy ones. It's not safe to be considered immature and uncool, so any kid who can squelch the instinct does. By Grade Five most kids have trained instinctive spontaneous movements out of themselves enough that you have to catch them seriously off guard to see them just move with abandon.
Kids who go to day care get it trained out of them earlier than kids that do not. Kids that are permitted unsupervised free play retain this ability longer.
Of course, while training kids not to move spontaneously is not good for the kids kinetic abilities, nor their zest for life, it is kind of necessary. It's not so much to train us to be good little workers, on the assembly lines, but because the spontaneous behaviour of kids can include a lot of interactive spontaneous movement, and they inadvertently or intentionally kick each other, or hug each other, or leap on each other, or kick over their chair and disrupt kids who are trying to concentrate. No touching each other rules are important to prevent bullying, and to protect the more sensitive kids who get overwhelmed when other kids leap around.
It's also important to teach kids how to move around other people for safety sake. I taught my kids never, ever to run past anyone if there was the least chance of them being close enough to startle the other person or cause them to go off balance, explaining that if you run too close to a senior with osteoporosis they can turn around suddenly and their own quick turn break their hip and leave them on the ground. You don't even have to startle someone into trying to step away. And of course you can never tell who is disabled by looking at them, so you should give everyone that protection, including young and healthy looking people.
I hope that a great many people still break into spontaneous dancing when they are alone, and throw dignity to the winds, but I am pretty sure the majority has unlearned healthy movement instincts. I also think that in adults drinking is one time when many people become less inhibited about how they move - which is one reason why people drink, to get over a learned inhibition not to dance, not to throw their arms in the air and cheer, and not to elbow their neighbour's excitedly to draw their attention to something fun.
posted by Jane the Brown at 1:01 PM on January 5 [7 favorites]
In the early grades the kids erupt out of the school and hop and skip and shriek however they desire. But "good" children are sedate and quiet and well behaved, and the kids who are still bouncing are regarded by their teachers and caretakers as immature. The more boisterous, the more immature.
Somewhere in the early elementary grades the kids associate undisciplined body movements with immaturity and lack of self control. The ones who retain the ability to move instinctively may get the hyperkinetic label and get sent to therapy for it, but a bigger influence on them is that the high status kids look down at the bouncy ones. It's not safe to be considered immature and uncool, so any kid who can squelch the instinct does. By Grade Five most kids have trained instinctive spontaneous movements out of themselves enough that you have to catch them seriously off guard to see them just move with abandon.
Kids who go to day care get it trained out of them earlier than kids that do not. Kids that are permitted unsupervised free play retain this ability longer.
Of course, while training kids not to move spontaneously is not good for the kids kinetic abilities, nor their zest for life, it is kind of necessary. It's not so much to train us to be good little workers, on the assembly lines, but because the spontaneous behaviour of kids can include a lot of interactive spontaneous movement, and they inadvertently or intentionally kick each other, or hug each other, or leap on each other, or kick over their chair and disrupt kids who are trying to concentrate. No touching each other rules are important to prevent bullying, and to protect the more sensitive kids who get overwhelmed when other kids leap around.
It's also important to teach kids how to move around other people for safety sake. I taught my kids never, ever to run past anyone if there was the least chance of them being close enough to startle the other person or cause them to go off balance, explaining that if you run too close to a senior with osteoporosis they can turn around suddenly and their own quick turn break their hip and leave them on the ground. You don't even have to startle someone into trying to step away. And of course you can never tell who is disabled by looking at them, so you should give everyone that protection, including young and healthy looking people.
I hope that a great many people still break into spontaneous dancing when they are alone, and throw dignity to the winds, but I am pretty sure the majority has unlearned healthy movement instincts. I also think that in adults drinking is one time when many people become less inhibited about how they move - which is one reason why people drink, to get over a learned inhibition not to dance, not to throw their arms in the air and cheer, and not to elbow their neighbour's excitedly to draw their attention to something fun.
posted by Jane the Brown at 1:01 PM on January 5 [7 favorites]
I think a lot of it is societal expectations. I'm a big brown guy and have learned over time to keep my movements as normal and predictable as possible so as not to alarm anyone around me.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 1:44 PM on January 5 [10 favorites]
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 1:44 PM on January 5 [10 favorites]
Efficiency. By the time you’re adult you know how you like to do things so you just do them that way.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:13 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:13 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]
For those of us with chronic pain, random spontaneous joyful movements can "tweak" a muscle or a ligament or a nerve in ways that cause it to hurt for days or weeks.
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 2:13 PM on January 5 [4 favorites]
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 2:13 PM on January 5 [4 favorites]
I think most people stop this by the end of middle school, and anecdotally, often by the end of elementary school. I would guess it's a combination of socialization via some combination of institutions, peers, and family + some sort of natural developmental progression. The point above that this playful and spontaneous > more measured and predictable trajectory can be observed across species is well taken. Within any of this there is bound to be variation, as it sounds like you're living proof of. I am curious about whether you have an abundance of energy/activity generally? I imagine those things would go together. Also curious about your experiences of neurodivergence, if you would consider yourself to have such experience.
posted by wormtales at 3:03 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]
posted by wormtales at 3:03 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]
I'm clumsy and at 40 a lot larger than I was as a child. For me it's not wanting to accidentally break shit and/or hurt myself.
posted by augustimagination at 3:30 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]
posted by augustimagination at 3:30 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]
Many of the issues have been covered (fear of bumping/breaking things, societal pressure, efficiency, pain), but I'd like to mention two others: clothing and breasts.
Kids wear soft, comfy clothes pretty much all of the time, and other than a little tummy or tushy exposure, kids focused on playing can be impervious to what's going on with their clothes. Little ones tend to have fewer buttons, and certain less tailored stuff. They also don't care if their clothes pick up lint or get dirty. I tend to skip and plop down to play and hang my head off the bed when I talk on the phone and lay across the short portion (I and my bed make a plus sight) in private when I'm wearing comfy clothes; for much of my adult working life, I never wore comfy clothes at all. Now, I may play in public if my clothes are unlikely to wrinkle, pick up someone's pet hair, gap at the waist and expose skin, pull at the shoulder and expose my bra strap, etc.
Related to that last point, depending on the size, breasts can very much impact a woman's comfort level (both socially and physically) with standing, sitting, bending, etc. With large breasts, even raising one's arms to shoulder height can cause gaps in the placket of a blouse, and moving a shoulder wildly can lead to too much exposed cleavage. Moving too quickly can lead to bouncing and uncomfortable attention from others.
Being free with one's body requires physical energy and stamina, but also a pretty much sub-conscious calculation of the impact that movement is going to have on the people around one, on future physical capacity, chores to be done (phooey on venues covered in pet hair when a visitor is dressed up), etc. Right now, I'm still in what I work to a client session, which is designed to be both functional and somewhat business casual, so I am seated primly at a desk chair to make sure it doesn't get schmutzy. After my 8-10p Zoom, I'll be in jammies, braless, splayed on the floor in a variety of positions, including flat on my back with one foot balanced on the edge of a papasan and my neck twisted to watch the TV.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 4:20 PM on January 5 [13 favorites]
Kids wear soft, comfy clothes pretty much all of the time, and other than a little tummy or tushy exposure, kids focused on playing can be impervious to what's going on with their clothes. Little ones tend to have fewer buttons, and certain less tailored stuff. They also don't care if their clothes pick up lint or get dirty. I tend to skip and plop down to play and hang my head off the bed when I talk on the phone and lay across the short portion (I and my bed make a plus sight) in private when I'm wearing comfy clothes; for much of my adult working life, I never wore comfy clothes at all. Now, I may play in public if my clothes are unlikely to wrinkle, pick up someone's pet hair, gap at the waist and expose skin, pull at the shoulder and expose my bra strap, etc.
Related to that last point, depending on the size, breasts can very much impact a woman's comfort level (both socially and physically) with standing, sitting, bending, etc. With large breasts, even raising one's arms to shoulder height can cause gaps in the placket of a blouse, and moving a shoulder wildly can lead to too much exposed cleavage. Moving too quickly can lead to bouncing and uncomfortable attention from others.
Being free with one's body requires physical energy and stamina, but also a pretty much sub-conscious calculation of the impact that movement is going to have on the people around one, on future physical capacity, chores to be done (phooey on venues covered in pet hair when a visitor is dressed up), etc. Right now, I'm still in what I work to a client session, which is designed to be both functional and somewhat business casual, so I am seated primly at a desk chair to make sure it doesn't get schmutzy. After my 8-10p Zoom, I'll be in jammies, braless, splayed on the floor in a variety of positions, including flat on my back with one foot balanced on the edge of a papasan and my neck twisted to watch the TV.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 4:20 PM on January 5 [13 favorites]
Watch some TikToks/Meta Reels about autistic stimming. I’m 57 and since I got my (very late) diagnosis, I’ve been working to rediscover the movements that got socialized out of me. I still automatically suppress them in public, though.
posted by matildaben at 4:44 PM on January 5 [2 favorites]
posted by matildaben at 4:44 PM on January 5 [2 favorites]
Omg yes I blame breasts 10000% for why I lost the capacity to run as a teenager. Sure you could blame my parents for not knowing about the existence of sports bras but those are a pretty recent invention and were not available in my part of the world at any kind of affordable price, even if they had known. Girls in my part of the world used to drop out of sports in droves once we hit high school age. The only ones who ever stayed on were the flatter chested among us.
The culture was also repressive and regressive about our developing bodies. No adult ever mentioned breasts to us, and the "euphemism" our sports mistresses came up with for referring to breasts was - if you can believe it - FAT. So-and-so dropped out of volleyball because she got fat, they'd say. Meanwhile so-and-so was a skinny-ass child with barely anything on her bones except for C cup boobs as a big fat fuck-you from mother nature. SMH.
posted by MiraK at 5:27 PM on January 5 [7 favorites]
The culture was also repressive and regressive about our developing bodies. No adult ever mentioned breasts to us, and the "euphemism" our sports mistresses came up with for referring to breasts was - if you can believe it - FAT. So-and-so dropped out of volleyball because she got fat, they'd say. Meanwhile so-and-so was a skinny-ass child with barely anything on her bones except for C cup boobs as a big fat fuck-you from mother nature. SMH.
posted by MiraK at 5:27 PM on January 5 [7 favorites]
Adults are expected to be able to self regulate their own behavior when needed. Normal adults don't move excessively or randomly in typical public situations. This may change in private. There's a time and place for everything.
People tend to get less impulsive as they grow older. Being more in control is a sign of maturity, so much so, as children reach puberty, they increasingly find themselves wanting to suppress child-like behavior, in order to impress peers and romantic/sexual interests. Few adolescents ever wanted to appear younger.
It's also highly dependent on situation. It's one thing to act a certain way while watching a game at as baseball stadium. The same behavior during jury duty would impress few people.
I find I still like to be active. But I don't have the boundless energy I did at 10. So I tend to conserve my activity for when I really want to use it.
posted by 2N2222 at 6:30 PM on January 5 [3 favorites]
People tend to get less impulsive as they grow older. Being more in control is a sign of maturity, so much so, as children reach puberty, they increasingly find themselves wanting to suppress child-like behavior, in order to impress peers and romantic/sexual interests. Few adolescents ever wanted to appear younger.
It's also highly dependent on situation. It's one thing to act a certain way while watching a game at as baseball stadium. The same behavior during jury duty would impress few people.
I find I still like to be active. But I don't have the boundless energy I did at 10. So I tend to conserve my activity for when I really want to use it.
posted by 2N2222 at 6:30 PM on January 5 [3 favorites]
Kids wear soft, comfy clothes pretty much all of the time
I'm 61, and so do I.
Fuck dress codes.
posted by flabdablet at 11:51 PM on January 5 [2 favorites]
I'm 61, and so do I.
Fuck dress codes.
posted by flabdablet at 11:51 PM on January 5 [2 favorites]
find these differences can be picked up by ear as well as sight. Pretty much the only sound I normally hear from our neighbours house are footsteps on their stairs. They have young children who like to rush up (or down) the stairs two at a time, parents who have a more measured pace and grandparents who take pauses. There is no mistaking the difference.
posted by rongorongo at 3:27 AM on January 6 [1 favorite]
posted by rongorongo at 3:27 AM on January 6 [1 favorite]
I have a 4 yo and one thing I have observed about her and other kids her age is that they seem to genuinely get a kick out of being spun around and going upside down etc. Like they actively enjoy these feelings, it's a kind of stimulation (of I think it's called the vestibular system?) that feels good to them. Those sensations are to me as an adult intensely unpleasant, and I think that's true for most adults I know although I recognise people enjoy rollercoasters for example. So I do think some kinds of movement become less pleasant as you get older.
posted by sequel at 3:48 AM on January 6 [3 favorites]
posted by sequel at 3:48 AM on January 6 [3 favorites]
A few folks mentioned pain and bodily discomfort as a reason to stop moving as much, but I wanted to offer a small counterpoint that I feel like pain/discomfort can also make people move more in some cases -- personally I find the Appropriate Way to Sit in an Office Chair almost unbearable and am always sneaking into weird or childlike positions (crossed legs, legs tucked under, legs drawn up to my chest, etc) whenever I feel like I can get away with it because I start to get uncomfortable in one position too long, especially the Correct Position. I think this may have something to do with oversensitivity and a few hypermobile joints and is not typical, though.
I agree with some others that a lot of the inflexible movement patterns is likely socially ingrained, though I suspect it varies from person to person whether you settle comfortably into the limited acceptable public movement patterns or consider them a burden and flop around as soon as you're alone.
posted by space snail at 5:25 AM on January 6 [4 favorites]
I agree with some others that a lot of the inflexible movement patterns is likely socially ingrained, though I suspect it varies from person to person whether you settle comfortably into the limited acceptable public movement patterns or consider them a burden and flop around as soon as you're alone.
posted by space snail at 5:25 AM on January 6 [4 favorites]
Oh, and for age context, I'm 37, so not quite into the age range where joints start to really complain about everything, but also not super young either.
posted by space snail at 5:30 AM on January 6
posted by space snail at 5:30 AM on January 6
Another theory in addition to the above: kids try out things to discover what works and/or what they like. For me, I don’t find much joy in movement, e.g., I absolutely hate to dance but I can definitely admire when others do it. So if I did move a little more expressively in the past, I’ve settled on what works for me. Similarly, I have other ways to express myself—music, writing, etc.—that were not available to me as a kid, or at the least, I didn’t have enough command over those other means to feel like they were doing a good job expressing my thoughts/feelings.
posted by xenization at 7:44 AM on January 6
posted by xenization at 7:44 AM on January 6
People didn't always have lots of comfy chairs, in many cultures people still sit on their heels; I have never been able to do this comfortably. I have had a lot of inflammation and joint pain since my 40s, and it limits my comfortable range of movement.
posted by theora55 at 12:35 PM on January 6
posted by theora55 at 12:35 PM on January 6
Adults are expected to be able to self regulate their own behavior when needed. ...Normal adults don't move excessively or randomly in typical public situations. ...Being more in control is a sign of maturity.
Wow, ouch! That is extremely rude and staggeringly phobic of neurodivergence. 2N2222, you stated that folks who stim or take a different joy in movement than you do aren't "normal adults". I hope you don't work (paid or unpaid) in any capacity where you have authority over adults or children, because if this is what you're communicating verbally or otherwise, you're actively stigmatizing and harming people.
Skipping and swinging your arms and slumping aren't inherently harmful behaviors. We don't spend our entire lives in a cleanroom producing silicon chips, or an operating room doing vascular surgery. Luckily for me, I work in construction, and although I now work in the office instead of the field with the tools, I'm surrounded by other folks who are also former field hands and who inherently value movement. At my office we do push-up contests and yoga on our breaks. Folks go on long walks or bike rides on their lunches. I do dynamic stretches and movements inside and outside my cube when I need to, and and run through my kung fu pinyons in the parking lot after lunch.
And everybody else gets it. There are plenty of outlets for dynamic movement, and they don't interfere with my ability to excel at my job. Anecdotally, it makes me much happier and better at my work; scientifically there are preliminary studies that support this idea. And as someone who's lived through 5 surgeries, a permanent disability, and multiple serious injuries and illness over the past decade, losing my ability for free and joyful movement for months and years at a time in the past has made me value it even more highly than I did before.
As the "abnormal, unregulated, immature adult" here by your bizarre standards, I could turn around play the same name-calling game as you: I'm sorry that your life is so restricted and joyless, and that you had the spontaneity and pleasure of movement squashed out of you by your repressive cookie-cutter environment.
Or... instead of name-calling and being hateful, we could just accept that all people are different, and that diversity is beautiful, and what brings joy and not harm is to be embraced? tl;dr -- enjoy your own body, and screw anybody who tells you otherwise.
posted by cnidaria at 10:41 PM on January 6
Wow, ouch! That is extremely rude and staggeringly phobic of neurodivergence. 2N2222, you stated that folks who stim or take a different joy in movement than you do aren't "normal adults". I hope you don't work (paid or unpaid) in any capacity where you have authority over adults or children, because if this is what you're communicating verbally or otherwise, you're actively stigmatizing and harming people.
Skipping and swinging your arms and slumping aren't inherently harmful behaviors. We don't spend our entire lives in a cleanroom producing silicon chips, or an operating room doing vascular surgery. Luckily for me, I work in construction, and although I now work in the office instead of the field with the tools, I'm surrounded by other folks who are also former field hands and who inherently value movement. At my office we do push-up contests and yoga on our breaks. Folks go on long walks or bike rides on their lunches. I do dynamic stretches and movements inside and outside my cube when I need to, and and run through my kung fu pinyons in the parking lot after lunch.
And everybody else gets it. There are plenty of outlets for dynamic movement, and they don't interfere with my ability to excel at my job. Anecdotally, it makes me much happier and better at my work; scientifically there are preliminary studies that support this idea. And as someone who's lived through 5 surgeries, a permanent disability, and multiple serious injuries and illness over the past decade, losing my ability for free and joyful movement for months and years at a time in the past has made me value it even more highly than I did before.
As the "abnormal, unregulated, immature adult" here by your bizarre standards, I could turn around play the same name-calling game as you: I'm sorry that your life is so restricted and joyless, and that you had the spontaneity and pleasure of movement squashed out of you by your repressive cookie-cutter environment.
Or... instead of name-calling and being hateful, we could just accept that all people are different, and that diversity is beautiful, and what brings joy and not harm is to be embraced? tl;dr -- enjoy your own body, and screw anybody who tells you otherwise.
posted by cnidaria at 10:41 PM on January 6
Don't take it personally. But neurodivergent is not neurotypical. You certainly are aware of this. People learn this very early on, and may put a good deal of effort into not standing out in such a way, or channelling it into acceptability, for better or worse. Please don't interpret that as name calling.
posted by 2N2222 at 1:26 PM on January 7 [1 favorite]
posted by 2N2222 at 1:26 PM on January 7 [1 favorite]
Social pressure and reduced mobility due to natural aging are absolutely the biggest factors, imo.
But one aspect that ties into both of the physical and social pressure reasons is one of body shame and general shallowness in regards to appearance in adulthood.
For example, most of us are socially conditioned to thing a thin young body dancing (even poorly/messily) is acceptable and normal, but if we see an older or larger body doing the same? Well... much of society would be happy to jump on the shame train. It's the same kind of pressure that keeps those with more non-standard body types from getting into physical activities.
Thin young attractive bodies are generally just accepted and will have far more leeway in how they take up physical space. Someone young and good-looking doing anything flamboyant is seen as quirky and fun, but if someone older or larger does the same thing suddenly it's weird and immature.
posted by Pemberly at 2:25 PM on January 7 [4 favorites]
But one aspect that ties into both of the physical and social pressure reasons is one of body shame and general shallowness in regards to appearance in adulthood.
For example, most of us are socially conditioned to thing a thin young body dancing (even poorly/messily) is acceptable and normal, but if we see an older or larger body doing the same? Well... much of society would be happy to jump on the shame train. It's the same kind of pressure that keeps those with more non-standard body types from getting into physical activities.
Thin young attractive bodies are generally just accepted and will have far more leeway in how they take up physical space. Someone young and good-looking doing anything flamboyant is seen as quirky and fun, but if someone older or larger does the same thing suddenly it's weird and immature.
posted by Pemberly at 2:25 PM on January 7 [4 favorites]
most of us are socially conditioned to thing a thin young body dancing (even poorly/messily) is acceptable and normal, but if we see an older or larger body doing the same? Well... much of society would be happy to jump on the shame train.
Point made by the novelty of a counterpoint.
posted by flabdablet at 7:53 PM on January 7
Point made by the novelty of a counterpoint.
posted by flabdablet at 7:53 PM on January 7
2N2222, I don't have the energy to explain the history of "quiet hands" and similar abusive programs which traumatized generations of autistic kiddos who carry that trauma into adulthold, but maybe next time a member of an oppressed group tells you your original comment is enforcing offensive, harmful, and hurtful norms, I don't know, try listening and asking questions if you don't understand, instead of telling them "eh, don't take it personally"?
posted by cnidaria at 8:35 AM on January 8 [2 favorites]
posted by cnidaria at 8:35 AM on January 8 [2 favorites]
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posted by seanmpuckett at 9:11 AM on January 5 [12 favorites]