Best Advice for being an exchange student and host family
December 29, 2023 11:10 PM Subscribe
I Need ideas of how to be an awesome exchange student and an awesome host family.
My daughter is going on a high school student exchange to Osaka, Japan, and then my family is hosting the hosting student in March. Previous questions in this area are kind of vintage example from 2015.
What is the hivemind's advice on having a great student exchange experience from both the student and the host family?
If it is helpful, hosting is happening in Sydney, Australia. The student has been in at least weekly communication with my daughter and will be sharing her room. I plan to take the exchange student shopping for anything she needs or wants at either Daiso or Muji for daily living. I have also sorted out her transportation with an auto-top-up Opal card. She will be attending school with my daughter, and there are weekend activities planned, like learning to surf. What else could I do to reduce friction for her?
My daughter is going on a high school student exchange to Osaka, Japan, and then my family is hosting the hosting student in March. Previous questions in this area are kind of vintage example from 2015.
What is the hivemind's advice on having a great student exchange experience from both the student and the host family?
If it is helpful, hosting is happening in Sydney, Australia. The student has been in at least weekly communication with my daughter and will be sharing her room. I plan to take the exchange student shopping for anything she needs or wants at either Daiso or Muji for daily living. I have also sorted out her transportation with an auto-top-up Opal card. She will be attending school with my daughter, and there are weekend activities planned, like learning to surf. What else could I do to reduce friction for her?
I plan to take the exchange student shopping for anything she needs or wants at either Daiso or Muji for daily living
Is your thinking that the student will prefer familiarity? She might, but she might also find it weird to be taken specifically to Japanese chains when she's on a trip to experience a new environment. (Also I haven't been to Daiso in a while but it's for nice but very cheap goods, right? It might inadvertently come across as stingy.)
I think where possible it might help to give the student options, as in "here are some places we can go to get things, where should we go today?" Same for food and so forth. (It's funny how when I travel abroad people always want to take me out to eat at places specializing in the local food where I live. I'm abroad, I want the things I can't get at home! But everyone's different in that respect, so the best thing is to ask.)
That said, for food you might ask your daughter when she's in Osaka what kinds of snacks or comfort foods the other student tends to like at home, so you can have some of those stocked when she comes, and check out if there are any Japanese or Asian grocery stores in the area that the student could go to if they wanted.
You can also ask your daughter what kinds of things her host family is doing for her, so you can get a sense of their idea of good hospitality and what she might expect.
Maybe have slippers for her?
Does the exchange program take care of stuff like setting the kids up with local SIMs? If not that should probably be a Day 1 thing.
posted by trig at 3:59 AM on December 30, 2023 [5 favorites]
Is your thinking that the student will prefer familiarity? She might, but she might also find it weird to be taken specifically to Japanese chains when she's on a trip to experience a new environment. (Also I haven't been to Daiso in a while but it's for nice but very cheap goods, right? It might inadvertently come across as stingy.)
I think where possible it might help to give the student options, as in "here are some places we can go to get things, where should we go today?" Same for food and so forth. (It's funny how when I travel abroad people always want to take me out to eat at places specializing in the local food where I live. I'm abroad, I want the things I can't get at home! But everyone's different in that respect, so the best thing is to ask.)
That said, for food you might ask your daughter when she's in Osaka what kinds of snacks or comfort foods the other student tends to like at home, so you can have some of those stocked when she comes, and check out if there are any Japanese or Asian grocery stores in the area that the student could go to if they wanted.
You can also ask your daughter what kinds of things her host family is doing for her, so you can get a sense of their idea of good hospitality and what she might expect.
Maybe have slippers for her?
Does the exchange program take care of stuff like setting the kids up with local SIMs? If not that should probably be a Day 1 thing.
posted by trig at 3:59 AM on December 30, 2023 [5 favorites]
How long is she staying with y'all? I have been an exchange student for three weeks and for a full year and there is a huge difference.
Especially is she is staying for longer than a few weeks, she needs to have somewhere to get away from y'all and be alone. If she is going to share a room with your daughter, is there anywhere in the house she can go if she just wants an hour by herself?
Make sure you let her know the house rules - what are the the general rules around using the shared bathroom in the morning? Do you sleep late and need the kitchen to be quiet before 9 am? What can she fix herself for breakfast if she gets up earlier than anybody else? That kind of thing.
I also wouldn't assume she'd want to shop at Japanese chains - I have been on the receiving end of "we have found [X thing] from your country in our city, let's go there" and it was underwhelming - like, I have [X thing] at home and can go there any time, so I'd much rather just go where the locals go - that's more or less the point of going on an exchange trip.
I would find out what she finds relaxing and her comfort level with athletic/outdoor activities. Make it easy for her to opt out of activities she is not keen on.
When sharing a room, I appreciate having a separate night light so I can read in bed.
posted by M. at 4:45 AM on December 30, 2023
Especially is she is staying for longer than a few weeks, she needs to have somewhere to get away from y'all and be alone. If she is going to share a room with your daughter, is there anywhere in the house she can go if she just wants an hour by herself?
Make sure you let her know the house rules - what are the the general rules around using the shared bathroom in the morning? Do you sleep late and need the kitchen to be quiet before 9 am? What can she fix herself for breakfast if she gets up earlier than anybody else? That kind of thing.
I also wouldn't assume she'd want to shop at Japanese chains - I have been on the receiving end of "we have found [X thing] from your country in our city, let's go there" and it was underwhelming - like, I have [X thing] at home and can go there any time, so I'd much rather just go where the locals go - that's more or less the point of going on an exchange trip.
I would find out what she finds relaxing and her comfort level with athletic/outdoor activities. Make it easy for her to opt out of activities she is not keen on.
When sharing a room, I appreciate having a separate night light so I can read in bed.
posted by M. at 4:45 AM on December 30, 2023
Maybe try to get a sense of her expectations regarding dating or other high school social activities? And also if there are any events in Japan she will need to keep on top of.
Of the 3 exchange students we had, 2 rarely spoke with home but the third spoke almost daily (also reflects changes in international cell and internet access). One desperately wanted to go to prom. One wanted to play soccer and see local high caliber sports. One had high-stakes exams to take immediately upon return to their country and so spent much of the last few weeks studying online with a tutor from their home country.
All found American high school relatively easy other than the language so we did some work with the schools to increase extracurriculars like drama club.
posted by beaning at 8:08 AM on December 30, 2023
Of the 3 exchange students we had, 2 rarely spoke with home but the third spoke almost daily (also reflects changes in international cell and internet access). One desperately wanted to go to prom. One wanted to play soccer and see local high caliber sports. One had high-stakes exams to take immediately upon return to their country and so spent much of the last few weeks studying online with a tutor from their home country.
All found American high school relatively easy other than the language so we did some work with the schools to increase extracurriculars like drama club.
posted by beaning at 8:08 AM on December 30, 2023
I spent a year in Spain when I was 16. So this advice is more for your daughter.
-ask early on how you can help around the house. It’ll help you feel more like a member of the family and less like a guest.
-if someone invites you to participate in a cultural activity, say yes! You’ll never regret learning, e.g., too many folk dances, but you will regret missed opportunities.
-that said, when you’re exhausted or homesick, find some way to spend time alone. Living in a new culture takes a lot of energy.
-eat anything put in front of you
-don’t try to keep up with all your friends and family at home constantly. Try to be present where you are.
posted by Just the one swan, actually at 9:19 AM on December 30, 2023 [4 favorites]
-ask early on how you can help around the house. It’ll help you feel more like a member of the family and less like a guest.
-if someone invites you to participate in a cultural activity, say yes! You’ll never regret learning, e.g., too many folk dances, but you will regret missed opportunities.
-that said, when you’re exhausted or homesick, find some way to spend time alone. Living in a new culture takes a lot of energy.
-eat anything put in front of you
-don’t try to keep up with all your friends and family at home constantly. Try to be present where you are.
posted by Just the one swan, actually at 9:19 AM on December 30, 2023 [4 favorites]
I was an exchange student in the US for a semester, albeit a looong time ago.
Seconding finding ways to give her some space and time to herself, ideally daily. If there’s no option but sharing a room, can each of them have a dedicated hour where they get the room to themselves each day? Being in someone else’s home and in a different culture are both exhausting experiences that require you to be 100% “on” all the time and everything can be tiring. I was fortunate to have a room to myself, my hosts didn’t balk when I took down the floral decorations and put up photos of my friends from home instead; they bought me a brand new desk which the family all assembled together, which was kind of fun and made me feel part of things.
And nthing that I’m a little confused why you’d take her to Muji etc unless she specifically wants to, or she needs something she’d only find there. Going to American shops, which were so different from home (So big! So much of everything! So many different items and brands!) was one of the fun things about the experience. She’ll just have come from a country full of Mujis so she probably doesn’t need taking to one the minute she arrives (though she might want to go to one after a few months, like visiting an old friend!)
Include her in regular family stuff (assuming she wants to) as that will be a novel experience as much as big days out. Going to the shops, visiting relatives in different places, going to the local library, were all interesting.
Make sure she has a way to contact someone on the exchange coordination team independently, without going through you, ideally someone who speaks Japanese. Even if you’re brilliant hosts, there’s a chance she’ll feel homesick or unhappy and might feel like she can’t tell you because it will feel like a criticism of your home and your hosting. Probably much easier in these digital days, but I remember back in the 90s some of my fellow exchange students had problems with their hosts and our only other contact was a local woman employed by the exchange programme… who was friends with all the host families. It was tough for people who found themselves in homes where they weren’t happy.
Try and get a little bit of regular one on one time with a parent and her in case there’s anything she wants to tell you about that she might not want to say in front of the other kids. Even just sorting laundry together or doing an errand regularly so you can check in with how she’s doing.
Help her by chatting when she arrives about how she can deal with any medical stuff that might come up. Stuff like “this cupboard contains pain relief and indigestion tablets and tampons and you can just help yourself to anything you need, or ask me if you’re not sure what to take; anything more serious just come and chat to me or message me and I’ll make an appointment for you at our local GP surgery - I can come to your appointment or you can go alone; that shop there is the pharmacy,” etc.
Pets can be great companions if you have any and if she likes them - they don’t require you to speak another language and they‘re pretty similar from country to country - no culture shock! So if you have any and she likes them, let her have regular time with them.
posted by penguin pie at 11:25 AM on December 30, 2023 [5 favorites]
Seconding finding ways to give her some space and time to herself, ideally daily. If there’s no option but sharing a room, can each of them have a dedicated hour where they get the room to themselves each day? Being in someone else’s home and in a different culture are both exhausting experiences that require you to be 100% “on” all the time and everything can be tiring. I was fortunate to have a room to myself, my hosts didn’t balk when I took down the floral decorations and put up photos of my friends from home instead; they bought me a brand new desk which the family all assembled together, which was kind of fun and made me feel part of things.
And nthing that I’m a little confused why you’d take her to Muji etc unless she specifically wants to, or she needs something she’d only find there. Going to American shops, which were so different from home (So big! So much of everything! So many different items and brands!) was one of the fun things about the experience. She’ll just have come from a country full of Mujis so she probably doesn’t need taking to one the minute she arrives (though she might want to go to one after a few months, like visiting an old friend!)
Include her in regular family stuff (assuming she wants to) as that will be a novel experience as much as big days out. Going to the shops, visiting relatives in different places, going to the local library, were all interesting.
Make sure she has a way to contact someone on the exchange coordination team independently, without going through you, ideally someone who speaks Japanese. Even if you’re brilliant hosts, there’s a chance she’ll feel homesick or unhappy and might feel like she can’t tell you because it will feel like a criticism of your home and your hosting. Probably much easier in these digital days, but I remember back in the 90s some of my fellow exchange students had problems with their hosts and our only other contact was a local woman employed by the exchange programme… who was friends with all the host families. It was tough for people who found themselves in homes where they weren’t happy.
Try and get a little bit of regular one on one time with a parent and her in case there’s anything she wants to tell you about that she might not want to say in front of the other kids. Even just sorting laundry together or doing an errand regularly so you can check in with how she’s doing.
Help her by chatting when she arrives about how she can deal with any medical stuff that might come up. Stuff like “this cupboard contains pain relief and indigestion tablets and tampons and you can just help yourself to anything you need, or ask me if you’re not sure what to take; anything more serious just come and chat to me or message me and I’ll make an appointment for you at our local GP surgery - I can come to your appointment or you can go alone; that shop there is the pharmacy,” etc.
Pets can be great companions if you have any and if she likes them - they don’t require you to speak another language and they‘re pretty similar from country to country - no culture shock! So if you have any and she likes them, let her have regular time with them.
posted by penguin pie at 11:25 AM on December 30, 2023 [5 favorites]
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I did this twice as a high schooler (went abroad as an exchange student for a month and then hosted the student I stayed with). Here are the things that made my stay easier:
- having my own space. I had my own room and one of the family's children shared a room with a sibling. This may not be possible for your family but if you can make it work, I think it is the thing that will help the most. Sometimes things got overwhelming and I needed space (including sometimes crying - cultural shock can be hard!!!). If she can't have her own room, I would suggest regularly giving her time in the home alone if possible. Don't make all outings obligatory. If she wants to stay home while the rest of the family spends a few hours at the beach (or skip a day of school), let her!
- ask her food preferences. Take her when you go shopping at the grocery store and let her choose snacks and breakfast foods that she would enjoy.
-if possible, set up outings/socializing with kids her age other than your daughter. In one of my families I didn't really click with the host family's daughter (we were both 15 but she hung out with 18 year olds who were way too mature for me at the time). I met other kids at school that I clicked more with and it helped having kids my age who I felt more connected with. They invited me to hang out and my host family accommodated that.
I hope your daughter and the student you are hostint have an amazing time! Study abroad changed my life. :)
posted by Blissful at 12:32 AM on December 30, 2023 [6 favorites]