ISO of profane poem or reading for memorial service

November 16, 2023 12:25 PM

My dear friend died some weeks ago, way too young (cancer), and we are planning her memorial service. She was wickedly funny and profane. She had a sharp hilarious tongue and used the f-word liberally. She was known for this. We will have remembrances and music, etc., that are serious and sweet and funny. But I would love to also find an appropriate poem or reading that is profane -- that is, something well written about grief and loss that includes swear words (especially the f-word).
posted by ClaudiaCenter to Writing & Language (13 answers total)

Best answer: This might work!
posted by mermaidcafe at 12:39 PM on November 16, 2023 [3 favorites]

I'm searching "elegy" in combo with swear words.
posted by mermaidcafe at 12:41 PM on November 16, 2023 [2 favorites]

Best answer: …would it be tacky to insert F-words throughout “Do not go gentle into that good night”? Rage, rage against the dying of the fucking light?

I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. I hope you find just the right reading to capture the feeling you’re going for.
posted by Suedeltica at 12:51 PM on November 16, 2023 [6 favorites]

I wonder if John Cleese's eulogy for Graham Chapman would give you some ideas to think about.
posted by FencingGal at 12:57 PM on November 16, 2023 [4 favorites]

This quote by Janis Joplin has funeral vibes. There isn't going to be any turning point. ... There isn't going to be any next-month-it'll-be-better, next fucking year, next fucking life. You don't have any time to wait for. You just got to look around you and say, "So this is it. This is really all there is to it. This little thing." ("The New Yorker" 9 August 1999) The rest of the quote isn't very hopeful but ending it there is fairly neutral.
posted by cocoagirl at 1:33 PM on November 16, 2023 [7 favorites]

The poem, "Reincarnation By Wallace McCrae" has a nice twist at the end.
posted by ITravelMontana at 2:37 PM on November 16, 2023 [2 favorites]

Something by Amy Gerstler, perhaps? Here is a poem about losing a friend, Poof. I don't know if this is what you are looking for but she has many profane poems about women.
posted by arachnidette at 2:59 PM on November 16, 2023 [5 favorites]

Best answer: I don’t have a specific poem in mind, but many of Bukowski’s are deeply vulgar and have a heart-breaking beauty to them that might be suitable for the moment. I’m so sorry for your loss.
posted by meowmeowdream at 3:59 PM on November 16, 2023 [1 favorite]

No F-bombs but JBS Haldane's poem Cancer’s a Funny Thing deals frankly with unmentionables
I wish I had the voice of Homer
To sing of rectal carcinoma,
Which kills a lot more chaps, in fact,
Than were bumped off when Troy was sacked.
. . .
So now I am like two-faced Janus
The only god who sees his anus.
It is quite optimistic about the outcome of surgery but Haldane died within a year of that intervention.
posted by BobTheScientist at 1:19 AM on November 17, 2023 [5 favorites]

the love letters of James Joyce are without equal
posted by evilmonk at 9:33 AM on November 17, 2023 [1 favorite]

Something from the world of academia: Swearing as a Response to Pain: Assessing Hypoalgesic Effects of Novel “Swear” Words:

…We assessed the effects of a conventional swear word (“fuck”) and two new “swear” words identified as both emotion-arousing and distracting: “fouch” and “twizpipe.” …For conventional swearing (“fuck”), confirmatory analyses found a 32% increase in pain threshold and a 33% increase in pain tolerance, accompanied by increased ratings for emotion, humor, and distraction, relative to the neutral word condition. The new “swear” words, “fouch” and “twizpipe,” were rated as more emotional and humorous than the neutral word but did not affect pain threshold or tolerance”

posted by rongorongo at 10:03 AM on November 17, 2023 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thank you for the inspiration -- taking two of your ideas, I'm playing around with adding the f-word to this great poem by Burkowski and having the guests join me in shouting the swear word. (The poem really fits my friend -- she took her chances during life and was not clubbed into dank submission.)

your life is your life
don't let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the [fucking] watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the [fucking] watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can't beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your [fucking] life.
[FUCK!]
know it while you have it.
you are [fucking] marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 3:42 PM on November 17, 2023 [10 favorites]

That's beautiful, ClaudiaCenter.
posted by slidell at 6:24 PM on November 19, 2023